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Music Hath Charms/Dress For Success
Reviewed: 07/23/2011
As Long As It Doesn't Involve The Jonas Brothers.
Okay; our first two shorts of season four are upon us. I haven't seen these ones before so I'm ready to be surprised. Let's rant on and find out shall we....?
Music Hath Charms story was done by Jymn Magon and Len Uhley. The teleplay was done by Len Uhley and the story was edited by Jymn Magon, Rich Fogel and Mark Seidenberg. Dressed For Success is written by David Hutchinson and story edited by Jymn Magon. The animation for both shorts was done by TMS Animation.
Music Hath Charms: We begin this one at Gummi Glen and zoom into the kitchen as we get a shot of a black pot just to make sure Shawn Michaels is scared away. Grammi calls the vat a disgrace. Insert “DTVA is a disgrace feature” joke here. We discover that Grammi is inside scrubbing the insides and her brush breaks. Then we see Tummi wheel in the tray with Cubbi acting like a knight. Memo to Cubbi: Lose the wooden bucket. That bucket is not cool. They circle around a bit as Sunni joins in and huh? Did she become Athena for some odd reason? Grammi asks for the spare scrub brush which is conveniently hanging on the wall but no one sells and they leave the kitchen. Grammi calls it lack of devotion; but she isn't giving up as she uses the apron and slingshots it to grab the brush instead. So we head to the dining room as Sunni is bouncing on the table and I'm guessing that they are cosplaying a chariot race from Greece which just kills the mythology the writers were shooting for in this series. Tummi has gotten more exercise in ten seconds than he does in a normal episode as he trips on the carpet and the wheel tray goes into the kitchen and smashes against the pot and Grammi gets gonged. HAHA! Like I'm buying that Tummi did that one unintentionally. It was Cubbi's plan anyway as Gruffi has a bucket on his foot for no reason that I can think of and then it teleports back on Cubbi's head. How about THAT for a logic break as Grammi groans on cue and the GANG OF GUMMI WAY surround her. Grammi yells what was that and asks why no one told her anything. UH OH! Grammi lost her hearing; which some can say is WORSE than blindness. Tummi sums it up nicely.
So we head to Drekmore BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Dukie is blowing off ultra-cool sidekick Toadie again as the ultra-cool sidekick brings in a big ass crate which is bigger than his body weight. At least Toadie is a bump machine; so I don't mind him doing these spots. If we ever see Gruffi forcing Cubbi against his will doing those spots; then I will be worried. Toadie calls it too heavy; so Dukie tells him to put it down and the crate squashes Toadie flatter than Alexander the Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Dukie opens the crate and brings out....wait for it...bagpipes! That's right folks; Dukie stole Scrooge's bagpipes! I wondered why Scrooge had a personal grunge against him in that article on Scrooge's career on Smearinggun.com. Anyhow; Toadie pops from the carnage as Dukie explains the magic bagpipes as he plays them once a day and the pleasant music will force everyone to do what they are told. Toadie tries to blow the bagpipes and.....wait a second; let's try that again and this time: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER! Ahem, Toadie plays with the bagpipes....close enough and Dukie pinches lips and blows Toadie off. You were in no danger of being a bagpipe zombie there Dukie; since Toadie cannot play beautiful music to save his life. Toadie gets dropped on his ass of course as Dukie takes out the earmuffs and proclaims that it only works on intellegent creatures and Toadie is out of the running. Lucky eh? Dukie plans to use them to zombify the denizens of Dumbwin...ERRR...I mean Dunwyn. Yeah; this is the Speedy Gonzales pied piper plotline, and without cool tap dance moves; this one is not going to go very far.
