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Parental Discretion Retired
If only we could...
….retire Monty from this series; then this series would be beyond awesome. So we get another Monty focused episode and this time his father shows up which of course is Cheddarhead Charlie. Yeah; that'll draw money! Snicker...snicker. Well; let the pain begin so to speak.....
This episode is written by Mark Edens (which is a really bad sign right off the bat). The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: And we return to the first version of the opening sequence again.
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (oh boy; we ARE in trouble!) and we zoom in to the dining area (and why would there be a hammock in a dining room? I guess Monty is expecting house guests or something) as the Rangers are sitting down waiting for Monty as he throws out various international object to find the...wait for it....scrapbook. Funny how that works today since scrap booking is so in the trend these days. No wonder people think the marketers are dumb. I was hoping for that skull gator mouth to come to life and pierce Monty's heart; but I doubt that very seriously. Anyhow; Monty presents the scrapbook of Cheddarhead Charlie. Oooo...Dig that kooky word play. See; Charlie likes Cheddar heads and...Aw forget it! Vince Russo isn't watching this show anyway. And it's a red book which is the sign of dirty lies and BS stories. Kind of fits Monty well doesn't it?! And I betcha he's an Aussie Stereotype too!
Chip and Gadget completely ignore him while blushing at each other. I see the date is soon coming methinks. If they just showed that the entire episode; this would be a ***** episode easily. I would watch it, even on reruns for 22 minutes straight. And of course, Monty ruins the whole moment by slapping the book onto the table creating dust for them to cough on. Good work Monty; you just made millions of Rescue Ranger fans want to stick needles into their Monty dolls to see if you die from them voodoo style. I hope you are proud of yourself. Apparently; he goes around the world twice every leap year which has to be the most absurd BS “fact” I have ever heard from him. And he's coming to visit him which I'm sure that I'm looking forward to. NOT! He then shows B&W photos of his dad which paint him as a toothless drunk seeing offensive stereotype. For goodness sakes Mark; you are burying the elder BEFORE he shows up?! Man; I'm not two minutes in this episode; and I'm starting to like Whistlestop Jackson and Aunt Louise even more than I ALREADY do.
The final picture is more respectable which shows an airplane with Charlie on the side of the front wheels. This maybe the only time Tad has shown any respect to TaleSpin. And TaleSpin was in production when this show was airing for the two of you who care about that sort of thing. And there are more pictures and he still seems too drunk to the gills. No wonder Monty is so screwed: He always had cheese with his wine. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm..stupid Mr. Hardcore. And you know it's a special episode when it's DALE who gets the first golly of the episode at just a little over two minutes! Chip of course is giddy because they want to meet this drunken father of Monty's. And judging by their looks; it's not to send him to detox. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Monty proclaims (in Peter Cullen's voice; I'm sure this ends after the first 13 episodes since I am doing Disney Channel previews episodes on the DVD at this point) that he'll be at Pier 13 and that ends the scene. So we go to the foggy docks AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) as we see a dock which looks like a version of Higher....For...Hire's docks a year later. Seriously; I did a double take when I saw that.
Anyhow; we go to the fish bar (I believe from Creep in The Deep) as the Ranger enters from the tidal wave that splashes them in. Okay; that was a neat spot; but I fear this episode is going to get all Spongebob SquarePants on us like Creep in the Deep. Naturally a fish is inside Monty's chest and the Disney writers are so keen to make Monty strong that he no sells the fish tickling him inside. See; here's why Monty isn't getting over: If he's so tough then tickling should be his only real weakness. Kit has it, Molly has it, even Drake has it...but Monty? Noooooo...he has to be super mouse awesome baby! Monty fishes the fish and proclaims that Charlie likes seafood and this is the best in town. Somehow; that's only half BS out of him. It's not the best; but certainly very creepy. We pan over to the table as we see a bunch of lobsters and crabs who one of them is probably a future Mr. Karbs judging by the evil MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH looks eating fish with lemons. Now why didn't lemons be a part of the finish in When Mice Were Men? Dale mocks the bull with Lemon Pio all day long and yet they had to make Monty strong in THAT one to forget the finish should have used lemons?
