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Flying Dupes Transcript
Written: 08/16/2016
Updated:
12/12/2021
Act I
Scene I
(Shot of the docks of Higher For Hire as we head inside the Higher For Hire office with Baloo on the steps cleaning a golf club while Rebecca is talking to a furry wearing a dog mask (the zipper in the back of the headclearly gives it away) and a suit, blue pants and shoes at her desk. There is a box wrapped with pink ribbons on the desk.)
Rebecca Cunningham: But we're not at war with Thembria.
International Relations Department Dog Furry: Yes! Thanks to our very own Department of International Relations and the brave volunteer pilot who'll fly to Thembria and deliver this present for peace.
Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII: Heh heh, it's not that easy. (Twirls the golf club.) You can't just tap dance your way through Thembrian borders, you know. (Dunks the golf club head into a bucket of water.)
IRD Dog Furry: I understand. (The furry goes over to a wooden box and opens it.) It's a shame we'll have to find someone else to be our...poster pilot of the year. (The furry shows a poster of Baloo wearing an orange scarf and looking smug as he's "Pilot of the Year".)
Baloo: Bring me my dancing shoes. (The furry then shows Baloo a map of Thembria.)
IRD Dog Furry: Here's a map to the Thembrian High Marshall's new summer home, and here is his housewarming present. (The furry puts the map on the desk and brings out the present which is ticking like a clock and gives it to Baloo.) It must be delivered by three o'clock today or the deal's off. (Baloo looks at the present.)
Baloo: It's ticking. (Baloo listens to it and the furry takes it back.)
IRD Dog Furry: Ah, it's a cuckoo clock. Good luck and here's a down payment. (The furry gives Baloo a piece of paper and then walks out of the office.)
Baloo: Oh, ho ho ho; my face will be plastered in every post office in town, Becky! Eh, ha ha! I'll be famous! (Rebecca looks at the map.)
Rebecca: Baloo, this summer home's very deep in Thembria. You know how hard it is to get past Thembrian checkpoints.
Baloo: What are they going to do, blow me up?! Ah-heh; we're talking about a country that uses bath tubs instead of bombs. Besides, I'll be packing a present for peace. (Baloo grabs the present.)
Scene II
(Somewhere in Cape Suzette streets; inside a phone booth as the IRD Dog Furry is in the phone booth making a telephone call.)
IRD Dog Furry: We have our dupe. The bomb is on it's way. (We get a split screen to inside a bomb factory as a Thembrian warthog wearing an orange cheese suit and white scarf is at his desk on the phone.)
Bomb Factory President: I can't understand you, Wally. It must be the long distance. (The dog furry takes off his mask to reveal a warthog.)
Wally: How's that, Mac?
Mac: Much better.
Wally: (Telephone voice.) When our border guards find the bomb on Baloo's plane, the High Marshall will blame Cape Suzette for trying to blow him up.
Mac: Yeah, then he'll declare war, and our bomb factory will be back in business. But Wally, what if the bomb gets to the High Marshall and really does blow him up?! He won't be able to declare war.
Wally: It won't, Mac. You know it's impossible to get past our checkpoints without clearance from Colonel Spigot.
Scene III
(Head to landing strip as Sergeant Dunder is grabbing a wooden box and putting it in the Thembrian plane, which has the biggest tailsection you ever did see. Colonel Spigot is talking to the High Marshall.)
High Marshall: Spigot? You are the only one who has clearance to disturb me at my summer home. But don't or you will be shot.
Colonel Spigot: Er, right! High Marshall, sir!
High Marshall: I have ordered all air vectors closed. If any of our pilots disturb me, you know what will happen.
Spigot: They will be shot?
High Marshall: No. You will be shot. (Spigot gulps.)
Spigot: Hmm, don't worry, sir. Our pilots don't even know what an air vector is! Eh heh heh heh. (Dunder comes out of the plane as Spigot and High Marshall arrive at the side door of the plane.)
High Marshall: No?! Then there will be flying tests for everyone when I return! (High Marshall goes to the side door.)
Spigot: F-f-f-f-flying tests?! Not for top officers, too?!
High Marshall: Hmmm, I meant just pilots. But good point. Top officers, too! (High Marshall goes into the plane via the side door.) Whoever does not pass the test will be shot! (Dunder waves as the plane takes off and Spigot pulls on Dunder's clothes.)
