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The Pound of The Baskervilles
So an entire family is a dog pound?! THAT'S...ummm...odd...
Well; we wind down the last third of Disc one with an episode I have never seen before. So; I'm ready to rant on and be surprised; methinks?!
This episode is written by Eric Lewald. The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: And we return to the second version of the opening sequence again.
We begin this one on a dark and stormy night (UH OH! This is not a good sign for this episode quality) in the middle of a field as the Rangerplane flies in and has to dodge some trees as Chip is reading a book about monsters which I'm sure Dale is scared stiff of. Man; that red balloon Gadget love is using is strong because somehow it doesn't burst during the scuffle with the trees. Chip has his makeshift flashlight on the book as Dale is only slightly scared. I just knew Chip would destroy his work rate somehow. Oh; and he's reading Sureluck Jones because somehow the real Sherlock Jones is copyrighted. I thought Sherlock Jones was public domain? And the puns only work if the setting is an alternative universe; using them in a real world setting more or less is making it look second rate. Apparently; this Jones is taking on a devil dog. So; I guess Hell hound is banned from DTVA after all. Well; at least it's not Nintendo which Woosley had to use Heck Hound for Secret of Mana. I'm sure Seika was laughing in their beer after THAT one.
Monty groans at the lame book as well as Zipper. I guess Peter Cullen is bored or something as Dale pushes on Chip to panic because there is a FREAKIN STORM brewing and Chip no sells him because he's to the good part of the story. Yeah sure Chip. You're just jealous because Dale is more over than you. And of course Chip finally gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as the Rangerplane does an over dramatic sequence with thunder and lightning all around which ends with the plane crashing through an open window which TMS screws up since there was a light at the start from the far shot; and then no light on the near shot when the Rangerplane crashes into the window. Excellent bumps throughout though as we cut into the HAUNTED MANISON OF SCOOBY DOO EPISODES EVERYWHERE as we pan up to the chandelier where the Rangerplane is stuck on top of it while Monty blows off Gadget's landing skills. Well; that would explain Rebecca's flying skills in I Only Have Ice For You doesn't it? I think we know WHO wrote that flight manual too..Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! Gadget pushes the Eject button inside the cockpit and the Rangers eject onto the balloon and then balloon ejects from the plane and they float down. Okay; that makes perfect sense.
So the balloon lands on the floor and the Rangers get off. Chip gets all giddy because this place is like the one in the story. The story is called “The Adventure of the Swelling Dwelling”. Geez; I wonder why that story never sold millions? Perhaps it's because it was mistaken for the “The Adventures of the Smelly Dwelling”. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! And cue the wolf howl just because it's supposed to be a haunted house see. Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (crikey! Does anyone down under other than the late Steve Irwin say that?! Seriously! I want to know..) because it's the hell hound that is a devil dog in Disney's world. I got to admit; BS&P is at least being sensible about not using the word hell in any context. 4Kids would probably call it the Shadow Realm Dog. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Gadget gleefully blows it off because she just has to play Velma and Daffeny all in the same character. Just because the writers of Scooby Doo were on drugs doesn't mean the characters were on said same drugs. Scooby Snacks maybe; but that's not an illegal drug. It's a made up drug like about 99.9% of all things we hyper-reference as drugs. Which is everything like video games, food, soda, mouthwash, my rants..etc..The howl continues and now Gadget is a little frightened while Monty does a more alive version of Shaggy.
And then we got banging on the door which causes Dale to go all Shaggy with the Zoinks spot and everyone bails. Gadget, Monty and Zipper go under the knight armors' foot while Chip and Dale get the bucket of dirty water. Don't you just hate it when THAT happens?! It's always the chipmunks that get all the sick hiding places. And how low on the dignity scale does Dale have to be to think that being Shane Douglas' mop friend is a good friend to have? And of course the door opens and in comes the shaggy dog yelping like a pussy who has such magical power that the doors somehow close on themselves. He runs into the next room on his right as Chip and Dale pop from the bucket of dirty water. But the gang is forced to hide again because the doors shoot open for real and here comes Mr. Monster Heel from Hell packing a shot gun. Okay; I take it back. I do remember seeing this episode and I also remember not being excited about it back in the day. Basically a template for Louie's Last Stand.
