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May The Best Princess Win
Reviewed: 10/02/2011
And May Everyone Else Lose.....
We are truly going downhill here now as Princess Marie is back just to annoy Calla and probably everyone else. Please don't let her suck the life out of this episode; that's all I ask. Anyhow; this was the episode I originally planned on doing when I didn't have other sources; but the stream in question was wrong and I ended up ranting on Princess Problems instead. So let's rant on shall we....?
This episode is written by Marion Wells. I do not know who animated this episode.
We begin this one at Castle Dumbwin....ERRR...Dunwynn as a French accented noblemen rides into the castle complete with flourish as Gregor and Calla run down the steps to meet. I should point out that this stream is extremely blurry compared to most episodes and sadly; all English versions of this episode on any stream are this bad. The Russian overdub stream is CLEAR as a whistle so I'm cross referencing it to the English version. And even better; despite the overdub, I can still hear Gregor's real voice in English too. So I'm going to rant on the Russian version of the stream and any dialog I miss; I'll go to the English version to cross reference. This will make my life easier. If there is a similar version to My Kingdom For A Pie; I'll be in high heaven. So Gregor gets the scroll as it's an urgent message from King Jean Claude. UH OH! We know where this episode is going now don't we? King Jean wants Gregor to attend a summit of great importance and Gregor agrees to it and he's taking Calla with her. Princess Calla has pink flowers and she instantly blows it off because she has to deal with Princess Marie again. I'm guessing she didn't buy the apology from Princess Problems. On the other paw; the non-apology she made for the incidents that she made was very, very weak!! Gregor tells her that she doesn't have to like Marie (because let's face it; Gregor isn't fond of Marie either); but she should at least be nice to her. It's her royal responsibility see and for the good of both kingdoms.
So we head to Gummi Glenn and into the storage room as Sunni is whining again. See; she, Cubbi and Tummi want to go to Ursalia with Gruffi but Sunni naturally forgot to clean up the storage room and she had all week. Ooops! Sure sign of a teenybopper #91: Waits until treat day to do the actual chores. Idiots. Anyhow; Gruffi proclaims that he is taking the tools to Ursalia and they must stay behind to finish the work and stay out of trouble. All three young bears decide to stay home and groan as Gruffi, Zummi and Grammi leave with the tools. So Sunni kicks some international object anyway and acts like a diva. Cubbi then channels the powers of Kit and uses the broom to sweep up some dust and Tummi wants some sandwiches to keep up the strength so he grabs Cubbi and they leave to allow Sunni to do all the works. HAHA! Serves her right for not doing her chores A WEEK earlier. Sunni picks up a box and complains again. Which leads to Sunni slipping on the conveniently place roller skate (!!!) and she rides it and crashes into the pile of stinky clothes and other assorted goodies. HAHA! Again; serves her right for acting like a diva. Sunni pops from the carnage and blows this all off and quits. If that means quitting the show, well that's her problem then. She storms out of the room just before Cubbi and Tummi return with the platter of sandwiches. Cubbi notices that she has flown the coop again. NO?! REALLY?!
So we head to Castle Dumbwin and into Princess Calla's room as Calla is packing up and exchanging notes with Sunni on the problems of not being allowed to go anywhere and Calla wishes she could join her too. Sunni whines about not being able to go anywhere. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She is projecting like crazy here as we hear a knock on the door and judging by the voice; it's Sir Lazybones again. Sunni hides in the CHEST OF DEMONS (how convenient eh?) as Tuxford opens the door with his pages (not Cavin at all) as Calla closes the chest and the pages are here to carry the luggage. Calla insists that she's not ready, but Lazybones wants to pick up the pace. How convenient for Sir Lazybones to be a prudent at this point of the episode eh?! See; king's orders are to sail with the tides as the pages pick up the CHEST OF DEMONS and leaves. Oh; you can't tell me Sunni didn't have that one planned from the start now? Calla is not thrilled for that to happen as we cut to a wall and the stone passageway opens to reveal Cubbi coming in along with Tummi. Cubbi asks where Sunni is as they go to the window while Calla explains that the pages have taken the CHEST OF DEMONS with Sunni to the sailing vessel. Tummi doesn't like this at all since Gruffi told them to stay out of trouble. Heh.
