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The Ransom Of The Red Chimp Transcript
Written: 04/28/2016
Updated:
12/05/2021
Act I
Scene I
(The title card shows Aunt Louise kissing Don Karnage as her mouth and lips extend about a foot. The Ransom Of The Red Chimp is written in red cursive writing against a green background. Also to note; Don Karnage is in his usual outfit despite the fact that he was wearing a striped shirt and boxer shorts throughout the episode. Head to Louie's as we zoom in and cut to the beach as we see a bunch of alcohol.soda bottles in a bucket on ice and a shot glass with a wooden radio on the stump of a tree. Pan over to Baloo in a hammock eating potato chips from a potato chip bag wearing a straw hat.)
Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII: Louie, my man? I think your tiddly's done tiddled its last wink. (There are coins on Baloo's belly on the closeup. Baloo's hand covered them up on the far shot though. Baloo flicks a coin with a coin as we cut to Louie doing the same thing as Baloo. One of the coins deflects off the other and it lands right in the shot glass which changed from clear to green.)
Louie L'Amour: Ha ha! You are sayin'? (Baloo takes an empty soda bottle which magically appear out of nowhere along with a second bottle with a straw attached to it. Baloo slurps from the straw in the empty bottle.)
Baloo: Ah-ha, this is the life. A bag of chips, an orange fizzie, n'thou. (Louie grabs a bottle of soda that is half full of yellow color liquid.)
Louie: Baloo, you are so right!
Radio Announcer: That's Happy Harry Haole and your Hawaiian Boys. And now the news. (A lizard crawls over the radio as Louie is drinking his soda and no soda is animated inside the bottle.) Millionaire pilot Louise L'Amour -- five time winner of the Scatmandu Air Race -- is winging her way into this year's competition; but first plans a visit to that garden spot of the South Seas, Louie's Island. (Louie wakes up and he panics like crazy.)
Louie: My Aunt Louise? Coming here? Run for your life! It's Aunt Louise! (Louie runs to the front of the bar; finds an out of nowhere axe and breaks a glass panel containing a long stick and a triangle on it. The red frame is completely gone on the next shot when Louie klangs the triangle with a stick. There are monkey noises in the background. We see three monkey waiters with purple shirts on carrying a ladder out to the docks as we see various monkeys boarding up the entire place. Baloo is walking around looking semi-worried, semi-confused and semi-amused by this.) Camouflage! (Louie pulls an out of nowhere rope as this pulls the Louie sign down and pulls up the palm trees in front of the building. A green net is sprung on top of the building as Louie puts on an army helmet and hides in the out of nowhere potted plant.)
Baloo: Not that it's any of your best buddy's business; but what is going on?
Louie: My Aunt Louise is comin'! (Louie looks through some binoculars.) Sh-sh-she's gonna wanna dance.
Baloo: Huh, sounds good to me.
Louie: She's-s-s-s gonna wanna party..
Baloo: Oh, my kind of gal!
Louie: But the worst thing is; she's gonna call me...
Aunt Louise L'Amour: Louis?! (Louie is shocked and frightened. Louie jumps out and crawls all over Baloo.)
Louie: (Hysterically.) Ah, Baloo, Baloo...You got to help me, man! Ah, come on; save me, Baloo! Wababababa! (Sky shot of a pink plane (with a shark's mouth) hypeboles and almost buzzes Baloo and Louie causing the green net to come off. Louise cheers as she flies in the clouds. Her pink takes a nosedive as Louie looks shocked and appalled. Louise lands the plane as it hops over the gap in the dock and lands on the other dock. Baloo is in awe as the engines are cut.)
Baloo: Man, what a pilot!
Louie: (Runs and hides inside the potted plant.) You like her? You talk to her. Tell her nobody's home. (Louise pulls the goggles up and jumps out of her plane. The money goes flying as she goes over to Baloo.)
Louise: Tie'er up, kid. Here, buy yourself a buffalo. (She laughs as she gives Baloo a wad of money. She walks a bit and instantly realizes where Louie is.) Is that who I think it is? (Louie is trying to walk away; but Louise runs in and grabs Louie out of the potted plant.) Louis! My little Louis! (Louise hugs him.) Oh, my. How you've grown! Will you just look at this boy. (Louise shakes Louie; Louie looks like he's a zombie. She laughs.)
