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Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without premission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this webpage and that all material used here is used with the upmost affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team. MXC is (C) Bellion Entertainment Inc. "Takeshi's Castle" is (C) TBS Japan


The MXC Cartoon World Cup Competition

The American Cartoon Cup


{ACT I: Introductions & Athelete's Feet.}

Announcer: What are these cartoon characters running from? They're not...they are running too...the world greatest competition in town..Most Extreme Elimination Challenge..Tonight; it is the pairings for the final four in the American Cartoon as Disney's TaleSpin, Warner Brothers Batman, Fox's The Simpsons and Nick's Spongebob SquarePants will battle for the right to be part of the World Cup of cartooning. Will it be a good old school laughfest for adults? Will it be a newcomers in comedy?! Will it be a gritty drama or will it be an upset minded lighthearted horse?! If you want to see the results; then let's go to our resident oddballs..Kenny Blankenship and Vic Ramano....

[Back in the studio.]

Vic: Welcome to MXC...Kenny?! Stay focused...This is going to be a barnburner!

Ken: Yeah; it's like these four shows are fighting for the world.

Vic: Actually; they are Ken. This show will decide who will be facing whom in the Cartoon World Cup...[Ken starts to laugh.] Kenny?! What is so funny?!

Ken: I just remembered...Michael Eisner's already placed TaleSpin as the last seed as ordained by the Disney Best Show Finishes Last Rule.

Vic: Ah Kenny?! I was ready such a clever plot to influence our system of fair play...[Hits Kenny with his fan.] Therefore I have bought the rights to all four shows in order to level the playing field.

Ken: How much did it cost?!

Vic: About five dollars each...

Ken: Man what a waste...I could've bought pizza and beer for the same amount...

Vic: See...That's the problem with you Ken. You can never see beyond the next day and cannot think about anything past dinner...The real reason why this world will never get laid...Speaking of people who'll never get laid even if he was playing Feel The Magic XY/XX; here's Guy LaDouce!

Ken: Don't you mean _guy_?! [We go to the field with Guy LaDouce.]

Guy: Guy here and I have my super boobtube to catch all the laying down and pornographic action here...HOHOHOHOHO...Today is the first day of the American Cup in which will decide who is facing who in the tournment. At the end; #1 will face #4 and #2 will face #3..No team will be elimination so I won't be able to root for them either...Our four teams will face our more cheerish events such as Athlete's Feetm Saddle Sores, Les Tour Du Grand Prix and Hand Job...HOHOHOHO...HAHAHAHAHAHA...Now let's go to the Captain...my mouth is drier than a desert...

Vic: Probably dirty too..

[A helicopter approches a beach about thirty feet above the ground. The four teams are sitting on the white side of the sand. The door opens and a rope ladder comes down as the Captain is hanging onto the rope ladder.]

Captain: Oh my...my tiger's shining wrong there...Distrubing...[The helicopter comes down just enough to allow the Captain to jump off safely. The Captain jumps off with prop sword in hand and the helicopter flies away.] Thank you tiger...Hello everyone...[Everyone cheers in unison.] How many of you think that television programs like yours cause violent and fat kids?! Show of hands..NOW!!

All: YEAH!! [Everyone raises their hands.]

{Team TaleSpin- Baloo, Kit, Rebecca, WildCat, Don Karnage, Mad Dog, Dumptruck, Colonel Spigot, Sgt. Dunder, Shere Khan. }

{Team Batman-Batman, Batgirl, Robin, The Joker, Two-Face, Catwoman, Posion Ivy, Mr. Freeze, The Peniguin, The Scarecrow. }

{Team Simpsons-Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Mr. Burns, Mr. Smithers, Seymour Skinner, Moe, Mr. Flanders, Grandpa.}

{Team Spongebob- Spongebob SquarePants, Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Plankton , Patchy the Pirate, The Flying Dutchman, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy.}

Captain: Well; you're wrong...It's oxymornic shows that claim to get kids outdoors such as LazyTown that make children fat and violent. Your shows at worse only make kids slightly agressive, slightly thin and have potty mouths that can be easily washed out with a bar of soap.[Spongebob SquarePants is laughing like a sheep.] Speaking of characters who need to have their mouths washed out with soap...

Patrick: I did it...I'm a naughty boy..

Captain: I wasn't talking to you Star Fishy...Oh wait a minute! You're trying to be funny right?!

