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The Carpetsnaggers
Reviewed: 01/18/2009
Ghost Writing is EXTREME!!
Well; we are chugging along with another edition of those rodents and their blue tripping fly. So let's rant on shall we....?!
This episode is written by Somtow Sucharikul (WHAT THE HECK?!). The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. I have nothing on Somtow and is sounds similar to composer S.P. Somtow which indicates that the writer is a ghost writer's name for Michael Eisner. Or not. The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: And we return to the first opening sequence once again.
We begin this one with a pan shot of sub-urbania with a lot of old fashion 1970 cars which look exactly the same except for the color scheme. And people accuse Hollywood of being so stereotypical?! Ah; and just to show that TMS is animating; there is a blue bird flying around. We head to a backyard as a hound puppy with a golden bell around his neck is yapping about as a kid is apparently fixing the doghouse or is in the doghouse depending on what mood I was in when doing this rant. The puppy is Elmer and the kid is still nameless as he was giving him a green rug for him to poop on. Ah! That is so nice of him. The kid sounds like a badly done Tress for some reason. The kid pets his dog and then walks away to do some homework like a good responsible kid would. And so the dog goes to sleep and it's HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as the dog wakes up to seeing his rug annoying him and then the doghouse flies into the skies (remembering to hit the TV antenna in the process) and towards the moon. So we head to....WAIT A SECOND?! THE DOGHOUSE FLEW AWAY BY ITSELF?! Geez; that Somtow writing sounds a lot like Michael Eisner on mushrooms to me. I mean; it's difficult to suspend my disbelief on that spot when I have seen Old Man & The SeaDuck. This is just too obvious.
So we head onto the streets as a police car is driving along. Yeah; you just had to have the token black police officer (Kirby) driving while Muldoon is sleeping in the passenger side like a baby. (THAT'S RACIST!) Well; his coffee is failing him since he keeps waking up. So we pan up as we see the Rangers on lookout. Well; only Gadget and Chip of course because they aren't the lazy goofs like Zipper, Dale and Monty who are sleeping in the middle. Gadget remembers to get in Golly #1 for the episode barely two minutes in as she proclaims that car patrol is usually exciting. Monty and Zipper actually wakes up as it's Peter Cullen's voice again as Monty proclaims that they should have stayed for a holiday. A real holiday with Monty would involve him not telling any of his BS stories. Dale does the wimpy slaps to keep himself awake; or to prevent him from Chip kicking his ass since Chip proclaims that they have to stay alert since a case could pop up at any time. Well; a flying dog house would be a mighty fine start to a case Chipper; if you just LOOK UP. Or is there a mortal fear of DX even though they wouldn't be around for eight more years. And Chip even remembers to bonk Dale on the head just to be Chip. Dale blows Chip off because they are almost home and there isn't anything to miss.....
Until we see the flying doghouse bumping off some cars and Elmer howling which pisses Dale off good. Muldoon sees the doghouse and Kirby calls it action and to call in the SWAT team on this one as the police does a 180 and the chase is on BABEE! You just know this city has no crime when a freaking flying dog house is considered action. Sadly; the doghouse turns on a dime stage left missing the fire hydrant; but Kirby's skills of stopping on a dime are absolute zero and the police car takes an ultra sick bump into the fire hydrant destroying both in the process. Now THAT's danger man! The Rangers all fly out of the car because Gadget forgot to give them roids to make them defy gravity...or maybe not. Muldoon and Kirby step out and look a wee bit drunk as Muldoon proclaims that the captain is sure going to love that breath analyzer test tomorrow. Or not. The Rangers manage to land in the water pillar as Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE.
The doghouse flies away as Dale admits defeat because they cannot fly; but Monty looks up to see some pigeons conveniently placed on top of the lamp post above them. So we continue on as the Doghouse almost hits the tallest building in the land; and manages to have the pole eat the bottom floor of the doghouse. Elmer grabs onto the stray green carpet which so happens to be the one object that was causing the doghouse to fly. Okay; that makes slightly more sense as we cut to the pigeons carrying the Rangers. Geez; I wonder if those three pigeons from Animanics are the same ones I heard got fired for pooping on Michael Eisner's head during a recording according to SmearingGun.com? Zipper points out the obvious as Monty remembering to swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE again (bloomin). Elmer attempts to grab a hold of the flying green rug; but the carpet wins and flys away as the doghouse snaps on cue and it ends up at the top tip of the building.
