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Bearing Up Baby
Humprey The Bear and Tad Stones together: Sounds like a death wish to me!
Welcome kiddies to disc 2 of Volume 1 as we continue the thrilling saga of those pesky Rescue Rangers who solve crimes and try too hard to get Monty over. So we move on to the last four episodes in the Disney Channel preview with three of them featuring Dale and the other basically being yet another “I just happen to be saving someone by accident” episode Out to Launch; with this gem which features the debut of one of the most endearing characters Disney made that actually had less popularity than Baloo did. And since a baby is involved in this episode; you just know Dale is going to be a focus character which is a good thing thank you. So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Dev Ross (and she voice acts in this one too!). The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: And we return to the second version of the opening sequence again.
We begin this one as we go from a green forest to a fall like setting which looks so wacky that only TMS could be animating it. We pan over as we see various human campers on their usual camping trips actually having fun which of course the ADM would completely blow off because it is not realistic see. See; in real life; kids would be groaning because we would be playing violent video games and emo music. Nothing wrong with liking those type of things; but then again the ADM is basically in deep crap since a great deal of their members are acting like the fans of the Jonas Brothers which is funny considering that the ADM ideology is to destroy the new Disney and thus anyone who likes it is a threat to them. Sounds like those trolls are just obeying the ideas that the ADM wanted and now their execs have been caught with their hand in the hypocrisy jar. Just like religious groups who have no sense of irony. Anyhow; we pan over to Zipper who is straining and having no fun at all and then he falls on his back as Gadget comes over and pulls the backpack to his front which allows him to fly now. Umm; that doesn't make any sense here. The backpack weighs the same either way. I don't think it makes any difference here unless Gadget was using her sadist powers to lighten up the load. Gadget's line of having his feet in the clouds is flying considering that one year later; some little bear cub managed to do JUST THAT. Now THAT'S foreshadowing as Chip is sitting down next to a pine cone whining about Monty and Dale not showing up for the hiking trip. Oh yeah; like they are not goofing off in the very least no siree!
And of course Monty pops his head from the pine cone and scares Chip stiff that he jumps into the fall leaves to bury himself. Dev Ross; stop trying to get Monty over with crap like that. That's DALE'S gimmick! Unless this is the “NO WORKRATE” stip Chip has put on Dale. Monty waddles over and tells him to stay on his toes because camoflauge is the law of field training. I suspect it's Peter Cullen voicing Monty again and how did Monty become a soldier anyway? He's too fat and too laid back for that sort of work as Chip gleefully blows him off for it. Monty wonders where Dale is and the Rangers all yell to the Rescue Ranger Tent of Doom to Dale to hurry up. Dale sells inside as he stuffs as much junk food as rodently possible into the backpack. Why stuff green grapes into the backpack? They are going to get squashed and it's not like the cover is blown for him already. Or is he planning a prank on Chip? STAY TUNED TO NITRO TO FIND OUT! And of course Dale tries to grab the green strap and run like the wind in the westerly direction; but the backpack is fatter than Hoppo's twin sister Fatto. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Of course we also have the Hanna Barbera looping and running sound effect in effect. If this were Sun Woo; this would be watching a classic; but since TMS is animating; it's cheaper than Ruby Spears trying to animate a simple driving spot with Mister T at the wheel. AHHAHAHAHAHA! I pity the fool who thinks being in a commercial for World Of Warcraft is awesome. Not to say that the game sucks of course since it doesn't; but you would think that they could find better entertainers; or real people who played the game that don't look like geeks.
Dale of course takes a wussy bump into the backpack (what a shock?!) and then runs off and manages to lose about half his grapes and candy bar. Barlow: What can I say? That spot SUCKS! Bonus points for those who can name the video game I was hyper-referencing as Dale comes out of the tent and trips on a rock like a goof and does some flips which ends with him holding the backpack on his seat right in front of a blue PJ wearing baby with blond hair and Kit's baseball cap. Well not quite since the red is in the middle of the cap instead on the underside as the baby picks Dale up and giggles. Dale gets giddy and asks for the kid to put him down. You do not want to say that when you are a rodent Dale; it's like inviting death as the baby calls him little fuzzy and cuddles him. HAHA! And of course we hear the mother screaming at Jeremy like a bitch as she takes her son away (check the pink/red sleeve shirt) as Dale falls down to the ground and then gets MURDERED with the tree branch as that scream is so terrible that dogs are howling at a 20 mile radius. I'm thinking that Dev Ross is voicing her here. We then pan up to see a blond haired lady with butterfly glasses, purple pants and her shirt makes her look like a slut. Seriously; Kim Possible has NOTHING on this bitch. She calls these creatures filthy and dangerous. Sadly; Molly Cunningham doesn't exist to call her dumb. I mean; Molly faced a 1000 pound sponge who can sit on people and this woman who wears a mid riff shirt (both sides) is afraid of a ¼ pound chipmunk. I think she needs to see a doctor a lot more than Jeremy does.