So we head to the castle of Dumbwin....I mean Dunwyn as we see Dukie dressed up like the evil one from The Mighty Hercules cartoon riding on a horse and wagon towards the gate and then stop in front of the gate. Dukie blows his cover as he uncovers Gad playing the bagpipes along with Toadie and Gad plays the bagpipes perfectly. Wait a second? If he's so dumb; then how could he play those bagpipes well? Wouldn't that turn him into a zombie by proxy? Logic break #1 for the episode right there as we cut to inside to the stage as King Gregor is about to pass a bill which we never get a chance to hear what it is because the sound overwhelms and everyone including Tuxford, Gregor and Calla get crazy eyed into zombies. Dukie then sticks his fingers up the bagpipes...Oh lord; GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER GREGORY! I mean Dukie sticks his finger in the bottom of the bagpipes to blow up Gad's face. Dukie then takes a megaphone and calls the denizens of Dumbwin to come to papa as the drawbridge opens and out comes all the denizens of Dumbwin looking like wide-eyed zombies. Toadie loves the beat of the bagpipes too as Dukie turns the horse and carriage around and leads the denizens to Dumbwin to their new home in Drekmore. Cue evil laugh, don't give a damn.
Scene changer of doom ensues as we head back to Gummi Glen as Grammi gets cold towels on her forehead. Why? She's DEAF; she doesn't have a fever guys. Gruffi yells at her and she blows him off. Okay; so she's hearing impaired only. That's going to break logic to no end; I swear to god. Gruffi wishes she lost her voice instead. More yelling spots ensue as there is rumbling and the GANG OF GUMMI WAY run up the spiral steps which I swear is totally recycled from an episode that escapes me at the moment. We head to a hallowed tree as Gruffi uses the big ass eye of doom and notices the denizens of Dumbwin marching along; but with no song to soften the air. Yeah; I stooped to using the theme song as a joke; so shoot me. Cubbi then points the telescope and notices that it's Dukie who is responsible as Dukie is having fun and Gad plays the bagpipes again and the sound somehow overwhelms everyone and turns the babyfaces into zombies.....Except for Grammi. Can you smell the logic break here; or do I have to spell it out for ye? Dukie orders everyone to the back of the line as the Zombie Gummis all leave despite Grammi shaking Gruffi a bit. The zombie Gummis pop out of the ground and walk towards Dukie as Grammi yells at them to stop; and then notices her hearing has returned. So her hearing impaired is temporary. Shoot me now! Wait until the end of the episode to make her hearing come back. It isn't any more realistic; but at least it's more plausible. Dukie is thrilled to see the zombie marching Gummi Bears as Grammi hides behind the stump in horror and that ends the segment five and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to Dukie's throne room as Gregor is messaging Dukie's feet as he sits on his throne and Calla enters. Calla places the tray and un-peels fruit while Dukie steals the crown and Gregor shines Dukie's boots. Then in comes ultra-cool sidekick Toadie with two buckets of Gummi Berry Juice as Toadie informs Dukie that the Gummi Bears cannot make juice as we see Grammi outside practicing the fine art of not being seen. See; only Grammi knows how to make juice. Continuity Error: Didn't Grammi teach Sunni how to make juice in Secret of The Juice? Oy vey writers. Dukie grabs Toadie and drags him out the window yelling at him to find her in the sea of zombies before he ties his ears around his neck. Yeah; that is so threatening. NOT! Grammi runs in the hallway searching; and she runs into Gad, Zook and Ogre #3 as they notice her right away. Grammi uncorks the vial of roided juice and drinks it. It's BUTT BOUNCING TIME~ as she bounces with a man sized bump on ogre #3's head, the one with the spear of course. Grammi bounces out of the window and down the statues and onto the brick ground outside. However; three knights and three ogres surround Grammi (along with ultra-cool sidekick Toadie calling her brown bear even though she's clearly orange.). Grammi blows off the knight and bounce up and into the factory where the Gummi Bears are making juice. Where does Dukie keep those Gummi Berries anyway? And how come the Gummi Bears never knew that?