...and since the doghouse is wooden; it is barely able to hold itself good as the Rangers climb up the pole as Elmer can now talk (Geez; what a shock that is?) as Gadget and company get into the doghouse from below and exchange notes as the doghouse continues to sway much to the mortal fear of Elmer. Chip proclaims that the slightest wrong move could tip the doghouse over. Now personally; I cannot see any way to get Elmer down WITHOUT tipping the house over; so I think Chip is just wasting time here. And of course Dale pops up and runs over to the edge looking over the city as the doghouse sways violently. That leads to Chip grabbing him and pinning him down as C&D argument #106 beckons complete with nimcompoop. Which probably means Don Karnage's version of it was a time cut. Elmer repeats to himself it's only a dream as Gadget pulls the pulley rope while Monty does the Gruffi pose. If this is a dream; then seeing Chip & Dale do this in chipmunk wrestling fashion is the ultimate wet dream. Well; one of them anyway. Gadget cannot seen to progress in her pursuit to end this nightmare; so she needs a counter weight and Monty is RIGHT THERE in front of her.
So Gadget ties Monty's chest and then pushes him off the edge in the middle and Monty acts as the counter weight. HAHA! Ah; cute innocent sadist Gadget, how could I live without thee? Sadly; logic break #1 rears it's ugly head since Monty is untied and holding onto the ropes. And then he's tied up again upside down just after Gadget sezs perfect. Monty blows Gadget off for having craziness behind the ears. Oh sod off you Aussie Stereotype. You are not over and never will be over; so be Gadget's bump machine. That's the only thing you do well. And naturally; the doghouse gets destroyed of course as Monty is a little bored at watching pieces of the doghouse going down; but looks up as we see Elmer tied to the pulley with the Rangers on top of him as Gadget tells Monty to lower them easy. Of course with Monty's level of deduction that means lower them down faster than a cheese addiction. The dog still thinks it is a dream; but nothing else happens anyway....
So we head back to Rescue Ranger Headquarter with a shot of the launchpad with the Rangerplane on the strip. We pan down to see the Rangers with Elmer thanking him for the lift. Geez; now Elmer is a slave dog. I guess that's the deal when you get helped by the Rangers. And when Chip and Dale slide down; they bump into each other and land on the ground minus their feet. HAHA! Chip is not amused as I wait with baited breath for the chipmunk wrestling match to occur. It doesn't happen sadly as Elmer finally reveals the kid's name is Jimmy. Elmer sounds like a poor man's version of Scooby Doo; or Frank Welker's version of Scooby Doo only crappier. Elmer thanks the Rangers and them walks off as there seems to be a lot of fog in this episode for some reason. Monty thinks this is the work of an evil genie which Gadget dismisses because magic is impossible; although she agrees that this flying carpet is strange. Gadget wonders why they are kidnapping a dog and Chip declares that this is a job for the Rescue Rangers. I can just hear Dale whine right about now...which doesn't happen sadly....
So it's morning as we head to police headquarters with the tow truck carrying the destroyed police car as we head inside as Officer Spinnelli is blowing them off for their nonsense on a flying doghouse. I guess Somtow isn't on drugs after all if he is writing this blowoff in. Kirby and Muldoon have each about 100 pounds of papers which is probably their punishment for calling in something that suspension of disbelief is impossible to do. So we pan down as the Rangers are spying on the officers while Monty looks for cheese in the cheese trap; but no dice. I see Spinelli is finally realizing how to defeat Monty: Don't use cheese. Monty gets inspired and climbs up the telephone wire as Gadget pleads for him to reconsider as Chip protests this outrage but no dice. And of course Monty sees a bag of cheese snacks and goes bonkers. Oh please guys! At least let the smell get him before he goes bonkers! That's his character design. I'm getting sick and tired of the writers not getting the psychology straight on this whole gimmick. Spinnelli orders the police officers to place the files on the desk; and the officers sell without incident as Spinnelli explains that while the officers were playing demolition derby with mutts from Mars (Spinelli has watched too many Sci-Fi movies I see) as half the city was robbed of their...wait for it...rugs! And other stuff; but it was the rugs they wanted I TELL YA! Chip realizes that this might be a connection to the green rug Elmer got stolen as Dale doesn't get the difference as usual. So we cut back to Spinelli telling the boys to take the reports and file them as the cheese snacks fall onto their side while Monty looks on...
