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Jumping the Guns Re-Rant

Reviewed: 01/09/2010
Additional Commentary: 11/16/2021

Here Is One Barney That I Wish Went Like a Dinosaur.

Original Airdate: 01/21/1991 (Syndication), Episode #48 (TaleSpin DVD Volume 2, Disc 3), Episode #47 (Production Order).

Jumping The Guns Notes
Jumping The Guns Transcript

Weeeee! We finally head to another episode I dread as I get to rant on the worst babyface in TaleSpin history. (2015 Gregory Weagle Says: Let me say this. Barney as a babyface is not good; but there are so many babyfaces in DTVA that are much worse than this; and that's before we count the various babyface characters in other studios. I'm guessing my standards for TaleSpin might still be too high even now. There are reasons for me not liking Barney; but I can take him over even main babyfaces like Kick Buttowski and Bea in the modern era, and even Drake Mallard in his most suckiest episodes. Once again, Kit Cloudkicker is gone and since there is no mention of Higher For Hire, it can be constructed as a pre-Plunder and Lightning episode. I know some people don't like me saying this and think it's just an excuse. I can understand people criticizing this show for the lack of Kit in episodes when Rebecca Cunningham is involved since Kit should be involved in those episode; or at least explain why Kit is absent. The plot of this episode is that Don Karnage decides to use Louie's catering service to steal the SeaDuck from Baloo in order to use it to get to the Cliff Guns and subdue them. Baloo and Louie must stop the Iron Vulture from entering Cape Suzette, but gets thwarted at almost every turns and must get help from a Mister Magoo pig fury who is a loser who only has seen it a million times. He would easily be a viral marketer for Microsoft if it wasn't 1937 in storyline.) Luckly for us; Don Karnage is also in the episode so it doesn't get to the levels of suck that it should have gotten. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: Disney+ didn't air this episode from the beginning for goodness knows what reason, but it has since been reinstated.) Let's rant on shall we...?!

This episode is written by Steve Roberts and Julia Jane Lewald. The story is edited by Mark Zaslove I do believe (No; it was story edited by Duane Capizzi. It's clearly in the credits.). The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation Japan Inc./Hanho Heung-Up Company Limited.

We begin this one at the cliff guns as we see a parasail in the background and a cruise ship arrives. We head on deck to see all the Air Pirates dressed up in dresses relaxing on the chairs. Now you know exactly how Baloo feels when this happens. (Proof positive that nothing in Disney was sacred anymore. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don't.) Anyhow, we cut to Sadie wanting tanning butter from Mad Dog who is wearing a blond wig and blue dress. Mad Dog takes some and throws it in Sadie's face as we pan over to Dumptruck proclaiming that he is embarrassed. Well; that dress is pretty cute; so I say Dumptruck is whining and stealing Mad Dog's gimmick. Another air pirate (With brown hair in a ponytail – I have no notes on the voice sadly.) who is a dog with a green dress is chilly complete with Hanna Barbara teeth chattering sound effect. (Here's what I would like to know. Why give that pirate lines when he has no name, nor appears anywhere in the rest of the episode except for this segment. Does anyone know if "Chilly" has an official name? Does anyone know who voices him?) Don Karnage is naturally the only pirate who is male and wearing the white captains uniform as apparently the Air Pirates are using the Love Boat Offensive. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Wow; a Kirby Superstar parody reference? And you thought I was beneath pop culture references?) Dumptruck wants to put his coat back on and Don naturally blows him off because it would ruin their perfect cover, see. He goes on a rant about being the master of disguise and even calls his new ship the love boat as it will sail right under the Cape Suzette guns. Now Don; you know heels are supposed to say cannons. Only babyfaces can say gun on DTVA. (That's dumb because the episode title is called Jumping The Guns. Knowing that; there were a lot of references to guns in this episode.) Then we see a cute spot as a shaggy dog in a sailor suit on a tugboat is doing the INTERNATIONAL SHIP SIGNAL FLAGS OF DEATH as Don proclaims that this is convincing to it. Also notice Hal "Fleatol" is on board as he becomes an important part of the episode later. (Oh Hal. The fat tabby cat whom Don Karnage's brutal accent made us think that his name was really Fleatol. It wasn't and so as a last name, it's now Fanon.)

Brown Ponytail Pirate then notices that maybe the shaggy dog is signalling something important and Don calls it nonsense. We see the Love Vulture take a MAN-SIZED bump into the rocks underwater and that completely crumbles the ship and their cover is blown. Needless to say; the cliff guns fire at will (no pun intended) and the Iron Vulture is forced to retreat as Disney Captions screws up by having some henchmen asks to put their coats back on when it's clearly Dumptruck who asks. Anyhow; we head inside the Iron Vulture shipwheel area as Don Karnage is at the wheel towards the Cliff Guns laughing because those Cape Suzette gunners can only shoot what they can see. We see Dumptruck hauling a wheelborrow of light blue paint as we head outside to see the Air Pirates painting the Iron Vulture the color of sky (Or invisible as Don would say). Sadly; the Iron Vulture heads into storm cloud as Don cuts a "today Cape Suzette, tomorrow the world" promo (See; this is why in Plunder and Lightning Part Four, Kit and Rebecca wanted Don Karnage to be stopped since they knew Don would not just want Cape Suzette plundered.). Sadly; the thunder claps and the rain washes the wet paint away quickly. Should have stolen that quick drying paint from Bringing Down Babyface, Anthrax. (That is supposed to be his first name; but was nixed for copyright reasons.) Cliff guns shoot at will and the Iron Vulture retreats again. Wow; they almost hit the Iron Vulture three times this time around. We fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on again. (I never understood why you need to use the fade to black when no commercial break was present. To be honest, the whole Michael Eisner being turned on by these slugs is quite absurd if it was true.) We return as we see a three front prop cheese plane enter Cape Suzette and then we go to a cliff gun shot as the Iron Vulture is disguised as a storm cloud. Except that there is zero storm clouds in the sky. I don't think Don Karnage thinks his plans all the way through. Don Karnage's narcissistic personality disorder is clear when he proclaims that he is not only a genius; but very smart too. HAHA!

