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Three Men And A Booby
Reviewed: 01/17/2009
Do the writers know that Booby is slang for breast? Does Disney even care anymore?
...And when it comes to boobies; Dale comes to mind. YAY! My first official rant of 2009 after being in self-imposed exile on Youtube. So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Eric “Knights of the Zodiac” Lewald. The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. . The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: The second opening sequence is back and now we have a third version of the music for the opening sequence playing here. Well; at least it got rid of the sound effects but the visual timing is still off. Some things never change.
We begin this one at the corner of Somewhere and Somehow (yeah; I made it up but I need something to amuse myself) at James Barber's Favorite Place on Earth. The cars drive away from the corner store to show that TMS is still animating at this point as we head inside with the shop keeper (check the green Superstore apron) is tending to the peanuts which is an indication that the Rangers are hiding somewhere in there. There is a red haired lady wearing all pink going over the shopping list. We pan down to the floor to the right of the lady to see Dale with his shopping list of sweet doom and pencil as he is checking off stuff like.... Celery... Gooseberries....and he almost gets stepped on by the male shop keeper's leather shoes. Man; Dale is losing his touch here. WHAT?! No sadist nuts?! No insano nuts?! No bury-ial nuts?! No nuts period? No candy?! FOR SHAME DALE! Monty pushes the makeshift cart as he is dodging feet for my amusement as Monty tells them that Chip is getting peanuts. Well; that is a nut sort of...it's really a pea. But it's a good pee. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Umm.....We head back to the balding elderly shop keepers as he's scooping peanuts from his sack (NOT THAT ONE!) as we pan over to the edge of the peanuts. Chip attempts the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE; but it fails as badly as Michael Pacther's soothsaying skills. Second attempt works as Chip struggles to pull the peanut; but that fails. I just knew Larson & Gary are behind those roided peanuts; I swear to God!
Dale comes up from behind and taps him on the shoulder asking him for the peanuts; and about fifty peanuts (more or less) bury them faster than Kit Cloudkicker after Plunder and Lightning. The chipmunks pop up as Dale has his peanut on his head in a cute spot. Chip tries to bonk Dale on the head for the first time production wise (with the peanut no less); but the goods keeper runs interference remembering to swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Darn these nuts!) scooping the nuts with Chip & Dale in the scoop and they are placed back on the shelf. Chip grabs Dale's tail and they bail stage left. Darn this Chip fellow; he still won't bonk him on the head. We cut to the egg section of the marketplace as Chip stops on a dime in front of the carton of eggs; but Dale takes the giant bump which does nothing but allow them to get inside the egg carton. Dammit Eric! Let Chip get screwed so Chip can get this trademark bonk spot in for goodness sakes! The chipmunks close the carton and they breathe a sigh of relief..for about five seconds as there is a crash outside. Chip and Dale open the carton and we see a purple ostrich with a red forehead tip looking into eggs for her baby. WHAT THE HELL IS ERIC LEWALD SMOKING HERE?! I just knew that we would see something absurd in this series as a purple ostrich looking for her baby IN A FREAKIN SUPERMARKET?! Oh well; might as well enjoy it while I still can.
The absurd ostrich of doom opens the egg carton and the chipmunks wave to her as she asks if they have seen her baby booby egg?! Oh man Eric; that is so cooky of you to use a slang term for a female's breast. Then again; TaleSpin was the master of sexual misconduct (intentional and unintentional: See the tickling scene in Polly Wants A Treasure.) so I'm not shocked to see this. Chip calls the eggs chicken which makes me want to punch him in the face and Dale's chicken dance spot doesn't help one bit. Now all we need is Gake the Giant Peter Griffin Hating Chicken and a fight to break out between the two absurd characters and we have our crossover. That Seth Macfarlane is such a genius; isn't he?! Thankfully; the shopkeeper notices the obvious and has the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DEATH with him as he blitzes the gay chicken. Now all we need him to do is punch the purple chicken and Disney would have a good case of legal action on their hands against Seth even though it would only make Disney look like a whiny little girl. Sadly; the broom keeps missing which makes Rebecca Cunningham's attack on the squid even more manly than it already was. The purple chicken flies away to save herself because the Ric Flair Broomstick is deadly BABEE! The chipmunks climb down and bail to help her because they are Rescue Rangers see. There are just some annoyances that deserve to get whacked by Ric Flair. That purple duck/chicken whatever is one of them.