Louie: Louie, not Louis! Louie!
Louise: You simply must tell me everything, Louis! You've got plenty of time. Air race isn't for another five weeks... (Louie is dropped like a bad habit.)
Louie: Five weeks?!
Louise: ... So all my friends and I couldn't wait to see my nephew because he just loves to partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! (Louise grabs Louie's arm and then stop holding it as she flings the doors to the bar open. Louise runs to a conveniently placed jukebox (While the jukebox was invented in 1927; the word jukebox wasn't used until 1940 and the look of this jukebox wasn't invented until 1946.) and stacks a bunch of coins and then slides them all into the machine causing swing music to play right on cue. The jukebox dances around as Louise dances around. Louie is standing in front of the door looking shocked and appalled. Louie runs in Scooby-doo style as Baloo comes in as well. Cut to the middle of the bar as Louise comes in dancing.) Tear up your dance card, honey; this one's mine! (A monkey waiter come in and is instantly grabbed as the tray he was carrying goes flying stage left. They dance as Louie goes to the island to grab the tray and drinks.)
Louie: Arrgh! (Louie sits down as Louise literally swing dances the monkey waiter. Somehow; their dancing causes half of the floor on the right to push up throwing various tables, chairs and barrels into the air.) Look out! (Louie runs in, throwing the tray away and tries to grab the objects; but half of them smack him down. Cut to Baloo dancing with a crowd of people; including one of them the red wolf Air Pirate with the green tunic shirt and goggles!)
Baloo: Mmmm, yeah! (Also returning is Oscar Wiggerstomper busting a move along with the the rabbit pilot from For A Fuel Dollars More; only yellow in color. Louie is all over the place grabbing the potted plant. He puts it down and cups Baloo's left foot.)
Louie: Baloo, you gotta help me! The whole joint's goin' crazy! (Baloo continues to dance.)
Baloo: Man, you can say that again.
Louie: I mean we gotta make her leave. Vamoose! Bye-bye! Gone! (A giant steel pole drops as Louie grabs it and he goes straight down onto the floor. )
Baloo: Mmm, baby. Solid gone. (Baloo dances away stage left as Louie gets up.)
Louie: Baloo! (Baloo dances towards Louise and the monkey waiter.)
Baloo: Hang on, mama; the boogie-bear's cuttin' in. (Louise swings the monkey waiter away stage left.)
Louise: Boogie down, fuzzy! (Louise laughs as Baloo and Louise hold hands and dance. They stomp so hard that earthquakes are made. Louie turns around and sees the tiki masks and stuff on the counter begin to fall down from their perches. Glass shattering ensues as Louie is flustered. Louie then has an idea inside the island counter.)
Louie: Ah-ha! (Louie tip-toes over to the jukebox and simply unplugs it causing the machine to stop shaking and the lights and music get cut off. Everyone stops dancing as we see Ace the dog rolling on a barrel. Louie looks at the jukebox.)
Louie's Patrons: Awwwwww!
Louie: Now, what do ya suppose made it do that? (Scratches his noggin.) Sorry, folks. No music, no dancing. No dancing, no party.
Louise: No party?! No way! (A broken chair shows up as Louise breaks the chair and grabs a chair leg.) Batter up! (One of the monkey waiters climbs up a palm tree inside the bar and grabs a coconut.)
Louie: Oh no! Stop! No baseball, either! (Louie runs in panicking. Louise hits multiple coconuts from the coconuts thrown by the monkey waiter. Even though only one was on the tree.)
Louise: Who said anything about baseball, honey? (The coconuts land on the island into four blenders run by four monkey waiters. Apparently; Louise's bat can make them shrink as well. Louise runs up the stairs.) Hit it, boys! (They turn on the blenders and coconut snow flake fly out of the machine because no one puts covers on them anymore. Coconut snow flies everywhere and onto Louie.) We're gonna go skiing! (Louise is on the top of the stairs with skis and ski pole.) Yee-haw! (Louise skis around and breaks the guard rail and then ramps off as Louie panics again while Louise shouts. Louie ducks and Louise whizzes past him plopping coconut snow right on top of him.)
