Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The web master has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the web master and no one else. The web master has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
A Spy In The Ointment Transcript
Written: 08/29/2015
Updated:
10/06/2021
Act I
Scene I
(Shot of the full moon outside the offices of Higher For Hire. We pan down to the docks and then cut to a closeup shot of outside the office as there is a car that looks like it was in a car wreck.)
Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII: Look, I'm sorry Becky. How many times do I have to say it?
Rebecca Cunningham: For what you did, one thousand times wouldn't be enough! (Cut to Rebecca angry.) You gave the keys to my car to a complete stranger. (We see Baloo has the wheel of Rebecca's car.)
Baloo: Well, the guy was dressed like a parking valet. How could I know he was a thief?
Rebecca: You should have asked him for some credentials. (Rebecca pokes Baloo in the belly and he flops onto the chair behind him.)
Baloo: Credentials? Like what? A badge? The guy parks cars. Anyway, I got the car back. (Showing off the steering wheel which Rebecca takes from him.)
Rebecca: In how many pieces?! Face it, Baloo; you're too gullible. I'd never be fooled like that. No possible way! (Rebecca folds her arms as a brown rabbit enters from the storage room (the door with the dartboard on it.) wearing a black trenchcoat, blue sweater, white shirt, red bowtie and a black hat which he cut holes in to let the hat be held by the ears.)
Jack Case: Jack Case is the name, spying's my game. (Rebecca is in shock as Jack goes over to Baloo.) But that's hush-hush, you know. (Jack runs off stage left.)
Rebecca: A spy? (Jack goes over to Rebecca.)
Jack: How'd you know? Are you an enemy agent? A Mahatma Hari? Who sent you? Who do you work for?
Rebecca: Ah; I run this place.
Jack: Okay, just the person I want to see. (Jack hugs Rebecca.) I need a plane. I need a pilot. I'm on a mission. Totally hush-hush. (Jack uncloaks his trenchcoat to reveal a birthday present.) I gotta get this box to a certain place by a certain time or we're talking certain disaster.
Baloo: You certain?
Jack: Certainly. It's a matter of importance, to the government!
Rebecca: The government? Ahoo, how patriotic!
Jack: Yes. But you didn't hear it from me.
Rebecca: Of course not. Mum's the word. (Rebecca goes over to the desk and to a large red book.) Now, let me check our schedule. (She takes a split second peek and then closes the book.) Whaddaya know?! We have an opening. (Baloo goes over to Rebecca and motions her to come with him.)
Baloo: 'Scuse us for a sec. (Whispers as Jack is looking for stuff and running around for no reason.) Are you nuts? We aren't gonna fly this guy. We don't even know if he's really a spy.
Rebecca: (Whispers.) Baloo! He says he is.
Baloo: Well, fine. Then have him show you his credentials.
Rebecca: Credentials? Like what, a badge? The guy's a secret agent! They're probably all written in invisible ink. (Jack was apparently trying to steal something from Baloo's pocket, but thought better of it.)
Baloo: Oh, brother! (Jack is pulling a plant from a red vase.)
Rebecca: Mr. Case, you've got yourself an airplane!
Scene II
(Shot of the sky near a shore as the SeaDuck flies away from the camera. Cut to inside the cockpit.)
Baloo: So, where are we headed, hotshot?
Jack: That's a secret.
Baloo: Secret, schmecret. (Jack tries to push something; but Baloo slaps his hand away.) At least tell me where we're goin'. I am the one flyin' this plane.
Jack: Sorry. But that's on a need to know basis.
Baloo: Right. I need to know.
Jack: Look, you fly me in; I swap the package for another just like it and you fly me out. Got it?
Baloo: In where? (We notice out of nowhere a note attached with scotch tape directions. It reads: NW (2 hrs); NNW (1 hr); leli; SW (45 min); ther SSE (10 min). Baloo pulls the note from the control panel.) Your directions sound mighty close to the border of Thembria.
Jack: Actually, they're over the border of Thembria. (Baloo grabs Jack by the trenchcoat.)
Baloo: Are you out of your pointy-earded gourd?! You don't just flit into Thembria unannounced! (Baloo lets go.)
Jack: I'm not worried (We hear a loud thud sound out of nowhere.)
Baloo: Well, that makes one of us. (Another loud thud sound ensues, which sounds like someone dropped a piano on the the SeaDuck.)
Rebecca: What's making that noise?