Chip orders Zipper to get Monty...Get what? Get...THE TICKLE SPIDER?! Now there's a Dangerwoman attack Molly should steal and use on Kit. I can just see it now: Kit trying to do his homework in a responsible fashion telling Molly that he cannot take her to the air show and then Molly innocently does her Dangerwoman speech as Kit is completely dumbfounded; before Molly tickles Kit senseless for five minutes before Kit gives in to her demands. Zipper sells it as he flies up while Spinelli takes some stray cheese snacks while Monty hides behind the file reports. So Monty shoves the stacks of report files with Zipper ordering him to let this go; and the reports topple on the desk allowing the cheese snack to fall on the opposite side of the desk and somehow Monty manages to get all the way across the desk in three seconds and grab the cheese snack on the rebound. Somtow: Ghost writer for Chuck Tately perchance?! The Rangers leave with Monty as we head into the skies on the RangerPlane. Gadget reads the report that claims that all the rugs came from Ali Bimbo's Carpet Emporium. Oh yeah; let's just make fun of the Middle East why don't we?! It's not like this is 2009 where that mocking is just like inviting death of anything. And of course; the rug just happens to be a India-style store. So we head to the front of the store where we see a goofy dressed up man carrying a rug and has a face that looks like Norton Ninmuel. He is also wearing a swami white hat (with Green button on front) and the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. The goofy man bounces off the pavement in wussy fashion as Gadget blows Monty off for calling it an evil genie. Geez; it even bumps like a whiny dork as Monty blows off Gadget's lack of faith in the supernatural. I cannot believe Monty can even SAY that word; let alone sound so mean to Gadget.
The goofy man looks around (while Monty does the annoying Gruffi pose) and jumps into the back of the van (conviently placed mind you) and then the carpet floats up and slides right into the truck which is enough for Monty to blow off Gadget in kind again. Gadget gets off golly #2 for the episode about seven minutes in as she proclaims that there must be an explanation. Of course she forgets to say science and therefore I betcha Monty trumps her with the explanation as magic. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. And Monty whisper yells just to annoy me and Gadget on that spot. Nice of you to rub it in you Aussie Stereotype. The goofy Mystery Machine Middle Eastern Style Van drives away as Chip wants Gadget to follow it. Gadget sells and the Rangerplane follows it. That logically lead to.....
….Another rich folks' mansion as the van is outside the gate in front of the white house while the Rangerplane is in the trees which we cut to as Dale is watching Monty in the back carrying various useless objects including the dreaded good luck salt. That's basically Monty's defense against the goofy man who looks like a whiny dork I know. Chip is colored unimpressed (What a shock?!) as Monty goes into his BS stories again. Apparently; Monty has some hamsters in high places like the High Holy Hamster of Katmandu. Again; Nintendo was telling developers to edit out Holy during this time; although back then video games were still in hostile land at this point. Chip gleefully blows it off since it wasn't lucky for the rabbit. See how easy it is to disprove Monty's point?! Monty even brings out the horseshoe out of the mothballs just for a special occasion. Geez; only Monty could confuse a horseshoe for a magnet. WildCat is such a genius compared to this loser. Gadget gleefully blows Monty off for me as Monty drops down and Monty blows her off by asking her if carpets don't fly. Geez; Monty, this is so easy to defeat I swear you have become Mr. Hardcore.
HOLY CRAP! Gadget blew a raspberry on Monty! I never thought I would SEE that out of character moment from her. Dale points as the goofy man is inside the room of the house as an old man wearing his brown pjs, blue slippers and green robe is protesting the outrage of messing with the Louis Quatorze Ottoman. Man; I wondered where Woosley got the spell for Final Fantasy III US from. Apparently; there is about a million international objects (half of them priceless) on the purple carpet as the goofy man appears to throw some more stuff on it proclaiming that he's trying to take the curl out of the carpet. This old geezer seems to know that he's being robbed which is pretty obvious due to the amount of objects needed to curl out a carpet so to speak. And of course the goofy man sounds like a familiar whiny dork. The Rangers somehow enter and hide inside a grass plant with a blue vase as the Whiny Genie Dork of Doom runs to the nice looking painting of a nun on the wall next to a golden vase on a column. The dork pulls the picture out of the wall...
Joey: We just fixed that wall!