He's using the steam pipes as clouds as we cut to Don Karnage looking through the periscope proclaiming that he'll finally get through Cape Suzette for sure. We see Mad Dog and Dumptruck cleaning their swords; while Hal has his pistol out. We see the cloud arrive as Cliff Gun Operator number one whom is a mammal dressed in green uniforms and hats, number one is voiced by Frank Welker. (I have no idea what spieces this character is.) Number two is a bird in the same outfit, Not sure of the voice, probably Jack Angel or Frank Welker and they are playing checkers with number one leading of course. (And cheating behind number two's back.) They are already onto Don's plan. Maybe it's because there are no stormy clouds in the sky. So the operators go over and load a tank shell into the Cliff Gun. Someone screwed up as Operator number two uses Frank Welker's voice at one point when he's talking about Don Karnage dressed up the Iron Vulture as Broccoli for the Cape Suzette Air Parade. Okay; there's a neat story that they need to exploit. (I like the idea of the Broccoli float for a story; but how can the voice be screwed up when Frank Welker is basically voicing both characters?) Anyhow; they shoot Big Bertha slowly as Don tries to cut his "today Cape Suzette, tomorrow the world" promo and Don is screwed...AGAIN! The alarms blare inside the Iron Vulture and they are forced to retreat. Don does get one parting line on the way out though:

Don Karnage: I hate those gunner corps with passion fruit!

HAHA! Anyhow; we see the SeaDuck flying past as Baloo tells him better luck next time. The cliff gun operators finally stop shooting because Baloo is delivering their lunches as they exit stage left. Baloo turns on the landing wheels as he blows off Louie because delivering sandwiches for him is sure a real pain. Something tells me this episode is a story that happened BEFORE Kit arrived because why would Miss Cunningham ever do business with that crude matted pile of fur? (Yeah; this is clearly pre-Plunder and Lightning. Methinks some Kit fans might want to understand how logic works in stories and also to understand that child voices are very fragile.) The SeaDuck landing on the landing strip looks like an airplane roller coaster. Much easier to call that way too. The SeaDuck turns around and stop as the engine animation looks choppy. Baloo wipes the sweat off the forehead inside the cockpit as the runway has more bounces than his paycheck. So Louie's ripping Baloo's payment off? No wonder he didn't do much business with him after this. (Nope; Louie and Baloo would get back in business again in The Road To Macadamia and Pizza Pie In The Sky. The promo was an analogy to the landing strip being bouncy.) Operator number two gets the step ladder, opens the side door to get the picnic basket and calls it a great landing. HA! Baloo calls it easy and dangerous in roundabout terms while the operators use the slingshot to fling one of the baskets to the other side of the cliff guns as some furries in the background get their lunches (too far away to see which spieces they are). Baloo waves at them and tries to leave as the SeaDuck goes down the ski like ramp into the sky; but Operator number one then remembers something and goes to his radio to inform Baloo on the radio and Baloo bangs his fist on the console while swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (doggone it!). See, Baloo doesn't want to do the landing there again as Operator number one wants to remind him to return for their two o'clock feeding. We cut to a shot of the jury rigged radio inside the Iron Vulture as Don Karnage uses his sword to turn the radio off. Don Karnage will be back for his two o'clock plundering. (I'm certain the operator meant "meeting"; but it makes no difference later on.)

Don then uses the telescope on the SeaDuck flying stage right as he sees this as his way to get into Cape Suzette. We head to that island in the South Seas, Louie's as Baloo enters inside Louie's office. Louie greets him as we see Louie at the kitchen making sandwiches with his hands and feet in midair. Ewwwwww! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! He is the spawn of Satan! He floats in midair for God sakes! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... (Hanlon's Razor suggests that Louie's just gross. Remember, this is a Disney show in 1990; not a modern cartoon where this stuff is required and if you don't provide a hundred spots like this, you'll never work for Toontown ever again.) Anyhow; Louie sings as Baloo tries to take a sandwich from the sandwich pile; but his hand gets smacked down by Louie. See; Louie is doing a catering business and he cannot let Baloo eat all the profits. That's a fair point there, Louie. Louie did pack Baloo a picnic basket just for him as Baloo sits down on the footstool near the window as he is giddy about his food and his health. Then we see the SeaDuck is taken away with the triple grappling hooks. I wondered when the grappling hook guns would return?! Baloo turns around and panics on cue. Baloo runs out to the docks yelling that he's been robbed as we see Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Hal in CT-37's carrying the SeaDuck away. (Wow; the air pirates after Plunder and Lightning must had the IQ sucked out of them since they never got this smart when Kit turned on Don Karnage. Come to think about it; this and In Search Of Ancient Blunders might have existed more than a year before Baloo met Kit and even before Don Karnage met Kit.) Louie comes out as Baloo yells that he has to catch her. Louie asks how since he has only one plane and his makeshift one isn't available until A Touch of Glass. However; Louie gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he goes to the woodshed which is his personal lost & found. Louie opens the woodshed and we see a green plane (From Whistlestop Jackson, Legend no less! I wondered where Baloo got that plane from...) as it is filled with spiders and a mouse. Louie claims that it was left with him because the plane couldn't hold oil. Baloo isn't thrilled; but he has an idea to make this clunker (jalopy) fly.