Then the Rangers are SHOCKED to see a shrimp hiccup in the wine glass and Chip proclaims that the seafood has gone bad. Yeap; another veiled alcohol reference. Probably a sign of Charlie's drinking problems and Monty's screw you attitude. Monty blames it on the low tide. I think I would blame it on the fact that Charlie keeps enabling the crowd and therefore alienates the mass audience. And then as Gadget takes some seaweed; I finally find the real reason why people think Spongebob SquarePants sucks eggs as I see Spongebob SquarePant's grandfather (naked no less) wanting to sponge a meal off the Rangers while hiding behind a rope and annoying Zipper. HOLY CRAP?! I think Mark Edens has a legit lawsuit on his hands here. Now all we need is a pineapple and we can finally prove that Nickalodeon ripped off Rescue Rangers for good. Monty rightfully blows him off (you know you are hosed when THAT happens) and the Rangers sit down at the table; waiting for Charlie. And then a female starfish who looks like a dead ringer to Wilma with the red hair and white apron asks for their order and Monty goes with the seaweed salad, kelp suzettes on a half shell (YAY! More mocking TMNT that fails badly) and a side of blue cheese for Monty. Oh COME ON Monty! Didn't you ASK the other Rangers what they wanted; or is this a two mouse meal?
Dale decides to finally sit down and it's a live clam as Dale is playing rodeo stampede with it because the green faced clam is scared. Chip proclaims that the clam is funny. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments as Gadget wonders how a funny clam sounds like as Wilma Starfish returns with the meals proclaiming that a cat had assaulted the clam. The cat is underwater out by the old fishing pier and if you cannot tell who he is within thirty seconds you have no business reading this rant. The clam jumps up to a pile of boxes and starts clucking like a rooster which Wilma Starfish orders it to clam up. Yeah; that was soooooo funny....NOT! Monty and Gadget exchange notes on this fishy story (but not as BS as Monty's stories of course) as Dale puts on his lobster bib; just to be Dale. Chip thinks it's time to go check this out as Dale puts the salt to his meal and then throws the salt shaker over his shoulder which shatters off-screen. Okay; that was funny as Dale tries to eat his meal in one gulp; but Chip takes it away and calls him a dummy. I know we got a mystery to solve; but let Dale EAT his well earned meal for a change. You're starting to become Drake with Luanchpad's weight issues now.
Dale throws the bib down in disgust and storms towards Chip as I wait with baited breath for him to start some Chipmunk Wrestling Entertainment~! And of course; the lobsters of doom stop them in their tracks along with the calm. WHAT THE HELL IS THEIR PROBLEM?! The crab takes the shell and throws it onto the chipmunk like a Frisbee. What is the point of this guys?! Oh; I get it...It's to start the fight between the Aussie Stereotype and the crab just to make Monty into super mouse again. Guys; this is why Rescue Rangers didn't deliver as promised: They tried too hard to get Monty over who wasn't getting over because the gimmick was hamstringing him. Monty stomps forward as the chipmunks and Zipper try to stop him (YAY!) as Gadget proclaims that we have to meet Cheddarhead Charlie...and of course the saloon doors open and the lobster guards go flying as Charlie arrives with his goofy blue anchor symbol gym bag and he has that drunk look to grope Gadget at around the 4:47 mark of the DVD. Oh man; please go to Mr. Fat now; this is going to be terrible I just know it.
Charlie cuts the lamest promo yet and of course he's voiced by Jim Cummings as Monty and Charlie do probably the funniest secret handshake I have ever seen not involving a hand. Yeah; it was cute. Not sensible or anything; but cute. Now I know why Jim Cummings got the Monty job: he and Charlie are twins which is creepy. Not wrong or illegal or anything...just a wee bit creepy for me. The crab blows it off as disgusting. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. OH MY GOD! Charlie actually called them rednecks! I thought that word was a BS&P no-no on children's television. I wonder if this is the episode where the dammit came from. We'll know by the end of this episode as Charlie runs off-screen as Monty goes to the fourth wall proclaiming that Dad taught him everything he knows. Man; that is like inviting death there. Maybe his mother should have stepped in; but I'm not sure about those family relationships there so I'll keep it to myself. Chip runs in to ask him to stop because they have a mystery to solve; but Charlie blows him off because he has to teach the crab some manners. Considering that the crab only did a Frisbee spot; I think he has decent manners which I cannot say the same for Charlie.
Charlie drops the sack on Chip which drops him on his butt just to annoy me. Oh; and those purple gloves remind me of an Aussie stereotypical version of The Undertaker 1994ish. So he does the spit hand spot to annoy me and they play the dumb sparring round as the lobsters bail as Charlie misses the claw shots; but gets his tail caught. Oh man; this guy is a wuss. At least fake it so he can take a punch; even Jamayla Jake is smart enough to do THAT at least. When you are worse than Jake you have been hosed big time. We get the off-screen as Monty tells him to watch the right hook and we get the nasty thud sound even though there is no chance in hell that a claw could do THAT shot in any sane universe and Charlie goes flying and takes a wussy bump into the naked grandfather of Spongebob SquarePants. Man; no wonder Spongebob is so hated; his grandfather was a bigger pussy than HE ever was. So Charlie grabs Spongeguard (had to get it in somehow) who is full of water and throw it at the heel making sure to force the Rangers to jump and thus be more over than anyone else in the episode.