Scene II
(Cut to Pirate Island and zoom in as we see Don Karnage wearing blue boxers, black rimmed shades and a candy cane striped shirt on his belly on a lawn chair reading the newspaper. On the rock stump; there is a jury rigged radio and to Don's left there is a table with a glass on it. Suddenly, a shadow of a cloud shows up to block the sun. Don Karnage takes his shades off and he's very annoyed. He then puts the shades on again and holds the newspaper.)
Don Karnage: Something is casting a shadow on the splendor of my radiant tan. (Dumptruck, Mad Dog and Gibber are behind the table out of nowhere as Dumptruck has a giant wooden oar. (Mad Dog sighs as he walks over to a conveniently placed rope and pulls it. This causes the rock panels to open to reveal a half dozen guns as they shoot the cloud into nothingness.) Thank you. You may turn me now. (Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Gibber grumble in response. Don Karnage claps his hands.) Now, now, now; what is keeping you held up? Do you want your capitain to become French toast? (The pirates grumble as they flip Don Karnage onto his back. Don pulls up the shades.) What is the matter with you?
Mad Dog: Well you see, Karnagitude; we're bored.
Dumptruck: Yeah. We haven't done any good pirate stuff lately.
Don Karnage: (Sits up.) So, my lethargic looters, you want to engage in some piratical proceedings?
Mad Dog: Oh, definitely. That's sounds great!
Dumptruck: Yeah, that sounds good. You bet! (Don Karnage stands up.)
Don Karnage: (Sighs.) All right, then. Ahem! The generous Don Karnage hereby grants you permission to go...Loot! Plunder! Uh, do something piratey.
Dumptruck: Yar! We're hold on that!
Mad Dog: Yeah! (Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Gibber run off stage right. Don grabs the newspaper.)
Don Karnage: Oh, my fierce minions. May I suggest a kidnapping? (Mad Dog, Dumptruck and Gibber stop and jump up and down again.)
Dumptruck: Kidnapping?! Yeah! Oh, boy!
Mad Dog: Oh, I love a good kidnapping. (Don looks through the newspaper.)
Don Karnage: Eh, someone weak...ah, helpless and rich; I think... (Dumptruck, Mad Dog and Gibber go over to Don as Don shows Mad Dog the newspaper.) Uh, someone like her. (We see a picture of Louise in her plane with wads of money and a trophy in her plane with the caption saying "The Winner".)
Scene III
(Cut to Aunt Louise (doing the same pose in the newspaper) inside Louie's riding a Gorilla Bird throughout the bar.)
Louise: Ah, baby! (Everyone is clapping, whistling and cheering in the bar as Louie is not while hiding underneath a table.)
Louie: No! Stop! Hold your horses! (We also see a stork and Baloo riding the Gorilla Birds. Along with the monkey waiters.)
Louise: Wimps rides horses, cupcake! We race Gorilla Birds. (One of the monkey waiters chases a Gorilla Bird as Louie is on the table.)
Louie: Baloo! Baloo! Do something, man! (Baloo comes to the table.)
Baloo: Sure! Got a five-spot? (Louie gives his a dollar bill.) Five bucks on Aunt Louise-see! (Crowd is loving this. Louie is not as he is mad now. Louie gets bowled over as the table breaks when two monkey waiter are racing Gorilla Birds.)
Louie: Arrgh! (Louie runs off to hide behind the island counter.) Relative or no, this gal's gotta go! (More glass shatters off-screen as Louie brings up his wooden radio and it turns on.) "This is Skip Skidoo -- scandal scout extraordinaire -- with a hot scoop from Scatmandu." (Aunt Louise stops her Gorilla Bird.)
Louise: Wait a minute?! What was that?!
Louie: (Announcer.) "The Scatmandu Championship Air Race has been moved up to tomorrow."
Louise: Tomorrow?!
Louie: (Announcer.) "That's right, tomorrow. (We then cut to Louie's office as Louie is at his desk with a press hat and his microphone sitting down.) Not only that, but pilot Jacques Tojoure says he's gonna beat the alierons off that second rate pilot, Aunt...Ummmm...Louise L'Amour. That is, if she isn't chicken."