Never mind; let's move on as Grammi is relieved to find Gruffi; but the Gummi no sell her as they serve Igthorn. This chant is really creepy when you combine it with the eyes as Cubbi demonstrated so gleefully. Grammi cannot believe even Tummi has turned heel as Grammi notices the heels and tries to bounce away stage left. However; we get another gaping logic break as everyone somehow teleports and she bounces into a green piece of square cloth. WHAT THE HELL?! Zummi and Gruffi grab Grammi as the ogres deduce that Grammi isn't running and therefore is not under the spell. Toadie claims that she is and Grammi decides to play along and turn herself into a zombie to play mind games. Toadie buys it of course as he orders Grammi to fix Gummi Berry juice and Grammi obeys and walks like a zombie. Umm; doesn't that prove that she isn't a zombie guys? Since none of the other zombies did that spot but her? We then cut to a closeup of Grammi proclaiming that she'll fix Dukie's little juice wagon. I think you can guess where this is going....
So we scene change to a hallway as Toadie is leading Grammi who has a tray with the vial of roided surprise juice. Dukie is thrilled as Zook has the bagpipes and Toadie talks about the once a day music zombie spell again as Grammi listens on. Dukie orders the ultra-cool sidekick to gather everyone to the main hall for their daily dose of music and Toadie leaves. Dukie grabs the vial of roided juice surprise and decides it's time to drink it and does. That allows Dukie to spit, turn into a red/pink candy cane, bounce, rocket into a Z shape and crumble in a heap onto the floor. Okay; that was really funny, most so the bad sound effects that went with it. I believe that was intentional too. Grammi mocks Dukie as Dukie gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and Grammi blows him off. Dukie stands up and finally gets his voice back (either Michael Rye had a cold; or he's acting well today) as he sits on his throne and orders Zook to play the bagpipes. Zook obeys as Grammi mocks him to do his worst.
Dukie accepts the dare and Zook (the green ogre) plays with his heart's content as Grammi plugs her ears. Now do you see the bigger logic break here? Why not have her deaf until the end of the episode? Sure; it doesn't kill the “impaired hearing = cannot hear a thing” logic break earlier when the Gummi Bears turned into zombies; but at least it doesn't add this contrived spot ON TOP OF THAT. Dukie notices the contrivedness and Gad (the purple ogre) is ordered to unplug Grammi's ears. So Gad chases Grammi for a while as Zook is out of breath and pants. Dukie blows him off as Grammi sees her opening and runs forward; and does her slingshot move with the apron to grab the earmuffs from Dukie's ears and put them on just as Zook plays the bagpipes again. Dukie protests; but he gets turned into a zombie of course and Grammi motions to Dukie that she has a little favor to ask him.
So we head out to the courtyard as the denizens are waiting outside as the ogres arrive and Toadie notices that there is no Dukie with bagpipes in sight as the denizens wake up from their zombie state. Gregor wonders where they are and Calla answers that one for him. We head to the main doors where some speared ogre as Grammi has Dukie zombified and Dukie obeys her without question. Dukie walks out and tells the ogres to let the denizens of Dumbwin go. The ogres are confused; but they obey him as Gregor steals his crown back and everyone gets to go home as Toadie stands in front of the gate trying to stop them; but the stampede squashes him flat again. Atta boy Toadie! We cut to the Gummi Bears as Gruffi would be relieved once the bagpipes are destroyed. So they stomp the bagpipes into silly putty and then run out of the castle as Dukie waves bye-bye which sounds pretty funny. Toadie looks worried as hell and then he realizes that Dukie will do what he is told and gets an evil look on his kisser. He giggles as we cut to a zoom out shot of the castle as Toadie calls it fungus licking time. EWWWWWWW! GET DUKIE AWAY! GET DUKIE AWAY! That ends the short right there at 10:30. Okay short; but broke logic too many times. ** ¼ (45%).
Dress For Success: We begin with a shot of the Castle of Dumbwin...ERRR...I mean Dunwyn. We then pan south west to the bushes behind a sign as we see Cubbi and Sunni hiding behind them. Then we notice a human dressed up as a Gummi Bear skipping to it's lou. The kids comment on her likeness as the kid takes off the mask and notices the kid Gummi's bailing into the bushes. Then we see the adults in various costumes (one in a Mickey Mouse Fantasia costume, one in a rooster and one in a fish suit. Don't ask me what possessed him to wear it. I don't know.) come in and the kid swears that she saw a Gummi Bear. Of course her mother thinks that she isn't the only one in the forest and she's Hilary and we find out that today is Folly Day. Isn't that a day where logical follies don't exist for 24 hours? Or am I reading too much into this like I always do? We see the Gummi kids pop out and they like Folly Day.
