Announcer: What are these cartoon characters running from? They're not...they are running too...the world greatest competition in town....Tonight; it's the third quarter final of the Cartoon World Cup as Team Blinky Bill takes on Wallace & Gromitt. It's the classic battle of Claymation Bashing againest woodchip mill smashing. So get fired up for MXC: Most Extreme Elmination Challenge. And now; here's two guys who know a lot about going to the woodshed: Kenny Blankenship and Vic Ramano.....

[Back in the studio.]

Vic: Welcome back those who haven't decided that our show was crud after those two Canadian teams stunk up the joint.

Ken: This one is going to be good. It's the Aussies Vs The Brits in animation.

Vic: Indeed Ken...Team Blinky Bill VS. Wallace & Gromitt. I happen to love claymation Ken...

Ken: Really?! I love clay too Vic...Particually when kids eat it and smash it into their fingers. It's great!

Vic: I'm sure you do Ken. Anyway; claymation is actually animation with clay figures and models..

Ken: Clay models..Oooo...That would be hot....Ooooo...

Vic: Okay Ken. I get the picture...Let's go to Guy before I vomit.

Ken: Cool..Vomitting on television...Oooo...

Vic: Okay Kenny...[We go to the field with Guy Ladouce.]

Guy: Guy here and I'm making Play Dope; the super gooey clay alternative that is edible, cheap and fun to eat... Hohohohoho! I just got busted from ear to ear on that one. Our third quarterfinal play will feature clay-bashing fun such as Dope On A Rope, then it's the craziness of Sinker & Floaters, then it's Finger it! and don't sing it as we end the fun with Irritable Bowl Syndrome. So; now let's move over to the skipper...[ We go to the forest with the Captain.]

Captain: Thanks Guy. Question? How many of you think that Wallace & Gromitt are great examples of progession?..Show of hands..NOW!!

ALL: Yeah! [Everyone raises their hands in unison.]

{Team Blinky Bill- Blinky Bill, Danny Dingo, Daisy Dingo, Shifty Dingo, Nusty, Wambo Wombat, Splodge the Kangeroo, Flap, Marica Mouse, Blinky's Mom, Logger, Miss Magpie, Jacko, Mayor Pelican. }

{Wallace & Gromitt-Wallace, Gromitt.}

Captain: Well; you're wrong. Those two freaks are nothing more than selfish, self-serving violent fiends who bash and smash each over for their sick amusement of their audience which is nothing but six year olds. Then again; Blinky Bill is a cartoon that believes that loggers are the work of the devil.

Blinky Bill: Those trees are our home...

Captain: Did you critters get premission from the trees? Did they say _Yes; you may borrow into our insides to set up your little homes_?

Blinky Bill: Well...I....

Captain: Typical environmental scumbags who really don't care about human beings...Oh the Captain's going to earn his keep today..[Wallace & Gromitt giggle as the Captain gets into position.] And they're clowns how touche...LET'S GO![ They get up and run with the Captain as they go to the first event.]

Ken: [Back to the studio.] Wait a second here...

Vic: What is it this time Kenny?!

Ken:I only see Wallace & Gromitt running...Where's the rest of the team?

Vic: Ah Kenny...Wallace & Gromitt have no real friends because of the were-rabbit incident and therefore they will have to compete alone! Twice on every event.

Ken: Oookay...I get it. HAHA! That blows!

Vic: [Hits Kenny with his fan.] Of course it does Kenny![Back to the action.] And we're off to our first event: Dope On A Rope. Start on Point A and land on Point B without landing in Point C.

Ken: That's captial C as in septic sludge which is man pudding from the toilets of that infamous woodchip mill.

Vic: Well, that's pretty different Ken...

Captain: LET'S GET IT ON!

Vic: First up for Wallace & Gromitt is Gromitt the dog...We had a chance to talk to this clay dog earlier...

Ken: Ooooo...Clay Dog....Hmmmmm....

Vic: Okay Kenny...Snap out of it...[We go to the field with Gromitt.]

Gromitt: Bow, Wow...Ruff, Ruff, Ruff... Wow, Bow...Grrr...

Translator: I will win and show that dogs are better than humans. Good day![Back to the action.]

Vic: I see..[Gromitt grabs the rope and starts to swing.]

