Announcer: What are these cartoon characters running from? They're not...they are running too...the world greatest competition in town..Most Extreme Elimination Challenge..Tonight; it's the second semi-final of the American Cartoon Cup as Team Simpsons takes on Team Batman. It's the classic battle of goofy families againest dramatic criminals. And now here's two guys who know nothing about family: Kenny Blankenship and Vic Ramano.
[We go to the field where there is nothing but snow on the ground. Kenny and Vic are on snowmobiles and stop them in front of their kneeling posse.]
Ken: Hey Vic...What's happening here?! Why is it snowing?!
Vic: Well Kenny; Mr. Freeze got really upset that his paperweight dancer was unintentionally smashed by Homer Simpson; so the whole place is full of snow right now.
Ken: Man that sucks!! I guess we are going to have to postpone our event today.
Vic: Ah not so fast you little monkey!![Hits Kenny with his fan.] Since we have snow; we're going to have a really special Artic edition of MXC!
Ken: That blows! I hate snow...Why can't it be warmer?!
Vic: Now there's something to ponder as we ponder who's going to face TaleSpin in the final with our depraved buddy Guy LaDouce.
Ken: He blows snow too.
Vic: Oh Kenny...[We go to the snowfield with Guy LaDouce.]
Guy: Guy here...and this freezing spray is so refreshing that my nuts are warming up and getting hotter...Let me check...Oooo..Guy like this weather as our contestents have to gut it up...Hohohohohohoho.... in such games as Snow Man's Land, then we bang it up with Frozen Wall Bangers...Then it's Sperm Whalers and finally; we finish it with the Icy Slope of Death..Hohoho...my nuts need some hot chocolate; so let's go over to the Captain....
Captain: [We go to a barren field completely covered with snow. We see both teams sitting down. The Captain enters riding a snowmobile towards them. He stops the snowmobile just a few feet away from them and turns it around so it faces the open field.] Hello gang?! Question: How many of you believe that Mr. Freeze is only a misunderstood person who has feelings and thus should be respected?! Show of hands...NOW!!
All: YEAH!! [Everyone raises their hands.]
{Team Simpsons- Homer {Captain}, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Krusty, Mr. Burns, Mr. Smithers, Ned Flanders, Moe, Seymour Skinner, Maude Flanders, Grandpa, Chambers, Sideshow Bob, Helen Lovejoy. }
{Team Batman- Batman, Robin, Joker, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, The Penguin, Batgirl, The Scarecrow, Two-Face, Catwoman, James Gordan, Alfred, Harvey Bullock, Clayface, Harley Quinn. }
Captain: Well; you're all wrong!! Ande Batman; you should be ashamed of youself for supporting this criminal. Mr. Freeze is nothing but a cold-blooded killer who likes a useless paperweight and freezes everyone to death...Am I right?!
Mr. Freeze: ....
Captain: See my point?! This is a real reason why such a blood-thirsty killer shouldn't be allowed in any reality! You almost froze my trophy wife to death and...[ Mr. Freeze stands up and points his ice gun at the Captain. He fires it and the Captain's legs are completely frozen as he is in shock.]Okay; I think you made your point. So let's have some fun and play Snow Man's Land...LET'S GO!![ Everyone stands up and runs towards the first event leaving the Captain behind.] Hey! Wait for me! I'm supposed to be first! I'm the Captain!
Ken: Hey Vic; how come they are running on top of the snow?! It's about six feet deep.
Vic: Well Kenny...That's the magic of cartoons since they don't use normal gravity they're light on their feet...And they'll have to be for our first event is Snow Man's Land...Cross to the other side before the snow men dump you into the cold!
Captain: The snowmen are ready...
Ken: Hey Vic; how did the Captain get unfrozen so fast?!
Vic: Well Kenny...The Captain told me that he wear a heat suit that melts ice away.
Ken: Wow; that would be good for warming me up to chicks.
Vic: Oh...Kenny....
{Snow Man's Land- Surrounded by two five foot stone cliffs are 30 snowmen about five feet tall; six feet apart and in three separate rows of ten a piece. Each snowmen has an angry face painted plastic ball on top of real snowballs. The contestents walk across the top of the snowmen's heads. You win if you make it to the other side. You lose if you fall off the top of the snowmen's heads into the snow below. }
Captain: GET IT ON!
Vic: First up for Team Simpsons...