Louise: What?! (Louise flings open the doors to the bar and storms out.) Them's fightin' words! I never met a pilot I couldn't outfly. (Louie runs out and throws his press hat away as Louise walks over to her pink shark plane.)
Louie: What? Party over already? (Louie runs over to Louise.)
Louise: Oh, Louis! I almost forgot you! (She holds onto Louie's shoulders to shake him a bit.) Be a doll and forgive me, sugar; Auntie Louise has gotta haul tail feathers outta here.
Louie: Ah, so soon?! But you just got here.
Louise: Ooo, I know; baby. (Louise literally kisses Louie on the lips.) But I really must. I've got a title to protect. (Louise hugs him as Louie struggles and unintentionally puts Louie in a chokehold.)
Louie: (choking) Argh! It's okay; argh, I understand. (Louie coughs as he drops onto the dock. Louise jumps into her plane.)
Louise: Next time, we'll race warthogs bareback! (She laughs as she slides the glass dome and starts the engines. She flies the plane away from Louie's Island. Louie looks dizzy.)
Louie: I can hardly wait. (Cut to Louie entering his bar and plops down against one of the doors.) Man, what a nightmare. (Cut to the main hall as Baloo is on top of a pile of everyone.)
Baloo: Man, what a party!
Scene IV
(Back in the skies as Louise is flying her pink shark plane in the sky in frustration.)
Louise: Jacques Tojoure, huh? When I meet that phony baloney, I'm gonna rub his face in his own axle grease. If there's anything I can't stand; it's somebody with a big mouth. (And here comes the Iron Vulture as Aunt Louise is shocked.) What in the world?! (Louise flies straight into the Iron Vulture and the beak closes.) Hey! Heeeeeeyyyyyyy!
End Of Act I At 8:04
Act II
Scene I
(Shot of the Iron Vulture flying through the air. Head into the wheelhouse as the pirate with the black coat is controlling the Iron Vulture. Dumptruck, Gibber and Mad Dog are in a corner talking to each other.)
Dumptruck: We got her! Boy, will Don Karnage be proud of us, huh. (Mad Dog brings out the out of nowhere microphone.)
Mad Dog: Iron Vulture to base...Iron Vulture to base. Come in, Captain! (We head back to Pirate Island and Don Karnage at the radio while on his belly again. Don Karnage takes the transmitter.)
Don Karnage: Oh! Now what is it?
Mad Dog: Success, your loftiness! (Whispers.) The chicken's in the hen house!
Don Karange: What chickens? You were supposed to kidnap a rich lady! (Dumptruck takes the transmitter.)
Dumptruck: What we mean is...ah...The wiener's in the schnitzel.
Don Karnage: {With that smile that reads: Michael's gonna kill you!} I'm certainly happy for you; but, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! (Dumptruck almost loses the transmitter.) Do not bother me again until the cat is in the bag! (The transmitter drops and Gibber picks it up. Gibber whispers into the microphone. Don then smiles again.) Oh, the cat is in the bag. Well, hee hee hee, that is a tune of a different color! You may bring the prisoner to me!
Scene II
(Head inside the landing strip as it is pitch black outside of a small lit circle. The pink shark plane has landed and the engines are cut off. Louise slides the glass dome from her plane.)
Louise: All right, what's goin' on? (Louise stands up.)
Dumptruck: You are our prisoner! You cannot escape! (Louise jumps down from her plane onto the ground.)
Louise: Oh, is that right? Okay, tough guys; show your pallid pusses! (All the spotlights are turned on.)
Mad Dog: You are in the clutches of the ferocious Air Pirates of Don Karnage. (In comes Mad Dog, Gibber and Dumptruck with swords.) Bhar! (Mad Dog elbows Dumptruck.)
Dumptruck: Eh...Oh, yeah. Har!
Louise: You're kidding. You call that a har?
Mad Dog: Quiet! You're supposed to be begging for mercy. (Mad Dog goes over to Louise and points his sword at Louise's throat.) Can't you see we have you at bay?
Louise: That's no way to hold someone at bay. Gimme that! (Louise steals the sword from Mad Dog and swings it violently causing Mad Dog to bail.) HAR! (Mad Dog drops on his back with his knees knocking with the sword pointed above his chest by Louise.)