So we cut back to Monty with the makeshift cart walking down the lane looking for milk....Yogurt (HOW IN THE HELL DID DISNEY CAPTIONS SCREW UP THAT ONE?!)....Margarine (I cannot believe it's not butter years before that term became a lame product)...but no cheese as Monty manages to control his addiction. Good; because just saying cheese should cause Monty to go berserk. Since even Eric thinks Monty is boring as hell we return to the wonderful purple chicken whacking chase of doom as some old man wearing all brown (and looks like the shopkeeper's nephew for some reason) is picking apples as the purple chicken flies by and dodges a broomstick shot from the shopkeeper which nails the old man good into the display of apples. HEE HEE! Must be Shane Douglas' father. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRUNCH! OUCH! DAMMIT! He broke my right arm! Now I'll have to type this one with my left arm. What a bastard?! The purple chicken's squawking is getting on my nerves as the shop keeper's broom shot misses by six inches; but the power of suggestion forces the chicken up over the aisle clearing it by at least three feet. Explain THAT one kids?! And of course it squashes Monty good which means my opinion of the purple gay duck (Is she PU Quack's Sister of something?) increase by two notches. The shopkeepers yells and the chicken bails on cue as Monty grabs the makeshift cart and the chipmunks hitch a ride in a pretty good sequence. The chase continues on as the shop keeper grabs the gay duck by the ankles and does a stomach plant on the floor; but gets flown into the air. Geez; that bird must have been eating those roided peanuts before looking for her baby.
We cut back to the male rodents with their makeshift shopping cart as they go around the bend and they take a pretty sick bump into the legs of the shop keeper who in turn lets go of the purple duck and does a good foot grabbing spot to amuse me. That'll teach him to buy his peanut from a dealer who deal with Larson & Gary! So the purple duck lands right into the shopping cart without any problem even though the bird was big enough to completely squash the cart and Monty pushing it. Logic break #1 for the episode about three and a half minutes in. That leads to the old anime/cartoon hybrid wheel sequence which just doesn't work anymore as Monty is dodging human feet and trying to get the purple ducks' tail feather out of his face. I don't blame him; since feather make you sneeze and laugh in such painful ways. The doors open and the shopping cart goes under a fat red haired exercising woman's legs in one of those spot you will probably never see again.
The Ranger breathe a sigh of relief which is DANGER in an animated series like this as they are headed straight for the shopping cart line being handled by the token black guy worker. RACIAL STEREOTYPICAL JOBS IS EXTREME!! Thankfully; the purple duck can fly as it raises the makeshift shopping cart high into the sky over the shopping carts and cars. Monty blows the whole thing off like the Aussie stereotype that he is as they fly and drop down in over dramatic fashion into the trees; right onto the launchpad of Rescue Ranger Headquarters and then they take some wussy bumps on the branch before rolling into headquarters and crashing to a pretty good off-screen bump. Some things never change. Well; you can blame the purple duck for all this of course. We head inside as the male rodents plus PU Quack's cousin making a mess in the living room as the wooden sticks door opens and in comes Gadget and Zipper wondering why they are back from shopping so soon. She run in and of course she sees company and when company comes calling; you always say golly first. #1 almost five minutes in.
Booby whimpers (so sezs Disney Captions; so she is called that) as Gadget asks what she needs as Dale wonders why she needed those eggs. Zipper gives Booby a matching color hanky (Just for special occasions like this one I betcha) and Booby exchanges her notes on the situation. Her baby is egg-napped of course and she does the blow nose spot. I'm sorry about Oscar Vandersnoot is much cooler than you when he does that spot. The Rangers sell it as if it is seriously bad and I can only laugh at it. So we head for the flashback as we head to the island of cliff mongering as we see Booby on the edge of the cliff with her nest of brown giant egg singing an out of tune song. Well; I think Simon Cowell owes William Hung an apology since this loser sings WORSE than he does. She kisses the egg (which would have been gross if it wasn't for the fact that we all kiss inanimate objects in our lives at some point.) and tries to land in the nest; but goes over the cliff and into the water. Oh god; if she misses the nest in such an obvious fashion then she deserves to lose that child of hers. At least make an effort to land in the nest with your butt; bounce off the egg and then bounce off the cliff. That would be funny. This is really terrible.
Booby dives into the water and pops out with a pink fish on her head which is slightly funnier and then a helicopter arrives and flies towards the nest causing Booby to panic in a really terrible fashion. The white helicopter opens up and invokes the plunger tongs and the egg is kidnapped from the nest. This is textbook dork MO which means Norton Nimnul by default. I call the heel villain right there. Booby tries to grab the helicopter; but the wind force her to land right on the nest perfectly. When the whiny dork with his tiny manhood can do a trick like that well; that shows you that Booby sucks. Booby panics again and flies towards the bottom of the helicopter and grabs onto the wheel as the helicopter flies into the city while the grip just dies on her and she is forced to grab onto a lamp post and swing around and then fly up as the helicopter flies away. I feel so sorry for her plight...NOT!! If you are so stupid to miss like that then you need to see someone in nannying for help because that is just sad.