Baloo: If I'm not mistaken, a piano. Thembrians like to get your attention with large objects. (We cut to outside as there is a piano attached to a lot of rope being pounded on the roof of the SeaDuck. We cut to a far shot showing three medium sized grey planes with red targets on the tailsections and a wire attached to the tailfin to the roof of each plane. Cut to a Thembrian with tusks wearing a full space suit like pilot gear, red goggles and a black pilot's cap on the transmitter.)
Thembrian Air Controller Pilot #1: You are in restricted Thembrian airspace! I order you to pull over immediately! (Cut to a shot of the planes using the piano and then to inside the cockpit.)
Rebecca: Oh, dear. They mean business.
Baloo: With a capital Biz, lady. (Another piano thud sound ensues. Baloo steps on the gas and starts to push on the flight stick to fly away from the Thembrian planes. The Thembrians proceed to go after him and get over the SeaDuck; to drop the piano on a rope onto the SeaDuck roof again.)
Rebecca: What are we gonna do?
Baloo: Well, why don't you ask old spyboy? He's got all the answers.
Rebecca: Right. Jack! Oh, Jack? What should we...do? (Rebecca somehow doesn't notice Jack; even though she was looking in the general direction before she somehow didn't notice him. Rebecca looks and notices the door to the cockpit is opened a bit. Rebecca runs into the back as wind and papers fly around the scene. Rebecca runs to Jack who has opened the side door.) JACK!
Jack: Sorry, Rebecca; but I've gotta go! It's for the good of the mission! (Jack finishes putting on a parachute. Disney Captions had it as "nation" instead.)
Rebecca: But what about us?!
Jack: Rebecca, they may capture you, they may torture you. They may subject you to pain beyond human endurance. But if they do, I want you to remember just one thing.
Rebecca: Yes, Jack?
Jack: Mum's the word! {Jack jumps out of the side door of the SeaDuck and freefall complete with parachute release. Rebecca gulps and then walks back into the cockpit and sits down in the navigator's seat looking stunned beyond belief.}
Baloo: Well?
Rebecca: He...sorta stepped out for a minute.
Baloo: Pitiful! (Another thud sound ensues.) Oops! We can't hang around here anymore! Hold on! (Rebecca yells as Baloo twists the flight stick and flies to the right. Cut back to Thembrian Pilot #1 on the transmitter.)
TAC Pilot #1: Squad! Attack! (The SeaDuck dodges the planes as we cut back to TAC Pilot #2 breathing a sigh of relief.)
TAC Pilot #2: Whew! EEEPPPP! (One of the Thembrian plane is heading straight at him. TAC Pilot #1 pushes a button and his seat ejects him from the plane. TAC Pilot #2 does the same as the planes crash into each other. As the two open their paraachutes they yell at each other.) You are swede lover!
TAC Pilot #3: Ahh! Your father milks chickens for a living! (Disney Captions missed "Ahh!" and "for a living". The SeaDuck flies away as TAC Pilot #1 goes after it with the piano. Baloo dives down and then push the flight stick up and hyperboles and then backflips out. TAC Pilot #1 tries the same method; but the rope piano swings and smashes the Thembrian plane on the undercarriage.)
TAC Pilot #1: Mama! (The pilot goes through the roof and freefalls. The SeaDuck flies upside down for a bit and then comes up.)
Baloo: Heh ha ha. That showed 'em a thing or three. (Baloo wipes his hands as we hear plane engine sounds buzzing.) Whoa! More company comin'. (Four Thembrian planes with a large net fly right straight at the SeaDuck. Rebecca is yelling as the plane catch the SeaDuck like it was fishing.)
Rebecca: Now look what you have done?! (The SeaDuck is now officially over Thembria as the plane fly the SeaDuck away.)
Baloo: Me? It wasn't my secret plan!
Scene III
(Snowy shot outside of the Thembrian Capital building. We get a pan shot of the entire building.)
Rebecca: Now remember, Baloo. Don't say a word about you know what. (We head into a hallway with a Thembrian guard dressed in a Nazi uniform and army helmet behind Baloo and Rebecca who are marching in front.) Or you know who; because you know why.
Baloo: Well, how could I? I don't even know what you're takin' about.
Scene IV
(Shot of office with a prison door on the left side and a giant desk with a door on the front guarded by Sargeant Dunder who sees Baloo and Rebecca marching with two of the Thembrian guards showing up.)
Colonel Ivanhov Spigot: So, ignominious intruders; you'll tremble before me! As well you should, for I am Colonel Spigot! Perhaps you've heard of me?