Ken: Man; that dog got to be put down..[Gromitt swings around and tries to land; but smashes into the platform and falls into the fuild.]...that'll do it...HAHA!

Vic: Indeed Ken...What a shame?! First up for Blinky Bill...

Mayor Pelican: Hug for life!

Vic: This is the mayor of the refugee camp; Mayor Pelican. I'm still wondering how he was picked mayor though...

Ken: [Mayor Pelican grabs the rope and starts to swing.] I guess he was the one who assured everyone that the woodchip mill wouldn't kill them.

Vic: Good to know...[Mayor Pelican swings around and tries to land on the platform; but he slips on the edge and falls into the fuild.] Oh!

Ken: He went from treehugger to feecehugger..

Vic: Right you are Ken...A disgusting and amoral way of life indeed....Next up for Wallace & Gromitt is Wallace; the cheese loving hunk. We spoke to him about his life as a sciencist...[We go to the field with Wallace & Gromitt.]

Wallace: My life as a sciencist is um....a....umm.....bow wow...?

Gromitt: Bow wow!

Translator: Please help him now![Back to the action.]

Vic: All right; that was more information than I ever needed...[Wallace grabs the ropw and tried to swing. However; Wallace's hand slips and he lands on the back of his head into the fuild.] Oh my...

Ken: That calls for an MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.] That show was awfully cheesy...and awfully awesome to watch.

Vic: Insightful as always Ken. You just created your first oxymoron.

Ken: Thank you...What's an oxymoron...?[Back to the action.]

Vic: Never mind Kenny...Next up for Blinky Bill...

Miss Magpie: Blinky?!

Vic: Here is the teacher of the animal refugee school Miss Magpie..[Miss Magpie starts to swing around.] She seems to have a personal grudge againest Blinky Bill..[Miss Magpie hand slips halfway and she falls into the fuild.]Oh.. she's down and dirty...

Ken: ...and now she can call herself Miss Mudpie!

Vic: Right you are Ken...and now Gromitt is ready to try again...

Gromitt: Bow...Wow...Grr![Gromitt swings around and tries to land on the platform; but he smashes onto the top of the platform and falls into the fuild.]...Wow..Bow...Ruff...Wuff...Grrr.Grrr...Bow..Wow...Owwww!

Ken: [They show the replay.] What did he say Translator?

Translator: I suck at this event and would you like cheese with that Wallace?!

Ken: HAHA! WOW!

Vic: Thank you... That was something I didn't need to hear...[Back to the action.]

Blinky's Mom: Where' my Blinky?!

Vic: Next up for Blinky Bill just happens to be Blinky's mom...[Mom grabs the rope and swings around.]

Ken: So where's Blinky's dad? I don't see him around.

Vic: I don't think _you_ should be involved in _family matters_ Ken...[Mom manages to land on the platform.]

Blinky: Hi Mom![Mom's staggering around.]

Blinky's Mom: [Looks and sees Blinky.] Oh hello Blinky...![Mom loses her balance and falls into the fuild.]

Vic: Oh...Blinky's Mom cannot hold on the mandatory three seconds and she's just been dumped....Last up for Wallace & Gromitt...

Wallace: Cheese please?[Wallace tries to grab the outstreched rope; but he falls into the fuild right away.]

Vic: Oh never mind...That was pretty pointless...

Ken: Just like his life...

Vic: Indeeed...and last up for Blinky Bill...

Jacko: I'm not whacko...Hee...Hee..

Vic: Here is Jacko and since I'm from Middle America; I don't know who he is... [Jacko grabs the rope and starts to swing.]

Ken: He looks familiar to me Vic.

Vic: Please Ken...Pay no attention to the man behind the rope...[Jacko swings around and misses the platform completely. He smashes right into the side of the wall by his nose and falls into fuild.]Oh!

Ken: Hee...heee...not my nose..HAHA!

Vic: Indeed Ken...He won't be able to _smell children_ anymore. Well; no one _scores_ in this event so let's go to the _break_.

Announcer: Coming up next; it's time to float the sinker... Don't squish it Cheesenuts!

[Commerical Break.]

Announcer: And we are back as the real tree huggers take on the real...nin..ja's. Did you give me a bad script or something?

[Back into the studio.]