Patrick: What it to ya?!

Captain: Let me explain something to you jokeboy! Stop playing these jokes; because there's no on funnier than me! Not Patrick! Not WildCat!! Not Homer! And not Kenny Blankenship!! So stop it! At least Batman is smart enough to realize it...

Batman: You're disgusting!

Captain: Why thank you...It's all in the job discription..Hey; let's all have some fun and start out with Athlete's Feet! [Captain gets into position.] LET'S GO!![Everyone stand up and goes to the first event with the Captain.]

Ken: Thanks a lot Captain! Remind me cross Captain Tanmeal off my Christmas Card list...

Vic: I don't remember you giving out cards last year Ken...and we're off to our first challenge: Athlete's Feet! The object is to take the footwear and use it to run across a gaint cookie sheet pre=heated to 375 degrees...Slip and your butt will be burned to a cinder!

{Athlete's Feet- There are forty various shoes, sandals, costume feet and creative footwear. On the Captain's signal; the forty contestents fly out of the doors and pick their pairs of shoes and place them on their feet. They then race onto the 50 foot square piece of metal which is baking in the hot sun on the ground and make it across the finish line on the other side. The teams have one minute to get their entire team past the finish line. Each one across gets a point for their team as long as they finish in under a minute. You cannot lose if you slip and fall on your butt on the hot cookie sheet.}

Captain: LET'S GET IT ON!

Vic: [The gates open and all forty contestents pour out to the footwear on the ground. Kit is the first to the footwear.] And we are off as the competitors grab the footwear and Kit is there first...[Kit selects the One Piece straw sandals and put them on.]...and he has chosen the straw sandals of Luffy D. Monkey...

Ken: The only kid who can be compared at him in complexity and he's going to be on a hot foot streak...

Vic: Right you are Ken...[Everyone picks their shoes and heads for the baking sheet.] Here we see Kit crossing the line first...[Kit crosses without incident.]..followed by Batman who's wearing those beautiful Oz Ruby Slippers...

Ken: [Batman crosses the line.] I hate those slippers; they remind me of Kevin Nash..[Rebecca and Batgirl cross together wearing those large human feet attachments.] Man; I didn't know Rebecca had big feet?!

Vic: You need arches to win this event..[Don Karnage, Homer, Robin, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Mr. Burns all cross the finish line.]

Ken: Wow.. Mr. Krabs wearing cans of soup. That's cheap!!

Vic: Kenny?! He's Mr. Krabs the owner of the Krusty Krab and there goes Squidward's hopes and dreams.

Ken: Hopes and dreams...My dreams are to get laid by as many chicks as humanly possible...[The Joker, Baloo, WildCat, Two-Face, Marge, Lisa and Bart cross the line easily.]

Vic: Wow; that was a surprise indeed....[Sandy, Plankton and Catwoman cross the line easily with fifteen seconds later.] And I see Catwoman wearing the beautiful gold-plated winged sandals of Icarus!

Ken: Wow; she actually didn't stumble out of the blocks this time.

Vic: That's the live action version Ken.

Ken: Oh; that version sucked...[Patchy The Pirate, The Flying Dutchman, Mr. Smithers, Seymour, Moe, Mr. Flanders, Grandpa, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Penguin and Scarecrow all cross with Mr. Freeze leaving water puddles on the pan.]

Vic: Only six competitiors are left as Patrick's having some trouble.. [Patrick picks the roller skates as Mad Dog, Shere Khan and Dumptruck cross the line.]...and Spongebob picks the horseshoes...[Colonel Spigot and Dunder walk across the line easily with ten seconds left.] Spongebob and Patrick better hurry up.

Ken: He shouldn't have pick the roller skates...[Patrick rolls onto the cookie sheet; but slips on a puddle of water and collides into Spongebob. They fall onto their faces into the cookie sheet as time expires.]

Vic: Oh...and time is up for this event...[Spongebob and Patrick roll onto the cookie sheet creating heat and flames and they are screaming like little girls.] Oh my...What's happening?!

[Back in the studio as Kenny is laughing.]

Ken: That was so great seeing them rolling on the ground and creating more heat for themselves..

Vic: [Hits Kenny with his fan.]Kenny?! That is curel and inhumane. Characters are real...Character cannot be used for use and abuse...[Kenny giggles louder.]

Ken: Yeah right! We've been abusing Takeshi's Castle Characters on Spike TV for three years now...