So we head to the docks and the ship as Calla is already aboard and is searching the vessel for the CHEST OF DEMON which so happens to be right in front of her as she notices it and tells Sunni that she'll somehow get her out of this as she is forced to shut the chest again because King Gregor seems giddy about this trip for some reason. Calla agrees with him as Gregor uses the padlock to lock the chest. Just that one Gregor?! We are casting off now as the sails are shown and we head out to sea as we zoom out to see Cubbi and Tummi hiding behind a rock not liking this at all. Sunni has shipped out and they cannot ship in so to speak. Cubbi then notices the conveniently placed ragged yellow sails on a wooden ship. Tummi admits that it's battered a bit; but should still be seaworthy. Somehow; I doubt that very seriously. So we head to sea on Gregor's ship and then cut to the WHEEL OF MORALITY as the wheel man tells Gregor that they will make it to King Jean very soon and then we cut to inside the chest as Sunni proclaims that it shouldn't be a moment too soon. Funny how they animated this despite the fact that pitch black with white eyes would have been more effective and cheaper to animate. After all; this is television animation after all, this looks like something for a one off movie. And then we cut to an island as we get a closeup of a fish bowl with two fish that are clearly too big for that fishbowl and the slightly bigger brown fish eats the other one in one bite. So he's Dopefish before he was under the influence in PC cameos. Good to know as we zoom out to see a French man with black hair, black mustache with a red cape and a green captain's hat with a fish logo on it. One of the guards informs him that King Gregor is coming as the midget who looks like the worst dressed pirate in history takes the telescope from him and looks in it and blows off King Gregor calling him a jellyfish. HA! I'm guessing by process of the fact that the guard called him my lord; he's the Maquis de Bouillabaisse (Frank Welker). Which is a highly seasoned Mediterranean soup or stew made of several kinds of fish and shellfish with tomatoes and onions or leeks and seasoned with saffron and garlic and herbs. At least he's not Maltese De Sade.
He also thinks Claude is a coward for having Gregor fight his battles for him. I somehow doubt it since this is only the second time this two have met Baisse. He cuts his name promo and then orders the catapults loaded and ready to go or he'll cut his guards into guppy chow. What is his problem today?! Guppy Chow? Isn't that a brand name dog food I'm not aware of?! Guards sell and make short jokes on him. I'm sorry folks; but unless it's Colonel Spigot involved; the Napoleon complex simply doesn't work. So Baisse (because it's easier to spell and I'm not going to stoop to using THE SOUP like I did with THE CAKE with El Gato in Destiny Rides Again. I'm not going to waste my material on this episode) orders the catapults to fire and the rock fires a direct hit right into the sail (gleefully pointed out by the wheel man (I'm guessing Brian Cummings here)) as sailors panic as the rock bounces off the floor of the ship and does some halfway decent damage as everyone hangs on. Gregor tells everyone to hang on as Calla holds on to the sails while the CHEST OF DEMONS slides on the floor much to the panic of Calla.
Sunni wonders what is going on as Calla manages to grab the CHEST OF DEMONS before it goes overboard; damaging the rail in the process. I think Sunni's weight slowed it down enough for Calla to catch it. If it was Hoppo; then Calla wouldn't have to move at all since it wouldn't slide. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm..... Gregor wants him to dump the trunk; but Calla has to save it. Somehow; I'm on Gregor's side here; Sunni deserves whatever she gets for not doing her chores last week. Second rock bashes the rail and allows Calla to squeal and fall; but Gregor grabs him at the last minute with the chest. More rock bouncing makes Gregory Weagle something something as we are headed for the rocky shoreline. Yeap; it's panic time and we are going full force! Jeff Farmer from the beginning of Botchamania 140 was unintentionally hilarious. And he still acts better than Jeff Jarrett did in that same role too.