Ken: HAHA! That was a gas! [laughing.]

Vic: Kenny?! What are you up to this time?!

Ken: I gave him the cue cards for that 1995 US Cartoon Cup classic between the Ninja Turtles and Captain Planet. HAHA! He's so gulliable that he'll believe anything.

Vic: Kenny![Hits Kenny with his fan.] If I didn't tell you once; I told you a thousand times. You got to read the rules of television. Never repeat a spot! It's a sure sign of being a jobber for life. Now you've ruined the poor guy's self-worth...

Ken: Self-worth? You got to have worth to start with...HAHA!

Vic: It's now time for our next event: Sinkers & Floaters. Run across to the other side without getting a mouthful of septic sludge...

Ken: Which is runoff from the toilets of Wallace's lab..

Marica: Squeak!!

Vic: First up for Blinky Bill is the first of Blinky Bill's friends Marica the Mouse...[Marica runs onto the stones; but the fifth stone in the center sinks and she slips into the water.]..Oh! That was a pretty _short_ run..._Short_...short..That was a shame..Looks like Wallace is going up first for his team.

Wallace: [runs slowly.] Hello Captain...[Wallace trips and falls on his face while slipping into the fuild.]

Ken: Wow; three straight times he's been eliminated. He must be really stupid.

Vic: I guess you can say that if creating Were-Rabbits is your thing Ken... Next up for Blinky Bill...

Daisy: Woodchips are evil!!

Vic: This is Daisy Dingo; the mother of Shifty Dingo...[Daisy attempts to skip the stones; but slips on the sixth stone and falls into the fuild.] Well; that wasn't much better.

Ken: Still better than Wallace...

Vic: Indeed...and it's Gromitt's turn to score since no one has gotten a point for their team.

Gromitt: Wow...Grr!

Translator: This doesn't look good..

Ken: That'll be the first time I agree with him.

Vic: Indeed...[Gromitt skips onto the stones; but slips on the eight stone and falls into the fuild as his face smacks hard on the ninth stone.]Oh my...He really parted his face on that one.

Ken: That calls for an MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.]Bow..WOW!!

Vic: What does that translate too?!

Ken: Nothing...that painful elimination will make you say _WOW_!

Vic: Indeed...[We go to the field with Guy, Wallace & Gromitt as Gromitt is on his back completely out. His face looks flattened.]

Guy: Guy here and Gromitt looks like he is out of the competition..

Wallace: Please Gromitt...Speak to me...I cannot go on without you...[ Wallace hugs Gromitt harshly as Gromitt slowly wakes up and looks annoyed.]

Gromitt: Bow..wow...

Translator: Wallace?

Wallace: Gromitt?! You're all right mate!!

Gromitt: Bow...Wow...Ruff...Wuff...Grrr...

Translator: Of course I'm all right you clay putz!

Wallace: That's encouraging news!

Guy: Oooo...Guy like....[Back to the action.]

Vic: Once again...That was well informed and distrubing...

Spolge: I like Blinky!!

Vic: Next up for Blinky Bill is another of Blinky's friends; Spolge the kangeroo...[Spolge skips the stone; but slips on the seventh stone and falls into the fuild backwards.]..Oh!

Ken: And now he hates Blinky!

Vic: I don't think that's possible Ken...Okay; time for Wallace to try again..

Wallace: I feel much better...[Wallace get onto the first stone but it sinks which causes Wallace to fall into the fuild.]..oh never mind mate!

Ken: Best...moment....ever...!

Vic: Right you are Ken...and last up for Blinky Bill..

Logger: I'm not evil!

Blinky Bill Animal Cast: [Chanting] Yes you are!!

Vic: Well; here is that logger who hails from the infamous woodchip mill... [The logger skips the stones.]...He could go all the way...

Logger: I'm gonna make it!

Blinky Bill Animal Cast: [Chanting] No you're not!![The logger is distracted enough to slip on the last stone and fall into the fuild.]

Vic: And nature has won another battle with man...What a shame?![They show the replay.]

Ken: That may be the first time a team on MXC wanted to lose.

Vic: Indeed...That's what happens when principle overtakes reason...and now it's time for Gromitt..[Back to the action.]

Gromitt: Grrr...