...And apparently; that dog has channeled the powers of Plato as he we see that he bit the sicko right on the ass. The guy has a Hitler like mustache and red vest, white shirt, black tie, brown polo pants and black boots. Yeap; classic German Nazi stereotype; minus the voice. Geez; I wonder why we didn't see it in Colonel Spigot hmmm?! And of course he has Ron Stoppable's animal fur sneezing problem (thus the need for Naked Mole Rat who is absolutely hilarious to the point that they even gave him a rap song! Yeah...) as he shoots and destroys a perfectly innocent statue in the process. And naturally he blames the mutt for his trouble like a good heel would. Although; the mutt's is shaggy so he does deserve some fingers pointed at him. Naturally; he takes the left room which is next to the one the mutt was running from making him look stupid as usual. The coast is clear as Monty and Gadget exit the suit of armor through the knee joint which is pretty pointless as we cut back to the bucket of water as Chip and Dale pop up and Dale mocks him for being all wet. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.
Which leads to Chip kicking Dale's ass again as he plops back into the water. And people accuse Rebecca of being such a bitch?! The babyfaces walk over to the balloon which has been popped by the nose that was shot off by the monster heel as Gadget observes the damage (and Dale apparently recovers quickly) and then the SHADOW OF DOOM appears and it's a weird sounding voice as it's the Shaggy Dog of Doom telling them they need to get out of here. And since he's dealing with packed heat; I don't blame him one bit. The Nazi stereotype (How is THAT possible Gregory Weagle? Inquiring minds want to know...) name is Lord Howey who hates animals. Geez; I wonder why as Dale wonders why the dog is here to begin with. The dog is looking for the will as Howey sneezes again and the rodents climb onto the dog's back. The dog bails as Lord Howey is coming from the left hallway sneezing a fit as we cut to outside as the rain is getting more and more intense.
The dog races down the front steps and down the pathway into the forest as he jumps across a bush and log splashing enough water to cause Dale to fly backward and grab onto the tail to amuse me. The dogs runs a little bit and we reach the destination which is a old cottage which looks kind of impressive. The dog goes through the dog door (as usual) and slides in safe but no further bumping happens. The Rangers get off and bail as the dog dries himself in doggie fashion and starts barking. So we pan over a red haired man wearing the goofiest looking outfit I have ever seen. He had patches on his brown pants, a purple bow tie, grey apron, and white/pink sleeved shirt. Geez; He looks like a 1930's version of Howard Phillips. He might be Howard Phillips for all we know. He addresses the dog as McDuff thus making him Scottish by proxy. Why bother since Ducktales have enough Scotts in it as it is for over 100 episodes. I think kids have enough of the Scotts quota for one generational shift. He asks if he found his father's will and the dog whimpers which indicates that McDuff failed.
The man hugs McDuff proclaiming that he did what he had to do because once he gets the will for real; then the manor will be his again. The Rangers hide behind the soap products as the Howard Phillips gay look-a-like tries to reference his brother; but the banging on the door beckons. Howard opens the door and it's Howey who is all wet as he threatens to warn him to keep McDuff out of his house. And he has brought the police with him just to make him look like a smart coward. Yeah; because somehow, a shotgun cannot keep his sniffles at bay. The police officer informs Howard that McDuff will be taken away (despite the owner's protests) tomorrow morning because he needs a truck. Why not now?! And why doesn't he have a truck WITH HIM? Why not the car? Oh I get it; because we need the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT to make this episode work silly. What a way to make Howey look weak willed as a heel right out of the starting gate. McDuff goes over to the hiding Rangers because he need to get inside and find the will; and somehow make sure Lord Howey isn't there. Monty has zero problems wanting to invoke violence on Howey and considering his sickness; it might be easier than watching Home is Where The Heart Is and writing about it for a half hour. Chip proclaims that he'll scare them away using the BOOK OF SECRET STUPIDITY; just like Sureluck Jones in “The Adventures of the Ghoul Next Door”. Oh; that's the one with Michael Jackson as the guest star. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm....Gadget has that look of “Are you reading porn or something there Chipper?”