She then goes over to complain to Hubert at the blue camper who is wearing the standard camping gear in a white lawn chair watching television. He is the human version of Herb Muddlefoot about two years before HE existed. If I had a bitch who dresses like she's going to a exotic dressing competition (this is 1989 guys!) then I would ignore her too. And naturally she kicks the husband right in the back of the head and still looks like a wuss. Rebecca Cunningham would so make this loser her bitch. Which one? Pick one; it doesn't matter since Jeremy is more over than they are combined. Nice bumping into the chair by the battered husband. Only in Disney could you have a husband beater as she continue to pour on the bitch level which makes even Queenie blush. Where is Sally Struthers when you really need her here? Yeah; like I'm going to call her brave for saving a baby from a ¼ pound chipmunk when the baby was making the chipmunk his bitch. The husband doesn't see a wild beast even though it's standing right in front of him with a tree branch. SLAP! OUCH! Ummm....Dale clears the leaves out of his head as Dale is SHOCKED and APPALLED at the accusations being flung in his direction. Dale tries to run away; but uses his face to take a really good bump right into the baby's ass. HAHA! Dale runs though Jeremy legs and away stage left as the baby goes after him and calls him fuzzy. We then cut back to bitch mom bitching on Hubert to spend more time with Jeremy. She needs to spend more time learning how to be an assertive mother; instead of a bitchy mother. She also needs a crash course in learning how dangerous human beings CAN be as Jeremy runs into the bushes after Dale. I like Jeremy; but then again I like most cartoon character kids on DTVA because most of them usually are full of energy like Cubbi and Kit (even if Kit does scare the crap out of me sometimes.).
So we cut to the Rangers going their merry way as Dale catches up and uses the POWER OF THE PUSH to knock down the Rangers in a football pile on. I smell a bonking of Dale's head commencing at six o'clock. Sadly; it doesn't happen as Monty praises Dale for his ambush tactics as Chip blows that one off. Dale is wheezing as Gadget asks Dale what is the matter and when can she have his phone number. Okay; I made up the phone number part as Dale proclaims that there are wild beasts in the wood. I agree; that blond haired bitch is WILD BABEE! Of course Monty just calls them uncivilized as Dale does the Gruffi pose to annoy me because he's staying in camp until this blows over. Gadget tries the SWEET TALK ROUTINE OF DOOM to make him reconsider but Dale no sells that. So much for the date as the Rangers all walk off stage right and tell Dale that he is missing out on all the fun as Monty continues to praise Dale for his ambush and Monty gets blown off. I love it when the Aussie Stereotype gets blown off. Although I don't see why Gadget is so upset all of a sudden.
Monty runs off stage right as Dale proclaiming that no animal is going to make a meal out of him. So that logically leads to a scene changer as we see Dale packing a cork rifle and the Donald Duck Army Hat from Out Of Scale. Dale calls out anyone getting past him and then a tree branch snaps and he fiddles with the cork gun and fires the cork right in his kisser! HEE HEE! If Disney Channel doesn't cut this one out; then you know what I think of Michael Eisner and TaleSpin now do you? Dale turns around and sees Jeremy calling him fuzzy again. Dale feels relieved that it's only the cuddly baby and not the slutty bitch. Dale replaces the army hat that fell on the bump and tells Jeremy that it's too dangerous around here. Geez; I hope he doesn't run into Molly Cunningham in his life; then he'll have new meaning to the word dangerous if you catch my drift. Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! Dale grabs Jeremy hands and leads him to a log near the camp and tells him to sit down on it so he can protect him. Dale does the army defense spot and close his eyes to walk around; not looking at Jeremy who so happens to nudge on the log just as Dale is saying that nothing will happen to him. And naturally; the log slides into the river as Jermey waves goodbye. It's not that impressive since Kit can do all that while sliding down a staircase and carrying a box in his hand. Still; you got to like the effort he put into the wave though. Dale of course misses it and then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he turns around and Jeremy waves bye-bye to fuzzy as he rides shotgun on the log. Too funny as Dale panics in a funny matter and tries to get to the log; but the power of the water and lack of stones stop him.
So we logically go into the forest as we see probably one of the most notable cameos in all of DTVA history (unless you count Donald Duck of course from Ducktales) as Humprey The One Joke Bear is hiding behind the trees which increases his joke to two. The first: running around in a laughable panic state and if he doesn't do that once in this episode; then I'll show this as proof that Tad Stones is really Stephen Cobert's long lost twin brother. He practices the fine art of not being seen by a bunch of fish near the river edge as he hides behind a rock. He pops out with a tree branch which is getting seriously overplayed now with his tongue hanging out like Satan and tries to grab the fish; but the fish invokes the water spit right in the face. HEE HEE! Excellent over the top selling from Humprey as he even does a back flip to complete the overkill. That's three jokes now as Humprey is angry and wants to MURDER that fish as we cut to the river where the fish is swimming around waiting for Humprey to arrive so he can play Pokemon Rock, Paper, Scissors on him. Or maybe not. Humprey goes for the jaw biting scare; but the fish uses his tail to slap Humprey around like he's her bitch. Humprey tries to chase; but the dirt slows him down and thus the fish gets away and somehow the dirt doesn't muddy up the clear water.
