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War of the Weirds Transcript
Written: 06/18/2016
Updated:
10/26/2021
Act I
Scene I
(Cut to a shot of Baloo snoring on a red chair with his feet propped up on a wooden box. The door opens and slams shut as Baloo is waken and lands in a heap on the chair.)
Rebecca Cunningham: Baloo!
Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII: Wha?! Ahem...
Rebecca: How come every time I see you, you're lying down on the job?
Baloo: Who's lying down? (Baloo gets up.)
Rebecca: You are. (Scene change to Baloo lying in his hammock near the SeaDuck.) What do you call your lunch-hour lounge act under the wing? (The side door of the SeaDuck is opened by Rebecca and Baloo gets bonked as he falls into the water with a splash. Return to Baloo sitting down in his chair.)
Baloo: Testing pontoons for stability. (Scene change to Baloo in the warehouse sleeping on a pillar on the ceiling. Rebecca comes in opening and slamming the door.)
Rebecca: And this morning's rest stop in the warehouse? (Baloo flops onto the ground. Return to the office.) Oh, Baloo; if you're not lying down on the job; you're lying about lying down on the job. Look! (Rebecca points towards the stairs; even though the next shot shows boxes of fireworks lying on the docks.) You've let that stuff pile up for days. (Rebecca points to them.)
Baloo: 'Cause you've been working me too hard. Oh, Becky; I need vacation.
Rebecca: (Goes up the stairs.) You won't get one by lying.
Baloo: Would I get one by telling the truth?
Rebecca: I don't know. Try it. (Rebecca is watching in front of the bedroom.)
Baloo: Okay. (Sighs.) Can I have two weeks off?
Rebecca: No! (Rebecca slams the door into Baloo's bedroom.)
Scene II
(Shot of outside the docks after dark as we head inside to WildCat's boathouse as Baloo is pacing around angry. WildCat is squeezing oil onto an airplane part and Kit is sitting down with his comic books fine tuning a radio.)
Baloo: Ooo, the nerve. What makes her think she can boss me around?!
WildCat Puma: Uh, let's see...because she is the boss?
Baloo: I don't need facts. I need ideas how to get a vacation. (Baloo pounds on something.)
Kit Cloudkicker: Guys, keep it down. I'm trying to find...Got it! (Kit twists the radio and we finally get a voice.)
Space Rider's Radio Announcer: From the frigid rings of Saturn; to the eerie moons of Mars, with death rays blazing and monsters grazing; it's time for another amazing adventure with Spaaaaaace Riders! (Baloo and WildCat look at each other and head over to Kit.)
Baloo: What is that?
Kit: My favorite radio show. See? (Kit shows a comic book featuring a purple like alien with sharp teeth, planets the moon and a spaceship in space.) These guys fly around in spaceships and fight aliens and stuff. (Baloo takes the comic book.)
Baloo: Bingo! This is how I'm gonna make Rebecca give me a vacation. Heh-ha-ha. Without her even knowing it. WildCat -- old buddy -- you're about to become a genius. (Baloo throws the comic book down and walks WildCat out of the room.)
WildCat: Really?
Scene III
(Head inside the office of Higher For Hire at the desk as Rebecca is sitting at the desk attending to the accounting machine. The door opens as WildCat arrives dressed up with a white lab coat, black pants, no hat and has glasses on.)
WildCat: Guten Tag, bonjour! (Guten Tag is German for "good day" and bonjour is French for "hello.") And how you doing?
Rebecca: What are you doing in that getup? (Rebecca walks over to WildCat.)
WildCat: Ahck, you must have me confusedle with someone entirely not myself. I'm Dr. Svenfully Gesundheit, BVD. (Gesundheit actually means "good health" in German. Sven is a Nordic first name. BVD is actually the name for the Netherlands Secret Service. Rebecca is now sitting on the front of the desk.)
Rebecca: You mean PhD.
WildCat: Oh, that too. I'm a...I'm...I'm a... (WildCat backs up to Baloo hiding from the window.)
Baloo: (Whispers.) Rocket scientist.
WildCat: (Blubbering.) Rocket scientist. And I have invented a super-duper fuel that will turn any airplane into a spacey-ship. (Rebecca folds her arms.)
Rebecca: You're not serious.