Spigot: Dunder, I can't take the flying test!
Sergeant Dunder: Sure you can. He said top officers, too. (Spigot paces around.)
Spigot: But I don't know how to fly!
Dunder: Oh. Maybe you should take flying lessons.
Spigot: I am the head of the Air Force, Dunder! If anyone finds out my secret, I'll be a laughing stock!
Dunder: But you already are.
Scene IV
(Head to Checkpoint #9998 (as so on the gate) Pan southwest to the SeaDuck as Baloo is outside talking to one of the Thembrian guards (who has a rifle in his hands) in front of the checkpoint crossing.)
Baloo: But it's just a little, housewarming present for your High Marshall.
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: The High Marshall doesn't want presents. He wants closed air vectors. Whatever those are.
Baloo: Look, I've got to be there at three o'clock. Now, can't you just give me special clearance?
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: No, only Colonel Spigot has special clearance; and even he can't use it without being shot.
Baloo: Spiggy, huh?
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: Yes. Perhaps you've heard of him? (Cut to Dunder banging on a soda pop machine and kicking it as well.) The terror of Tiny Tundra?
Baloo: Ah, excuse me a second, will ya? (Baloo goes over to Dunder.)
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: Certainly. We're just going to perform a standard bomb check.
Baloo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go right ahead. (Baloo gets in front of Dunder who is pondering something.) Hiya, Dunder! Heh, thirsty?
Dunder: Oh; hi, Baloo! (Baloo winds up; but the five empty soda bottles come in anyway as there is no indication that Baloo kicked the machine at all.) Thank you.
Baloo: My pleasure, Dundee. (Dunder picks up a bottle of soda.) Say, you think we can get our old pal Spigot to help me deliver a package to the High Marshall's summer home. (Baloo and Dunder walk away stage right from the soda machine.)
Dunder: Oh, he can't do that. He'd be shot. Besides, he's busy trying to find someone to teach him to fly. But, shh; that's a secret.
Baloo: Ta! Spiggy doesn't know how to fly?! Oh ho ho ho! How did he get to be head of the Air Force?
Dunder: A clerical error. (That soda bottle is changing sizes in between shots.)
Baloo: Say, wouldn't you like to see your Colonel take flying lessons from someone he can trust?
Scene V
(Head to the Checkpoint #9998 with Baloo, Spigot and Dunder walking stage left.)
Baloo: You see, Spiggy; you need a non-Thembrian to teach ya. That way, none of your buddies will know your secret. (Spigot turns around angry.)
Spigot: I said not to tell anyone, Dum-dum! (Spigot runs to Baloo.) When do we start?
Baloo: As soon as you call off your goons. (Cut to the SeaDuck as three Thembrians in bomb protection gear and using metal detectors on the SeaDuck.)
Spigot: Unhand that plane! (The Thembrian Bomb Detector is checking the housewarming present with his remote control.) I'm confiscating it, but not for flying lessons.
Thembrian Bomb Detector #1: (Salutes him.) Yes, Colonel Spigot, sir! (He throws the present into the back and somehow the present doesn't explode; but it's still ticking.)
Baloo: Well, there she is! Twelve cylinders of cloud-hopping joy! (Baloo and Dunder look at the SeaDuck as Spigot walks towards them and then turns around.)
Spigot: Has the plane been checked for height safety? Maybe I shouldn't...
Baloo: Eh, come on; there's nothing to worry about. (Baloo grabs Spigot and he and Dunder enter the plane via the navigator's door.)
Spigot: I am not worried! And I am not afraid to fly! (Baloo puts Spigot in the pilot's seat. Spigot twists on the flight stick.)
Baloo: Uh, Spiggy; we just have one small problem. (Baloo points down as Spigot's feet cannot touch the pedals.) Too bad. Scoot over and watch a pro do it.
Spigot: No! My men are watching. I must fly myself!
Baloo: Uh, right. Don't worry, I've got an idea.
Scene VI
(Outside of the SeaDuck as Dunder is slurping on a soda bottle via a straw. Baloo comes in from the east with Spigot coming in with plungers on his feet.)
Dunder: Nice touch, Baloo.
