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Adventures In Squirrel Sitting
The Fat Cat Stomp In All It's Glory!
YAY! The mother ship has finally landed as we have our first look forward to episode of Volume 1 featuring probably one of the best one shot characters in all of Rescue Rangers: Tammy The Squirrel. Cute, charming and has a creepy crush on Chip. I'll explain that one later as we have our first episode featuring Mr. Fat since Shell Shocked. Overused?! What's that?! So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Tad Stones and Dev Ross. The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. See a pattern forming here? The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: And we return to the third version of the opening sequence again.
We begin this one on the sidewalk near Chinatown as we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MR. FAT CHINESE EDITION~ barely six seconds in which is a new record for DTVA. Okay; this is is pretty silly and cute; I'll give them that. And of course; it's the Hollywood Chinatown which means lots and lots of open spaces. Sadly; the Rangers ditch the cool Chinese red uniforms they were wearing (I guess they felt it was too racist; as if Monty's Aussie stereotype was enough offense for them) as Mr. Fat (complete with golden statue of a hamster) is pulling away despite being more fat than Monty. This is one weird system of fitness in this world. Mepps of course is pulling the wagon for Mr. Fat (I almost said fart for a second there) as apparently; Mole is in jail for drug trafficking charges; thus he is the bump machine by proxy. You know; I think it's clearly a BAD idea to tell the babyfaces to give up because when that happens; the babyface gains considerable ground. Priceless item Mr. Fat steals this time around: The Maltese Mouse. Ah yes; the brilliant international object plot device FROM THE ISLE OF MALTA. I guess Mr. Fat is delivering a present to Baron Secluna (?sp); a wrestler from the 1970's in the WWWF (WWE for those who care about such a thing) and thus makes the Rangers heel by proxy. Or maybe not.
And then logic break #1 rears it's ugly head as Mepps is replaced by a dirty blind rat. Or is Mr. Fat practicing the fine art of cheating on a chase sequence. If it's later; than he is awesome. Or course Chip blows off Mr. Fat (and why not? The Rangers gained ground on him) and Mr. Fat invokes the claw to shred Dale's Chinese Hat. You disgraced a billion people with that move; you heelish bastard! Dale looks goofy as usual. The chase goes on until the rubber pipe of snaky doom blocks the sidewalk and Gadget orders Monty to stop on a dime. However; Monty slips on water and his brakes are out. See; this is why wearing slip proof shoes is a good idea: No slippage and it makes it harder for people to tickle your feet. If only Kit had listened to Max for sound advice on that. Zipper grabs onto his coat; but sadly this is clearly pre-steroid period for Zipper so there's no dice. Mr. Fat and his gang of logic breaking heels jump over the hose while Monty trips and the whole thing flips over with Monty driving in the rear. Now that is taking backseat driving to the extreme BABEE!!
Mr. Fat blows off blind mouse and tells him to lose them in traffic which blind mouse wants no part of; so Mr. Far blows him off again. So we go to the thrilling traffic losing spot which is a million times better than the thrilling walk the plank spot from the previous rant. It doesn't work as Monty gets lucky and only has to dodge a blue car in the process so the chase is close again. So Gadget uncorks her crossbow and makes sure to bonk Chip on the head with it. HAHA! I told you Gadget was a sadist nut. AHHAHAHAHA! She fires the plunger and nabs the Maltese Mouse easily from Mr. Fat's clutches. Memo to inspiring heels: Always place the object of desire in front of your chest instead of to the side where stray plunger hooks can get to it. Chip and Dale get the golden mouse and Mr. Fat is pissed off of that. However; Blind Mouse is screwed as the heel wagon get caught by the open trap door of doom (WHA?! In 1989?!) and the door panel launch the wagon into the air and where it lands I don't really care. Monty also gets launched as well thus proving that this was a mere spot because Monty is on dry land and probably would have stopped short.
So we logically go to inside a tree house as a squirrel wearing a purple dress with a white apron attending to her clothes as the Rangers do their bowling ball tumble spot from previous rant. We cut back to mother telling a 12 year old girl and a four year old boy to stay out of trouble and....You know something; 12 year old boy, six year old girl. One is spunky and one is spunky and has issues. Can I smell an awesome animated series brewing with this? Nah; couldn't be? That would take foreshadowing beyond the pale there. The mother has red hair and so does the female girl as the mother takes a pretty good bump into the Rangers and they tumble (clothesline and all) into the open door of the house with another off-screen bump. That bump was pretty MAN-SIZED complete with dust to accent it well. Sadly; as good as this one is, the “females must have gentle bumps” syndrome was in effect because if it was a male, it would be totally and utterly SICK. See Plunder and Lightning Part One. And the living room is a mess; although compared to Baloo's office, it's pretty neat. Take one guess who does the Ron Tussin spot here?