The crab gets hit off-screen with a wussy bump and then it's the Tarzan spot from Charlie which doesn't amuse me because he doesn't screw up. The crab calls this unfair and I agree with him as Charlie jumps on his back and ties his eye nerves up which blinds him. Okay; that is interesting psychology there as the crab uncles right there. Man; that is one wussy crab there...He would be perfect as Mr. Krabs. He probably is Mr. Krabs for all we know. Monty and Gadget cheer him on but the lobster do the cheap run in and now Chip unties the rope and drops the net on them as Charlie does some lame dusting hat off spot to annoy me. And as I speak; Whistlestop Jackson is becoming monster over by sheer force of will. And then the tide rolls in (Wow; that is weird since it was supposed to be low tide already and yet it doesn't go into the place until about three minutes later.) which washes the heels out; but the babyfaces are all right. Oh and Charlie is so nice he even gives Chip his fedora hat back. How sweet of him?! NOT!
Charlie goes all cocky on us as Chip is getting more annoyed by the second and I don't blame him one bit as Monty presents his Rescue Rangers to him. And Charlie completely blows them off for being inexperienced and calling Zipper too little. Man; Zipper just gets no respect and Queenie gave no quarter to Zipper which appears in the very next rant I'll be doing actually. Monty then introduces Gadget and she blushes while Charlie goes absolutely berserk ala Cheese Addiction. I never thought that Gadget Addiction from the fans would be referenced to this drunk asshole; but here it is. Man; no wonder the furry fans never got respect. He kisses Gadget's hand and now Chip is PISSED! And I do mean PISSED! And unlike most times; the fans and I actually AGREE with him getting PISSED! Charlie goes back to Chip on the case and Chip is mad as hell because he thinks Charlie is disrespecting their skills (and I don't blame him); but Dale chimes in with the story of turning clams into chickens. Well at least Dale wants to get this one as over as I want it to be over. We head towards the saloon doors as everyone minus Chip leaves while Charlie references his BS story on a band of New Zealand oysters. Oh man; even Monty has better BS stories than this clown as he orders Chip to grab his bags and Chip is PISSED! I think after all that you can clearly see the difference between Jackson and Charlie as night and day. And why I have sympathy for Jackson and not Charlie.
So we finally head to the top of docks nearing sunrise as the Rangers are walking with Charlie and his lamp as Chip is carrying his bag of course because Charlie is a drunken asshole Aussie Stereotype that makes Monty look like a nice guy. Chip wants to find a good hiding place for a stakeout which would be a good idea in any sane universe; but since Charlie is the forced leader by proxy Chip gets bumped by Charlie and lies on his back while Charlie blows him off with the lamest answer I have ever heard: How can you find someone if you hide yourself? Charlie grabs a glass bottle and proclaims that you need to draw your evildoers out where you can get a squint at them. Ummm; that's basically what Chip said: Watch them draw themselves out and then go for the kill. Let them make the stupid mistake; not you Charlie. It's so simple and Charlie is too drunk to understand that. That is exactly what happens when alcohol affects the rational side of your brain. He bangs on the bottle and that bottle is tougher than Steve Williams because it doesn't shatter into a million pieces. Ah; the wonders of BS&P as Charlies calls them jackanapes and out so to speak.
I was almost tempted to mock Charlie's attempt to swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE; but it needs motherspudin instead of spudmotherin in order to work. Then the board rumbles and the Rangers are forced to bail with Charlie in their undertow as the bottle rolls around and STILL doesn't break. The Rangers hide underneath the plank of wood as it opens and it's Mepps looking around and seeing nothing as Wart blows him off because he needs help with the boat. Mepps replaces the plank and goes away. Charlie blows Chip off for being a coward as Chip stammers on cue. Dale and Gadget are impressed as Gadget finally gets of the second golly (and first for her no less) at nearly the nine and a half minute mark after six minutes of golly free action. See; Charlie does things differently which is so Wii-ish that Chip turns into Mr. Hardcore. Normally; I would be HAPPY to see this; but Nintendo aren't a bunch of asshole despite every attempt of the video game press to paint them as such. Sadly; TMS needs to learn how to do the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS properly as the other Rangers leave Chip to blush anger.