Vic: [Hits Kenny with his fan.] Kenny!! This great show has been exposed enough without you saying that it is...and as Patrick and Spongebob go to our local deflaming area; here's the MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.]

Ken: See; Patrick is a moron. After all; no one flops without screaming like a girl.

Vic: Kenny!! I need a break...and I will get one as the score is TaleSpin/Batman/ Simpson leading Spongebob with a 10-10-10-8 score...

Announcer: Coming up next... it's time to saddle those sores. Don't ouch it Bumguts!!

[Commerical Break.]

{End of Act I}


{Act II: Saddle Sores}

Announcer: We now return with the second round of MXC pain....

[Back to the studio.]

Vic: And we are back with everyone leading SB by a score to 10-10-10-8.

Ken: Don't you mean S.O.B.?!

Vic: Son of Bob?! Kenny! Can't you think of anything else but foul mouth antics?!

Ken: It's not like that {dolphin bleep} Patrick drove all over my {dolphin bleep} pizza. I should be enjoying my {dolphin bleep} pizza..and..what the {dolphin bleep} is that?!

Vic: That's the brand new bleeping device to prevent bad word from entering the human mind. We need it to keep the FCC away.

Ken: I got a better idea; just call me...I'll be so slick that the FCC won't know what hit them.

Vic: [Lowers his head.] Why do I even bother...Our next event is Saddle Sores. Our contestents will horse around and try to cross the line before they get put down.

{Saddle Sores- On the right sides there are four wooden stalls contains four contestents which are wearing plastic horses and horse jockeys. When the starter's pistol goes off the horses go off the blocks are riding on roller skates down the road which has two large rectangle bumps. The winner is the one who crosses the finish line ribbon on the left side first. There will be three race in this event and the winner gets a point. You cannot lose if you crash into the bumps or crash in the horse.}

Captain: LET'S GET IT ON!

Vic: [The four horses are in the stalls.] First up is 666 Business Khan; the second is Joker Jackpipe, the third is Flander Freak and finally; it's Crybaby Squid...[The contestents are Shere Khan, The Joker, Mr. Flanders and Squidward.]

Captain: LET'S GO! [Captain uses a pop gun and fire it into the air.]

[The four horses get out of the stalls and roller blade towards the first speed bump.]

Vic: And starting off is 666 Business Khan as Crybaby Squid is having trouble out of the starting gate...[Shere Khan steps over the first bump with ease. However; Flander Freak and Joker Jackpipe collide with each other and fall over the first bump. ]Oh; and the Joker bumps into the Freak.

Ken: Curses; I bet $50 on Flander Freak.[Crybaby Squid get over the first bump; but barely...He takes over second place.]

Vic: I'm not surprised since Jokers' a criminal who would collide with a bad joke just to be funny...[Shere Khan makes it to the second bump as Crybaby Squid is gaining on him. Joker Jackpipe and Flander Freak get up and continue to bump into each other which causes them to collide into Shere Khan.] Oh! And the bumping has caused a tri-fecta collision.

Ken: [Crybaby Squid barely gets over the second bump and it is home free.] I call that collison a les nage a trois!

Vic: Right you are Ken...[Crybaby Squid crosses the finish line for the point.]...and Crybaby Squid has won race number one...[The remaining horses struggle to get over the bump; but they collide and fall over the bump.] ...and sadly as we see here; the horses have basically tore every possible muscle in their body and now they will have to be put down. We had a chance to talk to the jocky of Flander Freak; Maude Flanders....[We go to the field with Maude Flanders.]

Maude: This is a sad day for us. We lost our best horse; but we are happy that our horse has lived a self-rightous, religious life and will be in heaven.[ Sniffs and starts to smile.] Not to mention the free horse steaks that'll feed my family for years to come...I'm joining you now![Back to the action.]

Vic: Well; that was informative...Now running in race number two is Communist Airhead in lane one, lane two is Two Coins, lane three is Flaming Moe and finally in lane four is No-Sell Sweetcheeks...[The gate features Colonel Spigot, Two-Face, Moe and Sandy Sweetcheek.]

Captain: LET'S GO! [He shoots the popgun.]

Ken: Why is he using a popgun?!

Vic: The FCC wouldn't allow a real gun...

Ken: Man; that blows!!

Vic: Indeed...and No-Sell Sweetcheeks gets off the starting blocks followed by Two-Coins and Flaming Moe..It looks like Communist Airhead is riding around in circles.