So the flashback ends and the Rangers of course feel sorry for her. That doesn't surprise me since they are Rangers and unlike me; we don't judge. Of course; I would still help her anyway because it's all about that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! And so Zipper does a tune because it's time to rescue the egg and it's Rescue Rangers Away nearly six and a half minutes in. So we get our first scene changer of the episode as we go into the deep blue sky with Booby flying with the Ranger Plane as Monty asks Booby if she's flying in the right direction and Booby responds that she thinks this is it. Man; that bird has little sense of comprehension as Monty looks down and invokes his pointy finger as we see the EGG PALACE OF DOOM (I mean come on! The structure is loaded with egg shaped references; including the kidnapping helicopter). However; the raid will have to wait as we see some rocket birds in the air and the Rangers Plus Booby bail down into the trees. So we cut to the pair of Rocket Birds cruising at great-neck speed in the sky as the blue helmet bird ask Cruiser (the red helmeted bird) to cut the recon and catch some tunes down below. Umm; what exactly is the point of this again?! Cruiser agrees (calling the blue helmet guy Bruiser which shows that this is 1990 animation since this violation of Dub Anime Conduct Rule #12 (Thou Shalt Not Rhyme) isn't sucking badly yet.) and tells them to jet which shows Ace Bunny doesn't have a monopoly on the phrase. The two rocket birds rocket towards the egg palace which probably means that they are the bird heels by proxy and they land to slap some skin. Even Monty calls them a couple of cocky showoffs so you know that it's lame. It's good to know that you can still say cocky in 1990 and not have people staring at you thinking that you are a pervert.
So we cut to the trees as Chip has the binoculars watching the two rocket birds dancing badly to their radio tunes on the radio (Geez; what a shock that is?) as Monty thinks that they are no trouble at all. I betcha they are too stupid to even see the Rangers coming as Dale points down towards the ground as the white limo of doom enters through the gate and Dale accuses whomever is inside as the egg napper. Well; no one ever accused Dale of being good at deduction so it's apporos. The Rangers wonder how they are going to get past the hawks. #1 way not to do it: Smash their boom box for starters. Gadget has her plan by using a distraction as she removes the balloon from the Ranger Plane and the balloon floats up into the air. Now the Ranger Plane is the Ranger Wing....sort of. Well; at least a corruption version of the one we would see in later episodes. I was tempted to say Ranger Hopper; but that was too goofy even for me. Gadget saying follow me Mrs. Bobby is downright disturbing for me for obvious reasons as we cut to seeing the red balloon floating up into the air and where it pops I don't really care.
Which is right in the middle as the rocket bird pop the balloon at the same time and Bruiser has red rubber in his mouth for good measure. Bruiser spits it out and calls it a false alarm as Cruiser notices the boss down near the ground and flies down with the limo which makes them the heel henchmen by proxy. The Rangers and Booby manage to somehow grab underneath the bottom of the limo which has got to be acute suffering for them when the bumpy roads come into play. Sadly; there is no CATCUS JACK OF DOOM (although that spot would still be allowed even in DTVA) to bring the funny on as the butler opens the door and out hops Mr. Dumpty who has an egg shaped head and a red suit on chuckling like a lame maniac. Wow....For once Norton Ninuml is smart enough not to get involved in this episode. HEE HEE! Gives me a suckier villain to chew on though as a one shotter.
So Mr. Dumpty runs into the palace with the butler close behind as the goofy egg fetish man wonders if the henchmen have delivered the booby egg to him yet. He is so excited that he just had to get off a terrible egg pun. The butler seems unamused by this as he head to the study hall as we cut to the egg midsection area of the palace as the rocket heel birds are on look out while we pan down to see Booby rubbing her ass on the pavement underneath the limo. EWWWWW! The Rangers drop down and land with wussy bumps and ironically enough; it's Dale who managed to buckle up for safely as he cannot drop down. HAHA! So we cut back inside as the door of gloomy doom (check the colors) opens and the Rangers Plus Booby peek inside. Geez; those rocket birds are so blind; you would think they would notice a purple duck wondering on the property considering Booby's size. Logic break #2 for the episode. Gadget looks around and proclaims that he is an egg collector. NO?! REALLY?! He might have been a white oddity golf ball collector. Have you ever thought of that Gadget love?! Okay; so the Rangers plus Booby practice the fine art of not being seen and Gadget points to the egg shelf over yonder which is brighter than the rest of the place. Geez; can the animators make this place look any goofier than it already is?!