Mad Dog: No! Mercy!
Dumptruck: Hey, she's prudtty good. (Gibber nods his head.)
Louise: Hey, nice accent. (She then gives the sword to Dumptruck and two swords have since vanished.) Now you try it. Practice makes perfect, you big Swedish meatball. (Louise wiggles her finger underneath Dummptruck's chin as Dumptruck thrusts his sword towards Mad Dog and Mad Dog runs away in fear.)
Dumptruck: HAR! (Louise slaps Dumptruck in the back and Dumptruck goes flying and faceplants himself.)
Louise: That's the stuff! (Dumptruck groans as Mad Dogs storms over to Louise.)
Mad Dog: Now wait, you're the prisoner; we're the Air Pirates!
Louise: Air Pirates?! (Louise laughs.) With tubs like those? (Dumptruck is practicing in the background with Gibber as we get a pan shot of the CT-37's lined up on the landing strip while Louise laughs.) Me and the Pink Piranha could beat you blindfolded! (Louise laughs.)
Mad Dog: Yeah?! I'd like to see you try.
Louise: Honey, you're on! (Pulls on Mad Dog's vest.)
Scene III
(Back at Louie's inside the bar as the monkey waiters and Baloo are cleaning up the place as the transmission radio has been set up yet.)
Louie: It's a...man...all the time...Louis! Louis! (Louie is sweeping up the floor and Baloo is scrubbing it like Cinderella does. The radio transmitter begans to fizzle.)
Don Karnage: Hallo, hallo, Louie? Oh, Louie-type person? (Louie goes over to the transmitter.) It is I, Don Karnage; speaking to you with my voice. (Louie grabs the transmitter.)
Louie: Whatta you want, Scam-man? Run outta babies to steal candy from? (Cut back to the suntanning area as Don Karnage is sitting in the lawn chair holding the transmitter. Seagulls are flying around the area.)
Don Karnage: Now, now, I am feeling cranky today; do not upset me further. You will be interested to know we have a certain chicken in our hen house.
Louie: Huh?
Don Karnage: A cat in our bag? A pig in our poke? Uh... (One of the seagulls lands on the lawn chair and Don has to slap it away as the animators cannot decide if it's sunset or afternoon.)
Louie: Cut to the chase, man!
Don Karnage: We have kidnapped your Aunt Louise!
Louie: You what?! (Don looks at his pocket mirror.)
Don Karnage: I know, I know. (Sighs.) Amazing, (Sighs.) but true. Hmm. (Louie plugs the microphone with his hand.)
Louie: Oh, no! Louise! If only I hadn't sent her away!
Don Karnage: However, I am feeling...uhhh... generous today. Shall we set the ransom at a...a million dollars?
Louie: A milli...?! You sleazy, slime-baggy, low-lifey...
Don Karnage: Ah, ah, ah! You are making me more generous by the minute. (A seagull lands on the railing and pecks at it.) Two million dollars!
Louie: You miserable, disgusting...
Don Karnage: Five million, and not a penny more. And if you don't pay, I will be forced to harm many hairs on the old lady's head. (Don Karnage then swipes at the seagull peaking and the seagull screams which Louie mistakes as Louise screaming.)
Louie: They're torturing her! Oh, no! Stop! Stop! (Louie shakes the microphone as we cut to Don Karnage sitting on the down with a seagull on his head and other seagulls pecking on the ground.)
Don Karnage: Sacramento, California. World demise at hand. Shoo!
Louie: Okay, Karnage. You win.
Don Karnage: I do? Oh, but of course. I always do. Ahem! (Don Karnage stands up and walks to the railing.) You will rendezvous the riches to me, twenty miles south of your island. (Sit down at his chair.) Be there at the stroke of...shall we say...midnight? Otherwise, you will never see her again! (The radio goes static.)
Louie: Oh, poor Louise. (Sniffles.) Kidnapped! And it's all my fault, man! (Sniffles as Baloo consoles him.)
Baloo: Oh, man. Where are we gonna get five million bucks? (Louie blows his nose on Baloo's shirt.)
Louie: We're not. We're gonna save her. It's up to us! (Louie walks out.)
Baloo: He-hey, hey, wait a minute?! Us? You and me?! Against all those pirates?! (Louie walks out of the bar and Baloo follows him.)