So everyone panics except Gregor who claims that he steered worse obstacles than this. Except the only episode involving the ship was Gummi's At Sea of course as we see the ship turn right but the haul of the ship still gets scratched by the sharp rocks. The ship still sails away without further incident as we cut back to the heels as Fat Guard tells Baisse that they are out of range and Baisse speaks with the worst accent this side of Maltese De Sade. Oh wait....He does his standard “I'll get them next time” speech and we finally arrive at King Jean's castle, also known as Castle Jerkass. Personally; I prefer Dumbwin over Jerkass since Princess Calla and Cavin are not clueless even if they are kids. We head to the castle gates as King Jean welcomes a soggy King Gregor and Calla to the castle and Marie is right there as this episode just took it's nosedive. She of course mocks Calla being all wet and Calla blows it off because it's not funny. Not as unfunny as saving Sunni though. Gregor explains that they were attacked and King Jean concede that Baisse has already greeted them. NO?! REALLY?! We head in the castle as Claude and Gregor exchange notes on Baisse as we discover that the heel French shrimp/midget wants to invade Jean's kingdom. And if he succeeds then Gregor's kingdom would be next. Gregor sees this as a matter of importance far greater than he originally thought. Of course Gregor; invading kingdom sounds like another war. Funny how Disney tries hard to avoid such a thing. No matter they want every DTVA from 1985-2005 to drop dead so everyone forgets. Thank you internets for making sure that Disney is screwed out of THAT. Jean wants to bring Gregor stage left for a dinner in his honor.
Princess Marie offers Calla's hand and then catches herself as apparently Calla stinks. I see the projection meters are broken today as Marie wants Calla to freshen up and she certainly needs it as she bails stage left. Calla is not amused although Marie does have a point there. If you are going to be nice; at least have your breath smell minty fresh. So we scene change to a room as Princess Marie opens it and this will be Calla's quarters for the summit. And it's at least half decent; although I could like without the Gedo painted walls. The Jean Pages drag in the CHEST OF DEMONS and put it down as Calla likes the room. Marie leaves and she sounds like she's mellowing out a tiny bit. Calla thinks she hasn't changed at all. Well; I disagree with that, I think Marie has at least not sucked so far. Let's hope it stays that way. We cut to the chest as it shakes and Sunni wants out. Dumb spot: Calla goes over to the chest and grabs onto the padlock and it disappears allowing Sunni to open the chest. Really animators?! I mean; the hat disappearing act Kit did in Plunder and Lightning was funny; but this is sort of contrived. Then Calla starts getting PISSED OFF as her dress is wrinkled and she blames Sunni for it. Oh goody! This might go somewhere in fact as Sunni claims that it's not her fault. And yet; it was HER idea to hide in the chest and knowing that she would be carried off away from doing her chores. I am so not buying it and I'm hoping Calla won't either. That would get this episode back on track now that Marie Jackass is part of the show now. Sadly; Calla apologizes anyway (BOO! HISS!) and calls herself a royal pain. Geez; for once I wish you would be a royal pain in the ass. Sunni points out that she's not the only one as we cut to a shot of a picture of Marie over the fireplace. I hate it when Sunni has a point.
So we head at sea BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Cubbi is lookout on the battered ship as Cubbi calls this great. Tummi isn't so sure as the boat is clearly springing leak that Tummi has to stomp out. Cubbi thinks he sees land approaching; but the boat is overflowing with water and Cubbi calls it water ho. And it's going to land on his “ho” soon. Tummi grabs the oars and we row, row, row the boat which fails miserably as the boat sinks like a Warner Brothers ship. Should have gotten Captain Sam's repair tips BEFORE you sailed goofballs. Cubbi and Tummi slowly pop from the water. So we swim instead towards the sunset shoreline as Tummi proclaims that if they don't find Sunni now; they will be sunk. So we head inside Calla's quarters near the dresser with the mirror as Sunni and Calla make adjustments and put the final touches on Princess Calla's dress and golden tiara. Sunni complains that she sneaks into banquets in Dumbwin; but Calla blows her off because she has enough trouble with Marie to worry about her. Then we hear a knock on the door and it's Gregor outside as Calla walks away stage left.