Booby thinks it is terrible to see many children taken from their mamas. Apparently; all of them seem to be like Booby: Stupid mothers who cannot do spots right. I think this egg collector is doing us a favor since he seems to care more about their well being than the Boobies of the world. Dale climbs to the left side and notices on the shelf the egg for Booby (helpfully labeled as such); but there is no egg. Stupidity question of the episode: Aren't ALL the eggs from Boobies and it's a species and NOT a proper name?! I guess the process of deduction doesn't apply in this episode; and it's the process of elimination. Mr. Dumpty's voice can be heard as he is giddy over the egg presented on the pillow by Mr. Nog (Okay; that's a neat egg pun for a name). I guess the Rangers plus Booby have bailed since Mr. Dumpty walks over with the egg and place it on the empty pedestal where Booby's picture is. Mr. Dumpty proclaims that the eggs are beautiful and they are all his. This guy is just plain insane compared to merely being evil. He's just a freaking egg collector. Is that so wrong?! Is it any more wrong than being a fur-suit/furry fan?! I don't think so. Mr. Dumpty laughs like a bad villain should and leaves to call the Eggholders Society which shows that he is merely insane and not evil. Yeah; go figure....
So Chip and Dale pop from the candy egg holder; as they want to grab the egg and get out of here. Booby grabs the egg directly ; but the alarm rings out and the Rangers are screwed stiff. Well you cannot fault her for taking the direct approach here; I'll give her that much. Mr. Dumpty turns around to hear the alarm and he's PISSED. He wants someone to stop them as they are stealing his egg. I am actually taking his side even those it's comparing horse manure to pig manure. It's all crap just the same. Booby gives the egg to the Rescue Rangers and tell them to scram. Gadget asks why she wants to stay here. Answer: So the Rangers can get screwed out of the egg by the rocket birds silly. Booby blitzs Dumpty and Nog; screaming like a bad banshee on voice roids as the Rangers bail out of the palace and into the limo. The Ranger Wing Sort of flies away from the scene (and somehow the egg isn't with them on the shots) as we cut back to inside as Nog covers Booby with the blanket of doom to shut her up. My opinion of Nog just went up a notch as he asks Dumpty why he isn't concerned about the egg,. Dumpty blows him off because he has a real coral-crested booby and he can rape her to make new eggs for his collection. Okay; I made that last part up. Not really; just the rape part, although making her lay eggs is pretty close to rape anyway. As for the egg poachers; his henchmen birds will take care of them. Dumpty laughs out loud as we head outside above the grass maze garden of doom which would be recycled for Balooest of Bluebloods and Gadget panics as the Rocket Birds of Doom start blitzing the Ranger Plane and missing as usual. See; I knew this would happen about two minutes before it happened. The Rocket Birds of Death do the hell diver as Gadget tries to get the plane to go faster but there is no hope chest for her as the segment ends 11 and a half minutes in. Just an average episode thus far...
After the commercial break; we continue with the Ranger Plane struggling and of course the Rocket Birds of Doom overshoot the babyfaces like HD graphics and Blu-Ray and they stick their heads in the sand like lawn darts after their context is soundly defeated like Sean Malstrom. Monty giggles on cue and calls it a bonzer move. Yeah; swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE; that will get him over. NOT! Monty hopes that the ostriches stay as hawks as Dale pats the pink egg to amuse me some more before the Ranger Plane exits stage left. The Rocket Hawks of Death pop from their defeated context as we head back to headquarters with the Rangers lifting the egg out of the Ranger Plane as we slowly go into the plot line from Birds of a Feather from the Wuzzles. Like I'm going to forget that episode after nearly getting killed by that fat bitch. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Monty takes it from Dale and proclaims that it is as safe as a joey in a kangaroo's pouch. I think it's safe to say that Monty is an Aussie stereotype now after THAT one. However; the Rangers realize that they have to return to save Booby and the other eggs (unspoken; but the implication is certainly there) as Gadget plays around with the fuel tank in front. Disney Caption is missing a lot of dialog in this episode for some odd reason as Monty asks Gadget love if she can build something faster than the hawks. Gadget is playing around with a towel as Monty lays the egg on the makeshift nest and Gadget proclaims that it just needs to be trickier since the hawks are dumber than meat; which is as dumb as WorldNutDaily; the precursor to Video Game Nut Daily; the home of Mr. Hardcore. Gadget of course needs time to rebuild the plane; so the males try to get out of looking after the egg and basically assure themselves of them looking after the egg. This should be fun for me to mock....