So Chip and Dale shake hands for saving the mouse; but then screams are heard from outside as the Rangers plus female cleaner run out of the house to see Mr. Fat on a tree limb grabbing the female girl and boy squirrel by the tails. Oh come on Mr. Fat; you are supposed to be a pervert. Grab the female one the same way you do with Gadget all the time. That's your trademark gimmick there. He gives them a dilemma and does a near drop of the kids before grabbing them again; just to amuse me as the Ranger are horrified. Chip tells Monty to give Blind Mouse the Maltese Mouse and Monty gives it to him. Chip wants Mr. Fat to let go which is really the stupidest thing you can say to a heel and Mr. Fat drops them causing the Rangers to panic again. The Rangers blitz and Chip does a really awesome spot of grabbing the female squirrel while doing a lot of tumbling. Man; that is pretty creepy for some reason as Dale gets his head squashed by the boy baby which Monty grabs on the rebound. Now that was a neat sequence there! This is the real Tad Stones; not Mark Edens writing here. Sure; Dev is helping, but Tad is a pretty neat teacher as long as Cartoon Duck Syndrome doesn't infect the writing pool.
The boy is even wearing oversized undies and a blue skirt. Okay; it's a girl baby which makes the whole episode seem even MORE creepy in hindsight. Then we cut to the older female squirrel who has the Anne Shirley hair braided with pink shirt and blue jeans which makes her look like Tweedle Zee only more female. The bright light causes some vision problems for her as Chip asks her if she's all right and she gets all dramatic calling him a hero and hugs him in such a fashion that it literally creeps me out. Maybe it's just Chip blushing that makes me shutter with creepiness. The female squirrel's name is Tammy (voiced by Noelle North I do believe; only in a more natural voice) and she is a popular character among the Rescue Rangers faithful. Weirdly enough; I actually like Tammy as a character, but always felt that she was in the wrong series. I mean; Chip is an adult and having a 12 year old female having a crush on an adult is quite a bit creepy with all the news of sexual abuse and kidnappings that go on today. In TaleSpin on the other hand; Tammy would be PERFECT as you have Kit save her in dramatic fashion (even more so than him saving Molly several times) and have her give Kit the crush. And Baloo thinks girls are trouble BEFORE HENCE?! And of course Dale points out that Mr. Fat is gone with the wind and took the mouse.
So we head inside the house (which is still partially ruined) as Tammy is going through the dreaded grow/shrink syndrome cartoons go through with overseas animators. Mother thanks the Rangers for saving her girls thus proving that there are no boys in this household. And then Mother realizes that this whole place is a mess as Bouncy Girl Baby bounces on some crumbled wood for my amusement. I wonder if Disney cut that spot out since it looked pretty dangerous. Gadget realizes that this is a mess and gets off the first golly of the episode three and a half minutes in. Chip thinks that it's better than Dale's room and of course the mother gets pissed off Peggy-of Goof Troop Fame style. I wonder if this is April Winchell's debut since the scream is very familiar to me; although she sounds like Lady Bane so it's probably Tress. The baby girl is Binky (yeah; there are two Binky's in DTVA and I think it's a draw between the two) who hide underneath the over turned green sofa as Gadget admits that they made the mess and they should baby sit and clean up the mess. Golly #2 beckons almost fifteen seconds after the first one. Mother grabs Binky by the ankles upside down (this seems to be a recurring theme here) and gives Binky to Dale as she offers the gang to babysit the two tykes while she cleans and entertains the guests. Dale likes babies and gets his nose squeezed by Binky. HEE HEE! Now all she has to do is stomp on the nose and she'll get real over with me. Tammy is blushing because she's too old to be babysat. Man; she whines a lot for a girl who is supposed to have the Anne Shirley hairdoo. But she still offers to help with Binky anyway because Chip is going to be involved as she has that CRUSH OF DOOM on him. Okay; this is getting creepy now and I think Chip agree with me too.
So we head to Rescue Ranger Headquarters as Chip is showing Tammy the living room showing how the Rangers tick while Monty and Dale chase Binky around..and Dale's NAKED AS A JAYBIRD because Binky STOLE HIS SHIRT! TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! HAHA! Binky must be Latin for Eddie Guerreo. Tammy is blushing with glee as she thinks Chip invented it all; but Chip gives Gadget the credit. Good for him to call her a genius too; but he refrains from calling her a sadist of course. And now Tammy is jealous of her (What a shock?) as the radio turns on and there is no further information on the theft of the Maltese Mouse. We continue the chase for Dale's shirt which is screwed as Binky runs up the slide and Dale and Monty slide back down because they don't have DA SKILLZ to climb up. Oh; and he stole Monty's hat too which is good because I shudder to think to see Monty's Hoppoish body. POW! OUCH! Ummm..Tammy gets even more giddy as Gadget giggles under her breath and thus proves that she has no interest in going out on a date with Chip right now. Oh well; it just means Chipper isn't trying hard enough. And Chip hates that pet name and thus exchanges notes with Rebecca. Well; that is so nice to know. Chip calls for the other Male Rangers as Monty is pulling his hat away from Binky. I cannot tell if it is his teeth or arm since Disney Captions is covering some of the animation. Figures; knowing them. So that logically leads to....