So we get thunder and snoring (oh geez Disney Captions; that really writes itself there...) inside the house as we head to inside Lord Howey's bedroom as it's the classic Victorian look for him as Howey is snoring worse than my dad does on a bad day. There is some metal rattling and Howey (in white nightgown and night cap) wakes up right away. Now; I think this light sleeper has bigger issues than mere sneezing on the sight of fur methinks. He might be one of those projection bigots I see on Youtube who pick on fur suit fans because they know they can bait them into an emotional flame war. See Anti-Disney Movement. He goes back to sleep and more metal rattles waking him up..and then he blows it off as his imagination. If that is his imagination; no wonder he dresses up like a violation of Godwin's Law. More rattling and now he's paranoid as he looks at himself in the mirror. Geez; Howey, you're not Don Karnage, get over yourself. You are just too ugly to be doing such a cool thing. Now he's blaming McDuff again (yeah; blame it on Homer's favorite beer; that's REAL smart there) swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (blasted!) as the ugly painting of the gay version of himself hanging on the wall turns around at 45 degrees and the dog howls in the night as he is scared stiff again.
Then the drawers on the dresser start opening and closing. Let's see: We got Idol Rich climax, I Only Have Ice For You focus character and Louie's Last Stand plot line all rolled into one episode. Yeah; this episode is seriously overbooked now. And it's good old “I'm going to wet the bed” Eric Lewald writing it. And of course it's the flash of light going through the gay curtains that causes Howey to hide underneath the covers. Somehow that is apporos for this character and not in a good way I might add. Howey calls it just the wind as we cut over to behind the magical gay curtain to find Monty and Gadget using the FURANCE PUFFER OF DOOM. Monty wants plan two as we cut to Chip and Dale walking on the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) which so happens to be the same ones. And then the spotlight is on the wall (green/blue lightning effects in effect) as the dreaded AUSSIE STEREOTYPE SHADOW OF DOOM expands. We know this because it's Monty doing the shadow with Zipper on top and McDuff gives sound effects with his paws while Chip and Dale plays with the chains. Gadget has the flashlight which proves one thing: Zipper is one lazy fly.
The Aussie Iron Giant Stereotype~ expands more and Howey screams in lame fashion (like all Nazi stereotypes do) and runs out of the bed towards the sliding painting (Now who was responsible for that?) as the Rangers bail behind the curtains again. Howey takes the paints and demands that the Iron Aussie Stereotype show himself. Good luck doing that; I cannot get Monty to unsuck and unblow; let alone show himself. He basically destroys the room and then ends up getting tangled by the gay curtains. You just knew this heel was a born homophobic bigot if I ever saw one. The Rangers pop out and run out of the room from the distraction; but Dale takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the fallen dresser drawer. Well; I just knew he would make an effort not to suck as Chip has to grab Dale to get away; but Howey untangles himself and looks around...before going back to bed. WHAT THE HELL---?! He clearly saw them on the sweep; and he completely ignores the fact that they were wearing doll like clothes?! Logic break #3 for the episode right there and I'm shocked Lewald made just three of those in eight minutes.
He's usually to three within the first three minutes of an episode. Or maybe I'm confusing him with Mark Edens. And so the Rangers reunite and they are ready for the big scare with McDuff not so sure of this working as there is the FLOUR OF PORNO in the background (helpfully labeled with XXX just to help the mocking even more). I think you know what happens next (Short Order Crooks Anyone?) as Howey closes the red curtains on his bed because somehow that makes him as invisible as the All Powerful Oz. If only that happened with Kevin Nash....And we even get the contrived build up for the spot as Chip and Dale stick pencils (!!!) in McDuff's mouth and they have that Two Second drying paint used in Bringing Down Babyface. Must be Larson & Gary's first roided house product. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man; those two losers keep coming back no matter how much Bushroot MURDERS them! Zipper of course does his ten seconds of work by opening up the flour and gets sprayed with it while opening the bag with his mouth. See; this is what happens when you do dirty stuff like that kids.