So we cut back to the rocks as Dale skips on them as he pleads for Jeremy to come back; but Jeremy just waves and calls him Fuzzy as the log continues to coast it's merry way. Jeremy and Max (from Max & Ruby): separated from anthro. Dale climbs up a tree in spiral formation until he gets to the tree branch and proclaims that he will save the baby as Jeremy's log coasts along. Dale tries to jump down in a dive; but the tree branch grabs his Hawaiian shirt at the last second. HAHA! Dale struggles as he pleads for Jeremy to grab him; but he calls him funny and just giggles like a little baby. Now this is an awesome episode thus far. We then cut back down the river for Humprey Tries to MURDER Fish Round 2 as he has the only handy for animals wooden club, as he pounds on the water and misses by a mile despite the good shots. Humprey sits down and pants like a dog as the three fish come up in front of him and blow raspberries at him which makes them the only heels of the episode; if you don't count the blond slut of course. Humprey is angry again; but sees Jeremy on the log waving and giggling and cannot help but wave back...and then he panics right on cue which I bet means that Jeremy is soon going to go over a waterfall. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. Naturally; Humprey does his ONE JOKE, ONE JOKE, ONE JOKE and it sucks badly. What is Tad's problem with bears?
Humprey then runs over and grabs a fishing pole from the sleeping fisherman (Huh?) and actually grabs a fish on stray run in a cute spot. Humprey pulls the fish away (Man; why didn't he just do it BEFORE Jeremy arrived to save him the trouble of getting buried like that?) and then run over the side and tries to cast the line again; but it hooks onto another fish. Now that's funny as he couldn't catch a fish to save his life and now he keeps getting fish which doesn't save Jeremy's life. Jeremy is still happy the entire time as the log is about five feet away from going over the falls so Humprey finally casts the line properly and it hooks on the stray branch of the log preventing the log from going over the falls.
He reels in the baby and saves him as we do the “MANOS” scene changer (WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!) and see Humprey and Jeremy cuddling with each other. If that was Kit; that would be awesome, but it's a human baby and thus Humprey is going to get screwed big time. Humprey puts him down on the ground as a butterfly from The Wuzzles shows up and Jeremy goes after it stage left just as Humprey lies down to rest. Humprey notices it right away and has to run fast to get in front of Jeremy to stop him as he bumps into the midsection and lands on his can as his baseball cap falls off. He's cute with the cap on than off which is the exact opposite of Kit Cloudkicker. Humprey calls him naughty which is disturbing for some odd reason as Jeremy calls him big fuzzy. I see that he grew into a furry fan. I wonder if this is a rib on Jymn Magon's childhood that I somehow think is funnier than it should be? Jeremy hugs Humprey on the leg and Humprey gets all blushy on that response.
I am so loving this now as we change scenes as we see Dale running around the bend and he finds the log abandoned and then sees bear footprints and Jeremy's baseball cap. He panics and feels that he's too late as we cut to Humprey getting a back rub from Jeremy which has got to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in a DTVA episode since Plunder and Lightning Part Three. Humprey sounds like Scooby Doo for some reason as Dale follows the footprints as he looks in the bushes and sees the most horrible sight of his career: Humprey licking Jeremy's face. And to think; somehow Molly was put in MORE danger than Jeremy ever was. Ponder that one and sulk at why TaleSpin fell out of favor with Michael Eisner. Dale sees this as eating the baby (thus making Colbert look like a hero) and charges in with a War Cry which is so laughable that Humprey just raises his foot and let's Dale run by like a goof. HAHA! Dale runs into a tree branch (Do I sense a trend here?) and it snaps as Dale flies into the air and where he lands it better be on Monty's head.....