WildCat: Tout suite, I am. (Disney Captions missed the "tout suite" part; French for "right away".) I wish to hire your famous, heroic pilot, Baloo; to make a historical first flight to ze planets Mars.
Rebecca: (Groans as she is at the desk holding her head.) Ack, I don't believe this. (Baloo comes in with a box of fireworks.)
Baloo: My plane's nearly packed, Rebecca...Oh, hello.
Rebecca: (Arms folded. Sarcastically.) Umm, Dr. Gesundheit; this is Baloo. Or have you two already met?
Baloo: Us? Never! (Baloo puts down the box.)
WildCat: Nein. Nyet. (Nein is no in German. Nyet is no in Russian.)
Rebecca: (Sarcastically.) Dr. Gesundheit wants you to fly the SeaDuck to Mars. Isn't that interesting? (Rebecca crunches her hands together.)
Baloo: Gosh! Wouldn't that be an awfully long trip? Ahem. (Baloo looks at WildCat.)
WildCat: Oh, ja. (Basically "yes" in various languages.) About...(Baloo motions two fingers towards his face; as if he's rubbing a mustache that doesn't exist.) two weeks.
Baloo: Oh, gee; I don't know. Got a lot of work to do around here. (Baloo then punches WildCat in the arm.)
WildCat: But think of ze free publicity. (WildCat rubs his hair as Rebecca groans.)
Rebecca: (Sarcastically.) Oh! Free publicity! Why didn't I see it before? Oh, Baloo; please?
Baloo: Well... (Rebecca walks over to Baloo.)
Rebecca: Please? (Rebecca pulls on his shirt.)
Baloo: If you insist.
Rebecca: I insist. (Rebecca takes Baloo and WildCat and walks them out of the office.) Now you two work out the details and I'll just stay here and get all...goose-bumpy! (Baloo and WildCat are out of the office.)
Baloo: Well, uh...okay. Come on, doc!
Rebecca: Bye. So long. Auf Wiedersehen. (Auf Wiedersehen is German for "until we meet again" more or less. Baloo and WildCat leave as Rebecca waves to them and closes the door.)
Baloo: Heh-ha-ha! She bought it! (Rebecca giggles at the door looking out.)
Rebecca: He thinks I bought it. He wants to play games, we'll play. (Rebecca walks away.)
Scene IV
(Back at the docks of Higher For Hire as all of the fireworks are attached to the SeaDuck wings and tailsection of the plane. There is a wooden bucket with a steel rod with wheels on it. We see Rebecca and WildCat on the docks next a radio on a wooden box. The radio has Christmas lights on it with a red battery in the back and contains a microphone. )
WildCat: And this radio puts us in contact with the SpaceDuck, okey-dokey.
Rebecca: Well, it's hokey, anyway. (Rebecca flicks at the microphone top. We hear bumping and head to the warehouse door as the door open and out comes Baloo and Kit wearing blue bodysuits with red and white trim on the groin and arms. Baloo's suit has a patch on it, and surprisely there is no patch on Kit's arm where there usually is on his green sweater. They are holding fishbowls for space helmets as Rebecca groans as Baloo and Kit come over and salute her.)
Baloo: Pilot and co-pilot, ready to take off.
Rebecca: Oh, Baloo! I want you to know that whatever happens, I'll think of you every minute. (Rebecca runs over and hugs Baloo which surprises Baloo.)
Baloo: You will?
Rebecca: Constantly. You're simply the most bravest pilot I've ever met! (Rebecca kisses Baloo right on the lips multiple times.)
Baloo: Oh, gee! I ought to do this hero stuff more often. (WildCat is walking away as his black pants have changed to flesh colored now.) Oh, I better have a last word with Dr. Gesundheit. (Baloo and Rebecca hold hands and then Baloo runs off and grabs WildCat.) Where are you going?
WildCat: Home?
Baloo: Wrong.
WildCat: Sure looks like home.
Baloo: Yeah, WildCat's home. But for the next two weeks, you're a rocket scientist; no matter what!
WildCat: Rocket scientist, no matter what!
Baloo: Oh, and WildCat?
WildCat: Yeah? (WildCat rubs his hair.) Oh, I mean, WildCat? I am Dr. Gusundheit, rocket scientist.
Baloo: And don't you forget it.
Scene V
(Shot of Baloo and Kit inside the cockpit of the SeaDuck.)