Ken: [Spigot is chasing himself.] Those wacky Thembrians; they always circle around when their values are threathened...

Vic: Right you are Ken...They don't know how to let go...[Sandy, Moe and Two-Face manage to get over the first bump and are neck-and-neck.] No-Sell is in the lead; but Flaming Moe and Two Coins is gaining on her...[Colonel Spigot spins around as it get through the first bump.] Communist Airhead is still spinning out of control as they are heading for the competitors!

Communist Airhead: Dunder!! I demand that you fix this horse right now!!

Ken: I'm betting that someone's going to get put down![Sandy get across the second bump easily. However; Colonel Spigot collides into Flaming Moe and Two Coins.] Oh my goodness that was painful...

Vic: Indeed...But Communist Airhead is still spinning...[Kenny laughs as Sandy touches the finish line just as Colonel Spigot clips her from behind. Sandy comes right out of the horse as the horse crosses the finish line and takes a nasty bump.] OH MY GOD.....!![Back in the studio as Kenny looked wide-eyed.]

Ken: Now that calls for a MXC Impact Replay..[They show the replay.] Communist Airhead and No-Sell Sweetcheeks display public affection and they create a brand new calf...Right there...[They freeze the screen.]Oh; wait! I can see her sweetcheeks!!

Vic: Kenny!! Let's go over to Guy and find out what happened...[We go to the field with Guy and Dunder who looks quite panicky.]

Guy: Guy here and you look scared. Why so bluehorn?! Your horse almost made it...

Dunder: Someone is going to get shot. It's the Thembrian way!

Guy: Oh dear..Guy is concerned that you're going to be shot.

Dunder: Actually; it's Colonel Spigot who is going to be shot...And I'm going to miss him!

Guy: Ooooo....Guy like![Back to the action.]

Vic: Top notch reporting as usual Guy...The final race features in lane one Wild Moron; in lane two it is Umbrella King; in lane three it is Skinner Schoolboy and in lane four it is the odds on favorite; The Flying Dutchman..[WildCat, The Penguin, Seymour Skinner and The Flying Dutchman are at the starting blocks.]

Captain: LET'S GO! [Captain uses a pop gun and fires it into the air.]

Vic: [The Flying Dutchman springs out of the starting gate and is near the first bump as WildCat, Penguin and Skinner leave their boxes.] Wow; Flying Dutchman just puts on the jets on the competition as he is already a third of the way there.

Ken: He just bolted out of the starting gate. He has zero gravity and zero friction to stop him.

Vic: Right you are Ken....[The three horses are in such awe that they trip onto the first bump and collide with each other.] Oh and the Flying Dutchman has caused Wild Moron, Umbrella King and Skinner School Boy to collide into bump number one.

Ken: Oh God; that's painful to watch when three solids get killed by the sight of a floating ghost. [The Flying Dutchman floats over bump number two and heads to the finish line.]

Vic: You may be right there...[The Flying Dutchman crosses the finish line for the point and the lead.]..and the ghastly, ghostly Dutchman has spooked it's way to victory...[We see WildCat, Skinner and Penguin continue to get up, fall and struggle.]...and sadly Kenny; this is a sight that we don't want to see in this event as the horses are crippled to the point that they need to be put down. [We go to Penguin where a doctor is taking a bottle of liquid.] Our trained professionals will give our horse a humane way to die..The NervousToxin.

Ken: Today's flavor is Cherry Spearamint.

Vic: [The doctor gives him the smell of the liquid.]...and as you can see; the smell overwhelms the lungs as they fill with blood and then the horse passes away..[Penguin plays dead.]

Ken: Very sad to see...

Vic: Maybe so Ken; but thanks to three straight wins by Spongebob; the score is now 11-10-10-10.

Announcer: Coming up next!! It's time to tour the Grand Prix... Don't ride the bicycle out Rollerpants!!

[Commerical Break]

{End of Act II}


{ACT III: Les Tour De Grand Prix}

Announcer: And we are back for the third round of cartoon cheapskates!! [Back to the studio.]

Vic: And we are back with Team Spongebob leading 11-10-10-10 and Kenny; what are you planning now?!

Ken: [Looking through the telescope and seeing some female adults from the cartoon shows in a bath tub in bathing suits.] Nothing Vicky...nothing at all. Ooo..soft...