Louie is stunned to hear that one and we go inside Pirate Island as we see the SeaDuck against a dock with the Iron Vulture in the cave in the background. We zoom in as we see Don Karnage, Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Hal walking to the plane. Don proclaims that this plan is foolproof; which is why he's letting the fools pull it off. HAHA! Even funnier is that he whacks the pirates with the REGAL CUTLASS and they no sell all. (None of this was edited with impact stars nor cut. They got hit in the head with a metal object. It's no longer funny 2010 Me. Get over it.) Then we get a funny spot:

Don Karnage: To your places gentlemen! {The pirates are confused.} To your places idiots! {The pirates smile and finally walk into the SeaDuck.}

HAHA! Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Hal reveal the plan to us which is to meet the operators at two o'clock with sandwiches; knock them out silly and then wave to the Iron Vulture to waltz right in; which would be something if I wasn't laughing my ass off seeing Dumptruck and Hal squashing Mad Dog like Alexender the Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Don wants fifty-seven varieties of plundering as he kicks Mad Dog into the SeaDuck cockpit for good measure. HAHA! Don threatens the REGAL CUTLASS on Mad Dog's nose as he doesn't want to be disappointed. Toon Disney kept this by the way. We then go to a shot outside of Pirate Island as we see the SeaDuck flying away. We head to Baloo's second in command plane as Louie continues to pour oil into the gas tank and singing while stray oil splashes like a deluge in Baloo's kisser. HAHA! Baloo then notices the SeaDuck flying in the opposite direction. Baloo calls them joyriders, then flies around and wants to go duck hunting. I should note that Pirate Island is in the background; but that was probably by luck so I still think this episode is a story that took place before Plunder and Lightning. (Baloo didn't notice them coming out of Pirate Island since the SeaDuck came out long before the jalopy arrived, so no worries.) Anyhow; we return to the Cliff Guns area as both operators are STILL playing checkers while we see the SeaDuck flying towards them in an unstable manner. Of course Mad Dog is flying it with a stuffed doll of Baloo below him (made with various objects with a bucket as a head.). We cut to Operator number one getting a checkered cloth which would have made more sense if it was red and black; but it's minor. (I should note that Operator #1 is still cheating on #2 in checkers.) Needless to say; this landing is a lot more nastier as the SeaDuck takes even more nastier bumps than usual. Well; that speaks to Mad Dog's flying skills. The operators go to the side door as they ask what is wrong with that landing. Operator number two grabs the picnic basket, foolishly opens it as it reveals the sleeping gas bombs and apparently the mayo went bad as both operators are knocked out. We then see Hal with a gas mask proclaiming that the mayo didn't go bad; he did. (It's clearly mustard gas that they used which is basically sulfur mustard which causes extreme blisters on the face and the lungs. At mild to moderate doses, it cannot kill you; but it can clearly causes long term damage.)

Dumptruck goes over to the slingshot and slingshots the second picnic basket and this one is stink bomb with heavy mustard gas. OUCH! This is nasty as the far operator furries are knocked out silly too. (Large doses of mustard gas can kill you; which justifies why these two operators were never seen again after this. The pirates basically killed them.) Scene changer and we see Hal and Dumptruck tying up the knocked out operators as Mad Dog is at the radio and we get this touching exchange:

Mad Dog: This is Woodchuck calling Peter Piper. Come in Peter Piper. {Dumptruck and Hal pick up the operators and take them behind a rock.}
Don Karnage: {Inside the radio room of the Iron Vulture.} This is Peter Piper. Have you pickled their peppers?
Mad Dog: We've chucked all the wood that a woodchuck chucks.