Baloo: Three...two...one...blasterooni! (The SeaDuck engines turn on and the propellers spin. Fireworks fire in all directions, exploding and letting off colorful stars and such. Smoke appears as Rebecca coughs on cue as we see Baloo and Kit in the cockpit of the SeaDuck taking off their fishbowls.) Lake Flaccid, here we come! Heh-ha-ha-ha! (Kit and Baloo throw the fishbowls over the seats and they shatter off-screen.) Hey, Kit; get set for two weeks of fun! (Baloo elbows Kit's shoulder as we cut back to the docks as Rebecca still coughing.)
Rebecca: Get set for two weeks of misery.
Scene VI
(Head to a shoreline in Lake Flaccid as we see Baloo wearing a red vest with orange checkered shirt, glasses and a hat in front of a hammock set up near the trees. There is a campfire in the middle of the area with various stuff lined near the trees. Kit is in front of a lawnchair at the shoreline fishing. Birds are whistling in the distance as the fire is crackling. Baloo is shown lying down in the hammock on the closeup shot yawning.)
Baloo: Man, that was easy. (Baloo rocks the hammock.)
Kit: Yeah, too easy. (Kit is fishing and he casts his line next to the radio as it there is static on the radio.)
Wildcat: (Transmitter.) Earth to SpaceDuck; Dr. Gusundheit calling! You're late, you! (Baloo gets up and runs to the radio.)
Baloo: Oh, what's he bugging me for? (Baloo grabs the microphone.) This better be real important to be interrupting a guy's vacation.
WildCat: Ixnay on the vacation, speaking. (WildCat is in the office with the microphone as Rebecca grabs the microphone.)
Rebecca: Hello, Baloo! Rebecca, calling! You know, from Earth. Can you hear me out there?
Kit: Oh, swell.
Rebecca: I know you're real busy, steering around asteroids and all that; but we're dying to know what it's like in space. Right, doctor? (WildCat tries to walk out; but Rebecca grabs him.)
WildCat: Ja, dying.
Baloo: Well, it's eh...a....dark. Real dark. I-I can't see a thing.
Kit: Except millions of stars.
Baloo: Except for a whole mess of stars. And say, I can see Saturn.
Kit: The moon.
Baloo: Oh, I mean the moon. Heh-heh. I always get those two mixed up. Well, gotta run. Heading into a meteor bath.
Kit: Shower!
Baloo: Shower! Er, SpaceDuck, signing off. (Baloo turns off the microphone and groans. Head back into the office as Rebecca is laughing as she is sitting down on her chair. Head back to Baloo in his hammock as the radio is staticing again.)
Rebecca: Baloo! (Baloo spins in his hammock and falls down on the hammock.)
Baloo: What?! (Baloo runs to the radio and grabs the microphone.) Yeah? I mean, SpaceDuck to Earth. Come in. (Rebecca is sitting down on the desk with the microphone.)
Rebecca: Hiiiiiiiiii-ii! Just checking to see if you've landed on... Mars yet.
Baloo: Yeah, and it's bedtime here. (Baloo turns off the microphone and puts it down; but the radio is still on.)
Rebecca: Oh, but who could sleep at a historical moment like this? You should be out exploring, collecting specimens. Now don't you dare come back without a cargo full of plants, animals, and oodles of Martian rocks. Oh, and while I have you...
Baloo: Whoa-ho-ho! (Baloo sits down on the lawn chair and groans.)
Scene VII
(Back to the beach of Lake Flaccid after dark as Kit is yawning and an owl is hooting. Kit is roasting a marshmellow which is burnt to a melted crisp. Baloo is shown with a bag of stuff as he head to the back inside the SeaDuck. He throws the bags inside the back which goes from zero bags to at at least seven bags in this version. Baloo sighs.)
Baloo: Oh, I need a vacation from this vacation. (Baloo walks away.)
Scene VIII
(Back to the campfire as Kit is roasting marshmellows and is much more alert this time. Baloo has taken a rabbit and dressed in with feathers and other stuff near the radio sitting in the lawn chair.)
Baloo: (Yawns.) Does this look anything like a Martian rabbit?
Kit: (Yawns.) Needs another eye or two. (This marshmellow is also burnt to a crisp as the radio statics again.)