….inside the kitchen as Tammy dances around like a ballet star and Monty grabs Binky because she wants something to eat and places her on the green counter as Chip and Gadget offer to show Tammy Gadget's workshop. Tammy doesn't want Gadget to come while continuing to call her Chipper and Chip blows her off. What a meanie this Chip fellow is?! And you just know why Tammy wants to be alone with Chip now don't ya?! Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! So we cut back to Monty with an apple which shows that at least he has some child rearing skills and places it on the green table with Dale and Binky sitting on alphabet blocks. Monty then relates his latest BS story: learning to slice an apple from a food grazed ninja gerbil. Sadly; the apple is eaten from the blind side and it deflates completely as we see Binky pop up burping like a Inkra after a acute case of ice cream eating. HEE HEE! Now that's called the Apple Vampire! AHHAHAHAHAHA! And she wants more as Zipper finally enters (where was he for the last five minutes? Doing shots for the fake scene involving him eaten by a fish for Jymn Magon's pleasure?) and both he and Monty are dumbfounded by that one. For a girl with one tooth; she knows how to eat well. So we head into Gadget's workshop as Tammy isn't all that impressed because Chip continues to praise Gadget for her efforts. See; the point is that Tammy loves Chip and wants a date with him which is pretty creepy considering her age, but Chip keeps implying in an unintentional matter that he loves Gadget and Gadget's giggling makes it even more so; thus putting the heel heat onto Tammy since she's jealous of Gadget's love for Chip even though Gadget has no interest in dating Chip in any way. At least in canon. Gadget is currently walking on the ceiling with the foot plungers of doom device which I'm sure will come into play at some point in this episode.
So Tammy gets behind Chip and continue to call him that pet name because she wants some more exciting stuff as she pulls Chip away from the workshop remembering to blow off Gadget for her smelly workshop. Do you have a sense that Tammy hates Gadget or something here?! Gadget protests this outrage (YAY!) and unties the plungers in frustration and she's screwed as she swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Oh shoot!) and falls down with a wussy bump onto the floor; but since it's her head, I can understand the bump being so. Anyhow; we return to the kitchen as Binky is eating a white piece of celery. Man; Larson and Gary are now even experimenting with color steroids now to market to kids. Those scumbags!! Okay; it's really fennel as Monty relates another BS story to her eating habits. Geez; I wonder who had the bigger appetite in that story; hmmmm....and somehow that leads to Binky crawling out and getting into the Ranger Plane playing with the buttons like a good moronic little girl. HEE HEE! I see the Kit foreshadowing has started in earnest. The Ranger Plane hops away as we cut back to Monty, Dale and Chipper (I like that name and since Chip cannot stand it; I'll use it as I see fit) as Chip is stunned that they lost Binky.
However; Tammy casually looks out the window and casually points out Binky is in the Rangerplane more or less. The male Rangers panic and they climb up the tree outside which shows all the post-production cuts made for this one as Zipper flies up to the Rangerplane and gets Binky some good eye contact violence; but Binky counters it with saying that she is a pilot. SCORE! And she's a good one too; even at five years old. I think Ted was right about Kit all along as Zipper pulls on the lever (WRONG LEVER!) to work the plungers but there is nothing to grab on. Monty and Dale run in to save the baby ace pilot; but Dale get plungered right in the kisser! HAHA! And Monty gets it too; just to further the funny. I am so digging this episode as Zipper is panicking to the gills as he pulls more levers (WRONG LEVERS!) and the Rangerplane turns around while Monty and Dale get face tormented for my pleasure. HAHA! Then the Rangerplane floats up with Chip yelling at Zipper to look out, but it's too late as the balloon pops violently (Nice bump guys) and it's the balloon air spiraling out of control which leads to the slingshot as Binky is just having the time of her life in the pilot's seat. This is Kit Cloudkicker's wet dream come to life one year before he existed. The recoil throws Binky out of the seat (lucky little wrench) and Chip grabs her (lucky bastard) and freefalls in dramatic fashion before Gadget invokes the awesome crossbow (from the opening theme) and the plunger create a rope to allow Chip to grab it safely. And Binky's ankle is the place where Chip grabs her of course.