Sunni is hiding behind the dresser and she's pissed off as she sits on her ass proclaiming that she didn't come this way to miss out on the fun now. So we head into the hallway as a chef like server has a platter in his left arm going down the hallway; then we cut to a statue as we see Cubbi and Tummi hiding behind it. We practice the fine art of not being seen as they go into Calla's room and notice the CHEST OF DEMONS in plain sight. Tummi goes over to open it but Sunni is not inside. So Cubbi and Tummi go outside to look for her as Tummi claims that this is looking for a Gummi Berry in a haystack. Then we see two knights coming and I swear to god that they are the exact same knights used for stock characters in this series. That's very sloppy guys. Cubbi and Tummi bail into the wine cellar and unintentionally lock the door as the guard talk about Baisse striking again. So they are out of sight and Cubbi tries to open the door; but it's locked. Tummi drops on his ass proclaiming that they will never find Sunni.
So we head to the hallway as a server (the same one I do believe) is holding what looks to be a hen (!!!). We cut to Sunni hiding behind a pot calling Calla lucky. Change that to unlucky and you are almost there teenyboppers. And speaking of divas, we cut to the royal table with the kings and princesses exchanging notes. Marie talks about letting them eat cheesecake which is NOT going to endear anyone to her being other than a jerkass. Sorry kings; that was totally unfunny and your oversells were funnier than the joke. Get over yourselves lords. Jean calls her one of a kind as he raises the goblet up. She is one of a kind and it has nothing to do with humor. Calla thankfully takes my side of things even if she doesn't know it. So the server arrives with the swan which is filled with raspberry mousse and offers Calla the first batch. Sunni then leans too much on the flower pot and it falls and shatters allowing a chain of events as Calla unintentionally stands up which throws the swan bowl up into the air and land upside down on Jean's head. HAHA! Now THAT is funny. Jean stands up in a rage and Calla profusely apologizes for the gaffe and tries to clean up Jean with the hanky as she turns around with the mean stare on Sunni as Sunni hides behind the tray. Jean calls it an outrage as I see he lacks my sense of sick humor. Marie runs in and I betcha she uses weasel words to calm down Jean and put the heat on Calla...and damn; I'm so good as she cleans up Jean. Calla invokes the Gruffi pose for good measure.
Jean decides not to let that incident bother him as he offers Calla's hand in dance and Gregor wants to dance with Marie. Oooookkkkkaaayyyyy. Marie bows to Gregor and we dance, dance, dance to their dooms. HEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHA! So the server puts the swan bowl back on the tray wheel and wheels it away blowing Sunni's cover. Geez; how stupid can you be to make such an obvious mistake there teenybopper?! And once again Calla notices Sunni's cover is exposed while dancing as she panics and then runs interference by having Jean look at the drapes. Jean does love his beautiful drapes and let's face it, it does look beautiful as Sunni hides in Calla's dress (!!!). So we finish the dance as we make it to the green carpet and Sunni unintentionally steps on Jean's foot. Jean at least partially sells it and they dance over to the table and Jean sits down and wants a break since her shoes are killing his feet (death reference #1 for the episode). Calla wants to be excused and claims that she's tired from the trip as she leaves out of the hallway and Marie mocks her for being a princess and that ends the segment 11 minutes in. Well; at least Marie's jerkass attitude is reeled in quite a bit.