Baloo: No, I can't say that I have.
Colonel Spigot: Spigot! Tyrant of the New Territories. Beast of the Battle of Baldoom. Death-dealing demon of Dimswipe?
Baloo: Oh, you do plumbing, right? (We see Spigot is on top of the perch as he is mad and papers fly.)
Colonel Spigot: Wrong! No.
Baloo: Do I get another hint?
Colonel Spigot: Plumbing?! (Mutters.) Tryant. (Spigot walks into his desk and opens the door that was guarded by Sargeant Dunder. I should note that when he opened the door; the elevator doors changed to one single door.)
Rebecca: Oh!
Colonel Spigot: Dunder!
Sargeant Dunder: Sir! (Dunder salutes Spigot.)
Colonel Spigot: Show him my resume! (Spigot folds his arms as Dunder reveals a piece of paper. Baloo examines it.)
Baloo: Oh, that Spigot!
Colonel Spigot: Confess! Are you not here to disrupt the Thembrians' glorious Slush Festival, of which I am in charge of the Slush Parade?
Baloo: Slush Parade? Now listen, Spiggy; this is all a big misunderstanding. (Disney Captions has it as Spiggie.) Some idiot hired us to fly him in and... (Rebecca stomps on Baloo's right foot.) OW!
Rebecca: Zip it, Baloo! Jack said not to tell them anything. (Baloo is grabbing his foot and hopping around.) We have nothing to say. Especially about the box Jack was carrying. (Rebecca folds her arms and Spigot panics and runs to Rebecca.)
Colonel Spigot: Box?! What box?!
Rebecca: My lips are sealed.
Colonel Spigot: It's not a bomb, is it?
Rebecca: I'm not saying. Not a word. You won't get anything from me. (Spigot ponders it over and then points at Rebecca.)
Colonel Spigot: HA! But I already have. By refusing to say it wasn't a bomb when I asked you if it was; you thought you'd trick me into thinking you were lying. Thus I presume it wasn't a bomb. (Dunder grabs Spigot by the hips and raises him up.) Therefore the answer is as plain as the nose on my foot.
Baloo: Which is, pray tell?
Colonel Spigot: That it is a bomb! Otherwise, you would have said it was.
Baloo: Amazing deduction!
Colonel Spigot: Thank you. Hmm hmm. To the dungeons with them. (Baloo and Rebecca are escorted into the hallway with prison cells by the guards..)
Rebecca: Hey, I didn't say anything.
Scene V
(Shot of outside the Capital building as the snow has let up. We head inside as a number of Thembrians in Nazi uniforms are taking presents and smashing them on the table, dousing them in water, and smashing them with hammers shattering them. Notable mistake: The tables show presents in a blue box with a white ribbon; but the ones with the black OK stamp on them are orange boxes with blue ribbons when they are placed in a pile by the thinner Thembrian officer. Cut to a window showing Jack Case watching on as he opens his trenchcoat. He drops down below the window sill.)
Jack: Uh-oh. (The place looks like a padded cell with a large hole in it and a large wooden door.)
Colonel Spigot: And make sure the prisoners' plane is stored away as evidence. (In comes Spigot and Dunder from the door as Dunder has a clipboard with him. One of the presents on the table is colored purple with a ribbon similar to the box Jack has in his trenchcoat.)
Sargeant Dunder: Of course, Colonel.
Colonel Spigot: Remember, men. Inspect those gifts as if your lives depended on it. Because they do. One of those boxes is a bomb. (We see the officers continuing to smash, douse and stamp OK onto the presents at the table. Then Spigot and Dunder turn around and salute because a plump Thembrian with a purple uniform and hat with a red sash with a gold sun metal on the front and a medal pinned on the left side enters the room.) The High Marshal! (Coming behind him is a thin Thembrian officer in Nazi gear and a woman dressed in a black dress with pink trim and wearing black hair eating noodles of some kind in a packet.)
High Marshal: Do I know this person?
Thembrian Aide: He's the head of your air force.
High Marshal: Didn't I have him shot?
Thembrian Aide: Not yet.
Colonel Spigot: (Runs in.) I am at your service, sir! (Dunder runs in and both of them salute.)
High Marshal: Oh, yes. Ah...Ah...Um...Nozzle.
Colonel Spigot: Uh, that's Spigot, sir. (The High Marshal pulls down his brow and Spigot recoils.) Uh, of course I've often thought about changing my name to Nozzle. Ahem.