...and speaking of the Satan Aussie Stereotype; we cut back to a cliff where Monty and the Rescue Rangers are at a look off as Monty admits that this would be a good vacation spot. He still thinks that this isn't a vacation. Lucky for him; it's not anymore for Dale as Gadget gets off the first golly of the episode a little over nine minutes in. She also thinks Dale is such a coward for not seeing this. Okay; she didn't say that he was a coward; but I'm sure it was implied by Chip. And here comes Dale as he does a really SICK MAN-SIZED bump into Monty and then another sick MAN-SIZED bump off-screen near the tree. HOLY CRAP?! Gadget's voice sounds like Tress has a cold doing the dialog here for some reason. Dale goes mad, bad and crazy (as the Battletoads would say) as Dale does a really sad embrace and Chip drops him like a bad habit gone good. Chip is mad as he demands answers and Dale gives him the most fitting answer: Humprey is attacking a baby...with the lick of death. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And Chip and the gang actually sell it and it's Rescue Rangers away stage right. Wow. Chip actually bought Dale's observation after all. It's a miracle! So we return to the campsite of doom as Hubert Blond is sleeping in his lawn chair and Bitch Blond is doing her nails as she is asking for Jeremy. JUST NOW?! And she's accusing HIM of being abusive? All she's doing is succeeding in clearing Rebecca Cunningham's name. And he blows him off and for the first time in nearly ten minutes they call out of Jeremy and Hurbert finally leaves the lawn chair. Someone call child services; we have a couple of live abusers here. And naturally like a bunch of abusers they blame each other complete with pointy fingers of death. Hubert storms off as the bitch whines about Jeremy in the woods. Good; he's got more smarts than these two losers anyway as we cut to inside the woods as Humprey is playing seek and go hide with Jeremy hiding on him and Humprey counting. This is just inviting death for this bear knowing Tad is around. Jeremy runs at eight because he's smarter than the bear and hides as Humprey lets go at the count of ten and sniffs in the general direction of Jeremy to tease him finding him quick and then walks in the opposite direction at 90 degrees south. HEE HEE! Humprey checks under a rock, in a blue bird's nest (which the blue bird does a double take just to amuse me); behind some badly drawn bushes and even underwater with a fish swimming to find NOTHING...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! And logic break #1 for the episode beckons because Humprey shouldn't know the baby's name.
So we cut back to Monty and the gang hiding in the daisies as Humprey walks towards the tree as Jeremy is somewhere in the far shot behind one of them as Monty declares that Dale is right while calling the bear an overgrown koala. I don't recall koala's being legit bear species to begin with; so sod off you Aussie Stereotype and let Dale have his fun before Chip invokes the leash on him again. Chip proclaims that they got to do something and Monty is already on it as he uses Dale as a battering ram. OH TAG Monty as they run like the wind and invoke a chop block on Humprey allowing him to take a MAN-SIZED bump on his ass. Sadly; it was not his head like Baloo got in Polly Wants A Treasure. Gadget cheers for victory or Colbert's vision of bears being evil depending on what mood I was in when ranting on this as they run towards Humprey and so Jeremy runs from his hiding place calling everyone within a 500 foot radius fuzzies. Gadget corrects him and Jeremy does me proud by cuddling Monty and making him his bitch. HAHA! TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! Monty blows Gadget off and I speak for all people here when I say this: Be this baby's bitch and LIKE IT YOU AUSSIE STEREOTYPE!
Sadly; that is short lived as Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE and we cut to the cliff where it's a vicious orange cat that looks like someone from that Disney short Lambert The Sheepless Lion. At least I think it is...and somehow I think he made a cameo in the TaleSpin episode: The Bigger They Are, The Louder They Oink. Jeremy waves at it just to amuse me as he calls it a Kitty. The Kitty growls like he's on acid and everyone panics as Gadget does a really funny scare spot before everyone bails. Kitty jumps down as Jeremy waves as usual while keeping Monty in his hands the entire time. Humprey grabs Jeremy and bails leaving Monty to do a really good bump onto the ground. Kitty runs like the wind as everyone tells Monty to run. I hope they didn't; let Darwinism takes it's course so I don't have to deal with the Aussie Stereotype ever again until Jeice from Dragon Ball Z infects our minds. And Kitty absolutely MURDERS him on the run. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! Gadget is SHOCKED because Humprey is saving the baby while getting off golly #2 for the episode nearly 11 and a half minutes in. Humprey climbs up the tree and stops in the wrong place and gets punished with the claws on the ass. HAHA! Zipper flies towards Kitty's tail as the Rangers are on the branch and they bite the tiger on the tail in stereo! Good selling from the cat as he free falls with the Rangers and takes a SICK MAN-SIZED bump onto the ground off-screen. TMS is on fire today. Everyone gets up and Kitty roars like crazy as the Rangers bail setting up the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE KITTY KAT EDITION~!
The Rangers hide into the small rock cave as Kitty looks in and puts his paws in. However; the hands if irony strike as he pulls out Pepe LePew's twin brother who hates Warner Brothers to no end and of course you know what happens next. It ends with the Rangers walking out with gas masks and thanking the shunk for his ten seconds of work. And so we cut back to the tree as Jeremy hugs Humprey and the bear is blushing again just to amuse me. Humprey climbs down and takes a good bump on his ass on the way down. Everyone is happy except for Dale as he runs in from the blind side and invokes MOLLY VIOLENCE on Humprey. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! Am I seeing a TaleSpin episode here and I'm only thinking that the Rescue Rangers are in it? Now do I smell a bonk from Chip on Dale's head commencing at six o'clock? Great over the top selling of the knee from Humprey as Jeremy follows and finally Chip blows him off and bonks Dale on the head. HAHA! Jeremy kisses Humprey's foot even though he was selling the knee. Explain THAT one kids?! Humprey hugs Jeremy for the fifth time in the last five minutes. They cuddle as Dale finally gets the point as Gadget and Chip come forward as Humprey uses the kid as a shield as Chip wants to get the baby back to the bitch; but Humprey grabs Jeremy and shields him with his back. I am so loving this! He must have heard her scream like a bitch and got the point making him the smartest guy in the episode...next to Dale and Jeremy of course. Gadget declares that they have a problem here as Dale wonders what they can do to end the segment almost 13 minutes in....