Baloo: That's why I'm gonna be poster pilot of the year. (Baloo goes over to the pilot's door and opens it.) Okay, hop in. (Spigot tries to hop in; but the plungers are firmly into the ground. Baloo unpops Spigot and brings him into the SeaDuck making sure the plungers hit the pedals on the way down.) That's better! (Spigot is in the pilot's seat.)
Spigot: I'm still not afraid.
Baloo: Right. Now first thing ya got to do is fasten your seat belt.
Spigot: So, you think I'll crash us, don't you?! (Spigot slams the door shut.)
Baloo: No, it's just...
Spigot: Seat belt! I don't need no stinking seat belt! (Spigot pushes some switches and some levers on the console of the SeaDuck. Spigot turns the key and starts the engines.)
Baloo: NOOOO! (Spigot screams as the SeaDuck starts taxiing stage left. Dunder gets buried in snow. Baloo hangs onto window of pilot's door.) UGH! Do you want to turn that off?!
Spigot: This?! (Spigot pulls a lever and Baloo panics.)
Baloo: NOOOO! (The SeaDuck goes through more snowbanks and then bounces into the air. Another black Thembrian airplane lands on the snow heading straight for the SeaDuck. It clips the plane and the plane flips off-screen as Dunder is unburying himself. Dunder panics as the SeaDuck heads straight for him somehow.)
Dunder: Ahhhhh! (His soda bottle is filled with cola now as he exits stage right. Inside the cockpit of the SeaDuck.)
Spigot: What's he doing all the way up here? (Baloo enters the window into the pilot's area of the SeaDuck. Baloo groans as he twists the key to the left and that causes the engines to die down. The SeaDuck goes off a roof like a ramp and splashes into another snowbank nose cone first.)
Baloo: Uh, we're still on the ground. (Dunder comes over to Baloo as Baloo pops from the window.)
Dunder: Are you really going to let him fly? He crashed his jeep eleven times last week.
Baloo: You think I'm nuts?! Ah, we'll just let him watch from the co-pilot's seat while I deliver a package. (Baloo and Dunder walk stage right for a while.) But, shh; that's a secret. (Dunder nods.)
Scene VII
(The SeaDuck is flying around doing loop-de-loops in the air over Checkpoint #9998. Cut to inside the cockpit as the exploding present is on the ground with the "Pilot Of The Year" Poster hanging on the door.)
Baloo: Now that you've learned to...ahem...fasten your seat belt, we'll have lesson number two. (The present is still ticking as we pan over to the cockpit with Spigot in the navigator's seat and Baloo piloting.) Clearing air vectors. (Baloo gives Spigot the transmitter.)
Spigot: Skip to lesson three! (Spigot slaps the transmitter away and folds his arms.) The High Marshall's ordered all air vectors shut down. (Dunder slurps from his soda bottle.)
Baloo: Well, if we can't get through; we'll just have to turn back. (Baloo is piloting the SeaDuck with his feet again.) It's not me who's gonna get shot for not passing a flying test. (Spigot grabs Dunder's bottle in a panic.)
Spigot: (Speaks into the bottle.) Clear all air vectors immediately! (Dunder has a straw in his mouth looking confused.) Roger Wilco ten-four, big buddy, respond. Respond! (Spigot taps on a bottle that empties and refills in between shots as Baloo gives him the transmitter.)
Baloo: Try this. (Spigot takes the transmitter and turns it on.)
Spigot: Clear all air vectors! This is Colonel Spigot! (Spigot throws the bottle away and Dunder grabs it.)
Air Vector Radio Operator: Yes, sir. Immediately! But why are you in a foreign craft?
Spigot: Uh, er, top secret! It has nothing -- repeat -- nothing to do with flying lessons. (The SeaDuck flies off stage right and away from the camera. Cut back to Checkpoint #9998 as another Thembrian airplane lands and stops at the barrier crossing in front of the Checkpoint #9998 Guard. Out comes Wally in a furcoat, hat, orange pants and boots on the right wing looking at the guard.)
Wally: Well? Aren't you going to give me a bomb check? (Cut to the guard making an ice sculpture with a knife as it melts in his hands. The guard yawns.)
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: Nah, I'm whittling.
Wally: Maybe you should pay more attention. (This line was stated as a line for the guard in Disney Captions instead of Wally like it is in the audio.) What if somebody flew past? (Wally ducks as another Thembrian plane flies overhead.)