SO we head inside as the male rodents start getting prepared with towels; pins and warm water bathes which Chip tests with his elbow. Monty places the pink egg in the warm water as Chip proclaims DA RULE #1 (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) of raising children is keeping them clean. DA RULE #1 (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) for screwing parents: rolling in the mud after the cleaning is over. Chip invokes the tooth brush and there are more suds than in the episode about the dreaded diease of sponges everywhere. I guess Spongeguard...ERRR...Spongebob is a wuss after all. Scene changer leads to the table where Dale is trying to make a diaper to cover around the egg. I don't see the point of doing this to an egg other than Dale making an ass out of himself; but Dale screwing up is funny so I'll let it slide. Which so happens that Dale sticks the needle in his hand and he's in pain. So we go to the scene changer and it's Monty's turn as he's in his white pj's with a blue towel while the lights are dimmed reading a purple book called Jack & The Beanstalk For Aussie Stereotypes. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Umm....So we go to another scene changer as the male Rangers manage to tuck the pink egg in it's bed on a white pillow. Now everyone who has done that absurd engineering test at school where you take care of a fake baby can blame this show for giving the educators ideas. Good work there Eric Lewald; now you can go into your next project of making babies wet the bed with Knights of the Zodiac. And we get another scene changer as Gadget comes in and sees all of the Rangers asleep with the egg in a cute spot. Now if Don Rosa had not had the time constraints; that would be the ending to It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck with Kit and Molly asleep in the room and Rebecca coming in and taking Kit down to the coach and letting him sleep there which would have really redeemed Rebecca before Plunder and Lightning was shown and end all the stupid “Rebecca is an evil bitch” meme I keep hearing.
So we go to morning as we get a shot of the tree from the east side as Monty wants the lads to hand the egg over because he wants to take him out for some morning fresh air. Wow; this make Battle of the Bulge seem rather pointless to me. Then again; this is not a chronological series so it was to be expected. Monty's outfit is basically the same one he wore when he was telling the bedtime story. EWWWWWW! However; Chip gets in front of the egg which is in the living room on a red whoopie cushion. Take one guess who's idea was it to use it. Dale actually takes Chip's side (HUH?!) because it's freezing out there. OH TAG guys! We all KNOW why they don't want Monty to take him outside now do ye? Monty blows them off because he knows about babies BABEE! Well; he hasn't screwed up so I can't fault him for doing it; but C&D should just tell him the obvious: The hawks will egg-nap it again. And of course right on cue; Monty relates another BS story as it's enough to cause the egg to hatch feet. Sorry Monty; but Kit is still better than you on the count that he can make hats (and his future in animation) disappear. The chipmunks gleefully blow him off as Monty accuses them of coddling the egg. Geez you stupid chipmunk; doesn't saying that there are egg nappers out there GOOD enough for him or something?! The egg duck waddles out of the house and onto the launchpad where it promptly does a 180 on the branch and comes back as Chip & Dale have a struggle push with Monty's fat ass. Chip turns around and realizes that the egg is gone and they scatter around the living room to find it. Memo to Monty: Keep the door locked next time! So we head out on the branches as the Egg Feet continue to blindly go anywhere it well darn pleases. Finally the twig snaps and the egg freefalls down as we cut to Dale looking under the most obvious place not to look as the egg mocks him by springing up from the branch of doom underneath the window. I really don't like it when they trivialize the free fall spot; but that cannot be helped anymore.
The Rangers panic with the meeting of the goofy minds before running outside as the pink egg is bouncing on the branch with joy and glee. The male rodents sell that with lame versions of horror. The egg waddles to the edge of the branch as the Rangers jump to grab the egg which is a really foolish mistake as they miss by six inches and actually allow the egg to jump off of the branch and freefall again. Oh man; they were doing so well until THAT happens. The Rangers run down to the ground; but the egg manages to spring off of the Y branch and bounce up to screw them good as Monty uses his ass to squash Chip and Dale flatter than Alexander The Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! This all ends with the egg going through the funnel chimney like a golf ball and then rolling down the Dale Slide of Doom and ending up in the center of the living room as the male rodent re-enter to not only see the egg has hatched completely revealing a mini booby which is only slightly MORE disturbing than the big female one. I'm sure Peggy is thrilled to see THIS episode. Dale does the tickle chin spot and get greeted the same way Bumblelion did with the bullfinch: A bitten finger. HEE HEE! Dale screams in pain badly and that makes mini Booby cry for his mama. See what happens when you don't act properly (gives mean look to 4Kids actors)?! And after nearly 37 minutes of not seeing it; Chip FINALLY bonks Dale on the head and blows him off for scaring him. About damn time too Eric as Dale blows him off because the booby was trying to eat him. Geez; that is just begging for a joke to be made; but with Dale around, I have too much respect for him as a character so I'll just move on.