Don loves this as all the Air Pirate goons (Seven of them including Gibber, Ratchet, and a badly tanned Hacksaw.) are giddy. Don proclaims that it's time to steal seashells by the seashore. Sadly; "Chilli" isn't in attendence here for some reason. (So why not have Ratchet or Gibber play cross dressing in the first scene of the episode? It's not a big deal, but still.) We zoom up from the cliff guns to a shot of the SeaDuck as we see the Whistlestop plane fly towards it as Louie continues to pour oil into the tank while Baloo continues to get oil spattler in his kisser. This landing is a lot better; but it ends with the ultra nasty 360 pinpoint landing. Baloo undoes the seatbelt; but it seems to be stuck as Baloo demands answers to who stole his Seaduck. Baloo swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE ("darn-rusted seatbelts") as Hal proclaims that it was him, Mad Dog and Dumptruck who stole the plane. They casually go over, push the makeshift plane over the edge and call for a happy landing. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: This is why maintaining your vehicle is so important these days. This was no happy response, let alone landing.) The plane freefalls and they go into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) ultimately landing with decent bumps upside down into a tree branch. Louie stammers and yells some more for good measure. Baloo slaps his back to make him stop as they are relieved that they wore their seatbelts. Sadly; the ejection seats slide down and they freefall again. (Actually; the seats popped off the plane and they were not ejection seats to begin with.) Baloo's glad about the parachutes; but Baloo's breaks off completely forcing Louie to use his which works as Baloo grabs onto Louie's ankles and then we get the updraft which makes them rise up to Hal's level. Baloo is proclaiming that they are only passing through, then Hal undoes the parachute and the goofs freefall again. The heels laugh at their expense as we see the babyfaces tumbling like crazy that it would kill Louie and Baloo in any other universe as they slide, hit a leaf and then take sick MAN-SIZED bump through the vinyl roof onto their asses onto the hard ground. At this point; this episode has been really good. However; we have now reached the low point of the episode as Louie and Baloo get up as Louie wants a trampoline. Baloo unsticks his hat and doesn't want a next time. Sadly; we hear a voice saying that they are doing it wrong. We then cut to a far shot of a pig furry with blue overalls, red shirt and hat (Jack Angel is voicing here.) fishing in a bucket on a rock. This furry is crappy to say the least. He basically looks like Mr. Magoo and acts like a stereotype trying to not be a stereotype. Worse off; he's the main guest babyface and that is simply asking for trouble.

My first evidence on this guy: when he talks about taking a tumble; you are supposed to tuck your ankles and support the knees; he does the tumble and bowling pin spot off-screen. Then he comes back as a magically placed car door is out of nowhere as the pig has a lampshade on his head claiming this is his first time; but he has seen it a million times. UGH! I cannot honestly laugh at that spot if I tried. I don't see the humor in elder trying to be like kids. It just doesn't work for comedy value and it only makes him look like an offensive stereotype. (Man; 2010 me is really harsh on this guy. Yes, he looks like a Mister Magoo stereotype. Yes, his attempt to act like a child is annoying. However; while he is the worst babyface on the show, he's far from being the worst babyface even in the golden age era of DTVA. Monteray Jack is worse in that department and he's the #4 babyface of the show (although that didn't stop the writers from writing a massive amount of stories trying to get the Aussie stereotype over.) Barney's only real problem is that like in Your Baloo's In The Mail, he repeats the same joke over and over again "I've seen it done a million times". Although to be fair, it doesn't get the level of Nickeledeon shows which repeat jokes over and over again every episode, because their writers are such hacks that they cannot write anything past repeat jokes and "Super Toilet" in the case of Fairly Oddparents. Yeah, I have mellowed out on Barney O'Turret simply because I have expanded my horizons and mere annoyance is clearly not enough to make me angry anymore.) Barney gets the plunger out of his ass as Baloo wants to talk so the pig addresses himself as Barney O'Turret. I got to admit that he has a swell name; which makes the whole thing even MORE wasteful as a name. He shakes paws with Baloo as we find out that they only call him another name that when he's mad. So his nickname is "Senile Bastard"? I can see why they would call him that. (Barney would be the type of character that if there was a Scott Steiner-equse character in this show; that character would have been cutting shoot promos on him until his eye pop right out of the socket.) Baloo tells Barney the Dinosaur (Close enough right? POW! OUCH! Ummm....) that pirates stole his plane and they have taken over the cliff guns. Remember that the Toonami version of Outlaw Star had most of the gun references edited out and that show is three times more violent than TaleSpin was even in that cut state? (Yip.) Barney is appalled because he worked on those guns before he "retired" (codeword: fired) and no pirates get past his cliffs. Louie has a telescope as he tells Barney to do something because we see the rusty old vulture is heading this way as the segment ends ten and a half minutes in. Oh boy; here comes the pain after nearly ten minutes of good action. (Not really; the only bad thing about Barney is that he's annoying and repeats a stupid joke over and over again.)

After the commercial break; we get a long sequence of the Iron Vulture heading to Cape Suzette -- complete with pamorama view -- as we cut back to Barney's shack. Baloo has the telescope proclaiming that it's the Iron Vulture. NO?! REALLY?! Like the yellow beak doesn't give you the clue Pop-A-Bear?! Baloo wants a radio to contact the Coast Guard; and Barney offers to fix them right up. I rather you would not go there, Senile Bastard! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm. (Even though I have mellowed out on Barney; he is an old senile bastard.) Barney goes into the shack and then returns with hiking supplies and drops them in front of Baloo. See; the radio is right up that far edge of the mountains -- helpfully shown on the pan up -- as he gives Baloo the grappling hook and Baloo gulps in fear. Yeah; Barney wants to torture you and us. Why do you ask? Anyhow; we see Louie and Baloo climbing up the walls as Baloo seemly is no selling his weight. They have to pull up Barney who does nothing...AND THE ROCK SAYS NOTHING! Normally; this would be a bad thing; but considering how much Barney sucks as a character, this might not be a bad idea. He hangs upside down. Didn't I tell you not to do anything Barney?! (Oh come on 2010 me; it's not his fault, that was gravity in action.) He claims that he has seen this climbing thingy a million times. Yeah; he drives this joke to the ground and somehow not as much as "Your Baloo's In The Mail". Baloo states that he never climbed a mountain before and Barney proclaims that he never had to call anyone before but he has seen that a million times no doubt. Sadly; the grunting segues to more climbing as Barney proclaims that there is one more ledge. At least Baloo is selling this somewhat as Barney throws the grappling hook which is so weaksauce that Baloo takes a MAN-SIZED bump off of it as a result. UGH! Baloo gets his grappling hook and gets it right this time; or so we think as Louie calls it nice roping...of a mountain goat. HEE HEE! Baloo tugs and he is having problems now as he gets dragged and slides onto the ground by the mountain goat. HEE HEE! See; making Baloo look bad is funny because he's a lazy younger bear. Making Barney look bad is not funny because he's a working old pig. Got the difference? Good. Baloo takes a wussy bump into the rock with his face; allowing the goat to throw the grappling hook and it lands with another sick bump on Baloo's head.