Helen: Think of the children!!
Vic: This is Helen Lovejoy; the wife of preacher Lovejoy. She is known as the prude of the family if you couldn't tell who is who...[Helen steps onto the snowmen; but she slips on the third snowman on the left and falls to the ground.] Oh![They show the replay.]
Ken: She should have thought about her butt on that one...OUCH!!
Vic: Right you are Ken...She's going to need some butt cream stat!! First up for Team Batman...
Scarecrow: My ice brothers!! Come to me!!
Vic: Here is the Scarecrow and you can see why that he is...[Scarecrow steps onto the first snowman on the central line and slips. Scarecrow falls down and smashes his face.] Oh goodness! He's going to need a facelift.
Ken: I'm going to need an MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.] Hey nurse; get this loser some metal plates, 20 screws and some WD-40 STAT![Back to the action.]
Ned: Hello Homer.
Homer: Get lost Flanders!
Ned: Okaly Dokely...
Vic: Next up for the Simpsons is the mild-mannered Ned Flanders..
Ken: Mild is too mild for this clown..He doesn't know he's being meanfully blown off by Homer..
Vic: I don't think he can do anything about it anyway Ken...[Ned crosses onto the snowmen; but slips on the fifth snowman to the right and falls down. Ned starts to yell.] Oh; and his religious convictions didn't help him there.
Ken: Looks like Ned's finally broke through..
Vic: Indeed...Let's go to Guy and find out what happened..[We go to the field with Guy and Ned.]
Guy: Guy here and you almost made it Ned...What happened?!
Ned: [Looks straight into Guy's eyes.] You are the worst human being I have ever met..[Ned walks away.]
Guy: Ooooo.....Guy like...[Back to the action.]
Vic: Top notch reporting as usual Guy...Next up for Batman....
Harley: Hey Mr. J?! We're on TV and we cannot be arrested!
Vic: Here is the Joker's partner in crime Harvey Quinn.
Ken: Now there a hot chick that I need to date. She's got style Vic..
Vic: If only you can get past her bazooka Ken...[Harvey starts to cross the snowmen. However; she slips on the eighth snowman on the right and falls down.] Oh! She almost made it there....
Ken: [They show the replay.] I might not get past the bazooka; but she won't get past this event. Total Joker's joke...Right there.
Vic: [Back to the action.] Insightful as always Ken..
Sideshow Bob: Die! Bart Die!
Vic: Next up for the Simpson is the criminal clown Sideshow Bob. He framed Krusty the Clown on a robbery but was foiled by one Bart Simpson..[Sideshow Bob steps onto the first snowman in the center; but he slips and takes a groin shot into the snowman before falling.] Oh goodness...!
Ken: Now the sideshow is all about Bob dying.
Vic: Right you are Ken..and it shows that you shouldn't wear clown shoes in this event...Next up for Batman.
James: This is like the old days!!
Vic: Here's the comissioner of the police in Gotham City; James Gordan.
Ken: And judging by his pumped fist; this should be easy for him..[ James crosses the snowmen and he easily makes it to the other side for the point.]...and it was just like the old days...He probably get more chicks back then too.[ They show the replay.]
Vic: Indeed...They probably give it up for familiy too..[Back to the action.] ...Last up for the Simpsons..
Krusty: Hey! Hey! Hey!!
Vic: Here is Springfield's funniest clown; Krusty the Clown.
Ken: Actually; he's the only funny clown in Springfield...
Vic: I think Homer Simpson might have something to say about that..[ Krusty crosses the snowmen and slips on the ninth snowman on the left and falls flat on his face.]OUCH!!
Ken: Hey; you're right Vic! Homer is the funny clown in that show. Krusty's the sucky clown!
Vic: Indeed...and last up for Batman...
Alfred: Ready sir?!
Vic: Here is Bruce Wayne's trusty butler Alfred Pennyworth..Let's see if he can turn this into a rout...[Alfred crosses the snowmen and slips on the seventh snowmen in the center and tumbles to the ground.] Oh! Alfred has just been docked seven days pay for that run...and so thanks to the old school antics of James Gordan. Team Batman cracks down on the Simpsons and leads 1-0.
Announcer: Coming up next... it's time to crash the ice fire wall. Don't put your tongue on it Brainfreeze!!
[Commerical Break.]