Monty ponders what boobies eat and here comes Zipper as the mini booby is out of Zipper's life, blood and soul! Hey; I'm trying to make this seem scary because you just had to know Eric would try to give Zipper his ten seconds of work in for the episode. Monty sees this as the ticket for the booby: juicy worms and bugs. So that leads to Chip and Dale with Guy LaDouche hats and shovels prowling the ground for their prey. All we need is a bad Steve Irwin commentary track and this would be kick ass. Otherwise; it's just there. Hmm; there seems to be a lot of footage from this episode put into the opening for some reason. We then cut over seeing a pink innocent work slivering along the ground as the trumpet call sound beckons. The chipmunks are now out for the worm's heart and body as they chase the worm through the jungle of grass. Yeah; this is absurd so shoot me. The worm goes down DA...HOLE (God bless Baby Plucky!) as the chipmunks dig the hole deeper to bury themselves I guess and out pops Dale as he has a filled sack proclaiming that he has the worm.
I betcha it's Chip in there and he bonks Dale on the head when Dale goes back into the house to deliver his spoils. I check the DVD.....Damn; I am so great! That was just too funny even if that was predictable beyond belief. Nice bump into the water by Monty after Mini Booby bumps him when Dale arrives with the meal. Zipper arrives of course with his sack of stuff and it's filled with dead red ants as they plop onto the plate and the mini booby eats them senselessly. I'm SHOCKED that he won't go after Zipper this time. What evil child abuse tactic did the chipmunks use to make it obey like that?! I SMELL A SICK FANFIC COMING!! Oh wait; it's seeds as Zipper explains what he gave to Monty. Geez; what a way to render the previous funny scene pointless there mate. BS&P RULEZ! Monty proclaims that necessity is the mother of self-preservation. Translation from BS&P to English: Peggy Charmon is watching this episode and has her lawyers on speed dial. Monty proclaims that this is no problem at all once you get the hang of it as the booby eats his seed to end the segment about sixteen minutes in. Just cruising along here...
After the commercial break; we head back to the front of Dumpty's Egg Palace as Booby is flying outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as Mr. Dumpty protests this outrage. Oh wait; it's the Rocket Hawks flying as hawks as we head inside as Booby is in a cage as Dumpty demands that she lay an egg. Oh man; this is just turning into Birds of A Feather now. All we need is a car chase scene and for a fat roided booby to crash the roof and then all the bases will be covered here. Booby no sells because she at least has respect for me when it comes to recycling old plot lines from the past. As in; make it fresh and exciting. A bang is heard as Dumpty panics to Nog because someone is coming to steal his eggs...or maybe it the Repo Man and he hasn't paid his egg bills as they say. Nog isn't impressed because it's only the front gate as Nog goes to the front double doors and opens them as he finds the....wait for it.....the EASTER BASKET OF TROJAN BUNNY RABBITS. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If this turns out to be just a present I will be extremely pissed off.
Dumpty grabs the basket with glee proclaiming that it must be from an old friend which Nog blows off because he doesn't have any friends. Which means Dumpty is officially a notch higher than Kit pre-Baloo era on the dignity scale. Dumpty puts the basket on the table and grabs one of the Easter Eggs (the pink spiral pattern one of course) as we see Chip's head wearing one of Donald Duck's army helmets Dale stole from Out of Scale. Nog blows him off because it will spoil his dinner. Wow; I didn't realize Nog was such a fuddy-duddy. Dumpty blows him off and then asks what he is having in a confused state. I guess Gadget put some Confuso Nut Residue in those eggs. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH ! Umm.... Nog runs down the menu and it's all eggs all the time; including the dreaded Eggs Benedict which will probably turn on Dumpty and poison him to death so Nog can take over the egg fortune. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Huh?! No punch to the face this time...Whew..... So we also have the devil's eggs and ….POW! OUCH! There it is....I am so unlucky this time around.