Louie helps Barney up as Barney tells Baloo to watch out for the mountain goats because they are real ornery (1800's version of someone who is ugly with an unpleasent temper.) and then he points to a telephone stall. Walt Disney Animation Japan actually spells telephone right making Sunwoo's "telephon" in Plunder and Lightning look weak. (Actually; telephon is a German spelling. Also; it's kind of hypocritical to praise Walt Disney Animatioin Japan after all the Engrish I have seen from them.) Baloo and Louie aren't liking this as Barney says that this is something. Baloo squeezes in the small green phone booth and grabs the phone and calls for the operator because pirates have taken over the cliff guns and yells as the Howard Huge operator voice (Charlie Adler) tells him to insert five cents please. So this operator is the father of Lucy Van Pelt?! (This would have been perfect if the phone operator had a woman's voice and it sounded like an adult version of Lucy. All the voices for this episode were men. Doesn't quite work.) Baloo grumbles, asks change for a dollar and gives it to Barney as Barney has a nickel in his pocket. Baloo squeezes some more as his maneuverability (Fifteen letters in a Disney show? Watch Michael Eisner panic on cue.) is lacking big time. Barney tries to jump on Baloo's back and tries to insert the nickel in the slot while proclaiming that he has seen it done a million times. I wish he would see how much of a heatsink he has become and drops the nickel into the floor of the stall. Louie then squeezes his head against Baloo's ass (!!!) as he tries to grab the nickel as Baloo's shoe size is fourteen. Somehow I doubt it. Since he has Big Show's weight; I say size nineteen's at least. Louie grabs the nickel and tries to squeeze out; but stops because here comes the mountain goat blitzing, it gives a really awesome headbutt right in Baloo's ass, the telephone rises into the sky and then walks out with a smile. HAHA! (I thought the goat nailed the phone booth for a second there.) We cut to a cliff side as Louie is hanging onto the edge and has a grip on Baloo's ankle. Louie proclaims that this goat is beginning to get his goat. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.

Louie pulls Baloo up by his ankles as Baloo asks for the nickel, the phone booth and Barney. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: I wonder if the writers were making Baloo, Fred Flinstone and Barney being, well, Barney Rubble?! It would explain a lot about this episode since both share certain traits from that show. I'll leave the traits as an exercise to the reader.) We see Barney is not dead and hanging on the destroyed phone booth by the phone cord proclaiming that he has the nickel; but the phone is dead (death reference number one for the episode). Now that the Coast Guard option is out as the Iron Vulture does the slowest stalking in history in the background. Here's a clue to Anthrax: Speed up the Iron Vulture. Louie and Baloo realize that they are the only two galoots to stop them. (Apparently; Disney Captions thinks galoots is an offensive ablest term or something since they kept cutting that word out in the subtitles. Galoot means "clumsy" or "oafish".) We cut to Barney proclaiming that he'll catch up with them and let Baloo and Louie carry the load for now. That's probably the best thing Barney HAS done in this episode. Louie proclaims that they'll come back for him; they hope. I hope they don't actually. Baloo takes the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and flings it up as they climb up the mountain. Scene changer as we head to the cliff guns as Dumptruck and Mad Dog set up gun shells like bowling pins. Hal grabs a shell and rolls it into the shell pins as Dumptruck and Mad Dog bail and they all explode. HOLY CRAP! I do not want to meet Hal with that weapon in a dark alley; we all know who would lose that one. The rocks bounce on the heels' head as they laugh and have a good time. Yeah; these guys need to be in a mental hospital. I see Dumptruck has also lost his hat too. (All of those get rocks bounced off their heads; just for more head truama.) We cut to the mountainside as Louie climbs up like an ape and gets to the pillar with the rope tied to it as rocks are falling down.