Vic: Kenny!![Hits Kenny with his fan.] It is perverted and wrong to watch women in their bathing suits...You should be watching them naked...

Ken: Oh![Laughing] I knew that you say naked on the air. Now I'm going to report you to the FCC.

Vic: If you are then I'm going to report all the violation of Kenny Blankenship ...It's be {dolphin bleep} brillant!

Ken: [Laughing] I knew you'd slip up...Our next event is Les Tour De Grand {dolphin bleep}.

Vic: It's Les Tour De Grand Prix Ken!

Ken: But it sounds like P-R-I-C-...

Vic: Kenny?! The object of this event is to ride your Mini-Me bike to victory without falling down.

{Les Tour De Grand Prix- There are a total of three races in all. The four contestents ride on tiny motor bicycles. When the gun goes off; the tricycles will race around a path containing tiny hairpin turn, a narrow S-curve and a seesaw hill. The first bike to cross the finish line wins a point for his team. Like Saddle Sores; you cannot lose if you crash or if you fall off the course.}

Captain: LET'S GET IT ON!

Vic: This is our first race of the day: In lane one it's Mad Dog; in lane two it's Marge Simpson; in lane three it's Batgirl and in lane four it's Plankton... I see he's already having trouble with the bike...

Captain: LET'S GO! [Captain fires the starter pistol and we are underway.]

Ken: Wait a minute! I thought that starter pistols were banned by the FCC?! [Marge Simpson starts off the starting block, followed by Batgirl and Mad Dog. Plankton is stalled still.]

Vic: Actually; that's not a starter pistol..It's a water pistol. [ Marge Simpson get around and goes through the hairpin turn. Mad Dog overshoots and falls off the course. Batgirl overtakes second place while Plankton is still stalled.]

Ken: Then why is the water pistol sound like a real gun?! [Marge navigates herself around the narrow S-curve and around the bend, followed by Batgirl. Mad Dog gets himself back onto the course while Plankton is still stalled.]

Vic: That's just an overused sound effect; just to make sure it sounds cool... [Mad Dog collides into Batgirl on the end of the S-Cruve and they fall off the course. Marge goes up the see-saw hill with great difficulty. Plankton is still stalled and still his legs don't work.]

Ken: Am I missing something here?!

Vic: [Marge manages to go down the seesaw hill without incident and crosses the line for the point.] Well; thanks to your pointless questionning; we missed a great race as Marge has given a tie for her team..[Plankton takes a nosedive off his bike.]..and I'm surprised that Plankton hasn't sued as yet..[They show the replay.]

Ken: Someone forgot to show Plankton how to use the Portiable Enlargement Machine..

Vic: Indeed....I guess that's what happens when aggressive jealousy takes over a brilliant mind....[Back to the action.] For race number two we have Homer Simpson, Mr. Krabs, Poison Ivy, and Rebecca Cunningham...

Captain: LET'S GO!! [ Captain fires his starters pistol and we are underway.]

Vic: The gun sounds and we are under way with race number two as all four racers are neck-and-neck on the straights...[Poison Ivy manages to sneak into first place and causes everyone to itch and fly off the course. Rebecca manages to hang on though.] Oh..and the male contestents have bailed on us..

Ken: Ooooo...The power of the seven year male itch! It always prove lethal on men...I would love to get that itch...

Vic: That's something I would ponder for another time...[Poison Ivy rides across the S-Curves with Rebecca close behind. Homer and Mr. Krabs scartch each other.]...and that's a distrubing sight to see.

Ken: Yeah; Homer's going to have some fake crab tonight!

Vic: Actually; fake crab is man made Ken...[Ivy and Rebecca are neck and neck as they go up the seesaw hill. However; Poison Ivy stalls and Rebecca pushes down ahead and passes the finish line for the point.]....and the itch stalls enough as Rebecca has done it! TaleSpin has joined the tie brigade. Let's go to Guy and talk to Homer...[We go to the field with Guy and Homer.]

Guy: Guy here and man you two had a sensational male-bonding moment there with the crab.

Homer: Mmmmmm....crabs!![A cuff slap sound is heard as Homer looks behind and sees Chief Wiggium hand-cuffing him.] What is this for?!

Chief: Simpson; you are under arrest for sucking badly in this event?!

Homer: D'OH!

Chief: That's what they all say...They all say dough! But look on the bright side; we're serving fresh cooked crab tonight...

Homer: Mmmmm....crabs!!