Dumpty puts the egg in the basket and runs off for his dinner because he can have the easter eggs for desert. The coast is clear and the Rescue Rangers pop out of the eggs. Good for you Eric as that is the first real spot that was truly awesome. Dale wonders if the mini booby is all right and Monty proclaims that he is doing just fine at headquarters. If that little bird doesn't destroy the entire headquarters by the time this episode is over than Eric Lewald is a total booby so to speak. And then the chocolate bunny hatches the booby out. I knew it! I knew Eric Lewald was a bad influence as a writer. I see now where Chuck Tately got his Teleport WildCat spot from Lost Horizons from. Logic break #3 for the episode as Mrs. Booby is giddy in the cage as the Mini Booby waddles over to his mama in a pretty neat spot. They embrace together as the Rescue Ranger sniffle over the emotional moment. Again; I'm sorry guys, but it just doesn't work for me anymore because TaleSpin just plain destroys the concept of pathos. I'm 31 and I was in tears for a half hour trying to write the re-rant to Plunder and Lightning when Home Is Where the Heart Is scene was playing. The scene was cut to dull the emotion and everyone knows it so the writers should just stop trying to state that it's a time cut because no one buys that bill of goods anymore. Chip declares Gadget love to be right as Gadget pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) from nowhere and the basket turns into an open tank. I just knew Chip's hat had something to do with it.
Gadget drives the tank as Monty brings out BS story #2 out of the mothballs. Something about storming the cheese banks at Monte Carlo. If Eric is trying to foreshadow Kit's life than it makes me dislike Mr. Lewald even more. Please; just keep Monty as an Aussie stereotype babyface instead of an Aussie stereotype sad heel. I never heard of Sicilian hamsters before either as the tank drives down to floor level as they drive over a purple clothed basket and nothing bad happens. Oh man; if that was a trap than Mr. Dumpty's heel heat is gone as Monty orders for some firepower as Dale turns the wheel to the plunger cannon and Monty cuts a really lame promo of leaving cheese behind as he springs the plunger and it lands underneath the floor of the cage because using deadly shells is a no-no on children's television...until TaleSpin came along of course. The door pops open as Booby questions the safety of the device and Booby and mini booby slide down the slide and lands in the basket. Yeap; Dumpty's heat is gone. And booby is such a wuss; even Oscar's mother was more manly than this loser. She at least had the balls to ride the roller coaster with Oscar Vandersnoot in Captains Outrageous. Zipper breathes a sigh of relief for about three seconds because here comes Heatless Dumpty yelling and screaming for blood while Nog does nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Yeap; the guy's heat is gone for good now. Well; Nog finally decides to scramble them as he finally has that sadistic look on his kisser. About damn time too....
So we cut to Gadget turning the tank around and it's time to fight back with....wait for it...Jellybeans! Because that's the BS&P way of using a deadly weapon. At least it's a bunch of rodents so the BS&P works well here; but it really makes you look PC otherwise. Gadget has got that smile that spells: Thou art dead Mr. Egg Man. The chipmunk load up the spring net of jellybeans and salute as the lame egg puns blitz; but the firing begins and they land on the floor just in time for the old candy trip spot. I wish for once that a jellybean would just make connect with the human flesh even if they bounce off and only cause pain and suffering. They fall to wussy bumps on the floor. On come on TMS; they are egg puns! At least give us a sick bump to that so we can say that we are shocked that they didn't crack under pressure. The basket case tank drives away and over the egg puns with better luck as Dumpty wants Nog to help him up and Nog grabs his red coat and drops Dumpty with a wussy bump on his ass. And then Dumpty does the smart move and blows the golden whistle to summon the Rocket Hawks to action. So they fly inside through the top of the roof and then fly down in front of Dumpty to await orders. Okay; this is a bit pointless. Dumpty give out his orders and I'm waiting for him to make a mistake pun using bloody bird but it NEVER HAPPENS! DAMN YOU ERIC LEWALD! So the Rocket Hawk fly blitz through the hallways as Monty is not liking this one bit because they are now dinner. Mrs. Booby proclaims that there is no way out which shows how hapless she really is as a parent; so Gadget offers to make one as she turns the tank around.