Louie: Pirate or no pirates, Karnage or no Karnage! I'm not gonna leave that poor, defenseless, little ol'lady in the clutches of those barbarians!
Scene IV
(Cut to inside the Iron Vulture as Louise is racing Mad Dog in her Pink Piranha and having a great time.)
Louise: Yee-haw! (Mad Dog comes up from behind with his goggles on.) I could beat you with one foot tied behind my back. (We race through the Iron Vulture as they race through the mess hall as the table is being set up. Various sky pirates arrive with spoons as they look up (including Hal).) Aircraft carrier! (Louise turns around as the pirates scatter. The pink plane bounces off the table throwing food everywhere. Cut to the pirate in the black coat controlling the Iron Vulture in the wheelhouse as the radio has pirate noises as he takes the transmitter.)
Black Coat Pirate: Hey! What's going on down there?! (Cut to Louise on the table with a tray of jello and mash potatoes.)
Louise: Food fight! (Everyone laughs as she throws the mash potatoes and jello at the pirates. The pirates laugh as they throw stuff back while the pirate in the black coat walks on in. He panics.)
Black Coat Pirate: Hey! Don Karnage isn't going to like this! (He takes a plate of food in the kisser for good measure and then cream pies to the face.)
Scene V
(Back at the suntanning area with Don Karnage at the railing.)
Don Karnage: Truly magnificent, do I not agree? (Don is looking himself in the mirror. He goes to the microphone.) This is the splended Don Karnage, calling the Iron Vulture. (Long pause.) Don Karnage to Iron Vulture. (Here comes the Iron Vulture from behind as we cut to the wheelhouse as the radio is down and there is laughing in the background.) Where are you with my five million dollar hostage person? Don Karnage to Iron Vulture! (Don gulps; looks in his mirror and then turns around to see the Iron Vulture heading right straight for him. He drops the mirror and it shatters as he shakes in fear.) Yeowwwwww!
End Of Act II At 14:15
Act III
Scene I
(Cut to the Iron Vulture about to ram at Pirate Island and Don Karnage whose back is against the wall.)
Don Karnage: Stop, you imbeciles! Stop! (The entire mountain crumbles as Don Karnage screams as the Vulture bumps to the side, allowing Don Karnage to grab onto the side of the Iron Vulture balloon.) Stop! Stop! Help! (The Iron Vulture rises up and flies away to the northwest. Cut to the SeaDuck flying in the sunset skies with Louie in the cockpit looking out the window, while Baloo is flying the plane.)
Louie: Step on it, Baloo!
Baloo: I'm steppin', I'm steppin'! (Louie is using binoculars.)
Louie: If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive either one of us.
Baloo: But we don't got what Don Karnage wants; five million bucks!
Louie: We got brains! We got brawn! The "Save Aunt Louise Armada" is ready to lay down its life for its cause.
Baloo: (Gulps.) It is? (Cut to the Iron Vulture as Don Karnage is climbing up the balloon inch by inch. He opens a door and tumbles right onto the catwalk where there is a conveniently placed megaphone on the catwalk floor.)
Don Karnage: Oh, I...oh my..
Dumptruck: HAR!
Air Pirates: Mercy!
Don Karnage: Oh my God, no! (Disney Captions captioned this believe it or not!)
Dumptruck: HAR!
Air Pirates: Mercy! (Don then looks down at the landing strip and is shocked and appalled as the whole place is on fire with CT-37's all crashing or crashed already.)
Don Karnage: What is going on here?!
Dumptruck: HAR!
Air Pirates: Mercy! (We pan over to see ten Air Pirates led by Dumptruck doing their practice on the "har" and "mercy" part. I should note that the "Mercy" part has the squeakiest voices you will ever hear.)
Dumptruck: HAR!
Air Pirates: Mercy!
Dumptruck: HAR! (Don Karnage picks up the megaphone.)
Air Pirates: Mercy!