So we get the scene changer of doom as the Rangerplane's balloon is repaired again while Monty gets his face unstuck from the plunger by Gadget's oily disruption. Zipper pulls the plunger from Monty's face as Monty gets in death reference #1 for my pleasure. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. And it's Peter Cullen voicing here I see. Chip thanks Gadget for her work as Tammy's hearts while staring at Chip with her elbow on the Rangerplane are crushed right on cue. Gadget gets off Golly #3 as those faces from Chip and Gadget indicate that they are playing with Tammy's mind now as Tammy blows Gadget off because Chip is the brave one. Oh; I didn't think females were so sexist against other females and...Oh wait; there is the Sara Palin ordeal, my mistake. She starts hugging on Chip like a creepy little Jonas Brothers fan (who needs Hannah Montana to drive bad influences when Tammy will do nicely) and Monty just eggs on the whole experience. HOLY CRAP?! That spot might just have gotten Monty over...or maybe not. But still; that egging on is so cute of him though....and Dale of course rubs it in good just to piss Chip off. HAHA!
So that logically leads to inside the bedroom with the double bunk beds as Tammy is protesting this outrage because they have Rescue Ranger stuff to do and Chip really blows her off including the dreaded POINTY FINGER OF DEATH. Tammy pleads for him; but Chip blows him off for the pet name again. Geez; Chipper, that is mean-spirited of you to do that. I know she is a kid and has a creepy crush on you; but you made it no better by your unintentional implication that you love Gadget over her; instead of just saying that she's too young to have a date with you. You come off as heelish and make Gadget look like a sad heel in comparison. Chip storms out of the room and Tammy does the old Kit lies face down on the bed in the pillow and she sobs...badly. Well; she's no Kit Cloudkicker when it comes to crying. She's more like the nephews from Ducktales actually; only manly. Gadget and Dale leave feeling slightly hurt by the whole thing as Tammy blows Chip off because she's not a kid. Sorry Tammy; but the only real adult in child's body is Kit Cloudkicker. You may be a good character; but Kit trumps you in every way. Tammy sits back down on the bed and proclaims that she is going to prove that she's better than Gadget ever was. This should prove interesting; knowing her creepy crush.
We head back to the living room as Chip is sitting on the pin cushion chair proclaiming that Binky and Tammy are a pain and are glad when they are gone. So what is Dale's excuse then Chipper?! And Gadget; bastion and savior to all girls with creepy crushes everywhere blows off Chip for being such a meanie. So true Gadget; so true. Dale even bonks Chip on the head from behind for good measure because he hates children. I wish these two could do the same to every gamer who hates children's games; just for my amusement. Chip stutters like Honker being bullied by Drake; but the other Rangers invoke the Gruffi poses in stereo to screw him over. Well Chip; you got no one but yourself to blame for this. So he has to go inside Tammy's temp room AFTER HAPPY HOUR and sneaks inside to talk to her. Chip sits on the bed and admits that he is sorry for being such an asshole in front of her and admits that he likes her. Chip pats the bed covers (Oh; that wasn't perverted in the very least; no siree Chip); but something is just plain wrong with this scene (in more ways than one). Chip pulls the covers and there is only pillows left and a note flying into the air on the rebound. Chip grabs the note as we cut to the other Rangers at the table having their meals and Chip storms in yelling that Tammy and Binky are gone to get the Maltese Mouse from Mr. Fat. Ooooooo...I wonder where Kit got his ideas from...WINK! WINK! NUDGE! NUDGE! Maybe Tammy really is Kit's girlfriend and Chip DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Well; the segment officially ends here nearly nine minutes in....
After the commercial break; we head to Mr. Fat's Cat Food Headquarters as a black bird has flown down onto the roof and starts walking from right to left not noticing anything out of the ordinary. We pan over to two steel chimney roofs as a bunch of rats join in along with several more cats from under the vent. That leads to seeing Monty in his marriage outfit from Many Love Is A Splintered Thing pushing the red piano that got MURDERED in To The Rescue. Man; I guess Monty keeps one to bully guys who try to steal his Brie 86 I guess....and then in comes Dale dressed in a blue dress with a pearl necklace and red hair. Oh man; if he simply dyed it black then he would be a dead ringer to Betty from the Flintstones. Sadly; the pocka dot undersuit negates the effect as Chip comes out madder than Baloo after dressing up like a soda jerk with the blond hair and pink dress thus killing whatever Tad was shooting for as a joke. You need red hair and a white dress to make the joke and pay it off there guys. At least Chip has Wilma's personality so it's not all bad. So everyone heads inside the WE KNOW IT'S A CASINO; BUT WE AREN'T TELLING ANYONE without further incident. I guess Dale feels Chip has been punished enough already; since there is no door hitting face spot which I think Tad was trying to shoot for here; but BS&P overruled. So we head inside the casino as the illegal gambling takes place with the pool tables seemly the only thing legal in these parts. Chip yells that this is a stupid idea and I say: Shut Up you Meanie and talk like a real girl as Monty thinks this is wonderful since it's easy to get past the guards. Dale looks in the MIRROR OF VANITY (a green one of course) just to get into the character of the disguise. Chip proclaims that they are doomed. Oh geez; even Chip is proclaiming that Sony is doomed and Sony hasn't even entered the video game market yet. I thought Snake was the only one who could see into the future.