Louie states that mountain climbing isn't so bad after all. Geez; I wonder why Louie? Baloo is hanging from the rope as he climbs up and doesn't like the mountain part....and the climbing part too as Baloo's selling is much better now. Then a rock takes a decent bump off of Baloo's head for good measure as he blows that off. (Once again, it's no longer amusing to see characters take hard shots to the head from hard objects. Baloo should have been knocked out cold in any other universe.) Louie hears the heels laughing and tells Baloo to come this way as they are close. We get another scene changer as another lasso gets thrown around another pillar and the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE climb up. They see that Dumptruck and Mad Dog are close by with their backs turned as Dumptruck is pissed off because he and Mad Dog deserve a raise for all this plunder. Wow; they are foreshadowing Stuck On You already. (I wonder if the writers look at each others scripts before submitting them to the story editor since that would help in maintaining continuity throughout the show without causing too much in way of logic breaks?) Dumptruck goes on a rant as he does a MAN-SIZED stomp on Baloo's hand and Baloo has to grin and bear it, pardon the pun. Dumptruck goes on and stomps on Baloo's hand AGAIN and Baloo screams in pain and freefalls as the rope somehow attaches to his ankle and both goofs are upside down. Dumptruck chuckles as it was nice of them to drop by as Hal comes in with the sword and tells them to drop dead and I mean "drop dead" folks (Death reference number two for the episode) as Baloo and Louie realize that they are seriously fucked. Hal cuts the rope and the goofs freefall towards the water as we end the segment fifteen and a half minutes in.

After the commercial break; we see the goofs freefalling and then they manage to somehow grab onto a green makeshift plane just as it goes up. WHAT THE HELL? Oh wait; it's Barney giving us our first logic break of the episode right there. Took him long enough to screw up the episode big time for me. Funny note: My original rant was done during a snowstorm that dumped a hundred cm of snow in Halifax and we couldn't get out. (That was in 2004 when White Juan broke out; which I called the overdue rain we we supposed to get with Hurricane Juan in 2003; but somehow didn't.) Today; it's snowing like crazy out there. Why do the weather gods test me so?! (And doing the re-rant additional commentary; we had a power outage last night due to thunderstroms.) Even worse is the fact that Barney is actually surpassing Whistlestop Jackson in flying skills right now. UGGGHHHH! Now do you understand why a lot of TaleSpin fans hate him?! (I don't think anyone personally hated him in the show. Found him annoying, yeah. But being annoying shouldn't automatically make you hate a character. Barney's sort of unlikable, but I have seen much worse in that department even in the best of eras.) Then again; if he was on the Cramp Twins; that would raise the show up * just by proxy. (Are you admitting that Barney isn't all that terrible 2010 Me? Granted, he's annoying. However; I had to deal with Buhdeuce, Sway Sway, Ken Izzy and all those other babyfaces that deserve the hate they ultimately got for doing ultra stupid stuff that goes far beyond merely being annoying. Barney even means well on what he does, he's just a loser.) Baloo and Louie hang on to the wing thankful that Barney was there to save them. I will be thankful when this episode ever ends as Baloo is SHOCKED that Barney could fly. However; Barney admits that he really couldn't and that he's seen it a million times as Baloo panics. The makeshift plane bowls over the heels and then does a half-roll as Barney complains on the steering. Did I mention that the aeroplane is smoking a double chimney? Baloo then tells him to gently pull the lever (JESUS~!) and he sells it as the plane rolls over.

Baloo and Louie do the fall out of the plane back into the plane spot before flying over the DOGS OF WAR and takes an off-screen crash which Baloo, Louie and Barney fly out of the plane as it take a MAN-SIZED bump on the ground complete with Barney holding the stick. Cute spot for a change as Barney is shown with actual eyes this time just to break the Magoo routine he was playing. Dammit. (No; he has shown his eyes a million times before this. Damn; now I'm starting to use that joke. That's worse than any of my rejected Rhinokey jokes I have ever used in my internet career.) The impact causes Mad Dog and Dumptruck to bail out as they are holding to a branch on the ridge of the Cliff Guns as Mad Dog states that he should have stayed home. Hal is still on the ridge however; and he looks towards the SeaDuck as our heroes discover that the DOGS OF WAR have destroyed all the shells except for three. Hal enters into the SeaDuck and starts the engines. Baloo thinks that's enough for three big holes; however he gets the LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRITY and runs towards the SeaDuck as Hal flies the SeaDuck down the chute. Louie grabs some rope as gives it to Baloo and does the ankle grab rope spot at the same time. Baloo lassos the rope right onto the SeaDuck's tail section (oh, the irony!) as the SeaDuck takes a weak bump somewhere that breaks the ski ramp. BASTARD! Barney goes towards the Cliff Guns to comment on how he polished the gun for fifty years as Baloo and Louie ask if he had fired the gun. Barney states that he hasn't; but has seen it a million times as Baloo and Louie groan in pain. (I have a hunch on Barney that he started his career at age twelve and unintentionally fired the gun and caused the wreckage Don Karnage mentioned in It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck. This also means that Cape Suzette was founded well before 1887. Little things like that make this show the thinking persons' show.) However; the pain doesn't last as they are sideswiped and they are dangling on the rope. Barney states that he has everything under control on his side. This is just sad; but in one sense, having Barney control the Cliff Guns is actually a good idea by the writers since the only thing he has to do is fire the cannon and that we don't have to see him on camera too often.