After the commercial break; we head back to Calla's quarters as Calla storms in and she is PISSED at Sunni. Sunni apologizes and Calla just rants and reads the riot act on Sunni while kicking her shoes and throwing her tiara down blaming Sunni for everything. And I AGREE with her as Sunni whines that she was the one who wanted her to come along. Wait; there was no indication from the beginning that Calla wanted her to come along; she only wished she would come along. So Calla KNEW from the start that Sunni would be trouble even though here she clearly acts as if she wanted her along; but realized it was a mistake. On the other hand; at least now the heat is on the Sunni/Calla relationship; rather than on Marie who is becoming a boring princess mocker the more this episode plays. Calla looks in the mirror and wants to show that Marie (even though she has done nothing wrong at all) as Sunni has the Gruffi pose on full blast. So we head into Jean's drawing room as Jean is sitting down at the table showing the papers on intelligence on Baisse as he proclaims that we must not leave a stone unturned since he is not only a scum bag (my words; not his) ; he is a master of military tactics. I cannot take that seriously even if I tried. At least Thembria has battle tactic even if their weapon ammo is laughably short. Gregor tells him that his kingdom is at his disposal.
Jean likes this as he has details to go over; but here comes Marie to inform them that Calla and herself are going riding as she has changed into nobleman gear for some unknown reason. She looks like the pink version of Princess Calla now. I betcha that is a slap in the face to Calla and Jean is shocked, SHOCKED I say. Gregor calls it very dangerous as Marie sweet talks Jean into letting them and promises that she won't go far. That look clearly indicates a sneaky liar. So Jean finally relents as long as there are guards on duty with them; as Gregor wants them to be careful. Marie hugs Jean in response and kisses her with a kiss that misses about four inches from the face. Marie runs out calling him the best father he ever had. Jean admits that her charm makes it hard to say no to her. At least she has learned her lesson in not trying to screw Calla over. So we head back to Calla's room as Calla is in her normal clothes with riding boots on as Sunni pleads for her to let her come. Calla refuse of course and commands her to stay out of the damn way because she has been enough trouble already and not being in her saddlebag is enough to convince her. She also have the riding crop as well; in case her horse and/or her friend try anything funny. Scene changer to a cut at the window as Sunni looks outside as Sunni blows off Calla for being on her high horse so to speak. Personally; I wish she would do that more often with her.
Anyhow; we see Marie and Calla on horseback riding away from the guards on the ground shot. The guards follow and at least they have different hairstyles than the Dumbwin guards. Anyhow; we cut back to Sunni inside the room pacing and whining like the spoiled little brat diva that she is. She finally decides that she knows when she's not wanted; so she'll return to Gummi Glenn on her own as she walks out the door stage left. So we head to the field as the guards are watching Calla and Marie as they are going to do some Equestrianism. Oh joy! Not really; but at least it's something different. See Marie practices her horse jumping skills with those hedges shaped like two rings in front of them. Calla plays the sarcasm card on Marie and wants to see her skills as Marie takes the first crack at it. And goes through the double rings as the knight cheering section pops. And man; those knight look goofier than Fanboy & Chum Chum if that is humanly possible.
Calla calls this child's play as Marie comes over. She does have a point there Marie; you should try jumping OVER the double rings. Sadly; we never get that chance because Calla wants to practice cross country riding. Marie stammers like an idiot. See she promised daddy that she wouldn't go far and Calla mocks her claiming that she cannot keep up as Calla rides away. Yes folks; this is the revenge of Calla episode and it's getting sillier by the second. Marie calls her bluff and follows her as the guards yell to wait for them. We go into the forest as the knights run in and they lost them of course. Geez; this knights are even more useless than the Dumbwin knights. At least the Dumbwin knights stick their heads in before getting knocked out by Dukie and his ogre henchmen. Knight #2 proclaims that they will lose their heads over this. So indeed; the feathers in a knot reference was a flying joke and not a BS&P'ing of the joke in From Here To Machinery.