So Monty tells them to do their stuff and the Drag Queen Chipmunks run onto the stage and throw her hankies into the air which is BS&P's way of throwing the undies into the audience. At least they are clean so no worries. The perverts in the audience (they are heels so it's apporos) wolf whistle on cue as they fight for the hankies in a cute spot. One of them is Dale's telling from the purple jelly stain on the cloth. That leads to the cloth fight complete with bad FCC approved DUSTCLOUD OF DOOM which allows for the distraction as Monty opens the top of the piano to allow Gadget and Zipper to run in and find Tammy. So we cut to Drag Chipper in trouble as Mole wants to kiss him on the lips and I smell the PTC e-mails working overtime as we speak. These pesky DTVA cartoons are studded with dark acts you know; most so that show with the former terrorist who is 12 years old. Dale gets Wart as he will only give it back to Drags Dale if he kisses him on the lips. Geez; what a lucky man bitch Dale is?! NOT! Blind Mouse and Mepps are just watching around as they proclaim that Mr. Fat would be pleased. I guess Mole isn't in the mood to bump for anyone tonight as Gadget is doing the plunger walk on the ceiling as Mole wants to cuddle with Chipper as Gadget makes it to the elevator and it opens to reveal Mr. Fat. Now if he doesn't grab Gadget by his dirty paws by the end of this episode; I will be very disappointed in Tad Stones and Dev Ross. He cuddles the Maltese Mouse which if it was a human would be completely out of character for him. Gadget motions to Monty to go to the piano and Monty sells it. He sits down and starts playing the piano.
Monty introduces Mr. Fat in dramatic fashion as Mole and Wart try the old double kiss spot on C&D; but they miss and they kiss each other RIGHT ON THE LIPS. Oh man; talk about making WD-Japan look awful when they tried that spot in Gadget Goes Hawaiian. I guess it wasn't a BS&P decision after all...or WAS IT?! Mr. Fat didn't order any entertainment though as Mole and Wart spit out their bad kissing in a funny spot as the spotlight is on the Drag Queen Chipmunks as Monty tells them Gadget needs them to run interference. Fine by me since making Chip suffer while wearing a dress is really funny. Dale proclaims that this is a great idea so the Drag Queen Chipmunk dance into the spotlight which marks the third time TMS has done the non-cartoonish blue/green tint. No wonder DTVA cartoons rocked so hard; they were doing stuff Mr. Hardcore had wanted YEARS before they started whining about cartoons. Just makes Mr. Hardcore look like a theocrat which doesn't surprise me in the least...and of course we finally segue into the Fat Cat Stomp which is an absolutely awesome piece since nothing warms my heart more than hearing Chip and Dale sing with that High C pitched voice of theirs. I'm not going to call the spots; unless I'm required to call storyline so we have Mr. Fat joining in officially as Gadget get in from behind and goes into the elevator.
Strangely; it doesn't last long as we head into Mr. Fat's office with Tammy sitting on Mr. Fat's rug and probably peeing on it to piss him off or something equally sick and perverted. The elevator shouts and opens to reveal Gadget still wearing her cute plunger feet as she plungers inside and both girls embrace. Awww; they kissed and made up which is big trouble for Mr. Chipper-sama. Gadget wants to leave; but Tammy stamps her feet and blows her off because she's working undercover and trying to show Chip that she is better than Gadget-sama. Man; what a whiner she turned out to be. And people accused Rebecca of being a bitch?! Look; I really gives props to her for being brave, but she is just plain foolish to think that she is more awesome than Gadget. Oh; and let's do that Gruffi martyr pose just to annoy me some more. Gadget comes over to tell her nicely that she isn't trying to prove anything to her or Chip or anything. Normally; I would believe her, but she's a sadist so it's difficult to believe her saying such a line. Oh and let's sneak in another golly at the 12 and a half minute mark after nine minutes of golly free action. Tammy sheds tears as Gadget states the moral of the episode and they both embrace. See; it's better to be yourself than someone else which is fine; but is a double edge sword when someone else can be a saint and yourself can be a deadly sinner so to speak. Sadly; the pathos don't work on me here for obvious reasons as Gadget and Tammy walk to the elevator wanting to look for Binky while Gadget swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Darn right!). So we logically head back to....