Of course we scene change to the bushes of Gummi Berries as the harvest continues and Gruffi blows off Folly Day and the royal scroll Sunni is showing him. It's too dangerous see as Sunni wants to go because there is music, jousting, food and people dressed up like Gummi Bears. Gusto accuses Gruffi of being a stick in the mud. NO?! REALLY?! His fur is the color of mud; and so is the stick. I thought you would already notice that Gusto? Everyone takes Sunni's side by a landslide on this deal because Grammi wants to learn about the latest in human culture...and Tummi wants food. Gruffi finally relents as long as it's for educational purposes only. Sunni hugs Gruffi good of course as Grammi tells Sunni to use her day wisely. So Sunni; teenybopper to millions pulls the cloth off the wagon of Gummi Berries and wants to win that dance contest. You just knew she would lapse back into the diva character that she's much too young to play. Thankfully; the berries entomb her for that stupidity and the bears laugh her off. HAHA! Gruffi looks at the scroll and calls it some holiday. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.
So we head inside Dukie's throne room as he reads the scroll and crumbles it in disgust. However; Dukie ponders over the concept of being the master of disguise as ultra-cool sidekick Toadie in on the table playing with kiwi magnets. HAHA! Dukie ponders about sneaking past the guards of Dumbwin and then blows off Toadie for being annoying. BOO HISS! Toadie calls them Di-something as one of them is a red crystal and the other is a green crystal as Dukie throws red crystal half out the window and it snaps back after travelling about 100 feet or so and Toadie throws the green half into the air as the crystals come together and explode right in Dukie's kisser. HAHA! That'll teach Dukie to disrespect his ultra-cool, heat gathering sidekick. Dukie gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and grabs Toadie by the ears because it's Disamate from Toadie's rock collection and it's the perfect weapon to screw Castle Dumbwin...ERRR....Dunwyn over. So Dukie yells in Toadie's face to get him more Disamate.
Scene changer ensues and we go to a bridge outside Dumbwin as we see the denizens in costume enter the castle and we hear about the best pots and pans in Dumbwin from some unknown salespitch voice. One of the denizen is dressed up like a muffin. HAHA! Tummi notices it and wants someone to pinch him because he's dreaming. Thankfully for him; the EVIL ONE Randy Pincherson doesn't exist for another 20 years or so so Tummi's ass is perfectly safe. Gruffi stops him (Stick in the mud indeed!) as he warns the babyfaces (minus Sunni) to leave before five o'clock because that when the unmasking takes place and Gusto admits that it could be a big problem. Gruffi proclaims that they are here to be useful; except for Sunni, who is dressed up like the fruitiest princess in all of the land; with purple high heels too. Sunni blows him off because she's going to win the dance contest and Gruffi blows her off on that one. I can't blame him; dancing is only useful if you are playing your Wii. Sunni is pissed off as she leaves and Mr. Vaino himself Gusto takes Sunni's side of the deal.
Scene changer as we go to an alleyway as Dukie arrives looking like a creepy Robin Hood in that outfit as Toadie is the monkey of this outfit literally. Toadie scratches himself due to the itchy monkey suit. HA! As opposed to his normal outfit? Dukie grabs him and blows him off because the costumes are a stroke of genius. Yeah; a music box player costume, that is SOOOOOOOOO badass. NOT! Toadie gets dumped as he asks what the Krackpotkin plan is as he brings out a fake banana. Dukie proclaims that he'll play the music box as Monkdie gives the fake banana to the king and when the last note is played; the red Dismate will make contact with the green one and we get a loud kaboom and the king is dead in roundabout terms. I doubt that seriously since Dukie wasn't injured earlier. And I don't see Gregor eating a banana peel either. How can Dukie be taken seriously with this plan even without the costume? So Dukie and Monkdie walk forward ; with Toadie getting into character at least; into the crowd.