Don Karnage: I said, what is going on here?! (Don Karnage ducks to avoid the CT-37's in the air still flying. Cut to the mess hall as the food fight continues to chug along without any signs of slowing down. Laughing ensues as Don Karnage walks past the area; then hears the noises and goes into the mess hall. He takes a pie in the face and then we head to the wheelhouse as Don Karnage opens the door and storms in wiping the gunk off his face.) What kind of idiot is driving this ship?! (We then see that Louise is piloting the ship wearing a purple Zorro-equse hat with a pink feather and a black cape with red trim.)
Louise: Say that again?
Don Karnage: I said, what kind of idiot...(Louise blinks her eyes like crazy and turns around. Don Karnage looks confused.) You? Get away from that wheel! (Louise removes the hat and cape.) You are not to be doing any ship steering; you are my prisoner!
Louise: (Approaches Don Karnage.) Shiver me timbers! I simply adore men with accents! (Don Karnage backs up.)
Don Karnage: Are you not in possession of all your marbles? (Louise has the kissy face on.)
Louise: Ooh, sugar. (Louise tries to grab Don; but Don jumps into the air and Louise lands flat on her belly.)
Don Karnage: Madame, get a grip on yourself! (Don runs off stage right.)
Louise: I'd like to get a grip on you, my sweet potato pie-rate! (They jump up into the pipe system. Don climbs on one of the steel pipes.)
Don Karnage: Uh, cyst and disease. You are my captive! (Don bonks into a lead pipe with his head. He flops under the pipe as Louise catches up to him.)
Louise: Then captivate me! (Don Karnage panics and drops onto the floor. Cut to inside the wheelhouse as Don Karnage opens the door and runs in. He screams as Louise is chasing him. The chase continues down the hallway. Don finds a pillar against the wall and hides behind it. Problem is, Louise isn't following him somehow.)
Don Karnage: Whew! (Louise grabs Don from behind by the hips.)
Louise: Now I've got you, my little passionate fajita! (Don Karnage shoves her.)
Don Karnage: Whoa, you...What are you...?! (Don Karnage babbles as Louise is backed up into a dungeon cell.) Go now! (Louise falls flat on her back as Don Karnage runs to the door and slams it. Then he found a spare key out of nowhere and locks the door.) Whew! (We get rumbling and explosion sounds.) What in blue blazers was that?! (Don Karnage runs stage left as Louise sighs when he holds the bars of the cell.)
Louise: The pounding of my heart. (She takes a spare key from her goggles and unlocks the cell. Cut to a hallway as Don Karnage, Dumptruck, Mad Dog and Gibber run into the wheelhouse and then look out the window. Don Karnage is shocked and appalled. Cut to outside as the SeaDuck arrives over the Iron Vulture as more explosions ensue. Louie is lighting bombs made from coconuts as we head into the cockpit. Louie is on the transmitter.)
Louie: Hey, Karney?! How do ya like them coconuts? (Karnage is on the transmitter.)
Don Karnage: You are supposed to be bringing me five million dollars; not ruining my lovely paint job!
Louie: Not a chance, man! The cavalry's comin' to get her and you too.
Dumptruck: Heh, you want us to blast'em out of the sky, boss?
Don Karnage: YES! (In comes Louise and she waves at Don.)
Louise: Yoo-hoo!
Don Karnage: NO! Did I say five million? Heh ha ha ha ha! It was a...merely a figure of my speech; I meant five thousand. (Don Karnage yelps as he runs away stage left with Louise chasing him laughing as well. Dumptruck, Gibber and Mad Dog are confused. Cut to the SeaDuck landing on the top roof landing strip of the Iron Vulture.)
Louie: Forget it, Karnage! No deal! (Cut to Don Karnage running back and picking up the microphone.)
Don Karnage: Of course not, how silly of me! I meant five hundred! (Don Karnage yelps as he runs away stage right with Louise chasing him and laughs as well. Mad Dog goes over to the periscope and looks in it. He sees the SeaDuck landing.)
Mad Dog: Captain, they're coming aboard. Don't you want us to put up a fight?! (Don runs over in front of the wheel and then stops.)
Don Karnage: No! I want you to pretend to put up a fight! (Don runs away as Louise is still laughing while chasing him. Don Karnage grabs Mad Dog by the the vest. ) AH! Trust meeeeee! (He screams and runs away as Louise chases him some more.)