Announcer: We now return with round two between the simple rats againest the criminal bats....
[Back to the snowfield as Kenny is creating a snowball.]
Vic: And we're back with Team Batman leading 1-0.
Ken: Hey Vic? How come snowmen cannot suffer pain like animals?!
Vic: Well Ken; that's because snowmen don't have any real brains. They're zombies."
Ken: But they do have snowballs Vic.
Vic: Kenny?! I don't see any snowballs...[Vic looks to the other side and Kenny throws a snowball on the side of Vic's head.] Kenny?! You tricked me into turning around..[Vic finds a snowball; turns around and throws it any Kenny. However; it misses by eight feet as Kenny is laughing hard.]
Ken HA! HA! You missed me by a mile. You throw like a little girl!
Vic: [Hits Kenny with his fan.] I might throw like a little girl; but I can chop like Chris Benoit. Anyway; our next event is Frozen Wall Bangers; crash through the four correct doors to win. Crash through the wrong door and you belong to Skanky.
Captain: GET IT ON!
Vic: First up for Team Batman.
Harvey: Don't trust the bat!!
Vic: Here is the detective of Gotham City; Harvey Bullock. He has somewhat of a grudge againest the Batman...[Harvey picks the second door on the left and crashes though it without incident.]
Ken: Grudges can be deadly...[Harvey picks the fourth door on the left and smashes againest it.] ...like that. Instant squashed officer!
Vic: Right you are Ken. You need to set your differences aside to win this event..First up for the Simpson is Mr. Burns. We had a chance to talk to him about his chances of winning..[We go to the field with Mr. Burns.]
Mr. Burns: Excellent! Now I can use these events to rule the entire world..
[Mr. Burns stomps the ground and a cracking sound is heard.] What was that?!
Mr. Smitters: You just turned your left leg into powder sir.
Mr. Burns: Oh fiddlesticks!![Back to the action.]
Vic: I guess Mr. Burns is going all to pieces..[Mr. Burns hops on one leg towards the first wall and smashes into the second door on the left. He crumbles to the ground..] Oh my...Mr. Burns entire body has completely crumbled to dust...What a shame?!
Ken: [They show the replay.] Now Lisa can made her bread out of them bones...Instant recycling!!
Vic: I don't know Ken...I think Lisa would spit on his grave before ever recycling an evil man...And next up for Batman...[Back to the action.]
Clayface: UGH!!
Vic: Here is the clay golem of Batman known as Clayface..[Clayface goes into a clay drill and drills through the first door on the right without incident.] Oh! And Clayface is using that unique drill approch to barrage right through the doors.
Ken: [Clayface slides and drills through the second door from the left and makes it through without incident.] That's going to backfire on him...[Clayface slams right into the locked door; third on the left.]...and I was right all along. Clayface just froze solid.
Vic: Right you are Ken...Insightful as always...Next up for the Simpsons.
Moe: All right! Everyone out!!
Vic: Here is the barkeeper of Moe's bar...Moe. He used to be a boxer and inventor of the Flamming Moe before flamming out..[Moe runs and tears through the fourth door to the left with ease.]
Ken: He also tried to be a surrogate to a love machine...[Moe tears through the third door on the left without incident.]
Vic: Well he's about to face the lovable mascot Skanky..[Moe dodges the samurai mascot and tears through the first door on the left without incident.] And he's past Skanky...He could go all the way...[Moe then runs and crashes into the second door on the left.]...and he can not!
Ken: He's back to being a surrogate to a love machine.
Vic: Indeed...
Poison Ivy: I'm freakin cold!
Vic: Here is Poison Ivy; the enivronmental eco-terrorist of Batman..[ Poison Ivy slams into the third door on the left very hard and does a backflip in the process.] Oh my....
Ken: That calls for an MXC Impact Replay..[They show the replay.] That run was amazingly shorter than her last date.
Vic:I don't think that's possible Kenny. But it shows that meaness to the cold will take you to your ice coffin death...[Back to the action]
Mr. Smitters: My boss is going to kill me!!
Vic: Here is the sidekick of Mr. Burns; Wylan Smitters. He tries to be the shrill voice of reason which always backfires...[Smitters tears through the fourth door on the left easily.]
Ken: If he doesn't win here; Mr. Burns will be grinding his bone to make bread... [Smitters tears through the first door on the left and falls into a puddle of ice water.]