….the casino as Mole and Wart are dancing on stage with the Drag Queen Chipmunks and the Fat Cat Stomp lives up to it's name on Chip's feet. HAHA! We cut to Monty placing Tammy inside the piano and shutting the lid which is kind of creepy considering that the top can easily look like a wooden casket. Chip and Dale then dump Mole and Wart and in comes the whirlwind spot as they bail. Well; it's nice to see that they got that crap out of the way. Dale and Monty want to leave; but Gadget stops that because she hasn't found Binky yet. Sadly; Monty invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH as we cut to Mr. Fat sitting at the table with a chocolate sundae on the table and Binky eats most of it leaving the pudding inside the cup. Oh; how generous of her to leave the chocolate pudding for Mr. Fat. She sparkles on cue as Chip and Dale now have to distract Mr. Fat so they get on Mr. Fat's shoulder and it's Round Two of the Fat Cat Stomp. That song never goes out of style. Mr. Fat gets on the stage after some tugging and Mr. Fat completely outclasses every single American Idol and Dancing With The Star player in history. HAHA!
And of course Jim Cummings is singing which just assures that we will never get good stuff from reality television ever even before it happens. Sad really...or not. Man; Mr. Fat has been into cloning on the Lion Cat Shadow Sequence as Binky is trying to eating a cherry (EWWWWW!); but Chip grabs him like the party pooper that he is. Dale dances to keep in character; but Chip grabs his dress to force him to bail like a spoiled sport. Monty gives Binky to Gadget who is now inside the piano and shuts the lid as the entertainment bails stage right; while the heels dances like a bunch of awesome dancing fools. I just cannot hate this sequence in good conscience and sometimes; dancing animals is truly fun to watch even if it is beyond silly most of the time. Nice step in time from the Lion Cat Clones from TMS there guys. And remember: Don't forget to stomp! Monty tries to leave on cue; but the lights go on and the babyfaces stop on a dime as Mr. Fat wants another song. Mr. Fat goes to the piano claiming that the piano is out of tune and then smashes the keys which opens the lid and the females all bounce right out the piano and onto the ground with a good bump. So Mr. Fat was in on the whole gag all along and was just playing along to make the other Rangers think that he was dumb. Now that is quality psychology there guys! I always wondered how TaleSpin got it so well. You can blame Binky's eating the sundae and sparkling for blowing the gang's cover right there guys. The Rangers are surrounded by heels as Mr. Fat cuts a brilliant promo:
Mr. Fat: You have squirrel minors in your C-Major!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love real creepy comments that aren't supposed to be real creepy comments as Mr. Fat laughs like a pervert and his heels laugh almost trumps that to end the segment nearly fifteen minutes. Oh man; minus the pathos; that segment was AWESOME...
After the commercial break; we head to the Cat Food Factory downstairs AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as we see some cat food canning going on in the factory at night as we cut to Mr. Fat dancing around on the Cat Walk singing to his new theme song with the Maltese Mouse just to be a dick. HAHA! Or course we pan over as now Mole and Wart have their dirty greasy paws on Binky and Tammy! Wow! Mr. Fat is showing his generous side here since that is gimmick infringement otherwise. The heels clap as it's only Mole that is doing the spot. I guess he drew the longest straw to get the honor of doing the perverted spot. Mr. Fat thanks his public as he calls living in a cat food factory fun; but it is even more so when there are food rodents to feed his canning machine with as we pan over to see the Rangers hanging by their clothes on grab hooks over a conveyer belt. See; this is why you shouldn't dress in drag. It just sets up the scene for your untimely death so to speak. Gadget proclaims that at least they will be together and her together with Monty has got to be really disturbing for me. Chip proclaims that he won't win in the long run and I just cannot take him seriously when he's in a pink dress waving his fist in outrage. Mr. Fat steps on his henchmen like a step furry stool (NOT THAT ONE! HEE HA!) as Blind Mouse and Wart play the role. I guess they drew the short straws on the gimmick allowance case. Mr. Fat gleefully blows Chip off since the Junior league is his dessert and then he pushes the green button which doesn't quite make sense here because the red button is supposed to be the death button on DTVA.
The Rangers get dragged around and Zipper is the only one who gets tied up. Yeah; and Jymn Magon is somehow mean to him?! Ah; the pitfalls of Rescue Ranger fanboyism. It hazard pay as they say when you are ranting on this series. The Rangers swings around for a bit as the Junior Female Squad bite the dirty perverted paws of Mole in the name of girl power everywhere! Sadly; it works because Mole is a bump machine and the girl power message fails because they don't bite Mr. Fat's hands who is the real pervert. Mole bounces like a super ball is up his ass and he destroys the step furry ladder which makes the heels tumble with wussy bumps onto the floor. Tammy and Binky step on Mr. Fat's face in such a wussy fashion that Molly would shin kick Tammy on behalf of females for extreme wussiness.