Baloo and Louie get onto the backside of the SeaDuck and they talk about how Barney couldn't climb a mountain nor fly a plane before. Then they realize that they are in big trouble now. Hal is in the cockpit as he tries to signal a mayday; but he screws it up by saying Labor Day and another day that probably only exists in the USA just to amuse me. (It's Arbor Day and it started as a Spanish history 2010 me. Here's an anarchonism that isn't such: Arbor Day (or Arbour; from the Latin arbor, meaning tree) is a holiday in which individuals and groups are encouraged to plant and care for trees. Today, many countries observe such a holiday. Though usually observed in the spring, the date varies, depending on climate and suitable planting season. The day was founded in 1805 in Spain, then 1872 in the USA and 1906 in Canada. Labor Day is not an anarchonism either as it was founded on 1887 in America and 1872 in Canada.) .I'm surprised that Hal is working pretty well considering that this is his only real appearance. Don responds by acting like he is ticked off and the urge to kill is rising as I'm feeling relieved that he gets to work again. Hal tries to relay an emergency; but there's a knock on the door and Hal is so dumb that he actually answers it. He goes to the navigator's side of the door and opens it. Baloo and Louie are on top, states that they are the repossession company and they are here to collect. Hal is finished as Louie swings over and dropkicks Hal on-screen in the mid-section and he goes flying and takes a MAN-SIZED bump on the plane wall which is shown on-screen and that knocks him out. Normally; that bump would be taken out of Sailor Moon dubs. (DiC and Cloverway dubs. Viz dub keeps them intact.) Baloo retakes the controls of the SeaDuck; but it is too late because they fly right into the Iron Vulture and the "Steel Beak" closes on them. (No one cares about a low level Darkwing Duck villain pun there 2010 me. Not even Disney Afternerds.) The SeaDuck flies around the inside of the Iron Vulture and then stops right on the floor. Don Karnage and his crew approach the SeaDuck and demands why Hal came back. Louie then opens the window and asks for the beak to open so they can vamoose. Yeah sure; Louie like THAT is going to happen.

Don screams "Sacre Bleu Cheese" and orders his men to get him. (So Don Karnage has a French/Italian/Spanish accent with broken English. Lovely!) Louie calls that a no and tells Baloo to keep the engine running as Louie crawls onto the roof while Baloo actually punches a guy's lights out in the face and it was completely on-screen. Wow; just wow. Even better; the guy had a pistol in his hand. (Yeah, even Sir Victor was unarmed when King Gregor punched him in the face.) Anyhow; Louie swings onto the catwalk via the pipe and then we see the Air pirates shoot their guns (Toon Disney completely cut that shot out as we have yet another episode that had edits. No need of Jeffrey Mika anymore.) at the SeaDuck as Baloo flies around hoping that Barney "The Senile Bastard" doesn't screw up. Now there's an article of faith if I ever saw one. (Kind of like Microsoft getting into the video game industry, actually. (2020 Gregory Weagle Says: Wow, that would prove to blow up in everyone's face once XBOX Series X arrived along with Gamepass. I'm not doing the joke, if you want to see the joke, watch Twitter.)) We are at 0.5 Trigun now as Baloo throws an elbow right on screen to knock out another air pirate. (So as of this writing, we are fourteen for eighteen episodes in the guns being pulled out.) We now see Barney going to the Cliff Gun, loads it up and then sits right on the chair. He then proceeds to fiddle with the controls a bit just to get use to it according to how he saw it done by the operators a million times over. Then he makes the mistake of fiddling with the lever (JESUS~!), it fires its deadly controls causing Barney to snap backwards off his seat and he takes a bump on the ground as the shell misses the mark by a mile. Don Karnage is SHOCKED as the Cliff Guns go boom. Baloo counts it as one shot and hopes that he will get it right as gunfire continues to ring. The Air Pirates shoot to kill; but all miss (Toon Disney kept the far shot of the pirates on screen shooting; but the second near shot is snipped out.). Louie dodges gunfire trying to pull levers (JESUS~!); but none open the hatch as the Air Pirates continue to fire their guns at will (Noun; not pronoun. Toon Disney kept the third shot in. Idiots!) as Louie turns the wheel which opens the gas and the Pirates all get knocked out. (For about ten seconds at the most.)

More SeaDuck flying as Hal finally begins to stir and grabs the wrench because he wants to make Baloo "black & Baloo". Disney Captions screwed up the pun here as they went to "black and blue" only; instead of black and...”Baloo”. (I compromised in the transcript and had it as "black and balue".) That was funny; but Baloo was prepared as he invokes the trapdoor. HUH?! Does THAT make any sense? (Yes it does actually. Baloo had a trap door installed in the SeaDuck Mark I. I'm guessing that it was gone when the SeaDuck Mark I was destroyed in Plunder and Lightning.) Hal falls out of the SeaDuck as we see Don Karnage grab the gun from an Air Pirate to show them how its done; (another shot Toon Disney kept.) but Hal squashes him completely and Don takes a MAN-SIZED bump from Hal. HAHA! Now THAT is funny. See how good this episode can be without that heat sink? Louie finally makes it to the lever (JESUS~!); but it is clearly too big as he is hanging from it as guns are cocked and pointed towards him. Louie now wished that he read his horoscope as Baloo realizes the gig was up. The SeaDuck flies around and then land onto the Iron Vulture floor again. Hal finally gets off of Don Karnage as Don wonders where the rest of the DOGS OF WAR are. Hal states that they fall down in the only time that he didn't act nasty. Don is SHOCKED as he wonders how the cannon went boom. We return to see Barney using the radar this time to get a clear shot of them and then he decides to load the cannon this time as he's got a clear shot. Oy vey! (Defintion of a heatsink right there, guys!) Barney loads the cannon this time and then looks at the radar and sees that he's off again. Barney complains and swears in dubbed anime style (Doggonit!). Still; he's better off at the Cliff Guns then inside the Iron Vulture; that's for sure as I don't have to see him on camera much. (Sadly; it also means he has to be the redeeming hero of this episode too.) We return to the Iron Vulture as Baloo storms out of the SeaDuck and threatens Don Karnage stating that if he doesn't let go of Louie, then Barney will blow the Iron Vulture sky high as another shot is fired and it misses completely as Baloo is SHOCKED again.