High Marshal: Good. You know my wife? (His wife snorts and eats noodles.)
Colonel Spigot: Madam High Marshal! You were never lovelier. (Spigot comes over and kisses her hand multiple times and getting sauce all over his mouth.)
High Marshal's Wife: I wasn't?
Colonel Spigot: Except for the last time I saw you and the time before that. You were always lovelier.
High Marshal's Wife: Hmmm. (His wife walks out eating.)
High Marshal: Well, I trust there will be no incidents at the Slush Festival. Nothing like that bomb last year. (The High Marshal and his aide start to walk out.)
Colonel Spigot: A bomb? This year? Oh, High Marshal! You have my word that everything will be perfect.
High Marshal: (Spigot and Dunder walk off as we see Jack pop up from the window.) Good. Otherwise, you will be shot. (Cut to the window.)
Jack: Boy! Getting my package in there's going to be a lot tougher than I thought. (Disney Captions missed "a lot" part.)
Scene VI
(Cut to a shot of a Thembrian prison cell with a spider web and a spider on a ceiling lamp. Baloo and Rebecca are sitting inside the cell while Baloo is eating gruel from a bowl.)
Rebecca: It's not fair! I have an MBA. I shouldn't be sitting in some dungeon with slime and vermin! (Disney Captions changed some to "a".)
Baloo: Hey-hey, don't blame me! It was your spysy-wysy that gotta here with his secret mumbo-jumbo.
Rebecca: Jack is on a mission for the government. (Rebecca pounds her fist and no sound effect comes out; but a dustcloud does.) Can't you understand?!
Baloo: I understand, I just don't believe. I don't think he's a real spy. (Rebecca walks to Baloo.)
Rebecca: Oh?! Well, how do you explain his trenchcoat, huh? That's a spy's trenchcoat!
Baloo: Oh, dazzling logic. You and Spigot go to the same school? (Cut to outside in the hallway as one of the guards is sleeping on a footstool beside the door.)
Rebecca: Oh, insults now?! (The guard is snoring and then wakes up and looks at the prison door.)
Thembrian Guard #1: Huh? (Cut back to inside the prison cell with Rebecca aguring at Baloo.)
Rebecca: Why if Jack were here; he'd probably have some spyish way to get us out. Like an exploding pen...or an invisible screwdriver or... (The guard bangs on the prison door.)
Thembrian Guard #1: Will you two keep it down?! I'm trying to get some sleep! (The guard turns around and yawns. Baloo extends his arm out the prison window in the cell and uses the spoon to strike the metal helmet of the Thembrian guard several times. This is apparently enough to cause him a concussion and knock himself out.)
Baloo: Or maybe a handy-dandy spoon.
Scene VII
(Outside on an icy road somewhere in the capital. We then pan over to outside the capital building with one Thembrian guard outside as Baloo marches out with his hands up. Rebecca comes out in the outfit they stole from the previous Thembrian guard as the guard salutes her.)
Rebecca: Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two! Hut-two-three-four...! (The guard goes into the building. Cut to a wall with an fire alarm as it rings. Cut to outside the streets with shadows of guards with rifles running as we zoom into an alleyway behind a snowbank. Baloo and Rebecca pop up. They look around and run towards the deal end and back against the wall.)
Baloo: Gee, that was fun! Now we just gotta get the SeaDuck, and get outta here. (Footstep sounds ensue.)
Rebecca: Somebody's coming. (Baloo and Rebecca run to the left for a while and then notice the true dead end.) It's a dead end! (Baloo and Rebecca turn around to notice a shadow figure running towards them. The shadow clearly looks like Jack Case.)
Jack: Don't move! (Rebecca and Baloo put their arms up.)
End Of Act I At 10:23
Act II
Scene I
(Shot of Baloo and Rebecca at the dead end with their arms up as the shadow figure engulfs them.)
Rebecca: Hold it buster! I'm packing a pistol {Rebecca grabs a pistol from the vest of her sweater and aims it right at her face.} and I'm not afraid to use it!
Baloo: Gimme that! {Baloo grabs the pistol. Jack finally appears in the flesh pleading.}
Jack: Don't shoot! It's me, Jack Case. (Rebecca runs to Jack and hugs him.)
Rebecca: Jack! What a guy! What a spy!
Baloo: {Holding the pistol by the way as he throws the thing away as he is walking away stage left.} What a lie! Goodbye.
Jack: (Runs to Baloo.) Wait, wait, wait! Look, I shouldn't tell you this...