Vic: Oooo..He fell into the waste bucket there...[Smitters gets up and dodges the samurai mascot. He tears through the second door on the left with ease.]... He is putting on a clinic..
Ken: He could go all the way....[Smitters manages to tear through the third door on the left for the point.]...and Mr. Smitter has saved his job and life to boot!
Vic: Indeed...Great frozen wall banging...Last up for Team Batman...
Two-Face: Tails sezs I win this event!
Vic: Here is the guy known as Two-Face. He was a former DA who was chemically muntated after some bad guy set his face on fire..[Two-Face tears the first door on the left with ease.]
Ken: I think heads sezs it all...[Two-Face smashes his face right into the second door on the left.[ Loser!
Vic: Right you are Ken... Good call as always...and last up for the Simpsons.
Maude: Remember to say your prayers!
Vic: Here is Maude Flanders; the wife of Ned Flanders..[Maude tears through the third door from the left with some effort.]
Ken: Hey wait a minute. Isn't Maude Flanders supposed to be dead?!
Vic: Ah Ken...American cartoons don't die...It's mandated in FCC code...[ Maude tears through the fourth wall to the left without incident.]..and now she has to contend with Skanky..[Maude then crashes hard into the third door from the door and appears to be dead.] Oh...
Ken: She's pretty much dead now...[Skanky comes over and starts punching her with the doublefist.] Oh God! Skanky's just beating up a dead Flanders..[ Back to the snowfield.] That's terrible...and we broke the FCC code on that.
Vic: Actually; I was only kidding about the FCC Mandate..
Ken: Yeah; I know...because you love cartoon boobs.
Vic: [Hits Kenny with his fan.] That's why I have you Ken. So after two rounds; Mr. Smitters save his own hide from the Wrath of Mr. Burns and we have a 1-1 draw.
Announcer: Coming up next...It's time to sperm the whale...Don't have the guts for it..Chumbutts!!
[Commerical Break]
Announcer: And we are back with the Drama Queens againest the Comedy Kings!! [Back to the snowfield as Ken and Vic are racing with snowmobiles.]
Ken: Hey Vic...Last one to the lodge gets to eat my snowmen..HAHA!!
Vic: Now Kenny..don't cut off in front of me...[Ken cuts off Vic at the pass and snow gets completely dumped onto Vic.] Hey you..I told you not to... Ah! Forget it! Crud; now I have to eat Kenny's snowmen...YUCK!![Brushes snow off of him.] Our next event is Sperm Whalers. Race to the finish line without getting balled by our Norwegian assasins...[They show three guys wearing parkas and snowsuits with black balls.] Jerkom....Norknight and Eskimo!
{Sperm Whalers- The contestent rides a bicycle dressed up like a colored whale. It ride along a narrow blue track with various turns and hills. The assasins attempt to shoot balls at you to make you fall off the bicycle. The contestent wins if he/she makes it past the finish line. The contestent loses if he/she falls down anywhere before the finish line. }
Captain: GET IT ON!
Vic: First up for the Simpsons...
Skinner: Super Intendent Chambers!!
Vic: This is the principal of Springfield Elementary School Seymour Skinner. Most of his students suck but Lisa doesn't blow.
Ken: And apparently he has the knocks for Edna; a tough teacher which almost got them fired.[Seymour drives the bicycle on the blue track and ride across the S-Curves as the assasins blast Seymour with balls.] Why would an old man want to have knocks with a teacher?
Vic: Well Kenny; that's something you'll never understand...[Seymour get nailed in the back of the head and falls off the track into the lake next to the track.] Oh; and he's failed the test on that run.
Ken: He just got knocked like a knocker on that one.
Vic: Right you are Ken...First up for Batman...
Catwoman: Purrr...
Vic: Here is the popular tweener feline Catwoman..She tries so hard to seduce Batman..[Catwoman rides the bicycle eight inches and falls down onto the crack. Catwoman ejects from the whale costume and it looks like the live-action CW.] Oh; that was an abortion..Hey wait a minute?!
Ken: That's the Catwoman from the live-action movie. No wonder she sucks in this event.
Vic: Right you are Ken..When it comes to Batman; it must be animated or a live-action cartoon..Next up for the Simpsons...
Chambers: Seymour?!
Vic: Here is Super Intendent Chambers; the no-nonsense member of the school board.