So we head back inside the bed of Howey as the Nazi stereotype is shivering far worse than Hitler probably did when he was meeting with the gay marching band at his school back in the 1900's. Then there is growling and Howey is stupid enough to act brave in such a lame fashion that he opens the curtains and it reveals the POLAR MCDUFF OF DEATH~! Can you spot the animation mistake here? Yeah; the pencils look like real tusks despite the fact that pencils are made of wood and don't bend easily without wetness and pressure. This break and logic is presented by How It's Made. And so Howey's fear reaction is absolutely lame as he runs off and the chase is on...and you know it's TMS animating when they do the old Dragon Ball Z run on the walls spot. I mean; come on guys! Toei hasn't got plans for DBZ for another year for goodness sakes. The run continues on as Howey runs out of the room and nearly slips on the gay carpet but hangs on. Man; he must really hate homosexuals to make them look THIS bad in a children's cartoon.
The Rangers pop out of the closet (Oh man; this stuff just writes itself) as we continue with the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MAD SHAGGY SCOOBY EDITION~! Bowey is begging for mercy at this point as he trips onto something and crashes into the lamp and table with crosses on it; which is turn unhinges the sword and shields from the wall and the swords land on each side of Howey while the shield bonks him on the head. Geez; that was the first really good spot of the episode and we're over nine minutes into this thing. And now Howey is still at the mercy of the Polar McDuff who manages to sidestep Howey to get into position. It's not a logic break; but pointless anyway. I guess McDuff is smart enough not to bite him on the ass for obvious and not so obvious reasons as Howey pleads for mercy as the man in the cottage is Roger as he will not send the dog away and let them live in the big house. Why do I suspect that this is going to create a huge logic break or contrived spot later?
Howey admits that Roger and McDuff are in the will from their late father and why is Roger's brother so Nazi-like? And Roger looks like a Jew? When are the writers going to realize what happened to Kit was NOT some made up story from me? Sadly; the animal sneeze spot is back which destroys half of the flour of porno from McDuff. Next time: PAINT THE FREAKIN DOG! Howey prays on the spot..for about three seconds as Howey gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY (as if McDuff's barking and hyper jumping around wasn't enough) and grabs the sword as he wants some fun and games. We cut to the Rangers running and hiding behind the broken lamp as we get ready to fight between McDuff and Howey because if a shotgun cannot put the mutt down; than a sword will do nicely. I think Howey needs to find some way to CURE that sneeze before he starts MURDERING pets. And it takes about thirty seconds for McDuff to get it as he breaks the pencil (Something Kit would do in Part Three which Disney BS&P cut because making kids snap without a second thought is cool right?) as he is backed to a corner and Howey proclaims that he'll see what this ghost is about and that ends the segment nearly ten and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we see Howey swiping the sword as McDuff backs up some more and then the Rangers spring into action carrying the big ass thumb tack (because a big ass baby bottle is not badass enough) and they roll it like a wheel and it strikes the sword slash of Howey causing him to wobble. Okay; that was a neat spot. So McDuff runs off as the Rangers hop onto his back again and I suspect now the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE is on again. All Howey needs is to dress up like a ghost and Hana Barbera would have a good lawsuit on their hands. Or maybe not. Howey calls McDuff a mongrel and that has to be the lamest form of projection I have ever heard. Something tells me Eric Lewald..Nah; couldn't be. He wouldn't imply that Walt was a Nazi now would he? After all the debunking; you would think Eisner would be smart enough not to let writers imply stuff like that in shows now would he?! Sadly; he has to slide on the gay carpet and the Ranger fly off and takes some really good bumps in the process in front of a large mirror. Dale gets off death reference #1 as Chip goes into his book because Flight of the Snowduck wasn't enough to overbook this episode. This time it is the Adventures of the Doctored Watson. I wonder if this is the same guy who keeps giving me bad looks at the bus stop lately. See; the story indicates that Sureluck Jones found a secret passage by moving the bottom of the mirror frame. Geez; considering the conveniently placed mirror frame; I wonder if Chip is actually INSIDE one of his stories. And you thunk that MONTY would be the one telling these BS stories?! And of course Chip pushes hard on the bottom right of the mirror frame and the wall slides to the left. They all get inside before the door squashes them back as Howey runs in with his sword and proclaims that they vanished like ghosts. So...