Rebecca: Baloooooho! (Kit yawns as he comes over to the radio as Baloo picks up the microphone.)
Baloo: Yeah, Becky?
Rebecca: Another thing I forgot. (Cut to Rebecca sitting at her desk wearing her cyan blue dress, dunking a donut into a cup of coffee.) Mars has polar caps, right? So do be a dear and dig up some snow. (WildCat is sleeping in front of the desk on a wooden crate.) Hmmm.
Kit: Oh, come on; Baloo. (Puts his hand on the microphone.) She's onto us. Let's fess up and face the music.
Baloo: Hey, I'm calling the tune here. And I'm about to play the finale. (Baloo grabs the radio as the rabbit runs away and the lawn chair gets turned over.) Why, sure RC. In fact, I see some... (Gasps.) Kit! Look at that! (Baloo looks to his left.)
Kit: What?
Baloo: It's a M-m-m-martian! Why, look at those eyes! Oh, those claws! Those teeth!
Kit: Oh! Oh, yeah! Yeah! Oh, gosh! Oh, it here it comes! (Kit runs around with his arms like wings and jumps into Baloo's arms.)
Baloo: (Using an empty tin to simulate a deep voice.) You have invaded Mars! This means war! Naaaaaahhhhh! Earthling worms! Nahahahahahaha! (Baloo continues to growl into the microphone as WildCat wakes up confused.) Ah, Kit; look out! (Baloo whistles to simulate a bomb dropping and then growls.) Oooooo, Owwwww! (WildCat drops down and grabs the wooden crate as if to try to hide from this.)
Kit: Oh, no! Oh, They're shooting death rays! Oh, run for your life! (Cut to Baloo vibrating a saw. Baloo does an evil laugh as he kicks some soda cans. Kit opens one and it fizzes complete with orange suds. WildCat is confused at the radio.)
Baloo: No! They zapped all the rocks I collected for Becky! Oh, no! Now, they zapped Kit! (Kit is on a tree stump ripping a pillow in half, and a piece in half again, and then that piece in half in glee. Kit screams and coughs so hard that it sounds like he legit got killed. Kit flops onto the tree trunk stump.) There are zillions of them! Oh, They're dripping slime all over the place! (Giggles.) Oh, no! I'm surrounded! Mayday! Mayday! (Baloo then mimics a bomb dropping and exploding as Baloo throws the radio into the water and it sinks to the bottom. Baloo loses his balance and flops onto the rock. Kit comes over laughing.)
Kit: Boy, you die good.
Baloo: Ain't it the truth? Heh-ha-ha. Now there's no way she can ruin my vacation. (Cut to the office as Rebecca is not amused. Rebecca grabs the radio as WildCat is walking towards the door.)
WildCat: Sounds like the line's dead and so is your pilot. Oh, well. (WildCat freezes as a poodle furry in army gear slams open the door.)
Army Dog: Nobody move! (He runs inside and looks around holding a riding crop. He runs up the stairs and turns around.) Okay, relax! But not much. (The army guy runs down the steps and gets his foot stuck in a conveniently placed wastepaper basket.)
Rebecca: Who do you think you are?
Colonel Grogg: I don't have to think! (Tries to get his foot unstuck and fails.) I'm Colonel Grogg, Army Intelligence. (He is wearing a silver badge that says IQ on it.)
WildCat: Sacre Bleu!
Colonel Grogg: You can say that again, Sven. I've monitored your pilot's transmissions. (Grogg kicks the basket away from his foot as paper is falling out.) I'm taking over this operation!
Rebecca: What operation? (Grogg goes over to Rebecca.)
Colonel Grogg: Preparing for the invasion from Mars.
Rebecca: What invasion?! This is just a game.
Colonel Grogg: Wrong, sister! This is no game! This is real! This is war!
End Of Act I At 10:33
Act II
Scene I
(Back inside the office with Colonel Grogg, Rebecca and WildCat. Colonel Grogg is tapping his foot. )
Rebecca: But there is no Martian invasion!
Colonel Grogg: Lady, I know what I heard! (Grogg brings out a tape recorder and it plays.)
Baloo: (On the recorder.) ...dripping slime all over the place. Oh-ho-ho! Oh, no! I'm surrounded! Mayday! Mayday! (Grogg turns off the recorder with his riding crop.)