Translator: That does not compute!![Gromitt skips the stones; but slips, smacks his face on the eighth stone and falls into the fuild.]

Vic: Oh! That won't help his face!

Ken: That run didn't compute that's for sure! HAHA!

Vic: Actually Ken...Our dog translator is a computer and it's not working right... So as we fix the computer; the score is still 0-0....

Announcer: Coming up next...It's time to finger the blame. Don't flip the bird; SuckPuss!

[Commerical Break]

Announcer: And we're back as the cheeseheaders take on the downunders! [Back to the studio.]

Vic: Welcome back to MXC as both teams have yet to score...

Ken: So let me get this straight...You're using a computer instead of a goofy goof..

Vic: Of course; but translators aren't goofy you little monkey![Hits Kenny with his fan as Kenny is laughing out loud.]

Ken: HAHA! You must be using Babelfish to translate into dog. That is the most girly translator in history. They use a sucky goldfish and mistranslate like nuts.

Vic: Kind of like your sex life eh Ken...

Ken: Yeah....I think....

Vic: Our next event of the evening is Finger It! Do the RPS three times in a row or you get flushed into our mystery fuild.

Ken: Today's fuild is bought to us by Blinky's Sweatshop of Pain.

Vic: I didn't know Blinky was a pro wrestler.

Ken: Nah; the wrestler calls himself Blinky..He had this move called The Blinker...Lights out!

Vic: You can tell me your wrestling fetishes later Ken...

Captain: GET IT ON!

Gromitt: BOW WOW...WOW...ACHOOOO!!

Translator: I have a cold....ACHOOOO!!

Vic: And for the second time in a row; here's Gromitt. Let's see if he can break this deadlock...[The goof dances as they the RPS. However; while the goof calls paper and Gromitt tries to call scissors, he cannot use his paws correctly. Gromitt calls a fist.] Oh! What happened here?[Gromitt falls through the trap door and into the fuild. Back in the studio.]

Ken: I know what happened here...HAHA! His paws are clay and are sticking to his claws. He's basically out of this event...

Vic:[Back to the action.] I guess so...First up for Blinky Bill...

Shifty: Shift it into high gear!!

Vic: Here is the son the Dingo family; Shifty Dingo...

Ken: Are you swearing like he is right now?

Vic: He's not saying....Never mind Ken...[The goof dances as they play the RPS. Round one: Shifty picks rock, Goof plays Scissors. Round 2: Goof picks paper and Shifty picks rock.] Oh...and Shifty got shifted...[Shifty tries to flip the bird; but he falls through the trap door and into the fuild.]What a shame?!

Ken: Hey; that calls for an MXC Impact Replay, it's a double winner..[They show the replay.] That was a _shifty_ moment to remember..Pull that finger!

Vic: Kenny! You cannot use an MXC Impact Replay to amuse youself with vulgar gestures.

Ken: I can't? That's a load of...[Microphone is cut off.]

Vic: That's better...[Back to the action.]

Wallace: Help me please mate...

Vic: I suggest that Wallace is going...[The goof dance as they play RPS. However; Wallace calls scissor and the goof calls rock. Wallace falls down into the fuild.].. down.

Ken: Down smoother than a cheesehead. HAHA! [They show the replay.]

Vic: Hey; I thought your microphone was cut off....

Ken: I'm using a backup...

Vic: Of course you are Ken...[Back to the action.]

Wambo: Whamo!!

Vic: Next up for Blinky Bill is another friend Wombo Wombat.

Ken: A Wombat? Sound like the Ozzies were drunk when they made up that name...

Vic: Kind of like you when you go to the mall Ken...[The goof and Wombo play the RPS. Round One: Goof plays rock, Wombo plays paper. Round Two: Goof plays scissors Wombo plays rock. Round three: Wombo plays rock and goof plays paper.] Oh! That was close; but not enough...[Wombo falls into the fuild.]

Ken: It's enough for me..HAHA!

Vic: Indeed...and once again it's Wallace to try to...[They play RPS once again. Wallace plays cheese and instantly falls into the fuild.]..falls into the fuild again.

Ken: He must like wrestling sweat to lose so badly.

Vic: Ah Kenny...Sometimes your fantasies can be so silly...that even I cannot be mad at you...and last up for Blinky Bill.

Flap: Slap the Flap for the Lap!