...and the man protest this outrage because it's a Da Vinci. I didn't know Da Vinci was a female! Well; live and learn; unless you are Kit Cloudkicker. Then you forget to wear shoes just because being tickled is more interesting as a career choice. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... The Dork Genie puts it on the carpet as the old man slumps in the chair looking defeated as the Dork snatches the expensive blue vase the Rangers were in and puts it on the carpet. Oh; that didn't look contrived in the very least; no siree! The dork even puts the chair the man is sitting on onto the carpet just to rub it in. Ah; I see even dorks are meeting Larson and Gary for their steroids. The dork run into the hallway looking for more carpets and there is more crashing which results in the old man chasing him swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE. The Rangers are not amused by this as we get the scene changer and head back to the main carpet as Gadget and Chip invoke the magnifying glass on the purple carpet. Gadget even remembers to get in Golly #3 for the episode as there are metal wires woven into the carpet. See; Science always trumps magic and Monty is nothing but a lying BS hoser. Geez; as if the golden circuit chip board in the glass wasn't enough to convince anyone.
And of course Monty calls it a sign of lurking evil. And then the rumbling is heard and the carpet floats into the air just to scare Dale even more out of his wits. If he had wits to scare off of course. Monty takes a really goofy bump with his face on the carpet and tells the mates to run for it. The stuff falls off in a decent spot (well at least the ghost writer is showing some signs of logic) as Gadget notices the yellow sparks coming out of the carpet and kneels down to take a closer look. Monty gets off the ride first as does Chip; while Dale runs back and grabs Gadget in order to bail. Like I'm buying Dale is so concerned with Gadget's well being. He just wants to steal Chip's Sadist Dates. AHHAHAHAHAHA! SLAP! OUCH! Ummm... Sadly; the carpet curls and wraps up Gadget and Dale before they can escape; and the wrapped carpet flies right out the window shattering the glass behind it. Oh well; at least it's not another wall that Joey Styles fixed. Chip, Monty and Zipper head to the window sill as the carpet flies in a spiral formation towards the moon and that ends the segment nearly ten minutes in. Well; another average episode so far; which is good since it's a ghost writer we are talking about.
After the commercial break; we get a front shot of the flying wrapped carpet flying away on the far sky shot. The male Rangers minus insane chipmunk run onto the tree branch as Chip tells Zipper to follow the carpet while the rodents take the Rangerplane. So Chip or Monty get to fly the thing; is could be fun if Monty takes over. I can just hear his BS stories as a fighter pilot commencing now....And logic break #2 rears it's ugly head as Zipper flies towards the carpet; the carpet is unwrapped as Gadget looks on with glee and wind whipping through her hair. Dammit; what a pointless spot to waste Gadget on and make the animators look bad in the process. No wonder TMS got out of the Disney deal. That leads to a struggle for Zipper to break the wind and he succeeds; managing to get into Gadget's arm. Okay; that was a neat spot; but it still breaks logic and makes TMS look bad. Dale then grabs the magic charms and throws them onto the purple carpet and then takes the sticks of doom and chants a spell which includes this little gem:
Dale:
Umma-gummi.
Translation: I'm A Gummi!
Tee Hee! Dale's been watching too many Zummi Gummi episodes on NBC I see. And of course nothing happens; except for Gadget blowing Dale off for fooling around as she runs off telling him to help her. Memo to Gadget love: The best help Dale can give is making a fool out of himself. I'll let him keep doing this nonsense and take my chances. It may not help you get down; but it will give me all the amusement I need. Gadget grabs the left edge of the carpet along with Zipper as Dale blows her off because he's trying to stop the magic with magic. Sadly Dale trips and falls backwards off the carpet and freefalls right into the red carpet of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! He gets whacked in the head with the pearl necklace which is a rope for Gadget and Zipper. Yeah; Gadget did that unintentionally, sure she did. That's like Molly Cunningham unintentionally telling Henry to dry off. We all know why Molly did it don't we Kit? Don't we?! Gadget tries to climb down with Zipper but the wind blows them off (must be Dale's fans) and Gadget freefalls picture perfect into Dale's arm. Yeah; this isn't turning Dale around as the front runner for that overdue date; no siree! Gadget gets off Golly #4 for the episode almost 11 minutes in as she thanks Dale for saving him and being in the perfect position to get whacked with the pearls. Okay; I made up the last part; but she's not going to admit it anyway.