Colonel Grogg: Poor guy. Never had a chance. (Rebecca then pulls on WildCat's coat and shakes him.)
Rebecca: Say something!
WildCat: Uh, does that work on batteries? Grh...(Rebecca grabs onto the coat collar again.)
Rebecca: Excuse us. (Rebecca pushes him into the kitchen as Grogg taps the crop with his hand.) WildCat, where is Baloo?
WildCat: (Rebecca pushes WildCat against a cupboard.) WildCat? Eh, ah, I am Dr. Gesundheit -- rocket scientist -- no matter vhat.
Rebecca: (Flustered.) Be calm. Be cool. Okay, where is Baloo, doctor?
WildCat: Can't tell you.
Rebecca: Why not? (Rebecca grabs onto WildCat's coat.)
WildCat: Promised.
Rebecca: What if I guess?
WildCat: Okay.
Rebecca: He's at...Louie's. (WildCat shakes his head no.) Not at Louie's? Uh, give me a clue. (WildCat ponders this over and brings out an out of nowhere bucket of water and dumps it on his head.) Beach? (WildCat shakes his head no.) River? (WildCat shakes his head no.) Lake! A lake! Which lake? (WildCat claps his hands and then points at a poster which says "Fly".) Starts with an "F". Lake Fairoh. Lake Forsythe. Lake...Flaccid?!
WildCat: On the nosey. Yay! (Rebecca and WildCat cheer and hug at the same time. They dance for a while.)
Rebecca: Lake Flaccid, huh? The colonel and I are gonna pay Baloo a little visit. That worm's gonna squirm. (Rebecca walks out as WildCat follows him.)
WildCat: Worms? That means we get to go fishing too? (Cut to inside the office with Grogg going through the filing cabinets as Rebecca is dragging out WildCat.)
Rebecca: Colonel, after consulting with Dr. Gesundheit, (Grogg slams the filing cabinet door on his hand the second he sees Rebecca.) I have important information to pass on to you.
Colonel Grogg: Great. (WildCat flicks the switch on the microphone.)
Scene II
(Back to Lake Flaccid at night as Baloo is preparing the hammock while Kit Cloudkicker is fishing on the shoreline. Kit reels a bit and then the line bites.)
Kit: Hey! I- I caught something!
Baloo: (Tossing in the hammock.) Just catch it quietly. (Kit reels it in and it's the radio which is somehow still working.)
Rebecca: (On radio with a wobbling sound.) We wanna do everything we can to stop those awful Martians. (Baloo gets out of the hammock angry.)
Baloo: Okay, no more Mr. Nice Bear. (Baloo goes over to the radio.)
Kit: Shhh! Listen!
Rebecca: Wildca...I mean, Dr. Gusundheit has triangulated on the Martian signals. Right, doctor? (Return to the office with Grogg, Rebecca and WildCat.)
WildCat: Uh, yeah. I strangulated...I triambulet...What she said.
Rebecca: So I can take you to the Martian landing site: Lake Flaccid. (Return to Lake Flaccid with Baloo and Kit.)
Baloo: She knows where we are?!
Colonel Grogg: Your government thanks you, ma'am. But remember, tell no one about the Martian invasion.
Baloo: Martian invasion?
Rebecca: It'll be our little secret. (Return to the office.)
Colonel Grogg: Good solider. Now go wait in my jeep. I've gotta make a call. (Grogg goes to the desk.)
Rebecca: Coming, doctor? (WildCat points at himself and then we return to Lake Flaccid.)
Baloo: Oh, that's just dandy. That gal is determined to ruin my vacation. What'd I do to her?
Kit: Well, you lied a lot.
Baloo: Besides that. (Baloo ponders it over as the rabbit with a feather duster on it's head with goggles and a purple shirt hopping in.) Oh, baby! (Snaps his fingers.) Gettin' me an idea. (Baloo walks to the side door of the SeaDuck and enters. There are fireworks everywhere.) Hmmm, fireworks, party supplies, guacamole...That's it! (Baloo takes all of the supplies (including a large African mask) and comes out with them.) The lady wants Martians, heh-heh, the lady's gonna get Martians. Heh heh. (Baloo walks away.)