Vic: Here is another friend of Blinky Bill; Flap...[They play the RPS. Round one: Flap calls rock, Goof calls paper. Round two: Flap calls scissors, Goof calls paper. Round three: Flap calls paper, Goof calls scissors.]...and he's now a Sap! Right Kenny?[Flap falls into the fuild.] Kenny?!

Ken: What did you say Vic? I was thinking about how Blinky was applying the Blinker on his rival the Duke of Suckmeister....Mmmmm...Good night nurse...

Vic: Once again insightful as always Ken. So after three rounds; no one has gotten the point...I mean a point...

Announcer: Coming up next...It's time to ride on a bowl. Don't lick it Steampicks!!

[Commerical Break]

Announcer: And we are back with the final round as the Ozzies take on the Brits.... [Back in the studio as Ken and Vic look like clay figures.]

Vic: We have returned as still no one as scored a point for their team. Hey; I feel like a piece of clay...Kenny?! What is the meaning of this?

Ken: HAHA! You said that you liked claymation or whatever it is. So the producer thought that we could boost the ratings by being clay figures..

Vic: Well in that case; I suppose a little creativity wouldn't hurt..

Ken: Yeah; yeah.. Just don't touch yourself Vic.

Vic: What do you mean by..[Vic touches himself and realizes that he is mud and not clay.] This is not clay; this is mud you little monkey!! [Hits Kenny with his fan.]

Ken: HAHA! You would always roll in the mud for something you like...

Vic: Let's go to our last event and get cleansed: Irritable Bowl Syndrome. Stay inside the bowl without getting splooshed.

Ken: Today's mystery fuild is bought to us by Claymation's House of Mud.

Vic: That would explain the smell....

Captain: GET IT ON!

Danny: Stop flipping the birds Shifty!

Vic: First up for Blinky Bill is the father of Shifty; Danny Dingo.

Ken: So I guess he also plays Bingo right? HAHA!

Vic: I thought you were cool Ken...[Danny's bowl slides down the hill and makes it to the bottom. However; the bowl lands way too hard and the bowl tips upside down. Danny falls into the fuild.] Oh! And Danny has been sad-lad..

Ken: You mean tossed sad-lad..HAHA!

Vic: Thanks Ken...I really needed that image Ken...It's now time for Gromitt to try again.

Gromitt: Wow, Wuff, Ruff, Grr, Bow!

Translator: Give me a bone mate![Gromitt's bowl slides down too hard and the bowl turns over. Gromitt falls onto the hill and slides into the fuild.]

Vic: Ouch! That's gotta hurt....Next up for Blinky Bill...

Nusty: This is different! Thanks!

Vic: Here is Blinky's girlfriend Nusty.

Ken: Wait a second! Blinky doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. He piledrived her and she's asking for damages...

Vic: I think you are asking for a fan Ken...[Nusty's bowl slides down the slope and makes it to the lip of the slope. However; the bowl tips over and Nusty falls into the fuild.]...and Nusty has become Busty...What a shame?! So next up is Wallace's turn...

Wallace: This is like being in a water park! Weeeeee!

Vic: Oh dear...This is not going to be good...[Wallace's bowl slides down the slope and makes it to the bottom without tipping over.] Oh! And he's do...[Wallace stands up and tips the bowl over; falling into the fuild.]. No; he didn't stay in long enough....

Ken: Now that is the MXC Impact Replay...[They show the replay.] So close...So darn close...and then he acts like a Wallace. HAHA!

Vic: Right you are Ken...Let's go to Guy and find out what happened here...[We go to the field with Guy, Wallace and Gromitt.]

Guy: Guy here and you almost made it there Wallace...

Wallace: I thought it was a waterpark and I wanted to go swimming...[Pets Gromitt] Right mate?

Gromitt: Bow Wow Grr!

Wallace: Thank you mate..[Pets Gromitt.]

Translator: I hate that!

Guy: Ooooo...Guy like....[Back to the action.]

Vic: Top-notch reporting as usual Guy.

Blinky Bill: Time to play..

Vic: Last up for Blinky Bill is the captain himself..

Ken: Hey wait a minute...My favorite wrestler's a kowla?