Guy: Ooo...Guy would like some crabs!

Chief: Sorry pal...We only have enough for Homer and me.

Homer: Yeah; so back off Safari-Joke!!

Guy: Ooo...Guy like!

Vic: Top notch reporting and for some reason; that scene seems wrong!

Ken: [They show the replay.] But there's nothing wrong with the MXC Impact Replay...Homer and Mr. Karbs are going to have a moment to themselves.. I smell crabby patty here...

Vic: I still think that scene is wrong for some reason...[Back to the action.]...Anyway; our final race of the evening: in lane one it is Baloo, in lane two it is Mr. Freeze, in lane three it is Lisa Simpson and in lane four it is Patchy The Pirate...

Captain: LET'S GO! [Captain fires his starter pistol and we are underway.]

Vic: [Everyone gets off the blocks at the same time.] And the gun goes off and we are under way as we have a neck-and-neck stalemate here...[ Mr. Freeze takes the lead and fires his icebeam onto the track as he turns into the narrow hairpin turn. Everyone slips on the ice and falls off the course.]..and Mr. Freeze has just put the competition on ice. Now I don't really condone his actions there; but I must admit he was pretty clever there...We had a chance to talk to him about his life..[We go to the field with Mr. Freeze and his snowy paperweight. It is snowing outside.]

Mr. Freeze: [Looking at his paperweight.] I'm only doing this for you honey...I'm only doing this for you...[Back to the action as Mr. Freeze gets past the S-curves and goes to the Seesaw hill.]

Ken: Geez Mr. Freeze...Take some {dolphin bleep} lithum!!

Vic: I think you mean Valium Ken...[Mr. Freeze goes up the see-saw hill and stalls a bit as the other racers are going around the S-curves staring in awe because it is snowing.]..and it's snowing out there Ken...

Ken: I was right...He does need lithium after all.

Vic: [Mr. Freeze recovers and finally goes across the finish line for the point.] Right you are Ken..and Mr. Freeze has made a cool bid for victory...So after three round we have a four way tie at 11-11-11-11. [Back in the studio.]

Vic: You know Ken; there was something wrong with that Homer moment..[He and Kenny get a bowl of soup.]

Ken: Forget that...Here's your soup Vic.

Vic: [Tastes the soup.] This is really good Ken..What's today's flavour of soup?!

Ken: Hmmm...just crabs...Cheers!!

Announcer: Coming up next; it's time to have a nice touch and go! No Nintendo DS stylus TouchyPants!! [Commerical Break]

{End of ACT III}


{ACT IV: Hand Job & Kenny's Most Painful Eliminations}

Announcer: And we are back with the final round of the seedy pod morons!! [Back in the studio.]

Vic: [Seeing Kenny rudely sipping his soup.] Kenny! [Hits Kenny with his fan.] That is impolite and rude...

Ken: [Talking with his mouth full.] What do you mean Vic?! It's polite to do this in Japan.

Vic: See; it's stuff like this that creates people who take guns and kill people. If we let trivial things like this...[Kenny starts to laugh.]

Ken: I knew that crab soup would make you crabby...

Vic: What in limbo's dance is in that soup?!

Ken: Some wasabi and lots of cyanye pepper...with a hint of Stero-Water!

Vic: My head's on fire...Who's the stupid chef who made this barnacle soup?!

Ken: Someone named Spongeguard...Can't read the hand-writing..

Vic: Time now for Hand Job; slap the right answer to win the points or get slapped silly...and we go to the stand with Danny Glands.

Captain: GET IT ON!!

{Team Red: Baloo, Kit, Rebecca. }
{Team Blue: Batman, Batgirl, Robin.}
{Team White: Bart, Lisa, Marge.}
{Team Gold: Spongebob, Sandy, Patrick.}

Danny: Question number One: How many Krabby Pattys must you screw up before you are fired?!

Vic: The answer of course is one...[The contestents run around and try to slap the right answer. Spongebob; however, find the one mat to the middle left and slap it for the point.]...and Spongebob does it..and wait a minute?! He's the {dolphin bleep} one who made that soup!! Someone fire the chef!! Kenny!! [ Kenny is laughing.]

Ken: [They show the replay.] That soup was awesome and so was this soup from Spongebob.

Vic: Right you are Ken and man that soup smells like {dolphin bleep}. Let's go back up to Danny Glands...