...we logically enter the scary cave (green/blue tint light in effect) as Chip proclaims that this is just like the story called “The Adventures of the Conan Doily”. Geez; Disney is just ASKING for a lawsuit here? Just ask Funimation and the whole Case Closed nonsense. Dale does me proud by telling Chip to shut up with the mystery stuff and Monty defends Chip. Yes; take a picture of that. Monty defends Chip; a guy he blows off because Chip blows off his BS stories while Monty blows off Chip's deduction. It is a special out of character day indeed. McDuff is near the mirror and you can see out of it. That's one weird ass logic break there: So Howey cannot see them due to the mirror; but the Rangers can see him like a bunch of perverts? Dale of course plays on the spot by mocking Howey for all that is worth by mocking him and of course Howey doesn't notice and looks under the carpet. Sorry; I do not buy this as some form of him catching the “gay” no matter how much sense it “might” make. Monty grabs him away (Why bother? The logic break prevents any blowing of cover anyway) as McDuff proclaims that they are trapped as long as Howey is making lame faces at himself. Chip then turns into Sureluck Chip and he's on the case to find the will by morning. I don't understand why that is so important: The police cannot find McDuff in there and the law of Tad Stones indicates that they are more stupid than the heels and babyfaces combined; so why bother coming out? Unless there is no air in that passageway. Gadget and Dale are flustered at all this as Chip invokes the magnifying glass (HOLY CRAP?! Where does he keep THAT thing?) and the game is afoot. They go down the passageway as Dale blows off Chip's foot games. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there Dale.
So we continue on as they haven't found any clues yet as Chip is SHOCKED because secret passages are full of clues. Umm; if they are secret, then finding any clues is few and far between. Gadget and Monty bring out the nails and chains; probably to MURDER Chip with and break his magic lens. When even Monty sounds reasonable; you know Gadget is an innocent sadist. Dale then comes over and insults Chip with the Sureshuck and if you cannot guess what clue he has found then you have no business reading this rant. He finds a spider of course and gets jumpy as Dale laughs his ass off. I betcha he bonks Dale on the head (double bonus if it's with the magnifying glass) for that..I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good. He even adds some evil to it by tapping him on the shoulder before bonking him. Too bad TMS blew the spot as Zipper flies up to the wall and notices some writing on a gargoyle statue which looks so ancient that it's not even part of the English dialog. We got a O with a down arrow, division sign with two lines, written L's and S's and an upside down candle. Sounds like Lezard code to me. No wonder Mystina is pissed off at him.
Zipper goes over to Monty who asks about the message and Zipper proclaims that it means bring light to the darkness. WHAT?! So Zipper can translate Lezardian to English? Then again; this is the same fly who made three human beings trip with his foot so that is apporos. Gadget wonders what that means and Chip points to the candle holder with candle on the right side and he gets it from another story called: “The Adventures of the Wicked Wick of The Wax”. Geez; is this some stupid pun title episode rib on Jymn Magon or something? Gadget is willing to let Chip slide this time as McDuff climbs on his hind legs to give a boost and the other Ranger climb on his back as they do the human chain spot as Gadget gets to pull on the candle holder while Chip does NOTHING ...well; not quite. He's still reading from his stupid book. And while I'm on his case: He actually reads from the book which really hurts my cred so to speak. Gadget pulls on the holder while McDuff runs a bit which opens the secret door (which is painted to look like a brick wall I should note). Chip continues reading and his words cause a trapdoor to open underneath McDuff (like I'm believing that the door did it...) and McDuff is forced to hold on for dear life with the other Rangers.
Everyone climbs up and Monty blows Chip's lack of speed reading. Oh sod off you Aussie Stereotype! Dale is impressed by this as Chip acts cocky and calls Dale a dummy. You just knew Chip would turn into asshole Bumblelion soon enough. The Rangers are go into the office as the Rangers look around while Chip hyper-references Sureluck's stories again. Okay; I'm calling the ending right now: Roger is Sureluck Jones; or the writer behind Sureluck Jones. The hot poker: The Adventures of The Hardheaded Hottentot. Boy; that one was a mouthful there Mr. Lewald. The doctor's bag: The Adventures of the Soda Pop Surgeon. Okay; that one is a pretty cool story that someone from The Replacements should steal. And then in one of the those HOLY CRAP moments; Chip lands on a manuscript which has BLOOD on it. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT MOMENT! So; it's official: there was blood in DTVA after all before Gargoyles. I think those goth fanboys owe us lowly fanboys of those dancing animals an apology here. And it is from: The Adventures of the Mysterious Mystery Writer. Oh man; if that doesn't already imply who the writer is? And McDuff confirms that Roger and Howely are Lord Baskerville sons and the late Lord Baskerville is the writer (under a ghost name no less) of Sureluck Jones. I lose $100 from myself since I bet $100 for it to be Roger.