After the commercial break; we continue on as Monty has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN while relating a BS story of hunting cockatiel revolutionary in Argentina. Ummm; wouldn't that make Monty a heel by proxy today? I think sometimes the writers cannot put context into their productions and that's why that come out dated way too much in hindsight. TaleSpin didn't have any problems with context because Magon knew the context he was using and didn't care about the parent groups on what they think and only cared about the customers. Sadly; it ended up conflicting with Michael Eisner who thought his only customers were kids 6-12 year olds and thus marketed it to them; thus raising the ire of parent groups and thus paving the way for the live action shows the ADM decries today. This is why when you market a product; you market it doing a job; not do it as a demographic because when you do market it as a demographic; the parent groups are going to win every time and the customer ultimately cannot judge the value of the product and thus loses. If you market it doing a job; the customer ultimately wins which is the one who should be winning. Monty wants to wrestle him down and Gadget blows off the plan before it even happens. Good for her; I'm glad she gets Monty's stories for what they are. Gadget wants to do the sweet talk routine as she walks off and Monty blows her off because she's a party pooper. Sod off you Aussie Stereotype as Humprey places Jeremy on a bed of leaves and Jeremy nods off to sleep as Dev Ross is working in the pathos.
Again; as much as I like Humprey and Jeremy; Baloo and Molly did this spot a million times better than they ever could do since they were both bears and since bears have a natural distrust of each other; it makes the pathos much more powerful as a result. It doesn't have the same effect with a human and a bear. Cannot fault the effort though from the guys as Gadget comes over getting off golly #3 for the episode as she praises Humprey for caring about Jeremy like a real mother. Take that you bitch blond! The human one; not Gadget of course, so you and Butterbear can put the gun down now please. Thank you. Gadget explains that it would be very sad if his mother couldn't find Humprey and that it would be awful. Under normal tactics I would be behind Gadget; but when you got a blond jerk who makes Queenie and Rebecca combined look like the nicest people in Disney history; you got a problem.
Man; Gadget's speech here becomes even more tragic next year when you introduce a major DTVA character who not only has no parents whatsoever, but has been on the run from the orphanage for goodness knows how long and then get raised by terrorists only to see through them and become a boy who has bitter feeling towards adults in general. Jeremy is lucky to have both parents (even if they are uncaring); Molly is lucky (ironically the only character in Disney history to have a mother and have the father offed which shows just how unique TaleSpin really was), Gosalyn is lucky (because she's in an orphanage at the time of the pilot; despite losing her grandfather and parents in cold blooded murder), Webby is lucky (due to Miss Beakly; although for the life of me, trying to figure out duck relationships is like figuring out Samonan relationships in pro wrestling which just fries my brain to a crisp); Cubbi and Sunni are lucky (for obvious reasons); Max is lucky (Goofy of course); but Kit had to be the most unluckiest kid of them all. And that's probably why I couldn't get into the pathos in DTVA anymore since Kit set the bar extremely high that only Molly and Gosalyn could come even close to it.
Humprey naturally sells it by crying and again; it's a good scene and it makes perfect sense, but the pathos don't work anymore because again; TaleSpin set the bar way too high for DTVA. Humprey finally picks him up and walks out agreeing to take him back to his mother as the other Rangers are SHOCKED that Gadget managed to pull it off. I'm not because Gadget is a sweet little female girl and really I have to give her props for trying to make this scene work. I'm sure a lot of fans were crying seeing this and quite frankly; more power to them since I couldn't shed a tear for this. I could smile for her though for putting the effort and showing that she cares which is all I could ever ask of her. If this was TaleSpin where pathos are encouraged and trump even adventure and comedy; I probably would be crying my eyes out. I sure did for a half hour when I was doing the Home Is Where The Heart Is scene. Gadget basically tells the truth here and I'm sadden by the slyness Gadget displayed here because that looks somewhat out of character for her. As if she really didn't care about Humprey's feelings. It's things like this that bug me because it's like someone in BS&P made the decision in order to make Gadget look somewhat bad while clouding the whole scene.