Danny: Question Number Two: How many criminal must you capture in order to be considered a superhero?

Vic: The answer of course is thirty five...[The contestents run around and try to slap the correct answer..and Batgirl finds the number 35 mat in the left centre and slaps it for the point.]...and Batgirl has done it for her team and we have a 12-12-11-11 score...Can TaleSpin and/or The Simpsons tie it up?!

Danny: Question number three..How many Hail-Mary's must you get as punishment in order to gain forgiveness from Rev. Lovejoy?!

Vic: The answer of course is 21...[The contestents around and try to slap the correct answer. Marge find the number 21 mat on the bottom left side and slaps it for the point.]...and Marge's self-rightousness has paid off here as only TaleSpin is behind the eight ball...Let's go to Danny Glands for the next question.

Danny: Question Number four...How many thousands of gallons of fuels do you need to get from Cape Suzette to Louie's?!

Vic: The answer of course is 20...[The contestents run around to slap the correct answer. Kit find the number 20 on the center and is on the eighteen mat above it. However; Baloo blindsides him and slaps him down on it.] Oh my God!..That was...[ Sandy slaps the 20 mat for the point as Kenny looks wide eyed.]

Ken: [They show the replay.] Now that calls for an MXC Impact Replay... I guess Baloo wanted to pull off a Homer and give Kit a good slapping of the skin... Right there...

Vic: Right you are Ken....Let's go to Guy and see if Kit's all right.[ We go to the field with Guy and Kit who is holding his ribs.]

Guy: Are you all right?!

Kit: I'm just a little sore but I'm still game.

Guy: Guy would love to play a game...Can you guess what I ate?!

Kit: That's disgusting!! It smells like fishheads and crab shells!

Guy: Ooooo...Guy like correct answers!

Kit: I hate bruised ribs!

Guy: You have bruised ribs?! Would you like Doctor Guy to check them out?! [Tries to touch Kit's ribs; but Kit runs away.] Ooo...Guy like!

Ken: Looks all right to me....[Back to the action]

Vic: Indeed Ken..Insightful as always Guy...

Danny: Final question: How many times on average does Sandy Sweetcheeks fail to properly sell an emotion per short?!

Vic: The answer is of course 12...[The contestents run around to slap the correct answer..Fitting enough; Sandy finds the number 12 mat near the front right side and slaps it for the win.]....and how fitting that the no-sell Sandy is sold as the right answer. So after four intense rounds of competition; Spongebob gets 14, Batman and The Simpsons get 12 and TaleSpin ends up last with 11....

[Back to the studio.]

Ken: See; Michael Eisner was right. TaleSpin got the fourth seed after all.. So your little plan was turely a waster of time...

Vic: Kenny; you missed the whole point...This whole thing was to assure fairness and...[Kenny is laughing.] Kenny?!

Ken: Fairness?! This is cartoons Vic; they defy the whole concept of real life..Man; I'm going to enjoy the next show.

Vic: Indeed...and it will be Spongebob VS. TaleSpin; followed by The Simpsons VS. The Batman...Now there's only one more thing to do...

Ken: Another sipping of hot crab soup with a chick soupcup?

Vic: Oh..I'm dealing with an Eisner monkey here.....Time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day!![They show footage from the event]

Ken: At number five; it's The Flying Dutchman who causes confusion and chaos which creates nothing but three horse streaks...See you at the next meal....At number four; it's Mr. Krabs and Homer who suffer the wrath of itchy and they suck wind to scratchy...OUCH!!....At number three; it's Spongebob and Patrick who suffer for their art and trip themselves for a cheap laugh. That's called turning up the cheap heat and being flamed as a result...At number two; it's No-Sell Sweetcheeks who gets clipped by Communist Airhead and they will show new meaning to the phrase Socialism....Ooooo... And my most painful elimination goes to Kit Cloudkicker who had the chance to slap a possible higher seed; but he had a bonding moment that cost him a squash and a dislodged hat..That is just sick and wrong...OUCH!!....I'm OUT!![Back in the studio]

Vic: For some reason; I still feel that something's wrong here.

Ken: Like some more crab soup Vic?!

Vic: Sure...

Ken: So what do we always say?!

ALL: DON'T GET ELIMINATED!! [They move the camera as they show Mr. Krabs stripped to where there was only his face and eyes remaining.]

Mr. Krabs: It's a living! [The screen freezes as the credits roll.]

 THE END


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