So we head to the edge of the pier as Dale wonders what they are up to and Charlie calls it Feline skullduggery which is the first witty thing he has said in this episode. Chip then asks how they are going to get there and Charlie wants to go with the quickest way which of course is dive in feet first of course without any sign of noting any danger. And of course like peer pressure from friends the other Rangers minus Chip leave Chip behind and jump in. Chip gasps in horror as he proclaims that they will drown. Somehow I cannot take a High-C pitched chipmunk seriously trying to act serious here. And so we pan over and see a swordfish type creature (female) swim around and then cut back to the dock in a jerky fashion as the drunk Rangers all appear with the fish. Nice to see Charlie have some friends around him considering his asshole image; but then again the fish isn't far behind in that department either.
Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (crikey!) as he ask how he knew the sturgeon was here to save them and help them tail a boat full of thugs. Charlie laughs and then proclaims that he basically got lucky more or less. Man; this guy is just a walking ad for “Drugs are bad” and drugs aren't even involved in this episode. Well; maybe the alcohol from earlier, but there is no evidence that points that he drank any...yet. Charlie proclaims that the key to adventure is not to get hung up by the details. Okay; that makes sense, but it's NOT an adventure, this is a mystery which the key IS to get hung up by the detail. Again; the bad effects of alcohol on the rational side of the brain. I wonder if Mark Edens had some before writing this episode? Anyhow; we cut up to Chip returning with a white fishing pole screaming in horrible fashion that he has to save them; but he nearly gets caught over the edge with it and screams...badly.
He climbs back to the edge as we cut to see the sturgeon swimming around under the pier with the other Rangers minus Chip as they notice Mepps rowing the boat gently down the ocean as Wart plays spotter. Wart believes that this is deep enough and tells Mepps to get the helmet on. Mepps whines like a baby which is the first major relief I have had in this episode. When freaking Mepps is a relief you know this episode sucks and blows. Mole is also rowing and he refuses for obvious reasons because he hates being the bump machine. Okay; he didn't say that; but it's implied nevertheless. Charlie has two choices he would allow them to use which is one to warn them; or two to ram the boat to pieces. Dale thinks that they should ask Chip about it and then they realize Chip isn't with them as we cut up to Chip on the reel wheel of the fishing pole as he wants to reel them in and save them from themselves. I never thought I would agree with this; but there is a first for everything. Live and learn; unless you are Charlie, then you just get drunk and hit on Gadget like a pervert. AHHAHAHAHAHA! BONK! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummm....
Charlie grabs the stray hook and then yanks the line down because he wants to nab those blighters as Chip spins around like an idiot and then flies up into the air and where he lands I hope he MURDERS Charlie for real. It doesn't happen of course because it's Disney, DUH! He does land in Mepp's helmet (check the goofy eyes and green hose on it as Mepps whines that he'll finally accept the job because he has to show Mad Dog how to bump and whine so to speak. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Mepps puts on the helmet and he gets all grossed out as he starts rocking the boat! HAHA! Now that's the spirit Mepps; lend a hand, or bump in this case. Mepps throws the bucket at Mole which he takes with a really good bump I might add as Wart and Mepps want answers and Mole sees Chip in the bucket and the heels get all giddy inside as the segment finally ends almost 12 minutes in. I don't need to tell you how sick I am of this episode already know do I? You know; maybe I should have taken a chance with Mr. Icy Roads and went to work even if I probably would ended my career by breaking my back and neck at this rate; but my mind is already turning to mush with this episode....
After the commercial break; we see Mepps grabbing Chip by the bomber jacket and Chip apparently plays dead which is fine by me since I think he wishes he was after Charlie is making him look REALLY STUPID in the process. We cut back to Charlie proclaiming that the lad got himself in trouble. Yeah; sure Charlie; you had NOTHING to do with it at all no siree! Charlie offers to save him and I think Chip should just let Mr. Fat kill him now just as a form of mercy. Even Mr. Fat will agree to that at least as Charlie dives and starts swimming towards the boat much to the pleads of Monty not to go. When Monty is the one who is showing restraint; you know the enabler was worse. Wart pokes on Chip in the boat to wake up because he wants to taunt him. Oh please BS&P! You mean torture him; it's the same thing basically as Monty questions Charlie's inability to plan more. I think he should question his sanity and his soberity. Gadget grabs the hook and gives it to Zipper and Zipper's job is to hook Mepps and Zipper salutes. Well; here's Zipper's official ten seconds of work spot before he officially gets his focus episode next. Zipper flies over as Charlie beats Zipper to the tail and grabs onto Mepps tail which Mepps no sells.