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: You mean like that? The vectors are clear.
Wally: What?! (Looking panicky as he drops down onto the snow.) They are?! Oh, they can't be! (Wally crawls on the snow. Wally looks around.) What about the big yellow plane from Cape Suzette? (Wally crawls to the guard and gets up.)
Checkpoint #9998 Guard: Left ten minutes ago. He had to deliver a housewarming present to the High Marshall. (Wally jumps on the right wing of his plane and gets into the cockpit of his plane.)
Wally: Oooo...If the High Marshall goes through the roof; bomb sales will go through the floor! (Wally starts the engines and takes off into the skies.)
Scene VIII
(Back in the cockpit of the SeaDuck as the present is on the floor still ticking.)
Baloo: And this over here controls the windshield wipers...
Spigot: And that's the roof and that's the floor. (Points to roof and floor in that order.) Done! Now let me fly!
Baloo: Duh...okay, chief. (Baloo gets up as Spigot tries to unpop himself; but the plungers are still stuck to the floor.)
Spigot: Dunder?! Help! (Dunder grabs Spigot from behind and unpops Spigot; but one of the plungers hits Baloo in the face. Baloo struggles with the plunger as Spigot is rag dolled in the process. The SeaDuck sways outside. It turns around as we head back to the cockpit and Baloo unpops the plunger from his face. Spigot sticks to the ceiling upside down and stretches down towards the pilot seat.) Okay, I can fly like this.
Baloo: Yeah, I'm sure you can, but you might find this easier. (Spigot is popped from the ceiling and sat down in the pilot seat. Baloo sits in the navigator's chair as the SeaDuck takes a nose dive down.) Uh, just a little hint. Ah, you might wanna grab the steering wheel.
Spigot: I knew that! (Spigot pulls on the flight stick as the SeaDuck hyperboles acutely into the air and then it goes into a literal tailspin.) This plane flies rough! Dunder, I order you to fix it! (Dunder bounces into the corner on his neck.)
Dunder: But we're in the air, sir! (Dunder bounces around as Baloo is horrified as the SeaDuck is heading for some icy mountains. Baloo pushes Spigot aside and retakes the controls. Baloo pulls the flight stick and hyperboles the plane up as it hits a snowbank again; but otherwise is safely in the air again. Head into the cockpit.)
Baloo: Okay, lesson's over! You passed with flying colors, Spiggy! I'll take the wheel now.
Spigot: No! I'm not giving up until I fly smooth. (Spigot retakes the controls and the SeaDuck sways some more.)
Baloo: Smooth, huh? (Baloo ponders it over and then points out the window.) Look, Mount Moreslush! (Spigot and Dunder look out the window as Baloo finds a crowbar and puts it on the flight stick.) He-hey, feel the ride. Smoother than a baby's bottom. (Spigot looks at the windshield and then retakes the controls.)
Spigot: Yes, smooth! Now, Spigot -- flying ace -- will hob-nob at Ivan's with the best of them!
Baloo: Ivan's? What's Ivan's? (Dunder goes to the window as we fly over a house.)
Dunder: It's a place where all good pilots go on their lunch break. (We see a giant metal plane, a Thembrian aircraft and the black/red plane from earlier along with a house with a neon sign similar to Louie's.)
Baloo: Uh, sorry; Spiggy. It's almost two thirty, and I've got to be somewhere at three o'clock!
Spigot: I'm the flying ace, and I say we're stopping! (Pounds on the arm rest.)
Baloo: I'm your instructor, and I say we're not! (Spigot grabs the transmitter.)
Spigot: This is Spigot -- flying ace --; shut down all air vectors immediately! Roger Wilson ten-five, up and over! (Baloo grits his teeth and is flustered.) We're stopping.
Baloo: Well, we can just zip right in, grab food to go and zip right out. Right?
Spigot: What?! And miss the three o'clock floor show?!
Baloo: Three o'clock?! (Goes over to Dunder.) Oh, why do I get the feeling this flying lesson plan's about to blow up in my face? (Pan down to the present on the floor ticking.)