So we go to the stage as the dressed females are on stage. The announcer addresses Shela who is wearing a blue dress with a blue top hat. There is bronze trim as the announcer calls it fit for a princess. Add the word modest and you're almost there lady. The crowd ooo's like they are having a fake orgasim. Sunni is behind the curtain as she comes out in her fruity dress and the announcer is having a hard time holding back her laughter trying to announce her as she looks absurd. HAHA! The crowd laughs in her face as Sunni blows her off and proclaims that someday, everyone will be wearing it. The saddest part is that she's right; when Lady Goo-Goo Gaga does in 1986 (!!). AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sunni storms off and cannot even sell the tease tripping on the purple high heels properly on the way out. What a diva?! Need more lessons from Hoppo. POW! OUCH! Ummmm.....
So we head to street level as Music Dukie and Monkdie as Wizboy notices Monkdie and the rooster lady runs in and MURDERS Monkdie with the purse. HAHA! Even in this era; the old lady whacks someone with their purse still exists. It's the most timeless form of sexism in all of the land. The lady and Wizboy storm off as Dukie whacks Monkdie with his hat and that is not nearly as funny. Monkdie turns around and groans before noticing Sunni in the crowd minus her high heels. This is probably the only episode in the series where Sunni doesn't wear the elf shoes for a long period of time. Toadie points it out to Dukie and Dukie is giddy as Sunni sulks proclaiming that Gruffi is correct that this dress is useless. Then Sunni hears Dukie's bad voice wanting to give Sunni some candy and Sunni blows it off with the educational line. In this era? Riiiiigggghhhhttttt.... Dukie blows his cover anyway as Sunni looks up before noticing Toadie has the sack and Sunni gets sacked of course. Toadie dumps her (huh?) and Dukie steals the vial of roided juice that she had in her hands when she is dumped. Okay; that was the reason for it. Sunni tries to scream for help; but Dukie clamps his hands around her mouth. Then the bell ringer arrives with the scroll and his ringing bell to inform them that the Folly Day Competition awards are about to take place soon. Sunni bites Dukie's fingers allowing a sell for a second from Dukie before Sunni is dumped into an urn. One problem: If it's an urn; why does it have an air hole in it? Dumbass writers! Oh; and Dukie promises to return to her once he springs the surprise on Gregor.
Sunni groans inside as she peeps through DA....HOLE (God bless Baby Plucky!) as Dukie shows off the open banana with the green Diasmate and zips it up as he and Toadie walk off proclaiming that once the last note is played; the crystals come together and kaboom, the king is “dead”. Sunni gasps as we return to the main streets as Grammi returns with a butter churner, Zummi has books, Gruffi has a pipe, Tummi has a dozen pies, Gusto and Cubbi I'm not quite sure. Gusto proclaims that this was great and then we hear clock chimes as it's 5 o'clock according to the castle's knight in shining armor clock which looks impressive methinks. The gang realizes that Sunni is still missing and Gruffi takes it as her going to the closing ceremonies as everyone spreads out and drops their items. Gruffi doesn't like Folly Day anymore as we cut back behind a wagon to the urn as Sunni struggles, but no dice. Sunni sulks as she takes off some more of her useless stuff and then notices that she has metal chains in the costumes so she creates a paperclip comb like grappling hook (IN YOUR FACE GADGET HACKWRENCH!) and hooks it to the wagon thus justifying it coming OUT OF NOWHERE. Sunni tips the urn over and it rolls backwards and smashes against the wall with a decent bump allowing Sunni to drop on her ass. Sunni gets up and proclaims that she has to warn the king; which has to be the dumbest idea for her yet.