The tank rocket into the kitchen as the birds follow close behind as the tank rams through the door making a large hole on the bottom. Now you would think that such a weak door would have easily allowed the birds to ram through without any problem. So what happens?! They take a nasty bump into the door which would have destroyed the door in any other universe; but the birds bounce off the door like a bunch of flies and their claws are only showing in cartoon fashion. I'm getting fed up with all these auditions for Darkwing Duck now. No one in this show is going to make the damn cut anyway! So can it already! The Rangers are trapped inside cold storage with an entire mother lode of eggs which Dale is in awe of. Monty hops off and walks towards the shelves as he declares that this is a dead end (Death reference #1). Ah; I see Peter Cullen is voicing Monty here. Chip proclaims that they will have to go back; but the door opens and the egg puns have the rodents trap like rodents. Well; rodents and one purple hapless bird and son. Dumpty is so obsessed with his egg collection so the male rodent grab some of the eggs and toss them at the egg puns which they try to grab. Some of the eggs actually make contact; but do not break and crack. Oh come on guys! Give me a break here as Monty hops back into the tank. Dale wants to grab one more egg; but Chip forces him back to the tank in which Dale pulls on the fatal shelf allowing the egg shelves to sway around. The tank races away as the eggs finally topple over the egg puns and finally some of them break outside as the tank drives away.
Meanwhile Cruiser and Bruiser finally pop from their stupid cartoon audition only to get bowled over in a pretty silly spot. It's just not cool without Cubbi doing it as the tank races out of the kitchen as Mrs. Booby calls them brutes. Who? Those burping buzzards; or Gadget love..AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! For goodness sakes; allow me to do that joke without getting punched in the kisser for once okay?! The Hawks proclaim that they want to MURDER them for real this time as they fly into the collection room as the Rangers invoke the vacuum cleaner! Now this episode really sucks. HAHA!
Ron Sparks: It sucks more than Sean Desmond!
I think you know what happens next as the Rangers bail and the vaccum explodes on cue resulting in de-feathered hawks ready for the KFC bucket. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Whew....They finally gave me some peace. Anyhow; Dumpty arrives proclaims that they are dead as Booby and Mini Booby fly in and return to the tank while Dumpty slips and takes another wussy bump onto the floor. Oy vey TMS! The tank drives and tries to escape; but Nog uses his legs to stop that one. Man; Gadget driving skills are on par with the Wuzzles in this one. Chip then has an idea as he tells Zipper to turn up the heat so Zipper flies up towards the HEAT POACHER OF DOOM and turns it up full blast. Yikes! I just knew that would be involved in the finish somehow. And Eric ignored the whole Lemon Pio joke and didn't pay it off?! Dumpty tries to get up as Nog is confused on this heat wave and the baby birds all hatch right on cue. Dumpty panics as he tries to get them back inside; but it's no good for him as the birds chirp on cue just to annoy him to death. HEE HEE!
Dumpty cries out in pain as his hopes and dream are ruined. As Squidward would say: Join the club Dumpty! So we cut to outside the door as the basket tank drives out and down the steps as they head for the airport because there are two boobies to take home. Man; Chip needs to realize just how silly that joke has become and all for the wrong reasons. Mrs. Booby thanks them for protecting her baby and being so good to her which at least shows that she's not a jerk. She then asks if they would like to try it again and Monty tells Gadget to step on the gas and make it to the airport faster. Sorry; the Molly ending with Kit in It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck was a lot better than this one too. The basket tank drives towards the faraway airport to end the episode at 21:14. Well; it's better than Birds of A Feather and that's good enough to watch it I guess. At least Eric Lewald gets the irony of this even if the animators won't play ball sometimes. *** ¼ (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; my first rant of 2009 is in the books with a middling episode. If you liked Birds of A Feather; then you will like this one better. Not to say this one was flawless though; as there were some logic breaks and some animation errors and wussiness from TMS. I mean; if you are going to do an egg pun then I expect good bumps and eggs cracking galore. But I only saw four eggs break on the ground and none in the face. And of course the usual BS&P silliness; although it works rather well for rodents like the Rescue Rangers. Still I would not use it elsewhere. Still the whole joke about Mrs. Booby is downright hilarious because she's a hapless booby in every sense of the word. How this baby ever got through a day with her is amazing. Dumpty was just a one trick pony with some anger and fury; but not much else. I get the stereotype he plays; but it doesn't work here. Nog was at least refreshing when he started doing the sadistic look. Cruiser and Bruiser were actually interesting henchmen as they were basically Disney's heel answer for Sonic The Hedgehog with the speed gimmick. Too bad the gimmick is very limiting as demonstrated by the lack of sales Sonic The Hedgehog has garnered over the last few years (if you don't count Sonic & Mario At The Olympics). The rest was basically a more entertaining version of Birds of A Feather and that's a good thing since the first time was pretty blah. I still like It Came From Beneath the Seaduck and Mommy For A Day better because both episodes basically gutted out the cookie cutter plots and turned them into awesome episodes on their own that the mold would be broken and never used again. Gadget was Gadget. Dale was good as usual and Monty was actually tolerable for a change so this episode is entertaining enough and makes me a happy ranter. So; onto the next rant and a.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.