Baloo: Well, then please don't.
Jack: But I've had to revise the game plan. I gonna need your help. (Jack pulls on Baloo's shirt.) Hush-hush.
Baloo: Sorry. All outta help. (Baloo grabs Jack by the trenchcoat.)
Jack: But the mission?! Huh. The secret mission. Hush-hush. Mum's the word. Government and all that.
Baloo: I don't even think there is a mission. If you wanna know what I do think... (Rebecca comes in and forces Baloo's arm down to let Jack get back on his feet again.)
Rebecca: Baloo! This isn't a debate! Jack says he's a spy. Which means I say he's a spy. Which means we're helping him finish...the mission! (Baloo sighs.)
Baloo: Oh-aw. Here we go again.
Scene II
(Cut to a portion outside of the capital building. We head to a stairwell and then pan up as Baloo, Rebecca and Jack are dressed up as gypises.)
Rebecca: Ow! Watch where you're sticking that accordion.
Baloo: Sorry. (Disney Captions missed this. Cut to a shot of the High Marshal's mug on the wall.)
Jack: Shh! Try to be a little more secret. Shh! (They head to a corner as Jack looks around for anyone of note.)
Rebecca: These clothes look ridiculous!
Jack: Sorry, Rebecca; but disguises is a mainstay for all us spy types. (Jack, Baloo and Rebecca are practing the fine art of not being seen; but Baloo is complaining.)
Baloo: Man, I just don't know how gals get around in these things. (They walk towards the door as Jack motions over to Rebecca to the door; but Baloo is on the ground taking off one of his boots as his foot is bruised and swollen. Baloo is using the fake hair to fan his foot. Rebecca and Jack go over and are not impressed so Baloo grins.)
Scene III
(Head inside the offices of the High Marshal as Colonel Spigot has his pointing stick at a map of the road of the capital. Dunder is watching on with a clipboard.)
Colonel Spigot: And then once the floats go by, you open all these lovely gifts from around the world. (Pan over to the desk as the High Marshal is at his desk looking bored out of his skull. On the desk is the gift box that Jack Case is trying to steal from on the right side. On the left side is a plate of doughnuts which the High Marshal and his wife are eating (with the wife eating two of course.); while the aide is watching on from behind the High Marshal. )
High Marshal: (yawns) I'd rather be ice fishing. Cancel the festival. (Spigot goes to the desk and leans on the edge.)
Colonel Spigot: But your High Marshal?! I've worked...I mean, (Spigot is using Dunder as a foot stool.) the people have worked so hard on this.
High Marshal: Nozzle.
Colonel Spigot: Spigot.
High Marshal: (High Marshal takes pointy stick from Spigot.) Every year is the same Slush Festival, the same dull parade, the same dull presents. (The High Marshall breaks the pointy stick in half. Twice.) The people are always bored and there's always a bomb. (His wife has three doughnuts in her left hand and is eating all of them.) I was hoping for more from you.
Thembrian Aide: Tsk-tsk! (The High Marshal is not happy as Spigot is on his desk begging for mercy.)
Colonel Spigot: No, please, sir! I promise! This year will be special! (Suddenly the door opens and in comes Baloo, Jack and Rebecca. Baloo is in dancing mode today.)
Baloo: Ha!
Jack/Rebecca: Huh!
Colonel Spigot: (Turns around.) Uh? (Baloo goes over to Dunder.)
Baloo: As promised, here we are.
Colonel Spigot: "We"?
Baloo: (Grabs Spigot.) The special entertainment you hired for the Slush Festival, of course. (Baloo hugs him.)
Colonel Spigot: Of course! See? It's special already. Do I know you from somewhere?
Baloo: Aw-ho-ho. I bet you say that to all the girls! (They touch noses and then Baloo puts Spigot on the desk.) And we cannot hardly wait for the Slush Festival to begin. (Baloo backs up as Rebecca and Jack get into position. Jack has his squeeze box while Rebecca is on tamborine.) In fact, we are so excited...Hey!
Jack/Rebecca: Hey!
Baloo: We feel like dancin'. A-one and a-two...(Baloo, Jack, and Rebecca start to dance and play their music instruments some folk music. Somehow the aide is on the opposite side of the desk now and the wife is no where to be seen as Baloo rubs his chin.) Oh, yeah! Don't you just love those native rhythms? (The aide is not amused and he walks away stage left. The wife of the High Marshal dances and suddenly, the High Marshal goes from being totally bored to being a horn dog. Baloo dances and claps. More dancing ensues and the High Marshal is on the desk clapping his hands. Spigot just watches stunned. Baloo notices the package on the desk behind Dunder and somehow Spigot and ther High Marshal are off the desk completely. Baloo goes over to Jack.) One diversion, as ordered.