Good! He deserves to no sell that as Zipper hooks Mepps' shirt because you have to make Monty strong even if it means burying Charlie at EVERY TURN because insulting elders is cool! That why TaleSpin sucks see according to the LAWS OF ELITISTS! Damn; Magon must have broken every law in the book then; he's getting death now. Which is pretty much the black ball treatment these days. Zipper flies back to the fishing rod and pushes it down into the ocean below and the sturgeon grabs it and it's a little cat fishing (so sezs Monty) as the fish races for it's life. Or in this case Chip's life. The Charlie fellow can burn in hell for all I care. Mepps and Charlie Chipper (UGH!) go flying and go around the wooden post and then through the edge of the ocean. Wart and Mole realize that it's one of the fishes Mr. Fat wants; but Mole doesn't quite get it as usual. The fish goes under the boat as Wart and Mole turn around to realize that Mepps is headed straight for them as the fish goes towards the ocean out of sight. Chip wakes up as Charlie is bare foot skiing and Wildcat would have his head for it for being so uncool; if Wildcat wasn't so kind hearted. Mepps finally takes the MAN-SIZED bump into the boat as Charlie Chipper go into the air and land into the ocean blue below with a resounding splash.
Mepps get raised over the board by the heels as the fish returns to ram the boat good which signals danger as Charlie then goes and blows Chip off. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CHARLIE?! Aussie Drake Mallard?! You are the one who screwed Chip who was trying to save you from yourselves and you blow him off because you cannot swallow your pride and admit that your ways suck worse than the HD Twins right now. Chip tries to really blow him off; but the fish rams and they are forced to bail along with the rest of the Rangers as the fish goes through the butterfly net; but since not fairies are involved the fish puts up a really good fight and manages to destroy the net. Next time; use a real fishing net you morons as Wart stuffs the bucket on Mepps head to amuse me while proclaiming that Mr. Fat will skin them alive. So we cut back to Gadget as she invokes the whoopie cushion (yeah she has a spare; what a surprise?) to help them get up. Funny logic break (first one in the episode actually): Monty looks like he's in shallow water despite them being only about three inches tall and in waters about five-eight feet at least.
So we cut back to Mepps with goofy bucket helmet (Jim Ross rib perchance?) as he is on the edge of the rowboat and Mole man the tire pump. Insert Reebock Shoe Pump joke here as Mole gives the diving Mepps the fish whacker and damn it to hell if it isn't funny. It looks like something out of Mrs. Vandersnoot's closet. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Wart tells Mepps to hit the fish right between the eyes. Why not just shoot the fish; or do you need a BARREL OF LAUGHS to pull it off? Mole's pumping the tire pump is downright funny as well and thus these heels are really the only ones who are providing me with constant entertainment throughout this episode at this point. Mepps dives into the sea as the Rangers look on sticking their heads in the water. Mepps gets to the bottom and I just cannot take this seriously even if I tried. But it's Mepps so it works perfectly anyway. The fighting fish gets rid of the lingering net and gasps..badly as Mepps practices the fine art of not being seen (in the ocean? Yeah right?!) and the fish goes in for the kill; but Mepps invokes..THE SWITCH on the fish whacker which emits the brain waves of death and the fish's brain is screwed stiff. It turns into the chicken of the sea which reduces it to a tuna. AHHAHAHAHAHA! WHACK! OUCH! Ummm...
Mepps swims backwards northwest with the brain scrambler as the fish follows it like an idiot would. Gadget pops up with the Rangers and gets off golly #3 for the episode at the 15 minute mark after six minutes of golly free action. Gadget proclaims that this is a fish-napping. NO?! REALLY?! In my world; it's called the CATCH OF THE DAY! AHHAHAHAHAHA! The heels row away stage right with the fish while Mepps keeps scrambling it's brains the whole time. HAHA! Charlie proclaims that they are getting away and Dale thinks that they will never make it. Charlie blows it off because he's Drunk Asshole Aussie Stereotype Charlie see and he's never beaten. Unless it's to make Monty stronger than he is of course. Charlie goes for the fish hook and pops the whoopie cushion which flies after them which ends the segment exactly fifteen and a half minutes in. Wow; only three and a half minutes of action and yet it was the best part of the DAMN episode!