So we continue on as we get shots of building having glass shattering all about and carpet filled with the motherlode of goodies flies out and joins the main carpets. Gadget calls them criminal carpets as if the goofy genie that sounds and looks like a whiny dork didn't convince us of that fact. Gadget provides more pointless evidence as she points out the golden circuit board being exposed which causes the carpets to fly. Monty's voice is heard and we see the Rangerplane land as Dale tells Monty that the magic stuff doesn't work on the carpets. Well; you cannot fault him for telling Monty that which I betcha Monty proclaims something even more absurd...I check the DVD..and I'm so good as Monty throws the small magnet which attaches around Dale's midsection like a spike when a horseshoe attaches itself around it. Gadget then grabs the magnet and places it above the golden circuit board. Oh yeah; she didn't do that to screw us out of our innocent sadist act; no siree! Wow; I see where Molly got her non verbal cues to screw Kit from which is perfect for me. The carpet falls like a stone; DUH! The Rangerplane dives down to save the freefalling over characters as the plunger legs get involved of course. And of course Dale gets it in the ass; what a surprise?! Nice anime background and animation from TMS though. Chip thinks that they are going back to Ali Bimbo's. NO?! REALLY?!
So we head to Ali Bimbo's which is evidence #4 that the goofy genie guy is a whiny dork since dorks tend to not get laid and often have sexist attitudes. He cut to the backdoor and inside with all the badly drawn treasure of doom on carpets complete with Middle Eastern music. We cut to floor level with the Rangers as Chip proclaims that this is where the carpets are made. NO?! REALLY?! I thought they were made at a rug factory in South Carolina. We even get a rug making machine with an incomplete red rug being made as the door opens and in comes the whiny dork genie and his new carpet designed for his tiny little manhood. I think it's too obvious who is behind this. The Rangers get onto a blue carpet and hide underneath the tea items. Works for me I guess.
The carpet falls down and allows the genie to take a wussy bump like a whiny dork would and he's pretty giddy as he looks at his stolen goods with glee. He then finally takes off the disguise with some difficulty like a whiny dork and he reveals himself as Norton Ninmul. No really?! I'm as SHOCKED as you are. The Rangers at least have the decency not to sell it properly as Monty thinks that he is a wizard. Yeah; he's a wizard all right. A wizard master of dicky magic! AHHAHAHAHAHA! ZAP! OUCH! Ummm... Oh; and don't forget to swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE there mate. Gadget calls him a basic mad sciencist. So what does that make you Gadget love? A basic sadistic mad lady sciencist. POW! OUCH! Ummm... Norton laughs like a dork after winning a video game from Data Design Interactive. If you don't know who Data Design Interactive is; consider yourself lucky. He even get chased around by his magic red carpet which only goes to show you how low on the lady's scale Norton is right now.
So we head to the evil machine (well in RPGs anyway) as Norton turns a knob and presses some white buttons and the carpets land down gently. Wow; 12 and a half minutes without using his tiny manhood; that's a new record for him. Maybe there is hope for him...or maybe not. More giddy checking of the goods from the whiny dork as Dale pops from the tea cup and invokes the cuckoo sign on Norton. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. He even added a bird cuckoo clock sound just to accent the moment too. Even Chip agrees with him which shows you how little hope Norton has in this world now. The chipmunks bail as Norton arrives to admire the tea kettle which is got to be a new low even for him in terms of dorkiness and then the doorbell rings. DAMMIT! This mockery was going so well too as Norton swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Drat!) because there is a customer. Norton puts on his goofy genie disguise again and walks out into the store area remembering to tell the carpet to stay. Man; that carpet must be a lame duck dog to take orders from that whiny dork. So the red carpet wraps itself like a large version of Norton's tiny manhood and lies down.
The Rangers come out from the tea set and hide behind the right side of the door. I guess the carpet is blinder than a bat I see as the rodents observe Norton in disguise attending to a customer who is a lady with quite the awesome hairdoo and quite the thin figure that would make Rebecca Cunningham look really butch in comparison. Cute spot: There is a lady taking notes wearing brown and wearing glasses that looks like a homeless person and the guy behind the afro-like lady dressed up in white keeps combing her hair from behind! That spot just makes me giggle for some strange reason. The guy even uses scissors to shorten the hair and Vonda blows him off for it. Norton greets her by shaking her hand and spying on her ruby ring with the shades off nearly blowing his cover. Now where have I heard about this Clutchcoin name before? Oh yes; the To The Rescue pilot. Must be Mrs. Clutchcoin's ugly red-haired stepchild. See; Vonda is having a dinner party at her mansion and everyone she likes is going to be there. I see Tress is voicing Vonda here as Norton's use of shib is starting to really grate on my nerves here and thankfully Vonda increases my liking of her by blowing him off as a stupid little man.