Jack: On my way. (Jack plays the squeeze box and goes over to the desk to get to the presents. Dunder notices him as I discover that the desk is much larger than it appeared because Spigot/High Marshal are still on the desk. Baloo grabs Sargeant Dunder and they dance together. Jack uses the built-in storage inside his squeeze box to snag the present and change the gift for the one he wanted to deliver (which wasn't smashed). More dancing with Dunder from Baloo. Baloo then twirls Dunder as he goes into a whirlwind as he collides into Jack off-screen as we get a closeup of Rebecca playing the tamborine. Cut to Dunder sitting on Jack's back as the squeeze box causes both presents to fall onto the floor.)
Sargeant Dunder: Sorry. (Rebecca grabs Dunder and drags him away stage right. Jack clear the cobwebs and panics. He looks around and snags the present on the right and puts the one on the left on the desk. Jack walks away as Baloo has a towel and proceeds to wipe his rear end right in front of the High Marshal and then proceeds to put the white towel around the High Marshal's neck. They go nose to nose and the High Marshal's eyes grow wide. Baloo walks off dancing.)
Baloo: We're outta here. (Baloo and Rebecca bail out just as Dunder bounces on the floor with his rear end. Baloo throws a kiss at the door on the way to the High Marshal as he closes the door. The High Marshal is a horn dog who claps as the wife has her arms folded. She turns around, punches the High Marshal right in the kisser and he goes flying off-screen. She wipes her hands.)
High Marshal's Wife: Ahem! (Cut to outside the capital building as Baloo and Jack are already outside.)
Baloo: You got the package?
Jack: Roger.
Baloo: Then let's get the plane. (Baloo and Jack leave just as Rebecca comes in. Rebecca shakes her tamborine.)
Rebecca: Taxi! (Disney Captions had it as "Patsy!" Baloo grabs her and we exit stage left.)
Scene IV
(Cut to a tank like jeep sitting near a Thembrian radish store as we cut to a closeup of a teenage Thembrian with a cooked radish on a stick licking his chops. He eats the radish and is about to take another bite; but bites air as Baloo has stolen his radish on a stick. He also burps and returns the stick to the driver. Second burp and Baloo pokes on his shoulder. He turns around and in partial shadow is Baloo grabbing him.)
Thembrian Tank Driver: Huh? No...I... (Baloo tosses him into the snowbank and snow drops on the poor guy. Baloo wipes his hands as Jack and Rebecca show up.)
Jack: I'll take it from here. (Jack jumps into the front seat of the jeep.)
Baloo: You ever driven one of these?
Jack: (Starts the engines and the driving gear.) No. But remember, I'm a...
Baloo: Spy, yeah. You've told us a million times. (Rebecca gets into the passenger seat next to him.)
Rebecca: And spies know about these sort of things. (Of course when Jack tries to drive the tank jeep; it goes backwards and bumps into the walls of houses, backwards. This goes on for a long while and then Jack starts smashing into houses backwards and causes a line of tanks to stop and crash into each other. More backwards driving over a bridge, then underneath the bridge, bumping into it and causing it to crumble and collapse. Baloo is hanging on for dear life.)
Baloo: Where'd you learn that trick? Some secret agent handbook?
Jack: Trust me. I'm in total control. (Jack smashes into a sign and smacks into the back of a storage hanger where the SeaDuck is inside in total darkness.)
Baloo: Total control, huh? (The hanger is open as the light shines and the lights are on.) There's my baby! (Baloo, Rebecca and Jack walk in as Baloo rubs the SeaDuck like it's a small child. The side door is open as Jack throws the present into the navigator's seat and he goes in.)
Rebecca: I think you owe me an apology.
Baloo: An apology?! Ha. What for?!
Rebecca: (Arms folded.) Well, it's quite obvious that Jack really is a spy. I was right and now we've just helped the government on a secret mission. So there!
Jack: No, no, no! Not again! (We head into the cockpit.) Not again! (We see Jack crying on a box with his present.) Not fair, not fair!
Rebecca: Jack, what's the matter?
Jack: It's the wrong box! We have to go back again! (Jack pulls on his ears in frustration. Rebecca cannot believe it and Baloo is flustered.)