Don Karnage calls Barney the worst shooter in the world (HEE HEE!) as Baloo and Louie are finally caught in the middle of an Air Pirate storm ready to shoot to kill. It's over as Don Karnage THE EVIL~! MIRACLE WORKER -- since the real MIRACLE WORKER isn't in this episode for obvious reasons. (Namely; this took place before Don Karnage met Kit.) -- cuts the best plunder Cape Suzette promo I have ever witnessed which included free seafood dinners. They may be Air Pirates; but they know good health when they see it. (Seafood dinners are awesome in most good resturants.) We return to the Cliff Guns again with Barney as he loads the Cliff Gun again for the final shot. However; the rotating wheel gets stuck, he kicks the wheel turner too hard causing the gun to rotate 90 degrees straight up and it unintentionally fires causing Barney to fly off again as the shell misses the Iron Vulture by about ten feet. Barney swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Darn first; then Shucks!) as Baloo and Louie feel defeated because the hope chest seems gone. Don Karnage decides to cut his promo. However; Don Karnage has made his fatal mistake as the gun shell comes down and it scores a direct hit right onto the Iron Vulture. Don Karnage is SHOCKED. What a lucky shot?! (BINGO! Barney is the bastard grandfather of Scotty "One Punch Bingo" Flamingo.) The gunshot makes a gaping hole on the ceiling which causes sparks cause the entire fire on the sides of the Iron Vulture and the floor of the Iron Vulture. The Iron Vulture starts to sink. Barney looks at his handiwork and declares that he did it while cutting a promo about blowing his nose. Oh man; that was awful as Baloo and Louie SHOCKED. Don Karnage is in panic mode as the red alart blares out and there's smoke present...AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH. Baloo and Louie return to the SeaDuck and fly out as there is a huge fire on the floor of the Iron Vulture (From the sparks of the gun shell shooting shrapnel. I'm amazed no one got HIT by that either.). The Iron Vulture manages to turn around and it retreats back towards Pirate Island as it will be a long time before Don Karnage tries that again since the Iron Vulture took a lot of damage there. I'm suspecting Mad Dog and Dumptruck fell into the water.

The SeaDuck flies towards Barney as Louie waves to the pig elder and Barney responds by jumping for joy. Man; that was awful as well. I cannot believe that Barney pulled this one off. Don must be losing his touch this time around. Anyhow; we return to the island of the south seas, Louie's BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as we head inside as the babyfaces are at the table drinking lemonade as Louie wants a toast to the three bravest mountain climbers he knows. I think Kit will have something to say about it. Barney states that he'll drink to that which probably means the lemonade (Or limeade in Barney's case.) is hard. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll leave that as an exercise to the reader. (I'm certain that it's juice or soda because they were drinking out of regular glasses and not wine glasses nor bottles.) Baloo then asks Barney about working on the guns for fifty years; but never climbed a mountain so how did he get to work in the morning. Barney's answer is that he took the elevator. (The elevator was invented as is in 1887 (although many of the elements of one were already invented long before it was patented), which is the first year Barney was on the job, polishing the cliff guns. Now THAT's comical.) Baloo and Louie groan over that one as that is the only joke that actually made me chuckle slightly. That ends the episode at 21:13. If Barney didn't suck; this is a **** ½ episode easy because while Barney was terrible; the rest of the episode wasn't with few logic breaks and Don Karnage carrying it like mad. (Nah; this is *** 1/2 (70%) without question. Barney was annoying and he drove his own catchphrase right into the ground until he made one decent payoff joke that made Barney look like a character who would have been easily in Ducktales. Overall; this episode was in fact good with Don Karnage and the writers minimized Barney for the most part to just being annoying; but well meaning nevertheless.)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was a little better than I originally thought due to the lack of logic breaks and Don Karnage's plan was funny enough. Plus; Hal was an impressive heel Air Pirate; and even one other unnamed pirate got voice time. This demonstrates why Don Karnage is so monster over as a heel. No matter how bad Barney was; Don Karnage was preforming a miracle to keep this episode afloat. Barney's attempt to play Mister Magoo was not funny and he was played on just one lame joke for the entire episode; basically leeching off of Louie and Baloo's face heat. (You pretty much explained Barney there 2010 me; but compared to Monty, I'll take Barney O'Turret only because he was merely annoying and didn't try to play a stereotype as much as he looked like a Magoo stereotype at times.) Still; for what it was; the writer did manage to keep Barney from doing too much damage and I enjoyed Don Karnage so it's a good thing overall as we get one of those episode that happened before Plunder and Lightning; no matter what Jymn Magon said otherwise. (Considering how many times Jymn Magon has flip-flopped on stuff for whatever reason, it would be better served to ask the writers of the show about how episodes were written instead of Jymn himself, whom has written only one episode. Then again; this show was such a rush job that outside of Libby Hinson's work, we may never get a complete history on this show.) So; next up is In Search For Ancient Blunders and Louie's Last Stand which the latter is Chuck Tately's best written episode ever. So...

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.

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