Dale is unimpressed by all this and wants to find the will as Chip steals the detective hat and cape from the statue who so happens to be wearing purple underpants with white spots on them. Chip puts them on to replace his fedora hat and then he gets the LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLARITY because he knows where the will is and he is about some three inches beside the will. So where does he point: behind the portrait on the top shelf from the story: “The Adventure of the Will That Wouldn't”. Somehow; that must be Kit's swan song. POW! OUCH! Ummmm....Monty checks behind the portrait of Sureluck Jones and finds nothing...DUH!! Chip is SHOCKED at all this; but he is standing on the will; so Dale invokes the Kit Cloudkicker yank spot from The Idol Rich and Chip takes a wussy bump as a result. Dale presents the will to McDuff and McDuff reads it. The Lord of Baskerville is Howard just to amuse me in an ironic way (since I called ROGER Howard earlier in the episode.) as everyone cheers in finally getting the will. Now all they got to do is get out of the damn house to the cottage to present it to Roger by morning and Howey is screwed stiff. So we cut back to the mirror door as it opens and the Rangers all pop out with the will in their hands ala Hoppo after being carried to Mount Von Sue Me Wuz. POW! OUCH! Ummm...However; they turn around the bend (after Chip tells Dale not to make any noise which Dale makes just to piss him off) and Howey grabs the will around the corner. HAHA! That was a pretty smart move there from the Nazi stereotype. He shakes off the chipmunks (umm; where are Gadget and Monty?) and then proclaims that Roger is forever screwed into not knowing and the manor will be his forever as he puts the paper will near the candle flame to burn it to ashes. He manages to start the burning on cue as the segment ends right there almost fifteen and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we continue with the paper 451 burning from Howey as he proclaims that Roger's dreams of owning the manor are up in smoke (AND THAT BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, MOVIE RATING and DARKWING....DUCK EPISODES! But it's good for killing Nazi's or so I heard.)..and of course the wind blows the candles out. You know you are screwed when THAT happens. And naturally we cut to the Rangers opening a window with McDuff on bottom to counter. Howey does his promo proclaiming that he can destroy the will at any time. Umm; without an open flame, I somehow doubt it. And I doubt that they cannot stop you either. Nice Christian Cross in the background there guys as McDuff is PISSED OFF and pounces on Howey which is a smart move considering that he is allergic to animals. This guy must be Ron Stoppable's grandfather. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm.....too bad Ron can't use the Drakken “Say My Name” spot on me since I KNOW HIS NAME!
He throws away McDuff in a neat spot and then goes after the will and gets it...but the hand of irony strikes again as he begins sneezing. He sneezes around and bumps into another suit of armor which causes the helmet to fall right on his head which in term pops the will from him. The Rangers grab it and try to bail; but the ninja throwing helmet stops that one as they take another MAN-SIZED bump. Howey calls the rodents loathsome as he grabs the will with the male rodents grabbing onto it. Monty asks Chip about any Sureluck tactics and I betcha Chip comes up empty. I check the DVD....He sezs nothing right now as Zipper gets it and Howey tells him to give it to him. Wow; I can see that he can take a punch; but he is set up as McDuff invokes the BITE OF ASS on Howey's ass. I called that one before it happened. The will drops with the Rangers and they land on their feet. Chip tells McDuff to get Roger and McDuff sells and runs away as Howey sells it as if he has deserted them. The Rangers are trapped against the dead end as the Rangers put on their angry face to stand their guard.