Scene III
(Back at the office as Colonel Grogg is on the phone dailing a number on a 1980's phone and the phone is ringing. Head inside a bedroom with the telephone ringing on a desk next to a cyan blue/green lamp with stars on the shade. The bed backboard contains stars and above it is two epees crossing together. In bed is a bulldog in the covers wearing a green night cap with red stars on it. He is also using red/white striped pjs with a star in the neck collar. The furry turns around, turns on the lamp and answers the phone waking up.)
Bulldog General: Hello?
Colonel Grogg: General Taumult, sir! (Split screen ensues with the two talking. Grogg salutes him.) Colonel Grogg reporting, sir!
General Taumult: Grogg?! You know what time it is?
Colonel Grogg: O-two-hundred, sir! But I have vital information!
General Taumult: (groans) Another invasion, Grogg? What planet are they from this time, Mars?!
Colonel Grogg: (Gasps.) Sir! How did you know?! (Taumult is flustered.)
General Taumult: Call it a lucky guess!
Colonel Grogg: Sir, I need tanks. I need planes. I need infantry. (Grogg takes a pistol from his holder on his hip. The case for the bullet slips out of the gun and falls to the ground.)
General Taumult: I need proof!
Colonel Grogg: But general, sir...
General Taumult: You are not gonna make me look stupid again, Grogg! Got that?! (Grogg recoils on cue as Taumult hangs up.)
Colonel Grogg: I'll get your proof all right. (Grogg grabs the gun case.) I'm gonna bag myself a Martian. (He puts the bullet case into the pistol and jams his fingers in the process and screams trying to muffle the sound.)
Scene IV
(Back road winding around after dark as Colonel Grogg is driving his jeep with Rebecca in the passenger seat and WildCat in the back seat.)
Colonel Grogg: Heh ha-ha; those Martians are in for the shock of their lives.
Rebecca: You don't know the half of it. (Rebecca rubs her hands.) Now, colonel; suppose this whole thing is a hoax. Think you might chew out whoever did it?
Colonel Grogg: You bet your nose, lady.
Rebecca: Good.
Colonel Grogg: And then, I'd know them in jail; along with anyone who was in on the plot.
Rebecca: Jail?
Colonel Grogg: Faking an invasion is a serious crime! Anybody pulls that on the Army; oh, they pay big.
WildCat: Think I better tell him that I'm not a rocket scientist?
Rebecca: And have us all wind up in the slammer? You're a rocket scientist, no matter what.
WildCat: I wish somebody would make up their mind.
End Of Act II At 15:11
Act III
Scene I
(Head to Lake Flaccid in the forest with Baloo and Kit setting up the area with yellow/red/orange lanterns on strings.)
Baloo: One space invasion coming up. (Baloo wipes his hands as Kit runs in panting.)
Kit: We got company! (Cut to a jeep pulling in and stopping.)
Colonel Grogg: I don't know. It's quiet. Too quiet.
Rebecca: Um, colonel; suppose there were no Martians. Heh-heh heh. You wouldn't be terribly disappointed, would you? (Then we hear whirring sounds as there are Christmas lights flashing and spotlights. We discover inside the forest with Baloo wobbling a saw flashing spotlight as Kit is lighting fireworks and they shoot out of the trees and fly past Rebecca. Somehow; Kit lit one firework and somehow it created five of them!) I don't believe he's doing this. (Rebecca rubs her eyes.)
Colonel Grogg: It's finally happened! (Fireworks explode in front of the jeep.) Man's first contact with life on another planet! It's wonderful! It's beautiful! Let's fry the slime buckets! (Grogg takes out a hand gernade and throws it causing WildCat and Rebecca to duck underneath the jeep. Cut back to Baloo with the wobbling saw in the forest with Kit.)
Baloo: Ah-ha! I bet that sent Becky packing! (In comes the gernade sparking.) Oh, man! (Kit and Baloo run and jump and duck behind some rocks. Explosion ensues as we cut to Grogg literally shooting a machine gun like crazy. Cut to Baloo and Kit hiding behind the rocks as hundreds of bullets as the lanterns and some tree branches get destroyed in the process.)
Kit: Is this us leaving?!
Baloo: Right the first time! (Baloo and Kit run stage left as more gunfire is shot at them. Toon Disney cut everything from Grogg firing the machine gun to Baloo and Kit running away stage left. Cut to a bunker with Rebecca and WildCat watching on as Grogg continues to shoot the machine gun.)