So we scene change to the wine cellar as Tummi attempt to open the door; but no dice. We then see Cubbi at the conveniently placed closet needing one more shirt to...Oh NOES! NOT THE BEDSHEET ROPE SPOT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! POW! OUCH! Ummmm....No; I haven't been reading the Agony Booth again Kit. They pretty much stopped doing written rants and are now doing videos. Tummi doesn't like this at all as Cubbi puts the BEDSHEET ROPE OF DOOM down the conveniently placed small window and climbs down much to Tummi's dislike of this. So we head to castle ground level as the two knights come back and are not liking the consequences of the princess in the forest area. Cubbi notices the guard and tells Tummi to hurry up. Tummi climbs down and they run across the bend just as Sunni runs in and they have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the Gummi Berry bush. That bump looked macho-nacho contrived there. Sunni is surprised to see them and Cubbi proclaims that they were looking for her. Sunni doesn't care because she's leaving for home as the babyface bears all run out of the castle with Tummi feeling somewhat relieved to return before Gruffi does. So we head out into the field as we see Calla and Marie chasing each other on horseback. Calla challenges Marie to race up the hill and Marie doesn't want to because it's too dangerous. Somehow; that bunny hill looks weak. I think Marie thinks this crosses into Baisse's stomping ground; but Calla no sells and climbs up as Marie proclaims that she'll show her...How to be captured in a stupid contrived way Marie? Sounds pretty obvious to me. So we race to the top as Calla wants to jump in the river with the horse and Marie panics. See the river's current is too strong; but Calla jumps in anyway proclaiming that it's never too strong for her. I cannot believe Calla is getting destroyed as a character here. I shake my head in disbelief. She might as well be Marie 2 here.
Anyhow; Marie jumps in with the horse and the horse panics and dumps Marie on her back into the drink. UH OH! Marie is struggling as Calla mocks her. Oh dear GOD Calla! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Marie screams for help and that's enough for Calla to notice that she's in trouble as Marie holds onto a rock and Calla walks slowly towards her. Marie loses her grip on the rock; but Calla manages to grab her hand and pull her up. Marie blows her off; but Calla lapses back into her normal character and walks the horse towards the shore; where Baisse grabs the horse along with his lackeys. Just as I thought originally. Marie notices him right away and Baisse has his lackeys force Calla and Marie off the high horse. Baisse proclaims that he can now invade both Dumbwin and Jean without lifting a finger for war anymore; now that he has the bait. And who's fault is all this? Princess Calla, DUH! Maybe Calla should have thought twice before reading the riot act on Sunni eh? So we head to the drawbridge as Baisse is on horseback as he calls out Jean Claude and there are at least two Christian Cross carved into the castle to boot and one of them in clear sight on the northern pan shot. We see Gregor and Jean on the terrance as Jean blows him off because there is nothing...AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING to discuss. Jean orders the knights to seize him as the two guards who lost the Princesses in the forest earlier run in and Jean simply shows both Calla's and Marie's hankies and tosses them into the guard's hands. So Gregor and Jean protest this outrage and Baisse states that he hasn't MURDERED them in roundabout terms yet. So Baisse order them to surrender the kingdoms to him AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) if they want to see them alive again. Baisse rides away allowing us a good closeup shot of the horse's face and that ends the segment almost 17 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to the encampment of war as Baisse continues to mock Calla and Marie in a tent sitting down tied up in chairs. They are in Baisse's tent on the western pan shot as Baisse claims that they will take the bait. And the kingdoms will be in Jean's belly. If they don't take the bait; the princesses will be in his piranhas' belly as demonstrated when Baisse puts a turkey leg and they eat it like rapid dogs. I think that's a pretty direct threat of death there. There is only a bone left as Baisse proclaims that they have such a big appetite too. Baisse leaves as Calla and Marie are not liking this at all. They struggle in the bondage; but no dice whatsoever. The two admit that this is all their faults of course and it's really sad that MARIE sounds like the one who doesn't need to apologize at all. So we head to the beach as the Gummi Kids Of Gummi Way as Tummi proclaims that it's a long swim back to the Glenn as Cubbi suggests getting help from Princess Calla. However; Sunni blows her off as a friend and Tummi wants to duck under the bushes because they are at Baisse's encampment. Sunni has the trademark pose on not caring and then notices that the lackeys are tending to Princess Calla's horse. How amazing that she could notice that so easily eh? Sunni and company run stage left and Cubbi looks under the tent to notice Princess Calla and Marie tied up. Sunni now wants to help Calla despite hurting her feelings. Now; they ARE writing it to make Calla look like a craphead aren't they? Tummi doesn't want to because Marie will see them; but Sunni doesn't care anymore as she goes under the tent. And naturally Marie realizes that she sees a real Gummi Bear of course. Sunni tries to untie her while Calla wonders why she came back. Sunni states that she couldn't let her down and Calla proclaims that she doesn't deserve a friend like her. I inclined to agree here as Marie cannot believe this.