After the commercial break; we head back to the docks with a long view of them just to waste more time (which is a blessing with Charlie around; trust me on that) as we cut to the abandoned tugboat to see Charlie and the gang climb over the side and onto the tugboat. Dale blows his finger to spout some water to amuse me of course as Charlie calls the swimming fun because it gets the blood flowing. Well; that is true, but with Charlie around, the blood is already flowing right to Chip's head and it's about to explode.....and then Monty does me proud by grabbing onto Charlie's tail and stopping him when he falls on his ass. About damn time; Monty stopped honoring his dad and start honoring common sense and decency as Chip tells him that charging in will get them BUSTED so to speak. Charlie doesn't like it because he already approves of violence. I just knew this loser would watch too many Mr. T cartoons as the chipmunks wants to sneak in and check out the area as Charlie isn't so sure because it's all thought out to him. Well; at least he's honest in hating the non-violent tactic; but it makes him stupid and barbaric anyway so BLAH to him. So we cut to the door where Chip and Dale peek out and then we pan over to the fish cages as Mr. Fat is watching on a chair looking at the rooster dolphin fish for his amusement. Yeah; it took sixteen minutes for him to show up.
We cut to Mepps, Mole and Wart with the pulley as they raised the captured rooster fish up towards the top of the tank and the heels rise up with it as the fish goes down. Well; at least they are amusing me as Mr. Fat isn't. See; he loves crime because if he doesn't he would quit this business. You know he's a heel when crime is a BUSINESS to him. And he's not the biggest heel in that outfit either. Dale swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (gosh) as the loud chicken sounds continue to amuse me. Yeah; I'm desperate for entertainment at this point; so shoot me as the Dolphin Fish pops his pearls and the black pearl goes into the small can of caviar. Oooooo...egg poaching, that's a new low on the dignity scale for Mr. Fat. Although that is about 20 notches above Charlie; so I'll take whatever I can get out of this. Mole dances like a goof because he has a full golden can; but he trips and the golden can goes flying, So Mr. Fat has to jump and do some work at last grabbing the can with his dirty perverted paws. Good belly flop there Mr. Fat as Mole shakes in fear because we can smell the whacking coming. He then dusts his hat for a bit and then invokes the Dumptruck screw punch to MURDER him. Dumptruck would later steal that spot to do on Wildcat in Captains Outrageous. Somehow; it's better when the goofy babyface gets it instead of the goofy heel; but I'll live. Because Charlie is in this episode see.
Mr. Fat is gleeful because the cats of town will have to fork their MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH through their noses to get this as Mole blows it off because it smells like fish eggs. And of course Mr. Fat blows it off. See when you call it fish eggs we all go EEEWWWWW! Gross! But call it caviar and people like it see. It's called context and James Barber was at his best when he uses it for his cooking. See snails and Escargo. And then Charlie finally makes history as we cut over to him walking and he sezs the following in Disney Captions:
Charlie: Digum! How long have they been in there anyway?!
Why is that important? Because if you listen to Charlie and Jim Cummings, he clearly said Dammit! Yeap; this is the famous moment where someone said damn in a Disney show. And it wouldn't be the last actually. I mean; after he said redneck; you would think that he would go all the way with it and actually swear. Sadly for Charlie; Ed Gilbert trumps Jim Cummings to infinity in Plunder and Lightning Part Four in the scene where the Lightning Gun blasts the SeaDuck the second time and it bounces back; but no sells. Kit and Rebecca cheer in between Baloo saying the following and I quote: It f***** worked! And yes it rhymes with duckin for the 15 of you who wonder what is under the bleep. I was SHOCKED to hear this because I didn't notice it in the re-rant that I did back in late November. I maintain to this day that if it wasn't for Sally Struthers and RJ Williams acting so well and covering up Ed Gilbert on the soundtrack; Disney would have noticed it a long time ago (and unless the DVD version has been edited; I haven't checked that scene yet. I only dealt with edits that were restored for the DVD release.) and edited the scene by now. They already did with one Ducktales episode and that guy spoke so hilariously bad in the original first run edit that he was sounding like the F-Bomb Sailor. Naturally; Disney Caption rephrased it so the hearing impaired parents wouldn't be offended.
They did show Donald Drake saying: I swear to God; but that wasn't taken in vain context. Kit's Oh My God was in A Baloo Switcheroo and Disney Captions edited that one. A lot of people thought another F-bomb was found in From Here to Machinery; but it was defuncted. And the ass-bomb in Road to Macadamia has also been debunked as well. This F-bomb is much more difficult to prove because you can clearly hear an FU sound and Ed Gilbert couldn't have said: I didn't think it would work since the TH sound doesn't match the sound Ed was making. So; there is ample evidence of the first and only F-bomb in Disney history that someone GOT away with. Personally; I would not blame Walt for being pissed if that happened; but that was clearly a slip up compared to the Phantom Hell in Her Chance to Dream (like you can get Where is Baloo and Where the HulaBaloo mixed up? Where the hell is Baloo is more accurate and that was no slip up; it was intentional. I think R.J. Williams' oh my god is a slip up as well; but I don't have evidence one way or the other.)