Ken: I don't like the sound of that....you need to have nosense to win this event...[Chambers rides the bicycle on the blue track and makes it to the S-curve. However; he slips as he was trying to dodge a ball fired by the assasins and falls down as Kenny laughs out loud.] See what I mean?!
Vic: Yes I do Ken..and I betcha he'll blame Skinner for that mis-step. Next up for Batman...
Penguin: Quack the bat!
Vic: Here's the imfamous Penguin; a villian who likes killer umbrellas...[ Penguin starts riding the bicycle across the track as the balls are being shot at Penguin. Penguin makes it through the S-Curves and through the 180* turn.]..and he's putting on a clinic here as the whale shampoo beckons..
Ken: You got to be a Penguin to put on a clinic in this event..[Penguin continues to get shelled by the assasins but goes up the sliding hill without incident.]
Vic: Right you are Ken..[Penguin turns around and crosses the finish line for the point.] And the Penguin has done it and Batman breaks the tie..Next up for the Simpsons..
Grandpa: Where's my pills?!
Vic: Here is Homer's father Grandpa Simpson and these two don't get along... [Grandpa tries to bicycle out; but he slips off the course and does a forward roll and nearly breaks his neck in the process.] Oh my...
Ken: That calls for an MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.] No wonder Homer and Grandpa don't like each other; his Grandpa sucks badly.
Vic: Indeed...and it also teaches the importance of not hiding proper medication. Next up for Batman...[Back to the action.]
Batgirl: I'm freakin cold too!
Vic: Here is the newest bat in town; The Batgirl. She's got into the act after her father was framed..[ Batgirl rides the bicycle and rides it on the blue track. She makes it to the S-Curves. However; she gets beaned on the back with a ball and falls down on the track.] Oh!
Ken: She didn't learn anything from Poison Ivy..[They show the replay.] Never complain about the cold..because that cold ball will kill your brain.
Vic: Right you are Ken...Very unsafe indeed...[Back to the action.] Let's see if the Simpsons can tie the score up.
Lisa: UGH! I hate whale bubbler!
Vic: Here is everyone's favorite enivronmentalist and Buddish monk Lisa Simpson. She is a powerful activist againest pollution and write on rice paper.
Ken: [Lisa starts to ride the bike down the blue track as the assasins shoot balls at her.] That blows goat blubber Vic! And the assasins are really doing a number on her now...She'll never make it!
Vic: Well Ken; I expected nothing less from you....[Lisa goes around the corner and rides past the shampoo lake without incident.]...She's really tearing up the track...Her low center of gravity is destroying the effect of those balls...[Lisa goes around and goes up and down the seesaw hill.]
Ken: That's just good whale sperming Vic...[Lisa makes it around the bend and crosses the finish line for the point.]..right there..
Vic: Right you are Ken...and she has done it! This score is tied 2-2... Can team Batman retake the lead?!
Mr. Freeze: Oooo...
Vic: Here is Mr. Freeze; the icy arch-villian who did a number on the Captain earlier..Let's see if he can do a number on this event...[Mr. Freeze tries to use the freeze gun on the assasins; but it backfires and Mr. Freeze is frozen solid as a result. The bicycle falls off the track.] Oh....What happened there?! [The Captain laughs.]
Captain: You got what you deserved for freezing me...! [Back into the studio.]
Ken: Did the Captain sabotage and tell off Mr. Freeze?! That's perverted!!
Vic: Well Kenny; that's what happens when you try to cut me off you little monkey! [Hits Kenny with his fan.]
Ken: Well at least I'm warm in this studio and...
Vic: You'll still get hurt by my fan!![Hits Kenny with his fan again.]
Ken: OUCH! FIEND!! [Gets hit again and again.]OW!!
Vic: So after three rounds of bloody competition; Lisa Simpson has shown her meddle and both teams are tied 2-2.
Ken: FREEZE!! Asstro-naunt!
Vic: Kenny!!
Announcer: Coming up next...It's time to slide to your death. Don't roll up like a ball Freezechips!!
[Commerical Break]
Announcer: We're back with the final round of corrupted cartoons...Weeeee... [Back in the studio as Kenny is not here.]
Vic: We are back for the final round with the score tied 2-2. [Looks around..]
Ken: [Voiceover] I have a surprise for you Vic..Something for someone like you.