She looks in the green MIRROR OF VANITY and blows off her barber using the word absurd thus proving that TaleSpin didn't use it first. But it did use the F-bomb; although you really have to get past Rebecca and Kit's cheering in order to hear Baloo say it in Plunder and Lightning Part Four. Vonda proclaims that she wants every room carpeted by nightfall as the barber is trying so hard and yet keeps getting blown off. I'm surprised Vonda hasn't bitched on him yet. Vonda proclaims that the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH is no object. She might regret those words very soon considering that the barber isn't getting any love and there's a dork in the shop wanting her ruby ring. She leaves as Norton sees dollar signs in his future. He's not going to get it if he keeps selling carpets though. He need to sell her some napkins and place-mats if he wants to get this shop over. A change in name would help too: something like Sunny Carpets or something to that nature. He laughs in lame fashion and then returns back into the storage area causing the Rangers to bail again. Norton then shows his loving side by slamming the door into the wrapped carpet dog's face. That's not a good idea to do on your tiny manhood there pal. The carpet flattens itself as the Rangers decide to hide in the carpet making machine. Ten dollars says that the machine will screw the Rangers by the end of this segment.
Norton giggles with glee because Clutchcoin is pretty much the richest mansion in town and only the special rugs will do. Norton goes over to his machine device and sits down on the hardest stool he could find (NOT THAT ONE!) and then he puts on the top of the machine a bunch of lighted candles. Who does this guy think he is; the Beast from Beauty & The Beast?! Well; at least the goofy shades are off; although I now have to deal with the goofy glasses he normally wears. I just cannot win in this situation. He cracks his hands in an annoying spot and then pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the yarn spindle on the machine spins and it's sewing time as the Rangers realize that they are in the line of fire. I just won $10 from myself. The old rat race treadmill spot follow which Monty loses easily as Chip tries to grab a hold of Gadget's hand; but the grip slips and Gadget is done for as she cannot run fast enough and is heading towards the edge and falls to her doom...DOOM I SAY! Dale falls in close behind as Monty cannot grab anyone on the side yarn needling and finally Chip falls on his face and slides down and grabs Monty who in turn falls down with him as we cut to a shot of the wall on the right side with a shadow of Norton proclaiming that he can retire now complete with ultra lame dork laugh as we cut over to the red rug showing a bunch of Ranger bodies encased inside as the segment ends right there 15 and a half minutes in. Hey; I'm starting to dig this episode a bit more.
After the commercial break; we head to Vonda's mansion as Zipper is flying towards the mansion doors which two butlers get the carpet into the house. You just knew this would be Zipper's ten seconds of work and heroics here. We get a beautiful shot of the butlers all preparing the dinning area for the party as Zipper searches for the red carpets where the Rangers are buried. I'm sure Eisner is thrilled to know his wet dream for Gadget finally came true. One of the knives falls to the ground and slides towards the fat lump of the carpet which indicates that it is Monty and the knife slices through the electric fabric and Monty reveals himself holding the magnet from earlier. Wow; his lucky charm actually saved his ass for a change. That just makes Microsoft look so wussy in comparison. Monty kisses the magnet and I wonder: in cartoons; wouldn't kissing it turn Monty into a organic magnet. Sure; it wouldn't work in real life, but the psychology would be awesome as Zipper and Monty embrace.
Monty drops his butt down and apparently it lands right on Chip's face (EEWWWWW!) and we get Monty ripping the fabric and Chip blowing him off like we saw in the opening. I think these early episodes were just for opening purposes. Chip rips Gadget out and Monty rips Dale out without any further bruhaha's. Gadget has a plan to find some batteries and wire to create an electromagnet to stop these carpet. Okay; that sounds like a good plan; but the acting is terrible here making it too contrived for my liking. Monty thinks nailing down the carpets and Gadget doesn't even get peeved on it. Oh geez; that acting was just too contrived for my liking either. Chip stops and proclaims that they will do both in order to stop any further dumb acting. Sorry; but Gadget and Monty just cannot blow off each other to create a conflict and give heel heat to Monty. Baloo could to Kit, Rebecca could to Baloo but not those two.