Anyway; enough of word offensive, let's continue with the real offense in Charlie shall we?! And that causes Gadget not to say golly in response (only gosh) since it was only three minutes. Does that mean Three Minute Warning will beat Charlie down? Oh wait; that's not until 2003; my mistake. And Charlie sells it as if he thinks 3 Minute Warning is going to beat down on the chipmunks and run in to save them. Monty and Gadget run after them and Monty takes a pratfall. Finally; Monty looks weak for a change! Good for you Mark; you showed some damn courage for a change. We cut back to Mr. Fat who is talking to the heels about the ins and outs of Caviar making and some more educational stuff which I approve if only because he is a heel. However; sturgeons lay eggs every day and the record makes them think that they are chickens. Okay; that is a neat heelish way to do something. The heels finally get the point and that is enough for Chip and Dale to sneak back towards the door; but Charlies busts through the door like an idiot and the chipmunks get WHACKED and thrown into a bucket of dirty water. Charlies walks in and threatens Mr. Fat with destroying his fur if he doesn't let go of the fish. Yeah sure Charlie. Mr. Fat MURDERED Monty the first time he tried that dumb tactic; you think you can do any better you drunk. And why do I get the feeling Mr. Fat is going to be buried at some point now? Mr. Fat grabs Mr. Charlie Cheddarhead (I guess he finally got the rib on him by the twin cats in To The Rescue I see) as he rightfully and gleefully blows him off because he doesn't play games. And so everyone is screwed as the heels surround our heroes and we fade to black...
Post Production Glitch #1: Half second black slug rears it's ugly head again....Doesn't matter when; it still sucks just the same.
So we return as we pan over to Mr. Fat twisting the meat grinder while the Rangers are tied up and hanging by a rope over it. Well; this is Mr. Fat's forte (besides grabbing underage females in a perverted matter): tying up rodents and trying awesome death traps that work on rodents better than humans or even anthros. Mr. Fat calls this the same old grind as we cut to the pipe as we see Chip and Dale and I call logic break #2 for the episode right there because the chipmunks popped up at the same time from the bucket and the bucket was right in the line of sight of the heel henchmen going after Gadget, Monty, Zipper and Charlie. Oh man Mark; you managed to keep the breaks really low even by your standards despite this episode sucking and you now just losing all of reality now? Chip has a plan as he and Dale climb down the tank and go to the record player and turn the needle to play horse racing fanfares which turns the fish into zombies.
So we get the AND THEY ARE OFF...to squash what little hope this episode had to get past average as the wussiest stampede in history ensues on the heels and then the fish jump out of the window. The fish jumping was more fun than the violence that they did which proves once again the effects of alcohol on the rational side of the brain. Chip and Dale run with scissors (oh man; this stuff writes itself) and they snip the rope and the mice fall down in such a weird fashion that they land on the ground instead of in the grinder where they were under to begin with and then the rope disappears right on the shot of the ground! DAMN YOU MARK EDENS for logic break #3 for the episode. The Rangers try to run away; but of course Charlie goes after the heels because he wants violence. Just leave him to die Chipper; he cannot be saved from the suck. Even Monty has a faint hope clause at this point. Mr. Fat recovers and he's PISSED, DUH! Charlie runs on a pipe and he does the lame Warner Brothers spot and falls into the tank which causes the power of suggestion to Gadget and Monty to join him. Yeah; he's a cad and even Gadget has the Gruffi pose on just because she is getting PISSED! About damn time too Gadget love!
Mr. Fat and the heel go to the tank and think that he's got them good; but Chip and Dale already have the fish whacker and Dale plays the record player. Well; at least the hand of irony is merciful and Chip and Dale get to do the saving because if it was Charlie; we would have our first DUD without fail. Mr. Fat gets down because he's afraid of dogs which contradicts his own persona as being able to take the barking of dogs. OH TAG Mark! Chip invokes the fish whacker and it turns the henchmen into zombies as Mr. Fat gets up and blows off Chip for hitting him. If this were today Chip would have said: Wasn't even aiming for ya! At least Mark has enough respect for kids to not hammer the obvious into us here as the heel henchmen turn into dogs and sic Mr. Fat like no ones business. Mr. Fat begs for mercy; but there is no hope chest for Mr. Fat as I wait for baited breath for the BITE OF ASS to soon follow. Mr. Fat runs away and tries to jump out of the window; but he's just TOO FAT..and then Mark Edens makes me proud at last as the three do the TRIPLE BITE OF ASS (off-screen; but whatever) and Mr. Fat screams like a chain smoker female. Mr. Fat manages to pop himself and dives into the water as the heels tumble with him (and apparently; the bite has woken them up) into the drink as Chip and Dale look at them with glee. Now there is the proper finish for this whole thing. That's all I ask of Mark.