Tammy puts Binky on the green button and tries to push the red button; but no dice. Geez; you know you are screwed when THAT happens! Finally; she musters enough strength to push the button and the grappling hooks stop on cue as the Ranger swing their bodies in a dirty fashion. Tammy cheers for victory and I betcha Binky stomps up and down and that pushes down on the green button to start it up again. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. Binky must be Molly's friend in TaleSpin judging by her way of screwing Tammy. Even little four-six year olds exchange notes on the playground. The machine restarts as the Junior Rangers try to repush the red button; but Mr. Fat finally does what I wanted him to do all along: Get his dirty perverted paws on some underaged females. WAHOO! Tad is so smart! Tad is so smart! SMRT! I mean...SMART! The Rangers are finally dislodged and end up inside the canning machine as Mr. Fat hears them scream while admiring his perverted pleasures on his captive victims. Now this is more like it Mr. Fat!
Mr. Fat then blows them off because he missed the best part. Sorry; Mr. Fat; but seeing the Rangers fall into the machine was not the best part. You didn't miss anything at all; no siree! Just continue on with being a scumbag as the Senior Rangers are on the conveyer belt bouncing to some wussy bumps and then they panic because Mr. Fat is using the ax choppers to chop his meat. I think that is just a wee bit overkill there guys. I guess Mr. Fat has to keep up the sadism against Gadget if he wants to keep his heel heat batting average up. The Rangers run and dodge as the axes miss by mere inches. Nice to see that we can still have good spots nearly hit like that knowing Eisner's BS&P tactics. The Rangers breathe a sigh of relief as the ax nearly nicks Monty and Dale from behind. Dale proclaims that it never came close to hitting him; so he walks forward and we go to the back shot which shows the dress coming apart where the ax was located. Well; no one accused Dale of being a self-preservationist giant. The Rangers are heading inside the next machine as Chip unties Zipper and they gets the acid wave which leads to them being thrown into the whirlpool bowl of doom!
They go down the middle screaming badly as we cut back to Wart and Blind Mouse holding Binky and Tammy upside down by their ankles in a really cool yet creepy spot. Wow; and they said Molly suffered WORSE danger?! Okay; she did (gun pulled on her twice for starters and cuffed for more) suffer worse as we pan over to Mr. Fat proclaiming that he could corrupt these children (I smell bright idea from a certain wolf/fox hybrid foreshadowing next year's programming....); and cuts an amazing prophetic promo about creating successors to carry his empire. Oh man! That is just amazing foreshadowing by Tad Stones and not even Eisner figured it out until it was too late. Of course; he blows off the suggestion because it's too time consuming; so he orders Wart and Blind Mouse to let go of their ankles. I know one terrorist leader who has the time..wink, wink, nudge, nudge! Tammy and Binky dive into the machine and must have light weight because they manage to join the Rangers about five seconds behind them when they come out of the spin cycle.
So; this all leads to the rodent masher of doom which almost perfectly pays off the entire Fat Cat Stomp song in one fell swoop. If they only changed it to look like Mr. Fat's foot; it would have been absolutely perfect! So; now everyone is forced to run like the wind...a gale forced easterly wind to counter the gale force westerly wind if you catch my drift. Binky is grabbed by Monty so she can stop running which at least it's understandable; but it would be recycled for a bad episode in DARKWING..DUCK which is Easy Come, Easy Grows. Dale asks for an idea and Gadget is fresh out; so Tammy springs into action by ripping off Chip's dress (which I approve) as Mr. Fat is getting ticked off and the urge to create rodent pate is rising. Tammy re-grabs the makeshift dress rope as Chip & Dale are now only in their underpants now. Chip gets the makeshift rope as Tammy finally correct herself to avoid the WRAITH OF THE CHIPPER and Chip thanks her as he invokes the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE on a hexagon bolt sticking into the wall which we all know isn't going to hold for more than a minute. The lighter Ranger climb up without much trouble as Monty gets the Cooking Mama speech from Binky (Did Binky get a job as Cooking Mama's voice from Majesco I wonder); as Zipper helps by pushing on his ass which doesn't appear to be doing much anyway. However; Binky's cheer leading helps Monty onto the rope and Monty thanks her.
When Monty doesn't suck at all; you know that this is an AWESOME episode. Now it's time for Zipper's ten seconds of work and flies up to waste more time and lands on Mr. Fat's nose to invoke the raspberry. Oooooo; I'm so scared of a little blue bottle fly raspberrying on me. NOT! Mr. Fat is PISSED and he wants his heels to kill that disgusting fly as Zipper dodges as many punches as needed in order to finally get Mole and Blind Mouse to invoke the POWER OF THE PUNCHES at each other and they knock themselves out. Mr. Fat is ticked off and the urge to squash fly is rising. Sadly; the makeshift rope is tearing apart at the top as the Rangers are screwed stiff. I told you not to use a bolt head as a rope grabber; but would Chip listen. Noooooo...He has to impress Tammy to get her over see.