Vic: Oh! I'm glad that you're being so...Wait a minute?! Is this some surprise that I'm going to hate?!
Ken: [Enters the studio with a red wagon containing a yellowed colored snowman which looks like a cartoonish Vic Ramano and standing about six feet tall.] You already forgot our bet Vic?! If I beat you in the snowmobile race then you must eat my snow...HAHAHA...
Vic: Kenny?! That snowman is made of liquid body waste. I cannot eat that and it's dripping everywhere...
Ken: [Laughs.] Too bad Vic...You lost; get over it!
Vic: You cheated you fiend! Let's go to the last event...Stop it![Hits Kenny with his fan.] I MEAN IT....![We go to the snowfield with the Captain.]
Captain: Our ast even is the Icy Slope of Death. Our contestents will ride the safety tube down the slope. Cross the finish line without falling off and you are a winner... So...LET'S GET IT ON!!
{Icy Slope of Death- The contestent starts on top of an icy hill about 250 feet from a finish line on the bottom of the hill. The contestent ride on a black inner tube and is pushed down the hill. The contestent wins if he/she cross the finish line below. The contestent loses if he/she falls off the inner tube and lands on the ground before the finish line.}
Robin: I don't lay eggs!!
Vic: First up for Team Batman is Batman's famous sidekick Robin.. He's been made fun of by rude vulgar kids and has had a tormented life...[Robin is pushed down by two men and the tube slides down the hill.]
Ken: [Robin gets bumped off the tube about 120 feet down and tumbles down the hill.] ...and he just laid an egg on that one... A big goose egg for his team!
Vic: Right you are Ken...A big goose egg in the win column indeed. First up for the Simpsons...
Marge: Remember to blow...!!
Vic: Here is Marge Simpson; the prude wife of the Simpson Nuclear family...
Ken: Not a good idea to be a prude..[Marge's tube is pushed down the hill violently and Marge is forced off the tube 35 feet down. She tumbles down the hill in kind.] See what I mean?!
Vic: Indeed....I think see just destroyed the perm in her blue hair.
Ken: Must be the attack of the Smurfs on the dye job.
Vic: Considering how many adventures Homer Simpsons has had with little people; I'm not too surprised...Next up for Team Batman...
Joker: Weee....!!
Vic: This is the wacky, killing clown villian of Batman...The Joker...[ The men push the tube down the slope. Joker screams with glee.] Wow; he's actually enjoying this run.
Ken: I guess that's why they call him the Joker...[Joker gets bumped off the tube just ten feet away from the finish line. He lands just a foot short of the finish line and bounces past it.] Ooooo...
Vic: I think he's done it...[They show the replay.] Oh wait a minute!
Ken: I don't think he made it...Stop there...See where he's crumbled up like a ball about a foot short of the line...Yeap; he didn't make it.
Vic: Right you are Ken. I'm sure that Joker just got the _joke_..Get it?! Okay; that was pretty useless.[Back to the action.]
Bart: Eat my shorts!!
Vic: Next up for the Simpson is the bratty, potty mouthed kid Bart Simpson. He is one of those kids who is willing to annoy Homer Simpson every time.
Ken: And knows when to take a chokin...[The tube is pushed down the hill and Bart attempts to steer the tube.] I wouldn't steer that tube if I were you.. [Bart crashes into the mesh on his left side and gets caught in it.] See what I mean?! Eat your own shorts LOSER! HAHAHA! [They show the replay.]
Vic: Ah but the best thing about that mesh is that it's around Bart's mouth and therefore is slienced forever.[Back to the action.] Next up....
Batman: ....
Vic: Here is the famous Captain of this team...The Dark Knight himself Batman.. [The men slide the tube down the hill as Batman hangs on.]
Ken: He looks like the Silent Knight to me Vic...
Vic: I guess he's above such a disgusting event...[The tube slides across the finish line without any problems for the point.]...And Batman's slience was golden because he has done it. This put Batman in the lead 3-2. Can the Simpsons tie it up?!
Homer: D'OH!!
Vic: Here is the Captain of the Simpsons Homer Simpson...[They show footage from the seedings.] You may remember that he sucked at the seedings and was cuffed by Chief Wiggium. Can he redeem himself on the Icy Slope of Death?! [Back to the action as the men push the tube down the hill with Homer on the tube.]