End Of Act I At 10:30
Act II
Scene I
(Head to the Ivan's parking lot as the SeaDuck is in the parking lot. Pan over to outside Ivan's. Head inside the building as we have a shot of a grandfather clock at two thirty. Cut to Dunder holding the present. Baloo comes over to Dunder.)
Dunder: I wouldn't leave this in the plane. Bad neighbourhood. (Baloo paces around.)
Baloo: Thanks, Dunder; but I think we're ready to leave. (We pan over to see Ivan at the island counter doing nothing and there is no one at the tables (but there are jars of pickles on the table.); except for one as a number of Thembrian pilots are snoring at the table as Spigot is at the middle of the table telling stories while sitting on a pile of books next to another jar of pickles.)
Spigot: The situation was...explosive! There we were, the plane going like so. Until I, Spigot -- flying ace -- took control and made the plane fly smoother than a... (Baloo comes in and grabs Spigot by the arm.)
Baloo: Oh yeah, he's great all right. Time to hit the road, ace. (Spigot shoves Baloo's hand away.)
Spigot: What?! And miss the dancing girls? (Spigot does a pose and flutters his eyebrows.) I order you to relax! (Cut to Dunder near the grandfather clock holding the present. Baloo comes over and pushes Dunder stage left to inside the curtain back stage.)
Baloo: Come on! The Colonel wants to see dancing girls. (Cut to outside as Wally's plane lands at the parking lot of Ivan's. Wally comes out onto the right wing.)
Wally: Phew! Good thing he stopped for lunch! (Wally jumps down onto the snow. Wally runs towards Ivan's as we cut to the grandfather clock as Baloo's hand changes the clock from two thirty to three o'clock. Chime sounds ensue as a spotlight shines on stage.)
Baloo: Welcome, ladies and germs to our three o'clock show. (Spigot notices this and waves his cap.)
Spigot: Whoo-hoo! Baby! Ah ha ha ha! Yeah! Bring on the girls! Whoo-hoo! (The door to Ivan's opens and in comes Wally. Baloo and Dunder dance in wearing dresses and furry caps in pink and blue colors for Baloo and orange and yellow for Dunder.)
Baloo: ♪ Hello, flyboys; hello! ♪ (Baloo and Spigot wave at each other as Dunder and Baloo dances awkwardly and wave like morons.)
Dunder: ♪ We hope you like our show. ♪
Baloo: ♪ We're having lots of fun. ♪ (They turn their backs and hits bums for fun.)
Dunder: ♪ But we really got to run. So something rhyming with "oh". ♪ (Dunder and Baloo complete their dance and the curtain comes down.)
Spigot: Yee hee hee! Yeah! Hubba, bubba! Yeah! (Spigot is cheering as Wally runs in stage left as Baloo and Dunder reappear on stage.) Encore! (Wally gets on stage and gets in Baloo's face.)
Wally: Where's the package?!
Spigot: Get lost! (Spigot gets on stage with his books, headbutts Wally. Wally goes flying stage left and lands in a vat of pickles and pickle juice. Wally groans.) I saw her first! (Wally now has pickles stuffed in his mouth. Spigot puts the books down on the stage and gets on them.) I am Colonel Spigot. (Spigot tips his cap to Baloo.) Master of the air. Perhaps you have heard of me? Hmmm? (Spigot wipes his hair down.)
Baloo: Oooo, take me for a ride in your plane, you he-munchkin! (Dunder comes out with the package as Baloo picks Spigot up.) Let's go. (Baloo runs stage right as well as Dunder. Wally runs stage right as pickles fly.)
Wally: I'll take that. (Wally grabs the present off-screen and runs stage left.)
Dunder: That thief! (Dunder runs stage left and grabs Wally's ankles. Wally groans as he trips and the present flies onto the floor as Ivan is setting up a table in the background. Wally crawls on stage. He dives towards the present, but Ivan slips on a pickle and unintentionally boots the present. Ivan falls on his back as jars of pickles on the tray bonk onto Wally's head. The present lands on stage as the spotlight is on it and the curtain opens to reveal a Thembrian in Russian gear doing the Russian dance. Wally peels the pickles off of him and crawls back on stage as he attempts to grab the present; but the dancer kicks the present off the stage. The present goes flying and it lands in Spigot's hands as Baloo opens the door. Spigot presents the present to Baloo.)
Spigot: A token of my affection, my little Eskimo pie.