So we cut to outside as Norton arrives in his Mystery Carpet Machine of Dorky Doom (wasn't he outside already?!) and backs into a pile of bushes in order to hide the shame in a pretty funny spot. Norton invokes the spying periscope and then enters through the gates hiding inside. Ummm; he did business with Vonda already. What is the point of hiding in the bushes?! He is truly a whiny dork to hide like a parish. So we cut to inside the dining area again as the butlers continue their work while Vonda really turns the bitch on now; almost Lady Bane-equse now. It's also great that we can have alcohol references in this cartoon since I'm sure Disney no longer allows alcohol references shortly after this series. Although TaleSpin didn't let on all the wine bottles and drinks Louie was serving as alcohol. Oh; and the barber is still trying to fix her hair using a ladder just to make him look like an idiot. Well; at least she hasn't yelled at him..yet. What is with that long ass comb in her hair?! Doesn't that clash with her fire attitude?! Never mind; we cut down to floor level as the Male Rangers hammer nails into the carpet. At least it's Monty with the hammer because I shudder to think if Gadget handles one. So we cut back to the outside front of the mansion AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as the blue limos all drive into the parking area on the right side of the house. There must be some sick rib on all this; but I'm not going to comment on it. Geez; that bush thing in front of the left side of the house is way too obvious to not be noticed now; isn't it?!
So we head into the dork's secret digital machine womb (as Sean would say about hardcore gaming in general) as he does the digital stalking of his next victims as they come out of the blue limos. Man; that old lady in the pink dress has got one big ass perm in order to get that $ sign in her hair intact. Norton is so giddy that he wants to reconsider his targets; so he goes out of his digital womb and practices the fine art of not being seen as he makes it to the window. Nice to see him park the truck in such a way that no one sees him which is a really nice touch. Norton opens the window in a pretty neat cover spot and enters hiding behind the pink curtains along with his pet dog carpet muncher. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Man; the pink just clashes with that outfit making it even more goofier. Norton is so giddy because he sees his plan increasing by 500% with all that stuff and then he hears an ouch and then looks down to see that someone nailed his shoe down. OW! That's going to leave a mark...on the nail. And since this is a Disney show; there is no blood obviously. Norton looks around and he sees more rodents nailing his carpet among the crowd. He just figured out who was going to screw him and sics his carpet muncher after him. Gadget arrives with the magnet and everything is set......
...and here comes good old carpet muncher and it makes a fine rodent whacker too. That leads to the chase and the Rangers bail into the table underneath the white cloth as some of the snobs talk about how bored they are in being stinkin rich. You will never hear Iwata or Reggie say that; although they will be paranoid to the gills. The Rangers run out towards the other side and think that they are safe even though they are underneath a red carpet. I betcha they get wrapped up by Carpet Muncher. I check the DVD....Those rodents are REALLY STUPID. HEE HEE! The carpet flies out and knocks on the digital womb's door and out comes Norton as the carpet muncher reveals the snuffed out Rangers. Memo to inspiring babyfaces: Check your feet. If you are under a carpet you will suffer gravely. Ask these Rangers. Ask Baloo in Idol Rich.
Norton blows them off for screwing with him and his carpet muncher and orders his carpet muncher to fly up about 3,000 feet and then drop them to their deaths. In other words recycle the Kit Cloudkicker fall from the Iron Vulture (which was recycled from The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin of all shows) and then rip it off for Gosalyn in Darkwing Duck. Of course Gadget neats the carpet muncher to the punch by using the electromagnet to short circuit it and the Rangers freefall again. Anything to screw Monty is fine by me as the Chip tries to lasso the ends; but it is no good; so Zipper grabs the end and ties it around the tree. Okay; that was a bit pointless there as the carpet muncher wraps around squashing Zipper and then the Rangers fly on recoil into the chimmery and bounce with wussy bumps onto the floor inside the house. Okay; that was just complete overkill and cartoony.
So we head back inside the digital womb as Norton is watching on his television that is so badly designed that even the HD function is lamer than his SD functions. Norton gets all giddy again as his twists some knobs and the beeping sound beckons which causes some funky things to happen to TMS's animating. Seriously; pause the disc at 19:14 and you'll see what I mean. It looks like Gadget is poisoning Chip with her pointy finger powers. We then see the carpets trying to float up; but they are nailed down good as Monty proclaims that they are tighter than a drum. His winking indicates that he is right and the carpet cannot let go to screw him. DAMMIT! We cut back to Norton who is starting to whine about those carpet munchers not munching out of the house with goodies so he turns up the juice by twisting the knob. Because giving more juice often solves problems and bursts water sacs as they say. That is enough of course to cause the entire mansion to ride into the water as now all the carpet munchers are homing in on him (so claims the whiny dork).