Never mind; maybe I'm reading way too much into this scene as we head back to the campsite as the hunter humans with enough rifles to start Open Season about 15 years early. Hubert is the leader on a soapbox (wow; he does have friends after all.) with his rifle and we wants to divide into three search parties. The old triangle formation always works well so at least Hubert is a good hunter even if he cannot hunt a good shrink to deal with his dislike for children and his likeness with bitch blonds. Hubert does the usual speech of keeping your eyes out for wild animals as we pan over to the woods as Humprey pops from behind the tree and then returns with Jeremy in his paws as the Rangers and the two bigger fuzzies all say their goodbyes. I think Humprey should be scared stiff by this but he's too dumb to consider it as a thought as Zipper sheds tears which makes me laugh since it's over the top. We all know this scene means nothing because the hunters are going to try to MURDER the damn bear. Monty basically sums up the whole nature intentions in one neat little package which is probably the smartest thing he has ever said in this series. Ponder that for a while and shudder in fear. Humprey and Jeremy hug for the sixth time as Humprey shed tears and I'll just let the scene go and not comment on it because I would be repeating myself here.
The Rangers pull Jeremy towards the campsite which is a smart move; but Jeremy's moronic levels click in (I see where Molly got them from in It Came From Beneath the SeaDuck) and he runs back and hugs Humprey's leg again calling him fuzzy. HAHA! They cuddle again and Humprey decides to walk in and deliver the baby to his parents himself. Worst... decision.. Humprey ...... has ..... ever....made.....in.....his....life. Chip pleads for Humprey not to do it; but he no sells as he walks stage left and the Rangers have to step in to save him from himself as we cut back to Hubert telling his hunter friends to take no crap from anyone while swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (guff) as he calls the animals varmints. Ironically; Disney Captions has the word varmint in scare quotes. Why? I don't know since Hubert doesn't put any zing on the word in his speech. Oh; and the hunters have guns and they should use them. I wonder who would win in a gun fight between the TaleSpin furries and the humans? That would be a main event anywhere in the world even if it would probably reduce the human population by about 90% and the furry population by 80%. And naturally; Humprey comes up from behind the hunters with Jeremy in his arms like the guy who wants to die so bad and doesn't even know it. And that kind of spot is usually done by Dale too.
Humprey growls and of course all the humans scatter like scalded dogs. I think the furries would win judging by that spot. Dale pleads for him to get out; but it's too late as Hubert and Blond Bitch yell and scream that they got her baby. Too bad it isn't child services because I would tell her how abusive she is and how dirty she dresses. She makes Miley Cyrus look half decent in comparison. Humprey pants in fear as we cut to the motorcycle as the Rangers are hiding (except for Dale of course) as Gadget isn't liking this at all. Humprey gives the baby to Hubert without any incident unless you count the awesome sliding motion from Humprey and the two have a bonding moment that is so contrived you can smell the relationship and family status a mile away. Jeremy goes into Bitch's arms and he's taking the reunion quite well...and if you cannot guess what Hubert does next then you have no business reading this rant. Yeah; Hubert orders the men to feed the bear some lead and the rifles get pointed right at Dale and Humprey which officially ends the segment 15 and a half minutes in. Never screw with Battered Spouse Syndrome; or THAT will happen to you....
After the commercial break; we cut back to the Rangers hiding behind boxes in front of the motorcycle as the animals are all on edge and panicking as Hubert orders them to shoot him before he grabs another kid. Man; this guy has ISSUES man. I would shoot the....forget it; I'm not going there even if she deserves it. I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader and move on. They shoot to kill and Humprey does his ONE JOKE! ONE JOKE! ONE JOKE! And a much better version of it too as Humprey dodges all and runs off as Hubert gets pissed off and blows everyone off for missing the damn bear. Ummm; talk to BS&P about it Hubert, they know why. He orders them to get the damn bear and the hunters run like a bunch of cars and run over Hubert in a funny spot as Hubert gets his head smashed in by the smallest hunter in a blue coat. I guess he's Hubert's social worker. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! That of course leads to the thrilling gun shooting chase scene as we approach 0.8 Trigun. Trust me; this is as close as we get to TaleSpin-equse gunfire in this series. Dale is yelling for help as we cut back to the motorcycle as Zipper has the cord and the other Rangers are on the hot leather seat. I wonder who bought that thing into the campsite.
Zipper ties the rope around the handle bars and the Rangers grab it as Monty jumps down on the gas to start the engines and then springs into the air past Humprey. Huh? That must be some spring as Monty grabs onto the wooden stick and spins around. Okay that was a neat spot; but the logic is a bit shot up since Humprey probably didn't go about 50 feet in order to make that work and he was already past that mark about a minute ago. Nice bump though on the ground as Gadget and Chip ride the motorcycle with the string and we get an awesome first person look as the motorcycle manages to run over the heel hunters and they take MAN-SIZED bump onto the ground. Open Who? Humprey runs under the blue tent entrance as the two tallest hunters who managed to not get bowled over run towards Monty and so Monty does the lame karate kick of doom which breaks the wooden stick and stuffs the heels as Monty rides on top of them like a cowpoke. More shooting at the damn bear as this must be Michael Eisner's wet dream of doing this to Kit Cloudkicker after Plunder and Lightning. And the motorcycle follows behind the bear and in front of the hunter as they go into the orange tent which leads to shooting the tent with bullet holes and then the heel hunters get carried out by the motorcycle. And then logic break #2 rears it's ugly head as the orange tent suddenly turns blue when Humprey and the Rangers come out.