End Of Act II At 15:58
Act III
Scene I
(Inside the cockpit as Jack is in tears and blows his nose with a hanky.)
Rebecca: Now, Jack; I'm sure all secret agents have their little setbacks. (Baloo is sitting in his chair not amused.)
Jack: My boss is gonna kill me.
Baloo: I could save him the trouble!
Rebecca: You're not helping! Where's your patriotism, Baloo?!
Baloo: I don't know. On vacation?
Rebecca: This box obviously contains important secrets. (Rebecca goes over to Jack and grabs the present. They play tug of war for a while.) Vital plans so crucial...Eh. (Jack and Rebecca go flying in opposite directions as the box is now open and Rebecca has the contents which contain dozens of fishing worms with eyes (which worms don't typically have.) Rebecca looks at the box and she screams, jumps into the air and grabs onto the roof of the SeaDuck shaking. We see the worms with eyes trying to get out.) WORMS!
Jack: Ssh! Quiet. Hush-hush. Don't tell anyone. (Jack goes overand tries to put the worms back into the box, struggling.)
Rebecca: They're trained worms, right?! They carry microfilm?! They explode?! Jack, tell me they're not just plain worms?!
Jack: They're not just plain worms. They're very expensive fishing worms! (Rebecca drops down into Baloo's arms.)
Rebecca: But why would a spy carry fishing worms?
Jack: I'm...not a spy. I'm just a...mailman.
Rebecca: BUT THE TRENCHCOAT?! (Rebecca jumps out of Baloo's arms and grabs Jack by his trenchcoat.)
Jack: Would you have helped me if I'd said I was a postal worker?
Baloo: You should've asked for credentials.
Rebecca: TALK!
Jack: My boss had me mail two boxes. One for his wife, the other to the High Marshal. You see, the High Marshal likes to fish.
Baloo: And you sent the wrong package.
Jack: She was supposed to get a jewelry box with little frills and a toy ballerina on top.
Rebecca: (Takes Jack and pushes him into the wall.) We've been risking our necks over a can of worms and A JEWELRY BOX?!
Baloo: You ever hear the phrase: "Told you so"? (Rebecca is angry now.)
Rebecca: You stay outta this and start the plane. (Baloo runs over to the pilot's seat as Rebecca opens the door.) You...in here. (She goes over to the green porthole where storage is and opens it. She tosses Jack into the storage underneath the floor of the SeaDuck.)
Jack: But I gotta switch those boxes. The High Marshal wants fishing stuff. When he opens the wrong box and that ballerina pops out, he'll be insulted, he'll be enraged!
Rebecca: That's your problem! (Rebecca slams the porthole over Jack's head and seals it. Rebecca walks back into the cockpit.) Let's get outta here.
Baloo: How? With the Slush Parade goin' on, the SeaDuck will be a sittin' duck! (Baloo sits in his seat.) Unless you've got a way of getting us through "secretly".
Rebecca: Why, yes. (Snaps her fingers.) That's exactly how we're going to do it. (Baloo is deep in thought on it.)
Scene II
(Sky shot of the parade route for the Slush Parade as various floats and tanks drive down the icy road. The denizens of Thembria are lined up on the parade route looking bored to their skulls.)
Slush Parade Announcer: Welcome back to our coverage of the Slush Festival. (Cut to a Thembrian news broadcaster wearing black hair and wearing a brown suit with a green tie at the wooden booth on the microphone. He also has a badly drawn pencil, notepad and a glass.) As you can see, the crowd can hardly contain their excitement.
Thembrian Denizens: (Three Thembrians waving white flags. In a downbeat voice.) Yay.
Slush Parade Announcer: I can see from here how much our glorious leader -- the High Marshal -- is enjoying this. (We head to the booth where Colonel Spigot, the High Marshal and his wife (sporting a white fur coat and hat) watching from their thrones. Colonel Spigot is standing in front of all the presents that were approved earlier in the episode. Two Dunder looking guards with rifles guard the booth. The High Marshal yawns. A brass band plays as we see more floats showing a female Thembrian fashion model in front of a giant ice cube on a float. High Marshal is looking at Spigot and tapping his fingers on the chair rail. Spigot can only smile. More floats are shown including a Thembrian in a brown top hat with a grey flag with an ice cube on it. There are balloons and a giant bucket of ice cubes on another float. Cut to a closeup of a Thembrian pedaling another float in.) And there goes the final float, a salute to frostbite. What a show! (We see a large Thembrian ice statue of the High Marshal on the float followed by two fashion models with anime colored hair dancing.) And now for the annual opening of the present. And, wait. There's another float! (We cut to the road as the SeaDuck dressed up like a warthog wearing black rimmed glasses riding in. Cut back to inside the cockpit with Baloo and Rebecca.)