Zipper finally springs into action and pulls on the Nazi's mustache in the name of good taste, decency and human rights everywhere. Zipper continues to annoy him as the Rangers bail with the bail right into the hallway while with considerable effort slams the door in Howey's face. You just know that heel sucks when a door can stop him. Monty asks Chip Surejock...I mean Sureluck for any clues to save themselves. It's clearly the goofy room as Chip decides to hide with the will as the door bangs hard and it is brought down by Howey. How lame can he be when he cannot even drop a door down properly. Howey walks in and starts destroying the place wanting their heads. For what? To send to a head-shrinker or something? Their heads are too small for that you lame Nazi stereotype. I never thought that Monty would be the better stereotype than anyone in this series; but Howey has stepped up to the plate big time. Of course the Rangers are hiding in the stuffed animal heads in some sort of irony that Eric seems to like and I don't as Howey proclaims that he will find them sooner or later. Gadget has the will behind her as the rodents all hide further as Howey walks away and Gadget makes the fatal error of closing the globe (WHY ERIC?! WHY MAKE HER DUMB?!) and Howey notices it right away. Thankfully; Dale sneezes on cue and the moose let's out it's tongue and Dale is caught between a tongue and a hard Nazi. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...
Yeah; like Dale was sneezing by “accident” there as Howey goes after Dale instead. I guess even Eric respects Mr. Fat's gimmick which puts him about one step above the other writers by proxy. Howey stuffs his hand in the moose's mouth (EWWWWWW!) and Dale apparently gets hand raped by Howey! HOLY CRAP?! That was rather disturbing there Eric as Dale bails inside and laughs in bad fashion. He bounces right into the Moose head (oh man; this stuff just writes itself) and that causes the heads to fall down and the rodents run around blind as mice. Well; one of them is a mouse so it's halfway apporos. Howey grabs the fox head with Monty and thinks he's going to MURDER him; but the ram's head rams the horns right into the back of his legs dropping the fox head. More blind running as Howey steps back and knocks into the buffalo head and it drops on him. He also destroys a glass something that doesn't shatter and is probably forgotten as the fox and ram heads have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the lodge as the heads finally pop off to reveal Chip and Monty. Well; good that silliness is over so let's bring the packed heat on guys!
Howey trips over the chair in wussy fashion making Kit look even cooler when he trips over the coat hanger with Molly in It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck. The buffalo head finally pops and now Howey is PISSED! And he takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the chandelier in a really funny spot. So he finally goes for his shotgun (about damn time too!) as the fun and games are over. So we logically return to inside the cottage as Roger apparently has finished the laundry judging by the cleaniness of the room as he is angry and he won't let them take McDuff as McDuff goes through the dog door barking up a storm. McDuff whimpers to him as Roger wonders what is going on and then hears a gunshot which automatically makes him take off his apron and throws it into the wash. Man; Roger is PISSED off now and they head for the house as we get the scene changer and head back to the shooting gallery room...I mean the room of doom as Howey is now shooting at everything that is nailed down and even ruins Sureluck Jones' cape. Okay; now Howey is redeeming himself good.
The Rangers bail as Howey shoots at everything in the room except for the Rescue Rangers. I guess if you cannot hit them accurately; go for the indirect crush kill spot. It worked well with Simba didn't it? The chair does a whirlwind spot as Zipper dodges a bullet and it destroys a painting and the power of suggestion even destroyed half of the guys pants in the panting; but somehow the shoes, socks and underwear (white with red spots) remain undamaged. Now that's a Magic Bullet! AHHAHAHAHAHA! Not so funny is that Howey shoots at the globe and blasts the top of the world open. Which is home to a million cigars and the will and last Gadget testament. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...And lookie; he has lit some of the cigars too. This is PERFECT for him now. Howey drops the gun with glee and grabs the will when Gadget hanging on to it like a spider monkey. Sadly; she gets shaken off into the cigars like Eisner shaking off the notion that you can make new stars and get them over. Of course Roger and McDuff finally appear as Roger demands answers. Forget the answers; GRAB THE DAMN WILL FROM HIM AND YOU WIN PROFITS BABEE! Howey blows off his late father because Roger was always his favorite. Geez; I wonder why. Maybe if you didn't dress like a Nazi and have a knack for trying to MURDER dogs and rodents, maybe you would have gotten in better graces with him.