Humprey gasps and bails stage right as Hubert has his gun uncorks and aims carefully; and that hits the side of the tree missing Humprey by about three feet. These humans are crap shooters compared to the Air Pirates who managed to come within one inch of shooting a 12 year old boy in the head for goodness sakes. Hubert hits all the trees missing by three feet each time and then runs out of bullets. You know he's a dumbass when THAT happens. Aw; the long phillac symbol cannot discharge anymore, that's a sure bad sign of Hubert's sex life if I ever saw it. Humprey bails stage right as Hubert realizes then that he's out of ammo. Geez; as if the clicking didn't tell you that already? He throws the rifle down like a girl and then jumps on it like a wuss. So; Hubert goes for the knifes and forks from the picnic tables as we got the 1.0 Trigun now as he stuffs the silverware into the rifle. Man; you know he's screwed when THAT happens. We then head back as the bitch blond carries Jeremy and puts him into the trailer and closes the door telling him to watch television like a good boy who has his brains rotted. Man; she is just making Rebecca look THAT much better now as we cut back to Monty doing the old make fake bear foot prints with paws on stilts. Monty hates it because it's a hard job. Oh...well; you get the picture as the heel hunters get the trail and they follow because they are REALLY STUPID. See the logic break here?
Monty was using teddy bear paws when Humprey's feet look similar to TaleSpin type bear's feet. And so we logically head back into the trailer as Jeremy goes into the front seat and starts play driving which I believe signals for the obvious finish here. He lands on the parking brake hard and that releases the brake allowing the blue camper to drive forward. Jeremy is loving this as Eisner is panicking as usual. We cut back to Monty stuffing the fake bear tracks into the bushes and then he slumps down like the fat freak that he is. The Rangers bail as Monty is blowing them off because he wants to take a break. I would like to break you in a million pieces you Aussie Stereotype; so let's go back to baby driving camper which is cute to see in entertainment; but really dangerous in real life. He actually drives well for a kid as he drives the camper down the hill just as the hunters are going up with Hubert blowing the whole thing off because the tracks lead nowhere. The RV goes past him and the guy just casually acts like nothing is wrong and then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLARITY like an idiot and then blows off Jeremy. Yeah; because it's NEVER the bitch's fault for PUTTING him in there in the first place just because the PC crowd wants strong females who don't take proper care of their children. This is a PSA episode for bad parenting if I ever saw it.
So we head back to Humprey and the Rangers behind a tree as they practice the fine art of not being seen; but the RV gives them away. D'OH. Humprey sidesteps the RV while the Rangers go underneath as Jeremy just becomes more awesome by waving in the back calling them fuzzy again. I just love the kid; he is carrying this episode kicking and screaming in the dying moments of this episode. Humprey and the Rangers run like the wind as they get on the back of the RV. The Ranger climb up to the top of the roof by the ladder as Chip states the obvious for no good reason. The Ranger run and dive into the chimmey pipe below; but of course Monty has trouble because he's just TOO FAT. Zipper sucks it in to give him his ten seconds of work for the episode as Monty is in. We then cut to the front as Dale jumps and takes over on the steering wheel as he gives directions to Chip who is on the wheel like a hamster. HAHA! That will teach him to try to reduce Dale's work rate. Jeremy just calls them fuzzies the whole time just to amuse me. Monty and Gadget go for the brake; but the brake won't agree with them. Even an inanimate object hates the Aussie Stereotype as Monty tells the swaggies (most...absurd...slang...ever) to stand back because violence is needed to solve this problem as Monty springs onto the brake as it works as Monty springs back and falls into the toilet off-screen.
We know this because when he comes back; he's got some toilet paper wrapped around his tail..and he's wet and smelly. Gadget has that look of: Man; even I wouldn't be sadistic enough to do THAT to anyone; even me. Gadget then proclaims that she knows how to stop this crazy thing and sezs it sounding like she has flu symptoms. I see Tress was under the weather on recording day as Gadget goes into the built in shower (oh man; that just writes itself) with the wrench (well; she probably found the toolbox somewhere so it isn't a logic break) and closes the door as Monty blows her off. Humprey uses the legs to try to stop the thing; but no dice as the RV continues to go down the hill as Dale panics because they are at a dead end which so happens to go off a cliff beyond that. Yeah; we got about two minutes left in the episode so this should be quick. Humprey manages to dig deep down for that something extra and stops the RV about three feet short of the cliff. Well; that was awesome of him and of course he gets the FEET OF FLAMES; and he's not even a dancer which makes Miley Cyrus uncool for not doing that spot.