Monty falls on his butt as the mansion is now above Norton ready to squash him as Nortons yells Egads just to amuse me. Yeah; your plan is working way too well now isn't it you whiny little manhood. Norton tries to turn it off; but the machine breaks right on Norton twisting the knob. See what happens when you rely on Microsoft parts Norton?! Norton panics and gets in front to drive his Mystery Middle Eastern Van away from this place; but the mansion follow him like Scooby chasing after Scooby Snacks. I called that one about thirty seconds before I resumed the DVD by the way. Chip tells Gadget to USE THE MAGNET; but Gadget magnet backfires and dies on her; allowing us to see probably the best hair day Gadget ever had in her life. HAHA! There are too many carpets (she just figured that out NOW?!) as the snobs ignore all the stuff happening outside which is just fitting to what Mr. Hardcore Elite Gamer has turned out to be. Vonda's purple haircomb in her red hair has got to go if she wants to make it as a fashion model. That leads to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MYSTERY MIDDLE EASTERN MACHINE EDITION~! Oh the irony of it all!
The building is headed straight for the twin towers and it is not going to fit; so Gadget needs some way to steer. And since the rodents are about five pounds combined weight; Monty offers to help by getting the snobs attention. Because if there is one thing that scare them more than Sean Malstrom; it's little rodents like Nintendo. Yeah; like I'm taking Monty's act of a mouse acting like a monster and scaring those losers seriously. It does manage to make the snobs steer the building though as Chip back seat directing really accents the spot for me. So we cut to an alleyway as Kirby is driving a new police car with Muldoon sitting in the passenger side again as there is radio chattering that sounds like an adult from a Charlie Brown/Snoopy show episode. Kirby notices Norton speeding down the road and he wants the ticket book as Muldoon sees the floating building and wants to skip this one. Kirby of course being a glutton of punishment does the Mr. T teeth grin spot (and Kirby's teeth look normal compared to Mr. T's) and the police start chasing the Mystery Machine. You just knew that this would be a drug sting operation waiting to happen. The Mystery Machine stops in front of the carpet building as the mansion is right above it and Norton runs inside to turn off the main power. Norton deserves whatever bloody and painful death Disney doesn't allow here. He is THAT dumb. He is very stupid...and no one has learned anything which is apporos for such a pointless sequence.
Yeah; no doubt about that one as Kirby and Muldoon arrive and open the double doors (well at least the police car is all right) as the snobs all walk out and blow off the whole party for being dull and Monty being more interesting. Even Vonda comes out in her black dress wanting to go to Monte Carlo next week. I still think Rebecca's calling for a taxi in TaleSpin was the best version of the taxi calling spot in history. The officers go in and they see the whiny dork Norton in the bath tub on top of all the damning evidence. Oh well; better luck next time with the manhood you whiny dork. We pan over to the left of the mess as Monty proclaims that there was nothing really to this episode at all. Gadget calls it special magic as the Rangers laugh at Monty's expense and Monty blushes crimson red. Yeah; that wasn't all that funny either Monty. Monty laughs with them as the episode ends at 21:16. Started off slow; but got better until the end and then the finish was pretty silly and it buried Norton in more ways than one. Not that I mind that sort of thing. *** (60%).
Final Note: And this is the first episode of the series which uses the second audio version of the ending credits which was used for a commercial for this series. Which is the one where Dale is fooling everyone into thinking that he is strong by lifting the weights effortlessly and then Chip in classic Chip fashion screws Dale out of his deception. I like this one better than the first actually since it sounds different from the non-lyrical first one which is basically the same music.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; it was just another middle of the road episode for me with the usual Norton mishaps including the ironic finish for him. Considering who was writing this it was a pretty good effort from Somtow or whomever really was writing this episode because this could have easily turned into a train wreck if Sun Woo was animating; or it was a full on Monty focused episode. I just cannot take Gadget and Monty seriously having a conflict as those two have no real heat between each other to create that conflict. I really liked Vonda though with her attitude and big ass hair; along with her barber behind her. Good enough animation and no really ugly stuff from the writers make me a happy amused ranter. And of course; we cannot forget the carpet munching jokes in this one can we. So next up is Piratsy Under The Sea as this is round two of those pesky Pi-Rats and I think this disc will take a small turn for the worst but after that it's the one I'm looking most forward to: Adventures in Squirrel Sitting and Tammy's appearance. Now there's a PERFECT girlfriend for a certain 12 year old cynical ticklish brown bear cub if I ever saw one. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.