So; he proclaims that he'll destroy the will forever and force him into servitude or live on the streets with the mutt. So; Roger was his slave all along?! I thought the cottage was independent from the manor? I guess that explains all the laundry he was doing; though why do it about two miles away is a bit over the top in term of breaking logic here..and of course just to break the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT even more; the police will be here to collect the dog. Why bother if Roger is going to be thrown out anyway? I wish Eric would have made it more clear in his plotting by making the house adjecent to the manor so then the thing would be clearer. Thankfully; McDuff has had enough and he pounces on the will and goes through the glass window and shatters it. Can you spot the obvious logic break here? He doesn't bleed despite us seeing BLOOD STAINS on the manuscript! McDuff runs away; but the police officer who doubles as the dog catcher shows up with the butterfly net captures McDuff and McDuff drops the will. Well; at least the officer isn't mean and just wants to carry McDuff to a nice ride. Everyone files out of the house and Roger makes it to the will first and grabs it which of course is on the mud road despite being no where NEAR the road of mud. Roger calls for the dogcatcher and tries to run as the dogcatcher truck drives away with McDuff; but Howey tackles him down into the mud and the will drops leading to the thrilling who will get it first.
My money is on Howey since it's always the heel that gets it first in these situations. Gadget is wondering what Sureluck would do; but Chip blows him off because he knows what a Rescue Ranger would do. Considering that his batting average is about the same in both forms; I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic. Chip goes over as the two humans fight in the mud and Chip slides the will out of their hands as it flies into the air and then Monty and Gadget use a fern (Steve Cobert is going to freak out if this works) to slingshot Dale into the air as he grabs the will and lands onto the front of the truck. Howey and Roger go after the truck as Dale presents the full will to the police officer driving the truck and he reads it despite Howey's protests and attempt to look cool (okay the spot was cool; so shoot me) as he grabs on the back of the truck while eating mud. The truck finally stops and Roger pleads for the officer not to take the dog; and the officer agrees with him as he opens the door and let McDuff free now that Roger is the owner of Baskerville Hall as he was supposed to get from the start.
Howely pounds his fists in the mud doing the lamest protesting I have ever heard and thank goodness this episode is almost over as we cut to the roof with the Rangerplane in the morning as the Rescue Rangers are on top and Chip proclaims that they solved the mystery in Howard Baskerville style. More like Scooby Doo style minus the ghost unmasking. Gadget correctly calls it Rescue Ranger thinking as Monty complains about not having cheese for two days just to annoy me as McDuff arrives with the secret manuscript of doom which of course has no bloodstains on it! I think we are up to nine or so logic breaks now. McDuff drops it down and it squashes Chip in a wussy fashion as Chip is forced to pop out. Monty proclaims that Sureluck has come out on top again...and thus Chip is now on bottom as Dale would love him to be. AHHAHAHAHA! BONK! OUCH! Ummm...The other Rangers laugh at his expense and that ends the episode at 21:08. And we get the second version of the ending for old time sake. Not as bad as I thought it was back then; but the logic break and contrived sledgehammer of plot dragged this episode way down. Still; Howey was tres funny; although probably for all the wrong reasons. ** ½ (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I was wrong in not seeing this episode; because I've seen it way too many times to be healthy and felt it was crappy in the past. Today; it's not so bad due to mostly the logic breaks out of the wazoo; the overbooking of plot lines when really only one or two will do (After all the whole Chip being Sureluck thing was sort of an afterthought) and of course the lame villain heel who would have been nothing if not for the bad Nazi jokes I was making on him. He really didn't get his act together until he packed the shotgun near the end. This was supposed to be a Chip focused episode; but Chip really wasn't doing anything special other than his usual Rescue Ranger stuff and it looked like a total team effort more than anything else. McDuff was good though; sort of a Plato lite and Roger was nothing until he got physically involved with Howey and than he looked pretty good. I still don't get the point of waiting for the police truck when the police could have easily taken the dog at the start and seemed to be inserted in the beginning to make sure that he was in the story. I would have waited until near the end; have Howey phone the police and then bring him in with the truck to make the whole thing less contrived. In the end; an average episode at best. So;
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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