Mole tries to MURDER Zipper with the wooden SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT; but Zipper counters with Kit's secret weapon to get Molly to stop tickling his neck: The HAT PULL OF DOOM! HAHA! He drops the hammer just as the makeshift rope snaps and the Rangers tumble onto the belt again which ties them up quite a bit. It's like the old finish from Chapter Four of Unforseen Impact. Too bad there is no one to tickle them afterwards. But squashing them flatter than Sony after announcing their finances will do nicely as a sub. Zipper lands on the floor as Mr. Fat now decides to make Zipper go squish now; but Zipper gets brave and punches Mr. Fat right in the nose good. (Coolhands/Martin/Baloo: YOU CALL THAT A GOOD PUNCH?!) Hey; at least it's not Dukie where squeezing the nose is the order of the day. That allows the Maltese Mouse to fall right into the machine and Mr. Fat panics. Wow! I think that is the first time Zipper saved the day in an episode; albeit in an indirect way though. Mr. Fat then throws Blind Mouse right into the machine and he takes a MAN-SIZED into it with his head. HAHA!
Then Blind Mouse pushes the red button and the Mr. Fat Stomp stops about ten inches short of squashing our heroes. Monty is relieved as Mr. Fat orders his henchmen to jump down and get the statue; but the heels sell fear because it's dark down there remembering to swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (gosh). Mr. Fat then uses the POWER SCREAM OF SUGGESTION to force the heels off the ledge and they fall into the machine. I guess Mepps has been dismissed; or Peter Cullen is doing only one major character per episode. I don't know how the contract lays down for voice talents; so that's an uneducated guess on my part. There is a fight in the horn part of the machine as Mr. Fat is confused and then the Maltese Mouse shows up with Chip and Dale finally out of their goofy dresses. Mr. Fat panics again and demands that they give it to him in begging fashion and the chipmunks sell...for about two seconds as they drop it into the machine again. Yeah; like I'm buying that it was unintentional. Mr. Fat tears his hair as Zipper lands on the green button and pushes it waving goodbye to Mr. Fat as he dives into the machine after it. Sadly; the machine entrance is too thin for Mr. Fat; so the chipmunks stomp on him to get him into the machine. See; make the joke and then pay it off.
And then logic break #2 rears it's ugly head as the females all climb out of the machine the same way Mr. Fat went in. Well; I just knew we couldn't go through an episode without one. Monty also climbs up as he has the Maltese Mouse and then we cut to the end of the ride with the can already made as the heads pop out of the finished cans; with Mr. Fat doing some comic oversells before popping out and then blows off his henchmen to get him out of this thing in lame George Jetson fashion. So we finally go back to Tammy's house outside as we head inside with Mother hoping that they were not too much trouble. You know; I would lie about it because this was too fun not to do again. Monty calls them bonzer princesses as Binky amuses me some more by squeezing onto Dale's nose again. HEE HEE! Dale giggles as Chip proclaims that Tammy is ready to be a Rescue Ranger; but Tammy declines anyway since she has about six more years left in her life to learn about reality. But Chip is still cute and she does a really creepy kiss spot just to amuse me as she drops Chip like a good habit gone wrong. Mother is SHOCKED and somewhat APPALLED by this as everyone else laughs at Chip's expense. HEE HEE! Chip gets up and blushes to finish the episode at 21:13. I think you know what this episode is getting now do you?! There's the second perfect episode right there. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Yeah; it didn't take long for the Rescue Rangers in Volume 1 to go all the way with a perfect episode. It had it all: The Creepy subtext of Tammy having a crush on Chip; Tammy being jealous at Gadget thinking that she's stealing Chip away from her; Binky screwing Dale and Monty over; Zipper actually saving the day for a change; the dreaded Fat Cat Stomp gag paid off perfectly; creepy ankle biting in literal fashion; few logic breaks and of course Chip And Dale dressing up into a corrupted version of Wilma and Betty just to screw each other. Gadget was actually quite a background character in comparison; but she was very good as well. I really enjoyed this episode so much and Tammy is the real deal as a character which sadly got squashed after one episode which is quite sad because Tammy was a dead on perfect character for Kit to have as his girlfriend and of course my most favorite moment was the foreshadowing of Mr. Fat talking about corrupting children to make them carry on his empire. The reason is that it was exactly what Don Karnage wanted to do to Kit and failed. It really points to the fact that the writers were really close even when they were writing completely different series altogether. TMS was almost dead on minus the silly height animation problems with Tammy and Chip as well. Overall; this was outstanding which was badly needed after the previous episode and I'm ready to move on with the next big episode for Rescue Rangers: Flash The Wonderdog which strangely enough became the template for a certain current Disney movie: Bolt. So;
Thumbs way the hell up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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