Scene changer as we get a shot of the crowd popping as we zoom in to the roof as we hear the babyfaces looking and not noticing Sunni anywhere. So we cut to the stage as Gregor addresses the crowd on the winners of the Folly Day Competition. We see Sunni run in at the back of the crowd; but cannot see Dukie; nor a way in through the crowd. She manages to butt in somehow as we cut to Dukie and Toadie as Dukie orders Toadie to get on stage and to give Gregor the EXPLODING BANANA OF DEATH. Toadie leaves as Gregor calls for third place in the pie making contest and then hears monkey noises as Monkdie appears on stage while Sunni still goes through the crowd. Monkdie gives Gregor the EXPLODING BANANA OF DEATH; but Sunni comes on stage ; calls Gregor out and steals the banana back. Uh huh. Gruffi calls Monkdie suspious. NO?! REALLY?! Toadie tries to grab Sunni; but rips off her undergarments instead. Oooooo... Sunni bounces off the drum as Gregor ponders over the talking chimpanzee (his words; not mine). So Toadie stuffs the undergarments on Gregor's head. HAHA!
Toadie jumps on Dukie and Dukie blows him off. So Dukie decides to get the banana while Toadie plays the music box. Toadie asks for a cue and Dukie blows him off as an imbecile. Toadie takes that as the cue as Dukie bails stage left. We cut to the roof as Grammi and Gruffi bail from the roof before we head into the crowd as Sunni butts her way through. Dukie follows her as Sunni crumbles her pearl necklace and drops it on the ground as Dukie doesn't look down and slips on the pearls like the swine after them. This allows him to tackle down the dress announcer lady who blew off Sunni's absurd dress. The announcer screams for help badly as a knight in armor grabs Dukie and Dukie protests this outrage as Sunni tapes the EXPLODING BANANA OF DEATH on his back. Dukie calls him an imbecile and that's enough for Toadie to play the music box. Sunni tells Dukie some and Dukie looks back and calls for Toadie as the red Dismate comes out of the music box and I think you can guess what happens next eh? The heels run out; crystal makes contact off-screen and the exploding banana of death lives up to it's name...Sort of. Gregor claps on cue because he loved the fireworks display. I guess nuclear explosions turn him on. He must be the grandfather of Admiral Grimitz. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Gregor wants to end the show with the unmasking so that allows Mr. Pricko to grab Sunni's arm and we bail stage right. So we head out into the plains as a horse carriage carries hay and the Gummi Bears home. Well; four of them as Cubbi, Zummi and Tummi don't seem to be anywhere. Grammi apologizes for making fun of the costume. Huh? Wasn't it Gruffi that was the only one making fun of her in any context? Sunni forgives Gruffi anyway as Gusto does a vain promo about high fashion at home and on the battle field as Sunni laughs as the carriage rides slowly into the forest BEFORE HAPPY HOUR and that ends the short at 10:30. Much better short due to Toadie being game for being a monkey and even Sunni being mocked for being such a diva. *** ¾ (75%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we have a mixed bag of shorts in this one. Music Hath Charm actually could have been a solid story; but the whole Pied Piper plotline was bogged down with logic breaks. If Grammi was not totally deaf; they made it as if she was totally deaf and it felt contrived and forced when the Gummi's turned into zombies. Also; she regained her hearing too soon either way. It's not like Dukie wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs either way and she could hear enough thus rendering her regaining her hearing kind of pointless in hindsight. Do it at the end; but not within thirty seconds. That would have been more plausible. Otherwise; it was a solid story. As for Dress For Success; while far from flawless, it was a funnier short mostly due to the carrying of the episode of the ultra-cool sidekick Toadie being gamed to being a bump machine and Sunni getting mocked for my pleasure for wearing something so 1980's. Sure; the whole exploding banana was dumb mostly due to the fact that the Dismate has no ability to kill anyone despite the writer's foolish attempts to prove to us otherwise through the dialogue; but seeing Dukie get screwed twice by the stones was pretty funny. Next up is two more shorts; A Knight To Remember and Gummies Just Want To Have Fun. So....
Thumbs down for Music Hath Charm and thumbs in the middle for Dress For Success and I'll see you all next time.