Rebecca: Don't shoot! It's all a mistake! (Colonel Grogg stops shooting and flops onto his side.)
Colonel Grogg: Wake up and smell the war paint, lady! They want to dice up our livestock and shanghai our women!
Rebecca: I gotta find Baloo.
Colonel Grogg: Eat lead, scumballs! YAHHAHAHA! (Colonel Grogg gets up and shoots more gunfire again screaming; much of it at the hard camera. Rebecca crawls through the bunker.)
Rebecca: If Baloo lives through this, I'm gonna kill him! (Toon Disney's editing of this is weird: What they cut was Colonel Grogg shooting the machine gun on the closeup; but one shot of Kit and Baloo ducking in the rocks while gunfire is fired at them. That shot shown was originally cut during the first hail of bullets but two seconds of the hiding was in fact moved to the second hailfiring of bullets by Grogg. I should note that a far away shot of Grogg firing the machine gun is kept perfectly intact along with all dialogue during the shots. Also kept is Rebecca going through the bunker. Colonel Grogg fires the gun for a few more second and then runs out of ammo. This shooting was also edited out in the Toon Disney version. Grogg clicks the machine gun and then throws the machine gun away as we discover that he totalled his own jeep with bullets in the process. WildCat is in the bunker waving the white hanky for surrender. Grogg goes over to WildCat.)
Colonel Grogg: Hey, where'd the lady go?
WildCat: Oh, ummmm; Ach my Lederhosen! (Ach is "oh" in German.) All of a sudden, Fraulein (meaning "Unmarried woman" in German. WildCat wobbles his mouth.) Rebecca just disappeared. (Grogg takes out his pistol from the holder.)
Colonel Grogg: Scheming Martian devils. Come on! (Grogg runs off.)
Scene II
(Cut to Rebecca running in the forrest as Baloo and Rebecca bonk into each other and drop onto the ground. Kit bonks into Baloo's back and drops onto the ground as well. Owls are hooting.)
Rebecca: Baloo!
Baloo: You! (Cut to Grogg driving his bullet ridden jeep with his gun towards the camp site.)
Colonel Grogg: Come out and fight, you drool-dripping dirtbags! (Colonel Grogg starts shooting wildly at the campsite as Rebecca screams. Baloo, Kit and Rebecca duck and almost gets shot in the process as they kneel up. Cut from Toon Disney: Grogg shooting the gun and Baloo, Kit and Rebecca ducking the bullets and Rebecca's scream.)
Rebecca: Now see what your lying got us into?!
Baloo: (Gets up.) You're the one who lied to GI Schmoe! (Rebecca gets up.)
Rebecca: Yeah, but you lied to me first, so I had to lie to you to teach you the truth about lying!
Baloo: He-hey! This lady has potential.
Kit: (Arms folded.) Oh, you're both nuts! (Shakes his head.)
Baloo: Look, I got a plan to get us out of here. But I'll need your help.
Rebecca: (Arms folded.) Doing what?
Baloo: Heh heh, what else? Lying.
Scene III
(Cut to outside the forest area as the jeep drives in with WildCat and Grogg. The jeep stops as the oil is leaking from the jeep and the whole keep collapses on itself.)
Colonel Grogg: I hate it when that happens. (We hear Rebecca screaming in the background.)
WildCat: Okay, what was that? (Rebecca runs in screaming and hugs Colonel Grogg who is still holding a pistol.)
Rebecca: The Martians! Run! (Rebecca grabs his gun and runs off stage right.)
Colonel Grogg: Lady, wait! My gun! (Grogg turns around as he hear growling and sputtering as Baloo appears wearing green wreath with Christmas Lights on, the African mask, two pumpkin candles with flames on them with a leather sack around the body with a belt, green slime all over it's body and lights.) The Martians! Doc, ah; talk to him! Quick! (There is smoke coming from it's mouth. WildCat turns around to face Baloo.)
WildCat: Ah, hello. Hi, welcome to Earth. How was your trrrriiipppp?! (Baloo grabs WildCat and stuffs him through the mask into the monster's body. Grogg runs stage left, bonks into Rebecca folding her arms and screams at him. Head inside the "monster" as Kit is holding the mask up while sitting on Baloo's shoulders.) Wow! So you guys were eaten by the Martians.