Vic: You're really confusing business and pleasure here Ken...[Blinky's bowl slides down the slope too hard and the bowl tips over. Blinky slides down the slope; rolling on his side. Blinky falls into the fuild.]...and Blinky's has just jobbed out...

Ken: You know what Vic...You're right. Blinky would never job out.

Vic: I'm glad you're finally starting to figure out what the difference is Ken....and now it's up to Gromitt.

Gromitt: Ruff! Ruff!

Translator: Last call...

Ken: A dog drinking alcohol.. That's perverted!

Vic: Only in your bubbly little world Ken...[Gromitt's bowl slides down the slope and makes it to the bottom. The bowl lands on the fuild; but the bowl tips over at the last second and Gromitt falls into the fuild.]...and he's just short...and stank!

Ken: Look like my world is real after all...[They show the replay.]

Vic: Indeed...That run was perverted to be sure. So after four rounds of punishment; the score is Blinky Bill zero; Wallace & Gromitt zero.

[Back to the studio.]

Ken: Wait a minute...That's a tie. What happens now? Who's going to face the anime champs?

Vic: Let's go to the Captain as I have been told that a final decision has been rendered....[We go to the field with the Captain.]

Captain: Hello fans! Here is my official decision and since _I'm_ the Captain, I have decided that both teams are disqualified from the competition because as far as I'm concerned; a tie equals a loss and therefore they are both losers. Blinky screwed Blinky for screwing loggers and woodchip mill operators and Wallace screwed Wallace for screwing life. That is all because I'm the Captain..[Captain looks to his left and sees somethings that he's frightened of. ]...Now if you will excuse me; I need to find the cops...[Captain runs stage right as Team Blinky Bill run with torches and pitchforks.]

Danny: Kill that evil devil...Now!!

[Back into the studio.]

Ken: That was a poor decision Vic!

Vic: Indeed it is Ken...However; the Captain's decision is final; just like in wrestling. See; I know this fake sport...

Ken: HAHA! You've never heard of the Dusty finish....

Vic:And it's now time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day!! [They show footage from the event.]

Ken: We start the carnage at Number Ten with Mudmation Vic. I guess he thought the House of Mud was tasteless. Like he was supposed to eat it. HAHA!....At number nine it's our humble Captain; who gave our teams the shaft and they gave the Captain the torch. About time someone got the pain but me....At number eight; it's Gromitt's ride on the bowl. The most painful ride is the close one I always say...At number seven; it's Mayor Pelican who rides side of rope and then becomes the dope. He failed the confidence vote on that move...At number six; it's the Logger who sadly had to hear revisionist history and loses one for Blinky. That was a sure loser of a name....At number five; it's Wambo Wombat who gets a Wham Blam, Thank you Slam into some Sweatshop of Pain! You can smell that one a mile away.... At number four it's Shifty Dingo who gives the goof his opinion and the goof gives him Blinky's Sweat. Now that's smelling the finger.....At number three; it's a double one for Gromitt as he finds out the force of clay on a stone and the stone won....At number two; it's Blinky's Mom (the animal; not the wrestler) who has a reunion with his son and then she get her just deserts: A helping of animal pudding. That was tasty. Yum!...And my most painful elimination of the day goes to Wallace. I'm not sure which one of his painful eliminations I should pick: The two from Sinker & Floaters, the two from Dope On A Rope, or that imfamous waterpark ride from Syndrome. Who cares? They all rule...Wallace is a true MXC Eliminator. For thirty minutes he entertained me with his interviews and his runs. Hey; Vince, you got the next World Champion...of Pain...OUCH!! I'm out!

[Back to the studio.]

Vic: Insightful as always Ken...and the anime will get the bye into the final. Unless they suck too...So; take us out Ken!

Ken: So what do we always say?!

All: DON'T GET ELIMINATED!! [Everyone pumps their fists in unison.]

[We return to the field where the Captain is running from left to right.]

Captain: Where are the police?! I need help here!![The mob runs behind him with torches and pitchforks.]

Danny: We're the police...and we're coming to get you!![The camera pans to the left to show a picnic table with Marica and Wallace eating cheese.]

Wallace: Like cheese there mate?

Marica: Squeak![They both take a bite of cheese to eat and the screen freezes.]

Ken: He finally got a spot right.

Vic: Indeed...[The credits roll.]