Louise: Come here, my little Don Juan Karnage! (Louise giggles some more and chases Don Karnage some more. Dumptruck, Gibber and Mad Dog are confused as the door to the wheelhouse opens and in comes Baloo and Louie.)
Baloo/Louie: Arrrgh! (Dumptruck, Gibber and Mad Dog shrug their shoulders and Dumptruck brings out his sword and they run towards Baloo and Louie.)
Dumptruck/Mad Dog: HAR! (Louie stops and throws a punch in which Mad Dog slows down and then ducks the punch. Then Dumptruck, Gibber and Mad Dog all simply tip backwards and land on their backs pretending to be knocked out. Louie is shocked.)
Baloo: Way to go, Louie! (Louie looks at his hand surprised.)
Louie: All right, Karnage! Let her go or I'll...I'll wallop you too! (Louise is just molstering Don Karnage now trying to kiss him.)
Don Karnage: Merciful humanitarian that I am...I wouldn't dream of holding a prisoner a moment longer than necessary. But, being a pirate, I must make at least a little profit, no?
Louie: No! I haven't got five hundred dollars!
Don Karnage: (Stammers.) Of course not! Heh heh! Fifty! (Stammers as Louise's grip on Don Karnage is iron tight.) Uh, fifteen? Ten? (Louise kisses Don Karnage right on the lips.) Okay! Okay! (Trying to push her face away from his.) Nine dollars! Eight? (Don Karnage tumbles onto the ground.) Six fifty!
Baloo: You know, they do kinda make a cute couple.
Louie: Well, if marrying him will make her happy...(Don gets up and shoves Louise away.)
Don Karnage: Five dollars! You won't get a deal like that anywhere else! (Don drops on his belly after begging for mercy.)
Louie: Deal! Or gee, uh...(Louie checks his pockets and there's no money.) I don't seem to have the cash on me... (Don Karnage then gives him five dollars.)
Don Karnage: Here, here! She's yours! (So Baloo and Louie manage to get the iron grip Louise to let go and they have to pull her back in order to keep her from going after Don Karnage.)
Louie: Come on, Aunt Louise; we're going home.
Louise: Oh, no! No, Louis, no! You don't understand! No, this is true love!
Baloo: Oh now, Aunt Louise; there are other sharks in the sky. (Louise brings out a hanky and is crying.)
Louise: Au revior, mon cheri! Hasta luego, liebchen! Arriyederchi Roma. (Louise continues to cry off-screen as Don gets up with his tongue sticking out.)
Louie: Parting is such sweet sorrow. Waha. (Don Karnage then collapses off-screen.)
Scene II
(Night fall at Louie's as the SeaDuck is at the dock. Music ends as we head to the island counter with Louie in the island and Louise and Baloo at the counter. Baloo is drinking what appears to be iced tea with lemon on the rocks while Louise is drinking from an ice cream glass.)
Louise: Play it again, man. (Still in tears.) Another Sarsaparilla, Louis. (Sniffles.) Make it a double. (Louie takes the glass and Louise cries her eyes out.) Parted from the only man I ever loved this week. (Baloo gives her a hanky and she blows her nose. Then someone comes in who looks like a ash grey cheetah wearing a blue blazer jacket and a blue pilot's cap.)
French Accented Pilot: Louie! Belu! Bonjour! (The pilot runs over and hugs Baloo and then kisses Baloo on both cheeks.) Ah, Louie. Could you get me a...How do you say...Les French fries and maybe une fromage burger to go, ah?
Louise: Say that again? (Looks up as the pilot turns to her.)
Jacques Tojoure: Oh, madame, pardonez-moi for not introducing myself. (Holds Louise's hand.) Jacques Tojoure at your service. (He is about to kiss Louise's hand and Louise pulls it away.)
Louise: Tojoure?! So you're the pilot who's gonna beat my aileron's off, eh?! I don't like your attitude! But I love your accent! (She pokes Jacques chest and then grabs him and carries him out of Louie's.)
Jacques: Oh, but madame! I have an air race to attend!
Louise: Not anymore, my little croissant. (Baloo is amused by this.)
Baloo: (Chuckles.) Toujours, L'amour! (Baloo and Louie tap glasses together.)
Louie: Crazy. (Circle fade out.)
End Of Episode At 21:05
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