Baloo: No, there never were any...Oh; I'll explain later. (Baloo stalks Rebecca and Grogg carrying an air pumper as it cackle and laughs.)
Rebecca: Oh, no! It's got a horrible, flesh-melting ooze gun. (Rebecca drops down and faints. Grogg kneels down.)
Colonel Grogg: Oooze gun?
Baloo: Oooze gun! (Baloo sprays green slime and it sprays on Rebecca's legs and feet.)
Rebecca: Oh, colonel; my foot's caught. Run! Save yourself! I'm doomed! (Baloo sprays more green slime onto Rebecca as she grunts and screams loudly. She then coughs and sputters and she acts like she's dead. Back inside the "monster".)
Kit: Boy! She dies as good as you do.
Baloo: Told you she had potential. (Baloo walks towards Grogg pointing the ooze gun at him.) You are next, Earth scum!
Colonel Grogg: No! No! (Colonel Grogg turns around and sprinted into the forest stage left out of sight.)
Baloo: (Baloo throws away his clothes as he, Kit, WildCat and Rebecca watch on.) Bet he runs all the way to Cape Suzette. (Rebecca gets up.)
Rebecca: But he'll be back. With reinforcements. (Rebecca sniffs.) Oh! I better clean off this guacamole.
Baloo: Ah, ha. I kind of like you in green. (Baloo laughs as Rebecca giggles and slaps her hands onto Baloo's chest as they both giggle.)
Scene IV
(Head to morning as dozens of tanks are driving towards the campsite. We then see coming up the road as Colonel Grogg is driving a new jeep with General Taumult in his brown uniform and hat; in the passenger seat.)
General Taumult: This better not be another one of your daydreams, Grogg. (Grogg is now wearing hand gernades on his neck and shoulders.)
Colonel Grogg: Ah, It-it was real! The horror, the carnage! The...
General Taumult: Campers!
Colonel Grogg: Campers? (We cut to the campsite as Rebecca and Baloo are attending to the campsite while Kit and WildCat are playing cards. The tanks all stop as does the jeep upon Taumult yelling into his red megaphone.)
General Taumult: Haaaaallllllltttt! Are these the people you were talking about?
Colonel Grogg: But, but, but ,but the Martians got'em!
Baloo/Rebecca: Martians? (Grogg and Taumult run towards the group.)
Colonel Grogg: Yes. They sprayed you with their flesh-melting ooze gun. (Grogg looks around to WildCat.) And they eat you alive!
WildCat: (Dropping his cards.) Is it later yet? You guys wanna explain how I...?
Kit: Uh-uh. (Kit motions to WildCat to be quiet.) Uncle WildCat.
General Taumult: Did you, uh...notice any unusual activity last night?
Baloo: You notice anything, honeylips?
Rebecca: Not a thing, butterball! (Winks at Baloo.)
General Taumult: (Walks away stage right.) Sorry to have bothered you folks. (Taumult grabs Grogg by the tie and drags him off stage right. They get into the jeep.) Move out, men! Private Grogg's been hallucinating again.
Colonel Grogg: P-p-private?! Oh, Uncle Bucky; I was a private last time! You said I could be a lieutenant. (Grogg covers his eyes in shame.)
General Taumult: I told you never to call me that in front of the men.
Scene V
(Cut to the tanks and the jeep leaving the scene as Baloo, Rebecca, Kit and WildCat look on.)
Baloo: We make a great team, eh; Becky?
Rebecca: No, we don't. That was the act of a desperate woman. Thanks to you, I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow.
Baloo: Ah, how come?
Rebecca: 'Cause you made me lie! (Two lawn chairs suddenly appear out of nowhere and Rebecca folds her arms.)
Baloo: I know. I'm sorry. (Baloo takes the chef's hat off.) But man, you were great. (Baloo sits down and puts on his pilot's cap.) Heh hee hee. I think you've earned a vacation. (Baloo pats the chair.)
Rebecca: Well, I suppose one day off wouldn't hurt. (Rebecca sits down in the chair as Baloo brings out a fishing rod and casts the line. Kit turns on the radio as WildCat sleeps in the hammock. Jazz music plays in the background. Kit is sitting in the chair next to the hammock.)
Baloo: Becky, there's hope for ya yet. And that's no lie.
End Of Episode At 21:26
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