Humprey stamps the fire out and blows on his feet; but he manages to lean on the RV and it breaks the barrier and is halfway to it's pending death as Jeremy goes to the back to call him big fuzzy. Poor little kid; he's so awesome, I cannot hate him in good conscience. Humprey tries to redeem himself; but Hubert arrives with his trusty phillac symbol and tells the damn bear to freeze as Humprey is trying to tell him that he's trying to HELP the boy; but they no sell as Hubert aims his long slender manhood at him and shoots the RV missing Humprey by about a foot and nearly three feet from Jeremy. What a heartless husband of a bitch Hubert is as the RV goes over the cliff! HOLY CRAP?! The parents are horrified as Humprey looks over and sees his saving grace as Gadget did some extended plumbing to get the toilet, sink and water heat together as a rope pipe. Okay; that was really creative; but it doesn't REDEEM Humprey in anyway for that RV getting into that position in the first place.
Although the bitch is responsible for this scene even OCCURING; so it all balances out in the end. Monty and Gadget hang for dear life as Gadget's voice just sounds like a chipmunk at this point as Humprey does his ONE JOKE! ONE JOKE! ONE JOKE to amuse me which sounds better with the Hanna Barbera running sound effect. So Humprey bails stage left to a large tree and uproots it as he runs like a pole vaulter towards the cliff as the humans are SHOCKED at all this. Humprey lowers the tree down as the Rangers slide down onto it and towards Jeremy as he climbs on with the Rangers at the back. Humprey then raises the tree up and turns around towards the forest to allow the babyfaces to jump off safely. Hubert grabs the kid and the abusive parents have their bonding moment as Jeremy just doesn't have the backbone to hate them for making him suffer through childhood. The human hunter pop on that one and I just know Hubert is going to go for his gun because he wants to MURDER that damn bear. Humprey is panicking as he thinks his life is over........
…..for about three seconds as we cut over to a tree as four kids tie up the bear against the tree while we cut back to the scene as the blond bitch turns down the bitch level saying that they should spend more time with Jeremy and of course Hubert just casually blows her off because he's still watching television. You would think Hubert would get this by now the powerful force of blond bitch; but he doesn't as he gets another pretty nasty kick into the back of the head destroying another innocent lawn chair in the process. It's nice to see the bitch has learned her lesson; kind of. We then pan down south as the Rangers are hiking and Dale wants to lead the pack this time as he buts into the front. Chip asks if Dale's afraid of any wild animals and Dale blows it off as his back is turned to a butterfly comes in front of him and he turns around and panics like a stiff and then dives into the grass like a goof. HAHA! Dale pops up as the butterfly lands on his head and the Rangers laugh their asses off at him to end the episode at 21:10. And there is the third perfect episode of the series right there despite the small coloring mistakes; all due to Humprey, Jeremy and Dale just working their asses off. However; if you also want the perfect episode of why Disney has no respect for families of any kind; this is the episode to see. At least Dev Ross did a great job in playing the part to the hilt even when Gadget sounded like she had the flu. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; I wasn't expecting a perfect episode here and they actually delivered in spades which give me new respect for Dev Ross even with the awesome A Star is Torn episode in TaleSpin. Needless to say; Humprey the One Joke Bear was actually awesome as the writers managed to give him four or five spots for him to do that I liked despite the pathos not quite working out to the point of tears; but making perfect sense in the grand scheme of the episode. Jeremy was just too funny as he kept screwing everyone which is something Molly Cunningham would steal for Kit's first babysitting job in which she was dealing with Kit F'N Cloudkicker. The other Rangers were good although Monty was is usual bad self and Gadget seems to have a cold in this episode which tells me Tress shouldn't have been recording voices on that day. Dale of course brought out his funny as I'm starting to see why the Chip & Dale act worked so well. Without the insane antics of Dale; Chip is pretty much just another rodent.
While the entire episode was awesome with only a few logic breaks and one or two animation mistakes; I really see a perfect example of what Disney thinks of families in Hubert and the nameless blond who basically act like their kid doesn't exist and put him in dangerous situations and then act like wusses when Jeremy was playing with a chipmunk and then act like heartless people when a bear actually shows heart and returns their child to them. And naturally the parents blame the damn bear for everything. It's like Eisner's wet dream with Kit Cloudkicker coming alive and Kit doesn't even exist yet. This is fine because it completely clears Rebecca Cunningham of any wrongdoing in her episodes and screws Eisner's attempt to paint her as a bitch like so many strong females in DTVA. Even Katie Dodd looks like a caring person in comparison. Well; next up is Out to Launch and I going to have some pain commencing. So......
Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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