Rebecca: See? Isn't this working out nicely? We just keep a low profile and before you know it... (Rebecca puts her feet on the console and accidently hits the switch to start the engines. This destroys the disguise within seconds. Cut back to the porthole.)
Jack: Wait! Don't go! I have to switch the packages! (The SeaDuck starts to roar. Cut back to the cockpit.)
Rebecca: Turn it off!
Baloo: Too late! You blew our cover. Literally!
Rebecca: Well...what do we do?
Baloo: Get away as fast as we can.
Rebecca: Good idea. (Cut to dozens of Dunder looking Thembrian guards with their rifles pointed at the SeaDuck. Cut back to the cockpit.)
Baloo: Tanks! We're done for. (We see a bunch of tanks blocking the icy road.) What we need is a diversion. (Cut back to the cockpit.)
Rebecca: What we need is a secret agent.
Baloo: Now, didn't you already learn that lesson?
Rebecca: I did, but they didn't! (The SeaDuck is being chased by tanks. Cut back to the High Marshal talking to Spigot.)
High Marshal: Is this another one of your special event, Schnozzle?
Colonel Spigot: Uh...yes. I mean, no. (Cut back to the porthole.)
Jack: Come on, guys! You gotta let me...(Somehow; the porthole leads to the back door being open and Jack flies out of the SeaDuck.) go! (Jack does a huge backflip in slow motion and falls to the ground. Jack groans as he has snow all over his kisser.) YES! High Marshal, I have something for you! (Jack gets up and runs towards the booth where the High Marshal is as the tank is chasing him. The SeaDuck drives past the booth where the High Marshal is sitting down.)
Rebecca: He wanted to be a spy...(Points to Jack.) Look everyone; a spy! (The Thembrians all shout in panic and bail in various directions along the parade route. Jack continues to run in as we cut to the booth with the High Marshal.)
High Marshal: That better not be a bomb, Nozzle.
Colonel Spigot: Stop that man! (Goes from being authoritive to pleading for help.) Please. (Jack continues to wave at the High Marshal.)
Jack: Mr. High Marshal! (A dozen Thembrian guards jump in and tackle Jack to the snowy ground. Cut back to inside the cockpit.)
Baloo: Now's our chance! (Baloo gives it full throttle and hyperboles into the sky. One of the tanks finally fires a flamethrower like shot as the SeaDuck lops off the head of the giant High Marshal statue. Then the whole statue gets blown up into slush. The crowd panics and bails as the snow falls and they gasp in amazement. The SeaDuck flies away as the denizens clap their hands. Cut back to the High Marshal about to clobber Spigot as he was grabbing the uniform of Spigot; but then hears the crowd cheering and amuses that it's for him. He drops Spigot and waves to the crowd.)
High Marshal: Nice touch, Nozzle. The peasants actually liked it!
Colonel Spigot: Oh, thank you; High Marshal! (Cut to two Thembrian officers in Nazi gear carrying Jack with them.)
Jack: But I'm not a spy, honest! Just ask them! (Points to the SeaDuck in the sky.) ASK THEM!
Scene III
(Back in the office of Higher For Hire in a closeup shot of the Cape Suzette Tribune showing Colonel Spigot looking at the camera, High Marshal looking unamused and the aide giving him the jewelry box containing a ballerina and little frills. Sadly; no ballerina in evidence.)
Baloo: "The High Marshal, seen here accepting his favorite gift of the festival. An ornamental fishing tackle box." Well, don't that beat all?! The guy didn't even know it was supposed to be a jewelry box. (Baloo is sitting at Rebecca's desk reading the newspaper.)
Rebecca: See? Everything turned out fine.
Baloo: Woulda turned out finer if we hadn't gone through it in the first place. (Baloo folds his arms.)
Rebecca: How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
Baloo: Oh, only another...six hundred and seventy two times.
Rebecca: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
Baloo: I just love how that sounds.
End of Episode At 21:25
Back
To A Spy In The Ointment Re-Rant!
Back
To A Spy In The Ointment Notes!
Back
to TaleSpin Rants!
Return
to the Rant Shack!
Return
to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage!