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War of the Weirds Re-Rant

Reviewed: 11/21/2010
Additional Commentary: 10/26/2021

They're All Nuts, Kit! Including You!

Original Airdate: 11/13/1990 (Syndication), Episode #36 (TaleSpin DVD Volume 2, Disc One), Episode #22 (Production Order).

War Of The Weirds Notes
War Of The Weirds Transcript

We end Disc One of a loaded volume in TaleSpin (2016 Gregory Weagle Says: Although that is like comparing different kinds of loaded. It's all loaded just the same. This is officially the fifty-fourth episode of this show that I have transcribed and it is a doozy as well. This means I have transcribed the equalivent of two DVD volume sets now! This episode is basically TaleSpin's answer to The War Of The Worlds radio drama performed in October 31st, 1938. Most of the current audience at the time and even those watching TaleSpin now probably doesn't realize this; but in 1938, the vast majority of adults didn't have the ability to tell the difference between reality and fantasy; and felt this was a complete shoot, causing panic and police officers to storm CBS studios to stop the whole thing. TaleSpin's version was softer in one sense, but the character responsible for trying to put a stop to it is much, much more ruthless. Anyhow; the plot of this episode is that Baloo wants a vacation; but he cannot have one because he's a lazy, irresponsible manchild who lies a lot. So Baloo gets inspired by Kit's favorite radio show and devises a plan to get one, only Baloo doesn't know that Rebecca is on him like nothing else. However; this game of joke chess ends when an army solider with genocidal and xenophobic tendencies gets involved and it turns into a massive bullet fight from hell, literally. And I'm not kidding. The War Of The Worlds broadcast in 1938 was NOTHING compared to what TaleSpin did. It's amazed no one died here, let alone get arrested and charged.) with a fake alien invasion, a moral about lying that turns into irony and a crazy machine gun shooting xenophobic solider. How do some of these writers sleep sometimes? (Len Uhley is a wonderful writer; but he's also one of those writers who has no trouble testing BS&P waters just because he's Len Uhley. This episode was a prime example of it; most so the third act with Colonel Grogg.) Let's rant on shall we...?!

This episode is written by Len Uhley. The story is edited by Karl Geurs. The animation is done by Sunwoo Animation. (Sunwoo Animation for the most part was on it's best behaviour; although it was not a flawless performance on their part.)

We begin this one with Baloo in the office of Higher...For...Hire propped on a loveseat snoring and being generally annoying. (Well; snoring is really annoying to everyone; so there you go.) So Rebecca invokes the WRAITH OF BECKEY and Baloo bumps for six guys on the floor. Well; he's as big as six guys so it makes perfect sense. (See The Idol Rich for that one.) See; Baloo is sleeping on the job. One of the scenes in the flashback shows Baloo asleep in the hammock in the exact same pose as in one of those sketchs that Laura Ann Trombley keeps on her website. Sadly; that website was on AOL and it's as gone as any website on Geocities is. Anyhow; Rebecca slams the side door open and Baloo takes a MAN-SIZED bump off of it into the drink. Cute spot that the animators got right for some reason. (I'll give Sun Woo this; they took a stock image of Baloo sleeping in the hammock and redid it so it appears that they at least put some effort into drawing it. Nowadays; people just take stock images from Google just for the hell of it, wholesale; and use them as animation; thinking "kids love real objects; so let's just take pictures of real objects and put them into our show". Even when the stock photos are completely out of place and make no sense. Normally; they do this because they don't want to spend money and time redrawing them to the style that they want. This is what happens when you let money marks dictate styles in something they have zero business dictating.) We return to the office as Baloo continues to defend himself ("Testing the pontoons for stability?" Riiiiggghhhhttttt...) and doing a lame job at it which is par for the course for Pop-A-Bear. They also show a scene where Baloo is sleeping on top of the ceiling of the warehouse. Rebecca slams the door and Baloo falls; taking a decent bump on the floor in the process. Wow; witness the awesome power of door slamming. (This is where I realized that Rebecca is in the right about not giving this manchild a vacation. Not just the fact that she's his boss. Even if she wasn't the boss; no one in their right mind would give this fatass a vacation. The fact that Baloo is sleeping on a ceiling pillar in the warehouse is carte blanche evidence of Baloo's laziness. Why would he be stupid enough to sleep in the rafters is another issue?)

Rebecca accuses him of lying about lying on the job. OUCH! (Gee; she had me at Baloo's lie about testing the pantoons for stability when he was no where near the pantoons to begin with.) Apparently; Baloo's lying (both ways) has led to the work piling up for days as we see about two months worth of cargo (Fireworks, party supplies and a lot of gaucamole as we found out later.) outside the office. Just days Rebecca?! Now who's lying?! (Now who's feignning false equalivence there 2010 me? More like a week or two; but still.) Baloo accuses Rebecca of working him too hard. That's not what Kit THE MIRACLE WORKER thinks of Rebecca's work Pop-A-Bear! (I just love how Baloo is accusing Rebecca of his own laziness even though Rebecca's got enough problems with the customers as it is. Now; I'm fully behind Rebecca in this one. All Baloo has to do is load the cargo in the SeaDuck and fly it; and he cannot even do that. Plus; there's no evidence that Baloo has any conditions that would impair that ability to do this job. So it's basically Baloo being lazy. No one would give him a vacation after all this, and Baloo's passing the buck is making it worse for him in the long run.) Baloo wants a vacation but Rebecca doesn't give him one because he's a big fibber. (Of course she wouldn't. Not just because Baloo's a liar. It's because he's also lazy, irresponsible and passes the blame onto innocents. If there was a steady stream of pilots who were not sexist douchebags, and Kit was old enough to fly; Baloo would have been fired a long time ago.)

Baloo: Would I get one by telling the truth?
Rebecca: I don't know. Try it. (Rebecca is watching in front of the bedroom.)
Baloo: Okay. (Sighs.) Can I have two weeks off?
Rebecca: No! (Rebecca slams the door into Baloo's bedroom.)

I wonder why Rebecca would go into Baloo's bedroom? Is there some sick deed Rebecca is doing in there when Baloo's piloting the SeaDuck?! I SMELL A FANFIC COMING! Or maybe not. (Yeah; why didn't she simply go outside the door exiting the office? Not that it matters since we get a scene changer away. I have no idea why Rebecca went into Baloo and Kit's bedroom.) Baloo needs to learn the fine art of making sure to actually lift the boxes himself instead of relying on Kit to do it all the time. I'm sure Rebecca told Kit to stay away from working just because Baloo wasn't getting the message and was _using_ him. (I think you meant to work on your own stuff and not doing Baloo's work. Plus; most of it is fireworks. Although; as we would see later, Kit was lighting fireworks on screen, so 2010 Me's explaination as to why Kit wasn't loading up the cargo makes perfect sense.) We go to the scene changer towards WildCat's workshop as Baloo is fuming about Rebecca bossing him around. We head inside as WildCat is fixing something and gleefully stating the obvious for Baloo. HAHA! (Because she runs the place, basically. When WildCat the autistic can figure this out with ease, that proves Baloo is a entitled spoiled fatass brat who should have been fired a long time ago.) Baloo bangs the couch as he doesn't want facts; he wants ideas for a idea. (Yeah; because facts have a Rebecca bias you see. It ain't rocket science kids!) Speaking of "rocket science" we see Kit blowing them off as he is tending to the radio with his two comic books on the floor and he gets a channel as it cuts a promo. (Apparently in this world; Saturn and Mars have been discovered although to be fair; both have been known long before 1937; say prehistoric times for the naked eye and around 1610 for the telescope in Saturn's case for the rings. I actually have no problems with having real world names for planets outside of Earth (since the whole point is that this is supposed to be their own world anyway.) since no one actually lives on those planets. I'm sure that in the TaleSpin world, the "planet" Pluto is shaped like Pluto the dog's head. Almost certain it is.)

We get death reference number one for the episode: death rays (I believe this episode has the second most references to death in the series, next to Bearly Alive.). We violate ANIME DUB CONDUCT number twelve with blazing and grazing as it's Space Riders. (Monsters grazing? So all aliens are cow furries. That would actually explain the cow aliens in Twin Peaks in Darkwing Duck actually.) The Space Riders Radio Announcer is voiced by the late John Stephenson whom passed away in 2015. I get the feeling that if Mel Blanc didn't die before 1989; he would voice a character in this show judging by the various Hanna Barbara voices coming over to Disney. Ditto Daws Butler and the rest. (I'm guessing that labour laws with voice actors changed so that workers had the right to not get locked into an exclusive contract with a certain company. If only the voices for 4Kids Entertainment had the same foresight to realize that.) Baloo comes over to ask what is that and Kit calls Space Riders his favorite radio show. I see this as a natural progression of Kit's character since the old Kit would haven't had time to watch such nonsense on the streets. Kit shows a comic book of Space Riders which has that purple octopus alien (Which was parodied as green aliens in The Simpsons...) fighting a rocket ship. (I also notice that comic books cost ten cents in this world in this era.) Baloo grabs the comic book and calls bingo on making Rebecca give him that overdue vacation. Actually; this episode gave me the inspiration that TaleSpin's world was the real world that was destroyed and redesigned by God in the Aerostars fanfics I was writing. Sadly; I was still writing the fanfics in the infant stages and stopped right around there. (Yeah; because I suck at writing fanfics. I think the first story was going to be called "War Of The Creators" and the plot was that Jesus returned to Earth to create the peaceful kingdom, but the "gods before thee got pissed off" and tried to destroy God's creation; and almost succeeded. This would force God to reboot the universe in the way the TaleSpin world is rebooted, causing him to grow weaker and weaker by the day unless Jesus the chosen one is rebooted into God to save the universe from it's destruction due to God being unable to maintain it. This also calls the ultimate "god before thee" (Zero Time) to get really pissed off and start a war with the new God; forcing Jesus (who used Kit Cloudkicker as the host) to go to war with him and ultimately reboot the multiverse back to the real world circa 2001. Yeah; that was the running story of AeroStars in a nutshell. Come to think of it; I'm glad I stopped writing this. It's so wacky and terrible beyond belief.)

Baloo throws the comic down and calls on WildCat for help because he's going to be a genius. Wait; isn't he already one thanks to Flight of the Snowduck? I mean he was the brilliant one who helped little Molly in that episode regain her belief in imagination right? (WildCat's a wacky genius; so I can see why Baloo chose him.) WildCat is in a gentle choke hold (Riiiigggghhhtttt) as he's as confused as I am over Baloo's Krackpotkin plan. We then fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on (which anime would cut and I wouldn't mind) as we return to Rebecca's office as the account ticker Rebecca's using is in overdrive judging by the waste paper it's creating. The door opens and in comes WildCat and he says "Guten Tag" (Which I discovered is a German band created in 2002. Wonder if they were watching this episode to get the name? Oh wait; it means "Good Day" in German, never mind.) which is German, then switches to French and then English to greet her. HAHA! (If this were today; WildCat would be doing Erica Fontaine's Good Morning Dance from Sakura Wars 3 and it would be even funnier than when Erica does it.) WildCat is wearing cheese hair; a white shirt and blue pants plus the goofy glasses because he's a sciencist see and all stereotypes like them wear glasses. Rebecca realizes that it's WildCat (Like the voice of Krang doesn't give it away already...) as WildCat proclaims that she has him confused with someone entirely not himself. HAHA! See; he's Doctor Svenfully Gesundheit, BVD. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Sven is a Nordic first name. Gesundheit means "Good Health" in German and there's even a institute named after it founded in 1971 by Hunter "Patch" Adams. No, I'm not pulling anyone's leg at all here. The most interesting one is the BVD part because that is the acornym for the Netherlands Secret Service! Implying that Svenfully is a secret agent for whatever the name of the Netherlands is for TaleSpin.) Rebecca gleefully corrects him since it's a Ph.D. Rebecca is sitting on the front of the desk as WildCat proclaims that it's that too. (Thus implying that he's a secret agent for the Netherlands. That country really is wacky.)

WildCat backs away as Baloo whisper yells "rocket sciencist" to him from behind the window, just to annoy me. See; Wildcat has invented a super-duper rocket fuel that turns any airplane into a spacey-ship. HAHA! Rebecca puts on the Gruffi pose because she isn't buying this crap despite WildCat being so awesome in selling it. (This is very important: Rebecca is acting the whole time like she knows what is really going on; but is intentionally playing along to teach Baloo a lesson about lying and about thinking that she's so stupid that she'll fall for anything. She knows this is all Baloo's idea to get a vacation and no amount of convincing acting is going to make her change her mind; since she can see fantasy from reality easily. Sadly; one character doesn't get the difference, and it's not WildCat. Although in the end; you wish it was WildCat.) Svenfully is serious BABEE! Well; as serious as Wildcat can be which isn't much. He wants to hire Baloo the historic pilot to make a historic first flight to planet Mars. Considering that the first flight wasn't made here in real life until 1971; this actually makes sense to be the first attempted flight to Mars. Rebecca groans on that one. Must be the "so bad that it's funny" German accent WildCat is trying out. (I think it's for this entire plan in general because even she thinks this plan is stupid, even by Baloo's stupid standards of stupidity.) We then see Baloo walking in with a box of fireworks as he proclaims that his plane is nearly packed (Riiigggghhhtttt Pop-A-Bear?!) as Rebecca introduces the good doctor with a sarcastic tone (She's ON to them now. Clue #1: Or haven't you two already met?) and Baloo and Svenfully both greet as Wildcat does some German and then switches to Russian. Rebecca continues her sarcasm over the doctor wanting Baloo to fly the SeaDuck to Mars and calls it interesting. (Clue #2: Rebecca's tone of voice gives away the fact that she is on to this plan and cannot wait to unload on them when Baloo comes back; if he ever comes back.) Baloo swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (gosh) asking if it would be a long trip. Svenfully nods and Baloo coughs at him and goes all ja on us.

Ja has about 36 different lanuages attached to this one by the way (Because it means "Yes".) and Svenfully stumbles on the two weeks part as Baloo doesn't know since they have an awful lot of work going on at the office and gets the elbow of doom on Svenfully and Svenfully naturally sells it. Okay; I'm switching to WildCat now because WildCat is actually easier to type. I have limits you know. 95% of them enforced by law; but I have limits. (I would love to know what those five percent of limits are not enforceable by law. Isn't half of them have to do with eating food, 2010 me?) WildCat proclaims that Rebecca should think about the free publicity this would cause. Rebecca groans on that one; but recoils and sarcastically wants Baloo to do this mission to Mars and Baloo decides to as Rebecca gently pushes out the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE out of the office to work on the detail while she gets goose bumpy. (She wants to blow them off; but she's playing along because yelling at Baloo isn't working, and she wants to teach Baloo a lesson about messing with her and her work ethnic.) WildCat and Baloo believe that she fell for it as Rebecca slams the door and says "Auf Wiedershen". That's goodbye in German by the way. WildCat and Baloo walk down the docks as they proclaims that she brought it; but we cut to Rebecca near the door proclaiming that they think she brought it and she is willing to play mindgames on them so she can put them in their place for asking for an undeserved vacation. (I like this idea by Rebecca: Let's give enough rope for Baloo to hang himself as I nag on Baloo during this "historic event" so Baloo is in a living hell and he'll never ask for a vacation again! It's perfect! Except; Baloo knows how to play mindchess almost as well as Rebecca does. Plus; there is a certain army guy who's doesn't get the joke.) Hey; you allow stuff to pile up for months, she's generous if you DON'T get fired a long time ago. So save your breath treehouse syndrome freaks. (I concur. I wonder if many of these sexists are lazy and irresponsible? That would explain how they easily relate to Baloo and hate Rebecca Cunningham; even though the reasonable person would look at this and feel bad for Rebecca and hate Baloo. Yeah.)

We head to the shot of the Seaduck covered with balloons and other trinkets just to look like a dick as we see Gun. (Which was WildCat's name I used in the previous rant so I'll use it here since it's even easier to type. (I simply called him WildCat in the transcript. A Baloo Switcheroo will have different names for the switched bodies, which will make it easier to figure out who is who.)) and Rebecca are on the space radio which is the same radio Kit used to watch his favorite radio show. Gun has the microphone and calls the SeaDuck the SpaceDuck. (Of course!) Rebecca has the Gruffi pose on full blast and calls the new name hokey as she flings the microphone makeshift antenna. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Then we get a really surreal moment as Rebecca turns around and we go to the barn door side of the office as Kit and Baloo walk out in makeshift blue spacesuits and fishbowls. Sadly; their plan is slightly discreditable since they aren't wearing any space boots. (Also in the end; it doesn't matter since Rebecca is completely all over them like ticks are to a dog.) Rebecca groans on cue as Baloo and Kit salute their boss. I cannot take Kit seriously being a space guy and I fear that this is the outfit I'm going to use to refit his armor in my AeroCross fanfics if I realized that I stopped writing fanfics years ago. Thank the lord for small favors. (Wait, what 2010 me? I don't recall changing Kit's clothes to that spacesuit. I didn't even consider using the blue bodysuit from Stormy Weather.) Rebecca is starting to act normally now as she hugs Baloo with glee which even Kit is taken aback by. Rebecca calls Baloo the bravest pilot she has ever met. Okay; that is too close to the truth although Kit would probably have the top of her list in that department in terms of being brave period and she kisses him right on the lips on-screen! Also, Sunwoo actually gets the spot right. Man; does Walt Disney Animation Japan look stupid now for screwing up the Chip and Dale kiss spot from Gadget Goes Hawaiian?! (Rebecca is so happy that it should have been clear that she's onto them. She is playing Baloo like a fiddle now and Baloo is too lazy and stupid to realize that she is onto him.)

Baloo loves this hero stuff as Sunwoo goes back to it's crappy ways as we see Gun trying to walk on the docks since his pants have turned flesh colored instead of returning to blue on the next shot. Baloo stops him at the pass. Baloo asks where Gun is going and Gun is going home. Baloo should have named him "Deano Machino" just for a bigger laugh. (Scott Keith's in-joke to Dean Malenko from WCW/WWE.) See; Gun must be a rocket sciencist for two weeks no matter what and cannot go back to Wildcat's house. Baloo?! Thinking an actual plan through?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! Too bad Rebecca already has his number. (Yeah; this is why it doesn't matter if WildCat is a rocket scientist or not since Rebecca is already on to Baloo. Baloo might as well let WildCat go home and be done with it.) Gun and Baloo do some psychology on each other and Gun better not forget it. But he will Pop-A-Bear...HE WILL! (I think I know why 2010 me spells Gusendheit, "Gun": Because we will be seeing a lot of guns coming by soon. To the point where Fone Bone from one of the forums seriously believed Toon Disney put War Of The Weirds on the blacklist. They didn't; however, they were very "scissor happy" when it was all said and done. ) So we go to a scene changer as we blasterooni on the SeaDuck and the SeaDuck engines start and we see the props and tailfins blast fireworks everywhere in the scene as Rebecca coughs in the dust and the fireworks hit her and she's uninjuried. WHAT THE HELL?! Okay; we finally got logic break number one for the episode (See Whistlestop Jackson, Legend's finish with Shere Khan and the finance minister for that. That's pretty obvious and Rebecca should have been at the front door of her office when it happened. Still a minor quibble. The DVD mastering of this scene was not good either as it wobbled a lot here. ). The SeaDuck flies away as we go to the cockpit to see Baloo and Kit take off their fishbowls from their heads.

They are going to Lake Flaccid as they throw the fishbowls over their heads and the glass actually shatters off-screen. (The audio was muffled in between the music; but the effect was there. Anyhow; Lake Flaccid is a play on Lake Placid in New York State; where the 1980 Olympic Winter Games were held, notable for the USA men's hockey team's miracle championship. Someone really laughed their ass off on this play on words in one of the Amazon.com reviews and it was because flaccid means: Soft and hanging loosely or limply, especially so as to look or feel unpleasant. Which fits Baloo to a T actually.) Baloo proclaims that it's time for two weeks of fun as Rebecca stops coughing on the docks and gleefully answers that one for me. (Yeah; her plan is two weeks of misery. Which means the fine art of nagging Baloo to death.) We head to Lake Flaccid as Baloo and Kit have camp already set up; even a campfire about thirty feet away from the lake. Baloo is in his fishing gear as the fire crackles and the birds whistle in the distance. We then see Baloo (with red sunglasses on) climb into his prepared hammock by the pine trees ready to sleep. Baloo calls this easy as we cut to Kit on a cliff rock doing some fly fishing just to be cute. See; Kit thinks it's too easy which indicates that Kit thinks Rebecca knows what is going on here as we get some radio static as the radio is in front of Kit. (When Kit is noticing that something's amiss; then we know Rebecca is on to them.) We then hear Gun's voice as it's Earth to Space Duck and Baloo instantly wakes up. Baloo gets out of the hammock, runs to the radio annoyed, gets the radio and Baloo basically blows his cover RIGHT THERE on Gun. WildCat goes ixnay on the vacation speaking. HA! Nice to see WildCat gain ten IQ points to notice that one. (It doesn't matter if he blows his cover because Rebecca already knows what is going on and is not fooled by this. Only Baloo is fooled right now and maybe even WildCat.) Rebecca then grabs the goofy mircophone and we get more sarcasm from Miss Cunningham. Kit is not amused to hear that one as Rebecca is sitting on the desk again talking about Baloo being busy steering around ASS-TEROIDS and all that!

Vic Ramano: GREGORY?!

See; she's dying -- death reference number two for the episode -- to know what it's like in space. Gun wants to leave; but Rebecca grabs his white coat to stop him. WildCat is forced to say dying for death reference number three for the episode. Baloo proclaims that it's real dark and cannot see a thing. Kit thankfully saves him with the millions of stars and Baloo calls it a whole mess of stars. I guess Carl Sagan is not alive in this era for Kit to be stealing his material. Baloo stumbles through the whole thing as Kit has to correct Saturn for the Moon. He's also heading for a Meteor Bath which Kit corrects as Meteor Shower. Nowadays; it would be a Meteor Swarm for video game geeks everywhere. (Actually; a meteor bath would be a sight to see actually. Not a good way to get clean to say the least.) Baloo signs off and groans as we cut back to Rebecca giggling at the office desk. If you really want to mess up Rebecca's plans Baloo; have Kit THE MIRACLE WORKER do the transmissions. He seems to know his stuff when it comes to outer space since he's in public schools and watches Space Riders religiously. (It wouldn't have mattered in this case because as I said already: Rebecca is not stupid. She's playing mind games with Baloo because she knows Baloo is doing this as a vacation. This is not like modern cartoons where they appeared to be smarten up; but then they accept anyway and act in a legit manner. Here; Rebecca is being sarcastic throughout and playing along to make Baloo's vacation a living hell so he never asks for a vacation again. This is actually a smart move on Rebecca's part. Sadly; it's going to blow up in her face later on.) We cut back to Baloo sleeping on the hammock again and the radio static and Rebecca voice wakes Baloo up good as he does the spin the hammock spot and runs to the ground with a thud on his chin. HAHA! The classics never go out of style. (Actually; he does a thud and somehow stays in the hammock. How is that possible?) Baloo runs to the microphone radio and I see Kit has stopped fly fishing. We then see Rebecca leaning on the makeshift space radio on top of the desk as she's checking to see if they have landed on Mars yet in her usual sarcastic voice as Baloo blows her off and wants to sleep because he's on Mars.

Baloo cuts the signal and places the microphone down; but clearly forgets to turn off the audio because Miss Cunningham is still talking sarcastically on the microphone because he cannot sleep on an historic moment like this. She DOES have a point there Pop-A-Bear. (I just love it that Baloo still doesn't get that Rebecca is clearly onto him even though almost everyone else around him is getting it. Almost.) Baloo should be out there exploring and collecting specimens and Rebecca orders him not to come back without a cargo hold full of plants, animals and Martian Rocks. Clearly; Rebecca Cunningham has zero clue about Mars since only the rocks exist on Mars. They are all red too. (Oh; she knows what she is talking about because she's playing Baloo like a fiddle.) He could bring some of that Mars' ice I keep hearing about; although he would need an Absolute Zero icebox to keep it in. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Oh; and the ice caps on Mars are in fact real: Link.) Baloo sits in the lawn chair and groans as we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on again. We head back to Lake Flaccid AFTER HAPPY HOUR (After dark with cartoon lighting which is the only lighting Sunwoo can do properly at this point.) as we see Kit at the campfire roasting weenies with litter around him and yawning while the fire crackles and the owl hoots. (Actually; he's roasting marshmellows and they are burning to a crisp as he is yawning and not paying attention. He is not liking this vacation at all.) We then see Baloo walking in with sacks of rocks and putting into the cargo hold of the SeaDuck as Baloo sighs as he needs a vacation from this vacation. (Geez; maybe he shouldn't be so cocky and assume that all women are stupid. Also; actually doing his job properly and not whining about it every episode like a manchild.) We then go to the scene changer as we see Kit roasting something while Baloo is at the lawn chair creating the gayest aliens known to furrykind. Animal Cruelity! Animal Abuse! Quick! Call PETA! I Need Big Brother Animal Rights Group To Protect Me From The Alien Wabbits~! Okay; maybe not. (You wrote that because your original joke later about Kit saying "die" was completely useless now that you have watched a lot more DTVA over the years. The gayest?! Really?! I've seen more gay in your writing than this 2010 me. Projection much there?!)

Baloo yawns and Kit yawns that the alien wabbit needs an extra eye or two. Rebecca voice beckons on the radio as Baloo takes the microphone. Rebecca suddenly remembers as she dunks a donut into a cup of tea. Rebecca is wearing a blue nightgown dress and she has her feet on the desk to boot. Rebecca also wants some snow from the polar ice caps. HAHA! She DID remember that after all. She does know Mars better than Baloo does and even Kit for that matter! Kit has had enough as he puts his hand on the microphone as he realizes that she is on to them. (Yeah; because Kit realizes that there's no ice caps in Lake Flaccid so it's clear that Rebecca bought this just to torture him and Baloo for wanting a vacation.) Kit wants to fess up and face the music; but Baloo won't do it -- because he's about to be fired for this -- and he's playing the tune and calling the finale. (Really? Rebecca didn't once say that she was going to fire Baloo for this. In fact; the whole point of her nagging at Baloo was to make sure he would never ask for a vacation again, because this would be worse than working. Besides; it has been established in Feminine Air that Rebecca keeps Baloo on the payroll in spite of all the good reasons to fire him in this episode alone; because all male pilots except for him are sexist douchebags. And Kit is too young to fly; and Airplane Jane isn't available. That's pretty much the extent of it.) Baloo calls Rebecca R.C. and then he gasps as he tells Kit to look because they see a Martian. (So Baloo seriously thinks Rebecca Cunningham is Rush Coil from Mega Man 3. What a desparate man Baloo is?! Even more so than Rebecca later on in this episode. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: Actually, R.C. is used as Rebecca Cunningham throughout a number of scripts for this show. So, it's basically an inside joke.)) Yeah; they are re-enacting War of the Worlds from H.G. Wells (invented in 1898) which is the basis of the parody of the episode. (Actually; this is closer to the 1938 Radio Drama of the same name; and the result in this episode was much scarier than the 1938 version of it.) Baloo's acting is hilarious by the way. Kit realizes the act and gets really into it as Baloo grabs Kit and R.J. Williams trumps Ed Gilbert's acting by a mile. What a shock that is?!

Baloo does his Grade S acting on an alien voice (plus tin can for aid) that they have invaded Mars. And this means war! Sorry Pop-A-Bear; but no one can top Bugs Bunny, so it's pointless to try. The effort is there though; but still. He calls them worms (himself and Kit of course) and we get some growl laughter. We then cut to Gun sleeping on the desk near the radio and wakes up. Rebecca stands up and Gun looks at his box he was sitting on for something as we hear the worst explosion noises in history. The screaming is awesome as R.J. Williams' acting is just plain awesome here. He gets off death reference number four for the episode too (death rays). (Once again; this is what happens when you have Ginny McSwain doing voice direction. R.J. Williams acts; Baloo does a cartoon voice; even though voice acting means acting through the characters voice. It's so easy to do and Williams gets it. Gilbert; not so much.) We cut to Baloo using a saw -- nice to see the animators notice that Kit is at the microphone -- to wobble complete with Hanna Barbera wobble sound effect. Now you know you are watching a classic! Baloo kicks soda cans and Kit even opens a can of soda and lets it fizz on the microphone for extra effects. (Actually; soda cans were invented in 1933-1935; so it was a new invention at the time. Although the soda cans used here were not invented until the 1970's.) This IS turning into a Z-Grade radio show; only it has better acting from Kit so it upgrades to a C-Grade radio show. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (That was a neat joke there 2010 me. Well done!) We get an even better explosion noise as Baloo screams that the aliens zapped all the rocks he collected for Becky. If only Baloo, if only. Rebecca is not amused as we see Kit rips a pillow in two; then in fourths, then in eighths. OH MY GOD! Hulk Hogan is a roided three hundred pound freak and he can only rip off a T-Shirt! Kit is so freaking strong! Also he's NOT on steroids at all. Not even Larson & Gary can convince him. (Actually; he ripped the pillow in two, which is more impressive than ripping off a t-shirt being that Kit is 200 pounds lighter than "The Orange Goblin" (That one's for you Scott Keith.) as it is. Then he ripped a half pillow in half, and another half of that pillow in half. Not as impressive as 2010 me said; but still awesome. Mostly because bears are supposed to have lots of strength.)

Baloo claims that they zapped Kit. Ummm; I don't buy that one since Baloo is too slow and therefore he would be zapped first. They ARE doing a Z-Grade radio show! Kit's death scream is awesome BABEE! Did I mention how awesome R.J. Williams is? Did I mention how awesome Ginny McSwain was? (Yes, yes you have. Over and over and over again.) Kit even falls on his back with a MAN-SIZED bump on the tree stump for added effect. I'm SHOCKED Mick Foley didn't steal that one. (HHH falling on wooden pallets simulated it well enough. I hope Kit did get any wood stuck in his body doing that; it's going to cause serious infection and pain if left untreated.) Baloo then finishes with a flourish as he screams for a Mayday (since he's surrounded), he takes the radio, throws it right into the lake and makes a bomb noise for good measure. HAHA! Now that was just too funny. Baloo pants and does a faceplant on the rock as Kit laughs his ass off on that one and proclaims that Baloo dies good for death reference number five. This would be historic if Jamie from Fluppy Dogs didn't exist. (The 2005 rant of this went something like this: OH MY GOD! A 12-YEAR OLD KID SAID THE WORD DIE! CALL CAPITAL HILL! I NEED MY BIG BROTHER GOVERNMENT TO PROTECT ME FROM THIS DIRTY, VIOLENT MOUTHED KID! The joke was from Electronic Gamely Monthly a long time ago; right around the time (Mid 1990's I think) video game violence was being condemned by the federal government and this lead to the ESRB rating systems soon after. Needless to say; any game that featured a tickle of blood would have this joke as the punchline. Nowadays; no one cares anymore and yes; I still have the original TaleSpin rants I did decades ago.) So; yeah the hyperbole from the previous rant on this is as dead as my sex life. Then again; Kit is the first child character to say die, kill and god (taking him in vain no less) in the same series so he's still hardcore by Disney standards. (Geez; I thought he was hardcore just being an ex-air pirate, 2010 me? Him saying die, kill, god, death and such is not unusual for a child and I'm glad that Len Uhley is letting him say it since he is a former air pirate. It would make sense for Kit to understand what those words mean.)

Baloo likes it because Rebecca cannot ruin his vacation anymore. Ah; but she CAN fire him still. (Yes she could; but she won't. That's because Baloo is the only active pilot who is not a raging sexist douchebag. And Airplane Jane isn't available either. And Kit's too young to fly. Speaking of someone repeating themselves...) We cut back to the desk as Rebecca is not amused that the radio is dead and Gun is sitting down on the wooden box in front of the radio again. (She's angry now since Baloo has thrown the radio into the lake and pretty much killed her plans. So in a sense, Baloo outwitted Rebecca in this regard. However; Rebecca might get the edge back if a certain poodle furry shows up...) Rebecca shakes the radio as Gun tries to leave proclaiming that the line is dead for death reference number six for the episode and so is his pilot. However; the door slams open and in comes an army poodle wearing mostly green and brown boots enters and demands that no one move. He also has a larger version of Spigot's goad stick as he runs in and looks around for something on the sky shot. (Ah; here he is. Soon; even Rebecca is going to hate this guy! Also who can blame her?) He goes up the stairs and comes down telling them not to relax much as his foot gets stuck in the trashcan despite three dodges earlier on the sky shot. HAHA! Rebecca asks who he thinks he is and the poodle guy proclaims that he doesn't have to think. So he's Colonel George W. Bush then. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Nowadays; it's 90% of the Republican party.) He addresses himself as Colonel Grogg as Disney Captions has him as Colonel Grog. (Actually, I picked Grogg as a play on "Groggy"; but Grog is actually is any of a variety of alcoholic beverages. The word originally referred to a drink made with water and rum, which British Vice Admiral Edward Vernon introduced into the naval squadron he commanded in the West Indies on 21 August 1740. Vernon wore a coat of grogram cloth and was nicknamed Old Grogram or Old Grog. Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, which agrees with this story of the word's origin, states that the word "grog" was first used in this sense in 1770, though other sources cite 1749. So; yes this show is implying that Colonel Grog is drunk. As you'll see here; he's drunk with both power and bigotry, but not from alcohol. I just love how critics of modern cartoons hate names like Buhdeuce and Sway Sway; claiming that they are slang for poop. But seriously; no one batted a eye for Grog which is a clear alcohol reference and is legit so? How do you miss that sort of thing?!)

Grogg is from "Army Intelligence", which is funny because if you don't think then you're not intellegent. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! His badge is silver with the words IQ on it. HA! As if the word on the badge is enough to signal that you have the IQ higher than a paint chip. (If it says IQ on it; shouldn't the agency be called Intellegence Qutoa or something along those lines?! I smell someone embellishing the resume here.) Sven does some more French as Grogg still cannot get the trash can off his foot and the trash comes out. He finally punts the trashcan into orbit as he explains that he was monitoring the transmissions and he's taking over. So he's really Stevie Richards then. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I doubt it since Richards wasn't the Blue World Order until at least 1996/1997. Still funny anyway. Although I would be scared of seeing this guy take over a Dairy Queen; for fear that he might be Jim Cornette doing his Smokey Mountain Wrestling milita gimmick again.) Rebecca is not amused by that as Grogg explains that aliens are invading Earth from Mars. (I still hate the idea of this world being called Earth; because the point is that this world is supposed to be it's own world. Why not call it Earthia or something?) Rebecca tries to tell him that this is a game; but Grogg blows her off because war is not a game see and this is real! So his real name is David Grossman then! Okay; it's not. (Besides; Grossman is much, much more reasonable than Jack Thompson in that duo outfit anyway. Ponder that for a moment and cringe! So it's clearly not him.) Grogg declares war while slapping his stick around his noggin and hands and that ends the segment eleven and a half minutes in.

Pretty funny episode thus far; but this episode gets really scary now. (The chess game of this episode between Rebecca and Baloo has been won by Baloo; but Rebecca has won a reprive and is playing along with Grogg to stick it to Baloo for his entire vacation scheme. Sadly; as Rebecca is discovering now, Grogg is like a stereotypical little child that moral guardians paint as someone who cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. In fact; Grogg believes that there is no such thing as fiction and that everything he sees and hears is a documentary! That's dangerous, people and this episode actually reveals just how dangerous it is.) Colonel Grogg is voiced by Michael Bell. (Unusual Fact Of The Day: In 1991, he and his colleague Melanie Chartoff invented a device to recycle graywater in the home - The Graywater Rotating Drain. The following year, they finished and patented the product with the help of Ronald K. Ford.[5] On March 30, 2012 the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA) completed a merger of equals forming a new union SAG-AFTRA. As a result of this merger, a group of actors including Bell, fellow voice actors Wendy Schaal, Clancy Brown, Schaal's former stepmother Valerie Harper, and other actors such as former SAG President Edward Asner, Martin Sheen, Ed Harris and Nancy Sinatra immediately sued against the current SAG President Ken Howard and several SAG Vice Presidents to overturn the merger and separate the (now merged) two unions because of their claims that the election was improper.[4] The lawsuit is currently working its way through the court system.)

After the commercial break; we return to the office as Rebecca tries to explain to Colonel Grogg that there is no invasion and Grogg no sells as usual. He produces a tape recorder and we hear Baloo's last words before throwing the radio into the lake. Wait; I don't remember the slime part being at the beginning of the end of the tape? I'm not going to call that a logic break just yet. I need to create transcripts for this show. Maybe I do have a project in mind for the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage after all. (Wow; even 2010 me has admitted that doing transcripts is a great idea! Thank goodness I have answered the call there. By the way; everything that was said on the tape is exactly what Baloo said at the end of scene IX in the transcript. So there are no logic breaks in that.) Grogg uses the stick and tries to sound like he has sympathy for Baloo. Rebecca then starts invoking the WRAITH OF BECKEY on Gun and Gun asks if the tape recorder works on batteries. HAHA! Rebecca asks to be excused as she pushes Gun into the closet as Grogg seems more content to whip his hand with Colonel Spigot's beating stick. Rebecca pushes Gun against the dresser beside the door and wants answers to where Baloo is. Gun continues to play the fact that he's Doctor Gesundheit, rocket sciencist no matter what. HA! (No one can accuse WildCat of not following orders no matter what; that is for sure.) Rebecca tries to restraint herself from delivering the WRAITH OF BECKEY (She wants to keep Gun's hearing of course; so he can hear her, see since we know there's a one in three chance WildCat's eardrums are going to get MURDERED as a result.) and asks where Baloo is calling him doctor. Gun no sells it because he promised Baloo, see so Rebecca will have to guess. Rebecca tries Louie's and Gun shakes his head no. Rebecca is stumped and needs a clue. Gun dumps the magically out of nowhere bucket of water on his head. Logic break #2 for the episode right there; but it's still funny so I'll live. (Yeah; they should have shown the metal bucket in the room before he did the deed. A minor quibble though.) Rebecca thinks it's the beach or a river and Gun keeps shaking his head. It's a lake, see. I'm amazed Gun's hair stays intact throughout this whole ordeal.

Rebecca asks which lake and WildCat points to a poster called Flyboy with a rainbow, a SeaDuck (which at least looks logical) and it starts with F. Rebecca asks if it's Lake Fairoh, Lake Forsythe (In reference to Holly Forsyth who was a storyboarder for TaleSpin, just not this episode since Keith Tucker and Jan Green are doing storyboarding here. I have zero clue what Fairoh means unless it's Fareoh, but that doesn't make sense either.) and then realizes that it's Lake Flaccid causing Gun and Rebecca to dance like goofballs. HAHA! (That was really funny; as funny as doing the Los Gurrerros Huddle dance; which is also awesome.) Rebecca proclaims that she and Colonel Grogg are going to pay Baloo a little visit and that Baloo is the worm who's going to squirm. Gun thinks that they get to go fishing too. HAHA! (Yeah; Baloo is going to squirm like a worm, but everyone else will when Baloo isn't giving up either.) Rebecca drags Gun into the office as she tells Colonel Grogg who is spying in the filing cabinets and he pushes them back in. Oooooo; conflicting with privacy laws there mister?! (Grogg is a warmonager and he appears to be more accurate with the wingnuts you typically see in real life.) Rebecca tells him that after some consultanting with Gun; she has some important information to pass along to him. Grogg feels relieved as apparently he slammed his fingers into the filing cabinet off-screen but sells the wrist. Explain THAT one kids?! (I think his whole hand was slammed into the filing cabinet; so the selling works here.) We then see Gun click the microphone on and that logically leads us to Lake Flaccid as we see Kit fly fishing in the background while Baloo apparently set his hammock closer to the lake since the last time we saw him and he's fluffing up the pillow. The owls hoot as Kit proclaims that he caught something. Baloo blows him off to catch it quietly. Yeah; we don't want Kit acting like he's awesome, eh Pop-A-Bear? Michael Eisner might; you know; be watching this episode. He doesn't want Kit to somehow be over at the expense of the classical characters he is trying to milk eh? (Yip.) Kit reels in the radio as we hear that it still works and Rebecca is talking about stopping those awful Martians as Baloo has had enough of this as this is no more Mr. Nice Bear. (Geez; that steampunked radio is more durable than even Nintendo video game systems. Amazing.)

We then see Baloo come to the radio and then we segue back to the office as Rebecca proclaims that Gun has triangulated on the Martian signals. Gun proclaims that he has done that and stranglulated them as he stammers. Rebecca tells him that she is taking them to Lake Flaccid, which is the Martian landing site as we segue back to the babyfaces as they are had. Grogg thanks Rebecca on behalf of the government (which Disney Captions missed.) and tells Rebecca to tell no one about the invasion. We segue back to Rebecca cuddling up to Grogg as she proclaims that it's their little secret. Grogg tells them to go wait in the jeep because he has a phone call to make. Rebecca calls for Gun to come with her, Gun points at himself, then sells and walks out. We return to the washed up radio (how symbolic?) as Baloo is not liking this one bit because she's ruining the vacation. Kit gleefully answers that one for me. (Basically he asks what he ever did to Rebecca to deserve this "harrassment" and Kit basically says: You lie a lot. Baloo asks: Besides that! 2016 Me: You sleep on the job when you shouldn't be sleeping. Remember you slept on the ceiling pillar in the warehouse in the morning?) We notice that the Alien Rabbit Of Doom hopping beside Baloo is alive. ZOINKS! (Jeepers; unnessecary cruelity that no critic in the modern era even notices? For shame!) Baloo then gets his second Krackpotkin plan on that one (which looks a wee bit contrived since Baloo was looking forward and not directly at the alien rabbit. (No; this was fine. He didn't have to see the rabbit in order to formulate the plan; since we will never see the dressed up rabbit again in this episode.)). So we scene change to Baloo walking into the side door of the SeaDuck and looks over his spoils which include fireworks, party supplies, guacamole and he gets the Awesome Channeling Of The Urban Peasant~! Well; the late James Barber (passed away in 2007) wasn't over until 1998 so it's alright according to Jim Cornette Seven Year Rule. (Actually; his show started in 1993. However; since the Urban Peasant is a cooking show and this show is not; it's perfectly okay either way.) Baloo comes out with some rockets and a big ass tiki mask as he proclaims that Rebecca is going to get her Martians.

I think you're better off fleeing the scene with the SeaDuck since Rebecca is probably going to fire you anyway. (That's a bad idea because then all Rebecca has to do is call the police on him and Baloo gets arrested for grand theft airplane; since the SeaDuck is Rebecca's property.) We go to the scene changer as we head to the office and see Colonel Grogg dialing a telephone which looks 1980's style which is logic break number three for the episode. (Complete with 1980's ringtone. Bad! (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: Ironically, before the creators settled on being in the 1930's outright, the show was supposed to take place in the present with a 1930's style; so that phone wouldn't have been out of place as the 1980's computer shown in one of the pre-production sketches.)) We head into the General's bedroom -- check out all them general star trim -- as a bulldog fury with striped Pjs and a green nightcap with red stars answers the phone and turn on the lamp. Colonel Grogg addresses him as General Tumult (According to Disney Captions. I used to call him General Tout which makes no sense whatsoever so Disney Captions wins another name over me. I have called him General Taumult in the transcripts. Tumult is a loud, confused noise, especially one caused by a large mass of people. Ironically; Taumult is loud; but clearly not confused. In fact, he's angry as hell.) and we get the phone exchange via the split screen. They exchange notes as General Tumult (John Stephenson) isn't amused about him waking up at 2:00 am in the morning and talking about another invasion. Grogg gasps when Tumult gets the planet right as the general calls it a lucky guess. Grogg wants some tanks, planes and infantry as he uncorks his gun. Can you smell the xenophobe oozing out of him now? (Nice foreshadowing to the third act as well because as this was happening, the bullet case slips out of the gun and falls on the floor; forcing Grogg to search for it while on the phone. This guy is a walking ad for gun control in a show loaded with them.) Tumult wants proof and Grogg stammers as Tumult blows him off for trying to make him look stupid and the phone line is as dead as Grogg's future sex life.

Grogg is going to bag a Martian as he even loads the pistol and gets his fingers stuck in between the trigger. HA! I wonder if Toon Disney cut that little scene out? (No they did not. Again; Grogg is the poster child for Gun Control. I would not trust this guy to load up a water pistol, let along a bullet shooting gun.) Anyhow; we head up the road in the jeep with Grogg driving the S-Curve roads as Grogg proclaims that the Martians are in for the shock of their lives and being generally giddy. (I believe this is clearly outside Cape Suzette since we see the entrance to it in the far background.) Rebecca gets all smug and makes the fatal error of asking the Colonel what he would do if the whole thing was proven to be a hoax. Colonel Grogg basically tells her that he would have anyone in on the plot thrown in jail because faking an invasion is a serious crime and if you screw with the army; you pay big time. OUCH! (This is worse than War Of The Worlds, circa 1938 and it's going to get even scarier.) Gun asks Rebecca if he can blow his cover now and Rebecca blows him off because he's a rocket sciencist no matter what because if he's not they are all going to the slammer. (As you'll see later on; Grogg couldn't tell the difference between WildCat as Svenfully and WildCat as...umm...WildCat.) Gun wishes that someone would make up their minds. HAHA! That ends the segment sixteen minutes in. Don't you just love it when BOTH Rebecca and Baloo's Krackpotkin plan backfire? Ironically; if this were real life, Colonel Grogg would be thrown in jail for wasting the Army's time in something so Z-grade. (Even Taumult at the time of this wasn't buying Grogg's assertions; so why should we buy that the babyfaces are going to be thrown in jail? I betcha that if the babyfaces told the truth, Grogg would be the one going to jail for invasion of privacy and for trying to blame others for his scoiopathy. This would have happened even in 1990; let alone now. Sure; Baloo's actions were horrible and irresponsible; but Grogg butted into a private transmission that turned into a parody of the 1938 radio drama.)

After the commercial break; we head back to Lake Flaccid as Baloo is setting up the plastic lantern lights on the tree and wipes his hands clean of any responsibility as Kit runs in and proclaims that they have company. Man; R.J. Williams is ON today as we see the Jeep ride in and stop. (R.J. sounds like he is legit panicky; so someone was really trying to show off his acting skills. In spite of the fact that R.J. Williams wanted to be a director when he grew up.) We cut to a closeup of the Jeep as Grogg proclaims that it's too quiet as Rebecca asks if he would honestly be too disappointed if there were no Martians and then Rebecca gets screwed as the trees put Christmas lights and spotlights and make whirrling sounds. We find out that it's Baloo using a saw (to wobble it) and a flashlight as we see Kit lighting fireworks. Wow. The new Disney would never allow that one; more so when a twelve year old is doing it. (That's because the censor of TaleSpin was the creator. Also while I dislike Ken Koonce and David Weimers story editing their own writing; I have no problem with Magon self controlling his own show.) The rockets red glare rocket past the jeep and explode as Rebecca can only groan on cue. (We get more fireworks exploding in front of the jeep which would have injuried everyone in the process.) Grogg rises up and he's giddy that this is man's first contact with life on another planet. It's so wonderful and beautiful to him...that he wants to MURDER them aliens~! Uh Oh ! Colonel Grogg has flipped his lid! (Can you say psychopath? I knew you could. Now witness Colonel Grogg's "comeback"...) He breaks the ice by unpinning a gernade and throws it proclaiming that he wants to fry the slime buckets as Gun and Rebecca duck stage left. (This was a smart move on their part; because as we'll see later, Grogg is so terrible with guns that he destroys his own jeep.) We cut back to Baloo and Kit thinking that they sent Rebecca packing -- which is partially true actually -- and the gernade lands beside Baloo's feet and the two fakers bail stage left. Amazing enough; we get logic break number four as there are two gernades thrown instead of one. How about that?! Grogg is xenophobic and a magician! (I checked and there was only one big gernade thrown at the babyface. So there is no logic break. Grogg is xenophobic and a psychopath; but no magician.)

He's Gordon Klingenschmit worse nightmare. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you don't know who he is; consider yourself lucky. (Well; now I'm going to go on a tirade on this piece of crap army guy: I remember Gordon from reading Ed Brayton's Dispatches From The Culture Wars (I'm shocked that he hasn't done a series on television called Dispatches From The Dumbass Wars. The Dumbass Quote Of The Day would be enough to fill a hundred episodes at least! Ed's a former comedian you see.) during the time when Gordon (a former navy chaplin) was in heaps of trouble from the military for going to a political protest while still being in uniform. To say that this guy is a piece of work is an understatement. He called himself "Chaps"; and claimed that he was in trouble because he prayed in Jesus' name. Which of course, was not the reason as I mentioned before. I remember the feud he and Ed had on the blog in 2007/2008 on Science Blogs as Ed said "The man is almost impossibly ridiculous." Sadly; all the comments from the feud are gone which makes me sad because I really enjoyed seeing Ed school Gordon's comments and even hearing from the officer himself along with a lot of Gordon's friends. I miss those days now; after seeing Gordon now being a member of the Colorado House Of Representives. Now he's just a bad Republican. Ed still writes about him; but none of it is really noteworthy now.) Good explosion there as they hide behind the rock and then Colonel Grogg completely unloads on the machine gun. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! Needless to say; Toon Disney had a field day editing this episode to remove the guns and I mean that in the nicest way possible. (Okay; he's what Toon Disney edited out: They edited out a shot of Grogg at the jeep firing the machine gun like crazy. Cut to Baloo and Kit ducking behind a rock as bullets go flying. Remember that shot because I'm going to come back to it later in the scene. Kit asks if this is them leaving. Baloo says "right the first time" and runs off stage left as more bullets rain on them. That is the end of the first major cut Toon Disney did. )

Almost every bullet misses the MIRACLE WORKERS CONNECTION by about three inches at least (EEEEKKK! Even more so when one of the people being shot at is a twelve year old boy.) as Kit wants to leave as they run off and the shooting continues right when the running begins making their decision even MORE dangerous. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: If you ever want to know why Frank Agones hates guns in children's cartoons, witness Colonel Grogg; a military person who ought to know better about the use of firearms, but doesn't. Also, Kit Cloudkicker thanks Frank for the guns being excised too, because he's had more than his fill of being in a war zone that wasn't intended to be a war zone.) Damn; uncut this is just plain scary to watch as we see Rebecca and Gun hiding in a trench as we see Grogg shooting anywhere he well damn pleases. Rebecca pleads for him to stop because this is all a mistake see. (By the way; Colonel Grogg is still shooting the machine gun during this including flopping onto his side; and none of this is cut out by Toon Disney. So it's not okay to show closeups of people shooting guns; but far away is perfectly fine. Can you see why this makes no sense?) That leads to probably the most memorable line for Colonel Grogg:

Colonel Grogg: Wake up and smell the war paint, lady! They want to dice up our livestock and shanghai our women!

HOLY CRAP! My jaw just dropped on that one. For those who don't get the BS&P line: Colonel Grogg basically said that the aliens want to rape their women. Jesus Christ on a pogostick Len; how do you SLEEP at night knowing you wrote this? So Colonel Grogg is not only xenophobic; he's downright racist. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: But 2010 me repeats himself.) Unlike the guns; Toon Disney didn't cut that one line out! (First of all; it wasn't cut out because Monty from Rescue Rangers said shangai; although in the context, he was saying it as if he was kidnapped. So Grogg was basically saying that the aliens would kidnap their women. A reasonable fear to be sure. There was no implying by Grogg that they would be raped; although there was a sense that the general fear that the aliens would rape them. I don't believe Len Uhley had any idea that shanghai would mean "rape" in that context. I think Grogg meant "kidnap". It's still really scary all things considered and it's possible that the implication of rape might have happened; but I think 2010 me overreacted here. Besides; I think the machine gun fire by Grogg is enough for 2010 me to ask how Len Uhley sleeps at night? Answer: He can because he made Kit into a former air pirate. Okay? For what it is worth, here's Urban Dictonary's take on it: Term describing a type of kidnapping. Back in the 17th and 18th century in back alleys behind orphanages and bars there were trap doors that were watched and opened on drunken people or wandering children,then the children or drunks were beaten up until unconscious and brought aboard a ship to do slave labor out at sea until they died. Far from kid friendly; but not as nasty as I originally thought it was. ) Rebecca now needs to find Baloo fast as we continue with more shooting with a glorified shot of Grogg's ass as he wants the scumballs to eat lead. (This shot was removed by Toon Disney and then they showed a few seconds of the shot of Kit and Baloo ducking behind a rock as gunfire rains on them! Yes; a two second shot they cut during the first bullet hell sequence is moved to the second bullet hell firing that they cut.)

Wow; I would LOVE to see 4Kids get their mitts on this episode and edit it. It would be absolutely fun to mock them for and I mean that in the nicest possible way. (Wow; we would be seeing basically fire fighting with lots of water. Or they'll do what Disney should have done: Ban the episode from airing until it comes on DVD in 2007/2008 which Fone Bone suggested. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: I'm surprised Disney+ let this episode air to be honest with you!)) Rebecca is crawling under the trench as gunfire has apparently continued. It's safe to say that we are beyond 2.0 Trigun at this point as Rebecca proclaims that if Baloo lives through this; she is going to kill him (death reference number seven for the episode). Somehow; the death references seem tame compared to Grogg right now. (I have never seen a DTVA show or even an children's cartoon show have sustained gunfire like that for at least thirty seconds anytime in my life; outside of Japanese animation. It was like I'm watching uncut Japanese anime for teenagers without anyone getting killed. Somehow.) Finally; after about 2.8 Trigun; (Yes; 2010 me is not embellishing here and the whole thing lasted thirty seconds.) Colonel Grogg runs out of bullets and throws the machine gun away as we see his Jeep has been totalled with gunfire. HA! (Also; a few seconds of Grogg firing before he ran out of bullets is cut from Toon Disney.) Grogg turns around as Gun waves the white hanky and Grogg asks where Rebecca is. Gun does some more German as Gun proclaims that she disappeared. Gun addresses her as Fraulien Rebecca. That's "little woman" in German by the way. (Actually; he means "Unmarried woman" in German. Does that count for divorce or widowed women in Germany?) Grogg blames this on the scheming Martian devils and uncorks his pistol and bails stage left. (I think that's the third or fourth time I heard someone say devil in this show.) We go into the forest as Rebecca runs like the wind...a westerly wind this time. Rebecca and Baloo then have the meeting of the minds and it wasn't at the water cooler. Kit doesn't look and he takes a sick bump off of Baloo's back for good measure. HAHA!

Rebecca is somewhat relieved as we get a shot of Grogg on his totalled jeep which still has the headlights working. How about that?! He calls the aliens dirtbags and starts shooting again. He wants 3.0 badly I see. (He got it by the way.) The babyfaces all duck as one of the funniest moments happen as all the red flash lights are gone and we actually see the bullets flying. How about that?! (Toon Disney edited everything from Grogg shooting his gun to the babyfaces ducking as the bullets literally whiz past them. There's your 3.0 Trigun uncut version. Which is 1.0 Trigun in the Toon Disney version.) Rebecca basically gets on Baloo's case about lying; which Baloo gleefully blows off because she did a Broken Aseop and Rebecca justifies it because she had to lie to make him learn his lesson and Baloo takes it as a good sign. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: If you ever want to know where Louie Duck from Ducktales 2017 got his infamous "Lying: It's the responsible thing to do!" line from, watch the finish of this episode. That's where he got it from. Louie also got the "Donald is selling us!" from "Save The Tiger!" and if Kit heard that, he would have been a lot more offended than Donald Duck was.) What is Kit's response in all this?!:

Kit: {Complete with Gruffi pose.} Oh, you're both nuts!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry Kit Cloudkicker; but you lost the right to say that once we found out that you were an ex-Air Pirate and you did the old Teddy Ruxpin screw job on the Pirates twice. (I concur. Kit might have people skills; but he can bring the crazy like no one else would.) Anyhow; Baloo has another Krackpotkin and he needs Rebecca's help. Rebecca asks what and Baloo states that she needs to...wait for it...lie some more. Heh. (Because; they are all going to jail anyway; so let's embarrass the pyschopath some more.) We go to the scene changer as we see the jeep driving (and it still keeps going on strong) as it stops on the cliff and then it finally gets ripped apart. HAHA! Grogg hates it when that happens which makes me wonder why the general doesn't like him. (I got the message when he totalled the jeep. There is zero way Taumult is going to throw the babyfaces in jail for this. No way, siree! Even if it was a hoax.) I see Gun hasn't been written out yet as we hear Rebecca Cunningham scream and it sounds like she's singing. (Ah; I knew that chain smoking seagull scream would rear it's ugly head again.) Gun even questions it so you know that was weird as we see Rebecca running up the hill to fetch a pail of Insano Nuts. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm...Damn; my winning streak of not getting punched in the kisser ends. I can never buy a break. She then hugs Grogg in a disturbing moment and Sally Struther's acting is just plain too funny to witness and she steals Grogg's pistol! So that's where she got the pistol from in Spy In The Ointment?! It all makes sense now. (So yes; Rebecca Cunningham stole a pistol and has had it for months despite the fact that it's Grogg's pistol.) Grogg actually calls his baby a gun which is a no-no on Toomani. (Toonami seriously believed that saying the word gun was like getting killed by one. I swear to god their BS&P was designed to kill anime off. You had to say "blaster" or something. Like the "blasterballs" in Pokemon, which were really bombs. Even though they threw actual bombs anyway. STUPID!)

We get the shadow as we see Baloo dressed up as Kamala The Ugandian Scum Hunter~! He even has a red water pistol which has a rocket inserted into it as Grogg wants Gun to talk to him and Gun says hello. (Okay; the weapon Baloo had was a smoke spraying gun you use on BBQ's. He is also using guacamole smeared on the body and also is the basis for the spray gun. 2010 me's title for Baloo was hilarious though.) HAHA! He welcomes the alien to Earth, the alien grabs him and eats him. No, not really; Baloo simply threw him into the mouth of the big ass Tiki Mask. Grogg bails stage left, then bumps into Rebecca doing the Gruffi pose and she screams and she doesn't even fall down. HAHA! We then see Gun think Baloo and Kit were eaten by the Martians. HA! Baloo whisper yells him off as Kit is on his back. HEE HEE! We get the showdown between the alien and the Colonel plus Rebecca as it sneers and is wearing brown paper around him. Rebecca's acting has gone to cue cards and she faints dead away. (You missed something in all this: Grogg tries to bail; but bonks into Rebecca with her arms folded and then screams in his face. Yeah; man on woman violence again, only Rebecca no sold the bonk.) Grogg is confused as he tries to help Rebecca; so Kamala Baloo invokes the FLESH EATING OOZE GUN OF DEATH on Rebecca's torso and legs. Rebecca does some Grade Z acting as she wants Grogg to save himself because she is doomed. You don't know the half of it, Miss Cunningham. Baloo counters with sliming her head and chest and she acts a million percent better. HAHA! She hacks like a smoker as Kit is impressed with her dying as good as Baloo for death reference number eight for the episode. Maybe so; but I think Kit is the clear cut winner of this outfit hands down. Baloo proclaims that she has it as Kamala Baloo proclaims that Colonel Earth Scum Grogg is next on the hit list. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Needless to say; Grogg runs stage left out of sight like a scalded dog. HAHA! Again; I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Baloo finally takes off the costume as Baloo thinks that he's gone back to Cape Suzette as Rebecca points out that he'll be back with reinforcements.

Then she catches herself and notices all the guacamole on her and Baloo claims that he love her in green as the stuff gets on him because Rebecca slaps her hands on Baloo and they have a chuckle. Well; there goes the perfect episode right there. I never really liked it when Sunwoo animates; but still it's better than Kennedy Cartoons that much I'm certain. (Why? It was a really playful moment and it was animated perfectly fine. I honestly don't know why you hated that moment.) We fade to black and return to Lake Flaccid as there about four to six tanks running depending on my mood when I did this rant. (I believe it was five tanks; which would be overkill now.) We see that Grogg is driving a new jeep with General Taumult in the passenger side blowing off Grogg for daydreaming again. (This tells me that even if this is a hoax, Taumult will never arrest the babyfaces and bust Grogg down for wasting everyone's time.) I see Grogg has reloaded his gernade necklace just for the special day too as Grogg calls it real. (If this were today; Grogg would be on the "No Fly" list; without any hesistation nor contradiction.) The horror, the carnage, the...Campers. Needless to say; Colonel Grogg is shocked and appalled. We then cut to the lake as we see all the babyfaces camping on the lake as if nothing had happened. In fact; WildCat has lost the orange cheese hair as he's playing cards with Kit; while Rebecca and Baloo have a BBQ. (No; he regained his orange visor.) The general uses his red megaphone to stop the tanks and points to Grogg as Grogg can only stammer and claim that the Martians got them. (Notice that Grogg has figured out that WildCat and Svenfully are the same guy? Notice Taumult doesn't care? In other words; even if the babyfaces told the truth; Taumult would have blamed Grogg for invading their privacy. So it didn't matter in the end if the babyfaces lied like crazy. This is probably why it was considered a broken aesop.) Grogg is dead, done, toe-tagged as a Colonel now as everyone goldbricks on the two army guys. WildCat almost blows it like a goof so Kit puts the finger to his mouth to signal to shut the hell up. (He calls him Uncle WildCat; so yes, they are playing this up like they are a real family. Which in reality; they are even if no one is related. Except for Molly Cunningham who isn't even in this episode.) The general questions if there was any usual activity last night. Which leads to this funny exchange:

Baloo: You notice anything, honeylips?
Rebecca: Not a thing, butterball!

Oh, come on Jymn Magon; you cannot fool the fans into thinking that they are not setting up the marriage with that routine. The general grabs Colonel Grogg's black tie and gags him literally as the general apologizes for bothering them. (Once again; Taumult doesn't care if it's a hoax or not because it's clear that Grogg is a guy who cries wolf over and over again.) They walk to the Jeep and get in as the general downsizes Colonel Grogg to Private Grogg for hallucinating again. The general should only be so generous; I would have court marshalled Grogg instead. (Yet; he committed far worse offenses than Gordon Klingenschmitt.) Then we find out that General Taumult is actually an Uncle called Uncle Bucky. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm certain that he is not called Bucky Taumult. He might be Grogg's uncle; but certainly not named Bucky.) See; he wanted to be a lieutenant and the General snarls at him for that pet name. Wow; they are the army version of Baloo and Rebecca after all. We go to the scene changer of doom as the tanks roll away stage right as Baloo claims that they make a great team and Rebecca blows him off. See; that was the act of a desperate woman no thanks to Baloo and she is going to hate herself tomorrow. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: The whole line itself sounds like TaleSpin's existence in a nutshell. The show only existed because of the acts of desperate people saving their jobs because the higher ups thought B-Players was going to make people think that Disney was me-tooing Tiny Toon Adventures after trying to FUD the show as old and aged without any hint of irony.) Baloo asks why and Rebecca gleefully answers that one for me.

Although to be fair; she's never been upfront about her former husband. Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.... (Why should anyone care about Rebecca's beloved anyway? Even if it makes for a compelling story. Besides that; Rebecca points out that Baloo made her lie and she's right because Baloo cannot get it through her head that he doesn't deserve a vacation because he's a lying lazy bum.) Baloo apologizes for the mess and sits down on the lawn chair and he states that Rebecca deserves a vacation. Rebecca decides that one day off wouldn't hurt the failed business anyway. Baloo gets the fishing pole and he fishes as WildCat is in the hammock, Rebecca relaxing on the lawn chair and Kit is turning on the radio next to his lawn chair as we get some easy listening music. We go to a static shot of the lake as we zoom out as Baloo proclaims that there is hope left for Rebecca and that's no lie to finally end the episode and disc one at 21:12. Oh man; minus a few logic breaks, this episode was AWESOME! However; I FEAR for Len Uhley's life now. **** ¾ (95%). (Pretty much the same rating as before; Len Uhley is a great writer and considering that he has never been threatened in his life; I no longer fear this life is in any danger. I also liked Baloo's apology and olive branch because Rebecca does deserve the vacation more than Baloo does anyway. However; Rebecca is so into work that she just forgot to know how to relax for her sake. So as much as I was on Rebecca's side during this; I got to praise Baloo at the end for setting this up. Although; I think Rebecca would have been grateful if it didn't end with a hail of bullets and eight references to death; which is half of what Bearly Alive had too.)

THE REVIEW LINE

Len Uhley rules the earth again with another kick ass episode. This was a fun episode too where WildCat played the dumb scientist like a champ and everyone acted as if they're lives depended on it. Baloo and company should be thankful that Colonel Grogg is completely insane because they would be in jail right now. (Indeed; when even General Taumult acts like Grogg is just invading a family's privacy; you know the babyfaces aren't going to jail regardless of they tell the truth or not.) Speaking of Colonel Grogg; he was simply classic and was very violent for a heel. He would shoot anything in sight which caused Disney censors headaches as various shots were snipped out as a result in the Toon Disney version. It wasn't as violent as Bygones; but it was close. I originally thought that Grogg shot his foot off-screen in one screen; but he only got his fingers stuck in the trigger. (Actually; the bullet case in the pistol dropped to the floor somehow and the stuck finger was when he jammed his fingers into the bullet case and pistol when he put the pack back in.) It's weird though that they basically lied throughout all this and managed to hit the reset button by lying by omission when they in symbolic sense told the truth that really nothing like aliens ever touched down and Grogg who was really looking for a fight like a xenophobe would pretty much got what he deserved for being crazy. (He was the definition of a wingnut with a gun. Very dangerous.) Although I would have gone much further than Uncle Bucky (General Taumult) would and court marshal him; but there you go. Neopistism rules right?! (Yeah; Grogg's sins were far worse than anything Gordon Klingenschmitt ever did as a chaplin. Orders of Magnitude thinking of course.)

Needless to say; Kit's acting was top notch here as he outclassed all the fake deaths in this series in general; plus he got to say die twice in the same episode which I don't believe anyone in DTVA has done. (I'm certain that it's happened in future DTVA shows. At least Kit didn't punch someone in the face; ala Max Goof from Goof Troop.) So overall; another kick ass episode that would have been perfect if Sunwoo didn't screw up in places. So that ends Disc one of volume two of TaleSpin. (And this ends episode #54; meaning two volumes of TaleSpin are done.) We have eight thumbs up and one in the middle which was Double or Nothing which was ***. Wow; an improvement from the previous time I re-ranted here. Sadly; only one perfect episode which was The Old Man & The SeaDuck. Next up is Disc 2 and we have Captains Outrageous (already transcribed), The Time Bandit, Gruel & Unusual Punishment (ditto) and Citizen Khan and then Jolly Molly Christmas (ditto) to end the 1990 episodes. I sense Citizen Khan and Time Bandit are the only troublesome ones; although I have mellowed out with Time Bandit like I did with Polly Wants A Treasure so you never know. Also; Captains Outrageous is the last episode they aired before Plunder and Lightning got re-aired into four parts during the Thanksgiving week of 1990. They also did a Thanksgiving promo with the TaleSpin gang where Molly points that it's Kit's turn to do the dishes. HA! (Sadly; no one has uploaded the promo on Youtube yet. Anyhow; the next episode I'm transcribing is going to be A Baloo Switcheroo and that will be the final episode for June. I'll get into the details of the next ten episodes when that one is finished.) So.....

Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you next time.

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