Calla proclaims that they are real and thus Marie must not tell anyone about this. Marie teases a possible “screw you”; but Calla asks again and Marie finally decides to relent. Then we hear Baisse yelling as Sunni bails behind some white sheets (probably for the white flags of surrender since this guy IS French after all). Baisse comes in with a page carrying an orange box something and places it down on the ground. Baisse informs the prisoners that he is going to be a victory celebration tonight before his page leaves without any further incident. Calla sees a Krackpotkin plan in her mists and whispers to Marie. Baisse strokes his porn level mustache (Mr. Fat IS GONNA KILL YOU!) as Marie decides to do her sweet talk routine to get him to untie the ropes because she's getting restless. Oh if he falls for this; then he DESERVES to have the epic fail finish that we know is coming. Baisse no sells actually; so Marie claims that they could never escape someone as clever as him. If I was her page; I would have realized that she's lying within five seconds. Baisse is HARDLY clever see. Case in point; he unties them without another second thought as he grandstands about his false ego. So Marie decides to take Baisse out for a walk talking about grand battles. That walk for Baisse is going to be a long one on a short pier if you catch my drift. Marie sits down at a table as Baisse and Marie talk about the many battles he has had while Calla sneaks over to the pulley rope attached to the wooden tent pole and unties it while Sunni crawls under the tent as she wants everyone to loosen the tent ropes from the spikes on the ground as she demonstrates by pulling one. That sounds awfully counterproductive to me since that would get Calla and Marie tangled up in the process too. Idiots!
So Baisse continues talking about Captain Halibut and beating him in some swordfight that he probably made up just to increase his false ego some more. Not that Marie cares anyway since she is running interference here for Calla to notice Sunni at the tent and Baisse talks about Duke Whatever Fish name he could make up in advance as Calla practices the fine art of not being seen behind Baisse's back and shoves Baisse and then “apologizes” for being clumsy. Sadly; Baisse was on the convinetly placed stepladder and he falls into the fishbowl of piranhas. Well; he earned that one didn't he? We just knew the fishbowl would be used as a finish here; we just didn't want to admit it. The fishbowl breaks like glass and the fish flop deader than Clamantha's chance of ever marrying Oscar. Baisse crawls on his knees in protest as Calla and Marie run out of the tent and Baisse doesn't chase after them or even run the required ten feet needed to get out of the tent allowing Sunni and company to untie the tent ropes off of the spikes and the tent comes crumbling down on Baisse. That looked contrived and forced guys!
Everyone bails as Baisse crawls out of the carnage and orders his lackeys to go get those damn princesses. So Calla and Marie run into the forest as Fat Lackey #1 follows them while the Gummi Bears bail behind the bushes and somehow; despite outweighing Marie by 120 pounds; he still jumps and grabs Marie's foot. That's right; he's quicker than Marie. Might as well call him Earl F'N Hedener. He even brings out the sword and threatens her as Cubbi takes the piranha (WHAT?!) and throws it claiming that he is going to get bitten and he does right in the ass. At least this stream has the audio only a few seconds off this time and not still pictures skip like the one in Toadie The Conqueror. So Fat Earl gets bit and does a decent sell job of it as Calla rides in with her horse and Marie hops on as Marie thinks that they got away; but here comes Baisse on horseback with his sword just to prolong the finish that needs to be mercy killed now.