So we head back to Rescue Ranger Headquarters as everyone is sleeping inside the living room except for Charlie as he is still going..and going..and going..and going!! Charlie wakes up Monty and wants to use the bathroom to powder his nose and Monty tells him where to go. Charlie leaves and Gadget wakes up feeling exhausted. About as much as me writing this Gadget love believe me. I can only take so much suck in my life. Chip jokes about having this happen all the time with Cheddar head and even Monty blows it off because he simply doesn't fit with the Rangers as Charlie hears the whole thing from the door. Oh crap Mark; I know you have more than a minute left; but please end the episode now instead of going for the pathos. It's not going to work simply because Charlie didn't redeem himself in any way whatsoever. He wasn't funny even when he was an asshole. Charlie storms in just as Gadget asks how to tell him that and he has his sack and proclaims that he'll be leaving for the 12 o'clock pelican to Borneo. Well; good at least the father isn't drunk enough to know that he isn't wanted. Monty goes over wondering why he doesn't want to be a Rescue Ranger and he apologizes because he doesn't fit in a teamwork style environment style. Well; at least he is honest in his stupidity; I'll give him that much. Charlie proclaims that they are almost as good at the adventuring as Charlie is. Sadly; their quality of episodes doesn't fit the bill so to speak. Charlie wants to shake and Chip does as he wobbles on impact in a dumb but cute spot. Charlie proclaims that he learns fast which is true since he was far ahead of the game when it came to go. He had to deal with the more nicer Aussie Stereotype son of yours. And so we get the really cute handshake just for old times sake from Monty and Charlie.
So we get the scene changer of doom (and a bad one at that) as Chip and Charlie exchange notes and Charlie reveals that he gets his adventure from his mother who just so happen to bust through the door wearing a yellow raincoat and blue dress and red lips. She calls herself Camembert Katie and she loves adventures too. Somehow; she's stoned rather than drunk which is a slight improvement actually over Charlie. Well; that explains the cheese addiction in a nutshell. Monty runs in and embraces her as Charlie calls her his love bucket and she does me proud by judo chopping Charlie to the floor on-screen with a MAN-SIZED bump. Oh man; they should have just used her instead and the episode would have been better. Not much better mind you; but still. She's here because her ship needs repairs so she'll stay with Monty for a few weeks and share an adventure as Chip is absolutely screwed and flustered in that order to finally end the episode at 21:17. Well; Mr. Fat and his goons saved the episode from being a DUD along with a decent finish and ending as Mark was smart enough to cut the pathos off quickly. Still; half of the episode was just plain bad; so let's call it ** ¼ (45%). Because hell; I feel generous. At least I got through it and Mark managed to avoid history by putting the scenes on the heels midway instead of using Charlie the whole way.
THE REVIEW LINE
Oh man; I thought we were in for a DUD episode from the start the moment Charlie was even mentioned to when Mepps arrived. One Aussie Stereotype was bad enough and that one was the nice one. Charlie look like a sick drunk as Mark made no attempt to even try to make Charlie look good as his addiction to Gadget ended before it got started and he seem to do nothing but annoy me with his Up Yours attitude that the Rangers minus wanted to do because it was different. If this ruled I would have no problem; but Charlie is an absolute joke elder stereotype that simply doesn't work anymore and even less so when the elder has no redeeming value whatsoever. Whistlestop Jackson, Legend would MURDER Charlie and even Katie harder than millions of kicks to the rear end. Jackson showed respect and even commanded respect; Charlie demands respect which turns into fear and he basically ran Chip into the ground as a result. However; once Mepps and Mr. Fat came into the picture; the episode got better because it focused on them instead of a failing character like Charlie. The finish was the right one because I had no sympathy and thankfully; Edens had enough respect not to use pathos at the end and just let Katie play her slight improvement on the same joke (plus funny judo chop). The good news is that the animation mistakes and logic breaks were small as well; making this merely a bad Disney episode instead of a decent Ruby Spears episode, so it was just short of average in my view. So; the last episode of disc one is the first time featuring Zipper as a focus character and a babyface that should end the debate on Rebecca's character for good. After you see her in action; Rebecca will look like the caring person that she is; not the little bitch Queenie became. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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