Ken: He sounds pretty normal today....for a guy who got butt-raped by someone named Butch..[Homer's tube bumps off the hill so violently that the tube and Homer hanging onto it fly upside down and in the air. Homer manages to cross the line for the point; but Homer lands right on his head three or four times in a row.] Oh my God....!
Vic: Oh boy...and I'm afraid that is our MXC Impact Replay..[They show the replay.] I think that sezs it all.
Ken: OUCH!![Back to the action.]
Vic: Last up for Team Batman is the Penguin..Let's see if he can break the 3-3 tie... [Penguin slide down the hill without the tube below him.]..Oh! He didn't even get off the starting blocks there. What a shame?! So; it's all down to our final competitor.
Lisa: Do the Lisa-man!!
Vic: Here is Lisa Simpson...[They show footage from Sperm Whalers.] You may remember her awesome preformance in Sperm Whalers... Can she do it again?![ Back to the action.]
Ken: She's too whiny and wimpy..She'll mever make it...[The tube slides down with Lisa and it slides perfectly over the finish line for the point and the win.]
Vic: Your creditablity streak continues because Lisa has done it and the Simpsons win the match 4-3. Let's go over to Guy and check on our winner.
Ken: What's creditability?!
Vic: Oh Kenny....?[We go to the snowfield with Guy and Lisa.]
Guy: Guy here and I would like to thank Lisa Simpson for winning the semi-final all by herself and moving onto the finals of the American Cup againest TaleSpin...
Lisa: Thank you Guy..and I have nothing but respect for our Disney rivials come next time. And while I believe that MXC is a sad and barbaric attempt to act cool. I would like to thank them for recycling their poo and...[Bart enters with gag still on and attacks Lisa from behind and sttempts to get his hands around Lisa's neck.] BART?! STOP IT!![Lisa gets Bart onto his back and starts choking him.] Dad has designated me as the second in command to choke you out...I'M BETTER THAN YOU! ASK GUY!!
Guy: Ooo...Guy like! [Back in the studio as Vic is smiling from ear to ear.]
Ken: That was an awesome compeition Vic...Say; why are you smiling at Lisa?!
Vic: Oh nothing Kenny...
Ken: Nothing?! Then why does that look smell like I hate Bart...
Vic: [Looking flustered.] Nothing Ken...Nothing at all..
Ken: Nothing?! [Ribs Vic.]
Vic: Shut up Kenny!! I hate Bart Simpson because he hit me with a snowball while I was chasing you in the snowmobile race and made me lose!![Hits Kenny with his fan as Kenny laughs out loud.] Now thanks to you..I have completely lost my groove!
Ken: Don't worry Vic; this next segment will get it back...
Vic: It's now time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day!! [They show footage from the event.]
Ken: At number ten; it's Vic Ramano who just found the meaning to the phrase diamond dust...Woosh!....At number nine it's Lisa Simpson who shows the best way to strangle the brat....Homer should call the cops on trademark infringement...At number eight; it's Mr. Freeze who attempts to make the Captain into a Tanmealsicle; but it backfires into an icy golem. Brrrr!!....At number seven; it's the Penguin who slides down so easily. Too bad he didn't have the tubes to save his life...At number six; it's the Catwoman who find out the hard way that being live can be a really sucky experience. OUCH!....At number five; it's Ned Flanders who tries to keep his cool; but the frozen air turns it into frozen vengence. I wouldn't want to be Homer Simpson right now....At number four; it's the Scarecrow who takes a tumble on the snowman and faces the ultimate betrayal....At number three; it's Maude Flanders who smashes into Skanky and meet her maker. She turely is a cartoon boob. At number two; it's Grandpa Simpson who shows why he's a true MXC loser...OUCH!! Thank God he doesn't have a brain as his neck snaps like a crabby crab crab.....And my most painful elimination goes to the one and only Homer Simpson; who outclasses everyone and kills his brain! Lucky thing he never actually uses it or there wouldn't be anything left after that nasty shot. Homer Simpson is a true eliminator. OUCH!! I'm out!!
[Back in the studio.]
Vic: Okay Ken...Take us out before I get more angry!
Ken: So my partners in crime; what do we always say?!
ALL: DON'T GET ELIMINATED!!![The screen freezes as the credits roll.]
Homer: CRRRRAAAAAAPPPPP!!
Vic: I can just hear the FCC calling right now..
Ken: Indeed.
Vic: KENNY!!