So the chase is on as we cut back to the rocks (wait; wasn't that bushes?) as Sunni takes out her vial of roided juice and drinks it. IT'S BUTT BOUNCING TIME! She calls her blubber breath as the stream is choppier than hell and slow motioned. Luckly we return in sync on the far shot of the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE FRENCH EPIC FAIL EDITION~! Baisse proclaims that he's getting the catch of the day; and so Sunni bounces in and bops Baisse off his high horse. This is why France's surrenders so quickly. This is an epic failure if I ever saw one. Baisse takes a crappy bump on his mid section and Tummi and Cubbi run in and wrap up Baisse with white cloth. Calla turns around and notices the two other bears as well as Cubbi and Tummi wrap up Baisse like a mummy. I wondered who played him in In Search Of Ancient Blunders. So it's Frank Welker doing the voice then. Marie cannot believe that there are more Gummi Bears. Then we hear Gregor's voice as the TRIO OF GUMS bail stage left just as Jean and Gregor arrive on horseback. Calla and Marie unwrap Baisse's face for good measure and Gregor is happy. Jean is not so much happy as he wants to finish up on the alliance business as they ride off with Baisse. Calla goes over to the bushes as she thanks Sunni for coming along and Tummi is glad they will get home before Gruffi comes back. So we head to the castle drawbridge as the horse rides off and Gregor and Jean shake hands and Jean thanks him for the assistance. He also thanks Calla as well as we pan west to see Calla thanking Marie for wrapping the JOKEY SURPRISE OF DOOM for her. Take three guesses what is inside and the first two don't count. King Gregor wonders what it is and Marie calls it a secret as Gregor and Jean walk away stage right. Calla and Marie embrace each other and open the present ajar as Cubbi, Sunni and Tummi are inside. Calla thanks Sunni again and that ends the episode at 21:15. Okay; this episode wasn't as bad as I thought it would be since they were smart enough to reel in Marie's attitude a lot; but it only served to turn Calla into a dickhead and it got absolutely annoying by the second act. And several contrivenesses didn't help this episode either. Still; the writing was solid enough and Baisse didn't offend me too much even though he was a laughable heel at best. Call it ** ½ (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I honestly didn't think I would be able to get through this episode since the stream I was cross referencing to took forever to do and the terrible stream got worse as time went on. For the episode itself; it was barely average and that's a good thing since this episode sounded like it was doomed from the very start. It started off fine and the finish and ending were good enough; but the middle required way too many contrived moments to make the episode click on any level. Plus; it rendered Calla into Marie 2 as she played dickhead to Marie who for the most part; just merely mocked her, thus turning into a boring Calla. Baisse was your typical French accented heel who was all right and inoffensive; but his grandstanding had no suspension of disbelief whatsoever and I couldn't take him seriously if I tried. He did look good early on; but then fell to average status when he got beaten easily by the tent. Apparently; Marie has not much agility either as one such contriveness was to have Marie grabbed by a lackey who looked out of shape. And the heat between Calla and Sunni ended way too quickly for it to turn Calla into the dickhead to boot.
Overall; the animation was good, the story was solid enough as a plot; and there was a good finish and ending; but I felt the writers tried too hard to make Sunni and Calla hate each other; and then turned it into a “I can be Marie too; you know” moment which sucked the life out of the episode. On the other hand; I was expecting a lot worse, like Marie being so annoying that she pushes the crappy button just to get back at Calla in Princess Problems. For once I'm glad that Marion Wells didn't reference back to that episode for continuity; else this would have been an easy DUD. So they dodged a huge bullet in my view. Next up is The Rite Stuff to end the series in the Americas release order; which stars Buddy and Cavin together for no reason I can think of. Then I return to Season Five and do The World According To Gusto and hopefully My Kingdom For A Pie. That's next week and then the week after, it's King Igthorn and we end the series altogether. All 95 episodes of it too. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.