Baloo: Oh, I just love presents! (Baloo takes the present and Spigot; as he and Dunder run out of Ivan's.)
Wally: (On stage standing.) Stop him! He's got a bomb...! (The dancer dances in and kicks Wally off stage while whirlwinding himself. Wally lands in the wooden bucket of pickles and pickle juice again.)
Scene II
(Head inside the cockpit of the SeaDuck with Spigot adjusting his plungers in the pilot's seat.)
Spigot: How about I take you ladies for a little spinski? (Spigot stands up.)
Baloo: Oh, golly; I've never flown in a real airplane before! (Spigot flicks a switch and the engines are started; but the propellers won't spin.) Uh, you forgot to release the pre-ignition catalyzer. (Spigot pulls on a switch on the console and the propellers are spinning wildly. Spigot is shocked.)
Spigot: Are you sure you've never been in a plane? (Baloo backs up to Dunder.)
Dunder: The Colonel will kill us when he finds out who we are!
Baloo: He'll kill us a lot sooner if he tries to fly. (To Spigot.) Uh, I just remembered we have a three fifteen show to do.
Spigot: Oh, uh, before you go; I have something back here for you. (Spigot pushes Baloo and Dunder into the back of the SeaDuck. Spigot slams the cockpit door and uses a wooden barrier to lock said door.) Prepare for the ride of your life, my little snow cones. (Spigot heads back to the pilot's seat as Wally runs in from Ivan's in a panic.) Find your own women, loser! (Spigot takes off and pulls up the flight stick to get the SeaDuck into the air. Spigot twists the stick and that causes Baloo and Dunder to bounce onto the floor in the back. SeaDuck does barrel rolls as the SeaDuck dives down upside down. Spigot twists the flight stick and he gets the plane right side up again. Cut to Baloo and Dunder taking off their outfits in the back.)
Baloo: Aw, we better get to the cockpit before he turns my plane into a meat grinder! (Baloo opens the left side door as wind is whipping in the SeaDuck. Dunder gives Baloo a boost onto the left wing of the SeaDuck. Baloo helps Dunder onto the left wing as well. The wind is so violent that Baloo is forced to fly back and hang onto the left tailsection of the SeaDuck. Baloo struggles and groans.) Oh, I can't believe I'm doing all this just to be famous. (Cut to the cockpit as Spigot pushes a switch and the SeaDuck goes into another nose dive and passes Wally's plane which ends up barrel rolling on the power of suggestion. Wally goes to the transmitter.)
Wally: Come in, big yellow plane. Do you read me? (Back to the cockpit as Spigot grabs the headphones from the ceiling.) Listen! You don't know what you're doing. (Spigot destroys the headphones and throws them to the ground.)
Spigot: Nobody tells me I can't fly! (Back to Wally's cockpit as his headphones spark and then we see bathtubs dropped on his plane. Wally peeks out the window.)
Wally: The Air Force! (We see various Thembrian planes dumping sinks, bath tubs and fridges. The fridge clips the left wing of Wally's airplane. However; as it goes into a downward spiral, the tailsection is destroyed but the left wing is perfectly intact. The plane bounces off the ice and completely breaks apart. Wally, the seat and the flight stick splash into another snowbank. Cut to three Thembrian planes after the SeaDuck. Somehow; Baloo has climbed over beside Dunder at the left wing of the SeaDuck and both are hanging on for dear life.)
Baloo: Eh, remember when Spiggy closed those vectors? Something tells me he forgot to reopen them. (The Thembrian airplane start shooting bullets at the SeaDuck. Baloo and Dunder sway in opposite directions to avoid them.) Next lesson, how to get blown out of the sky in five easy steps. (Closeup shot of one of the guns shooting.)
End Of Act II At 15:09
Act III
Scene I
(Shot of Baloo and Dunder hanging on as the Thembrian planes continue to shoot bullets.)
Dunder: What are we going to do, Baloo?!
Baloo: Depends. If you start sliding off the plane, try not to. If we get shot at... (More bullets hit the SeaDuck near Baloo and Dunder.) You got the idea. (Cut to the cockpit as Spigot almost gets shot in the cockpit as well. Spigot looks out the window.)
Spigot: You idiots! You're shooting your leader!
Dunder: Incoming! (A bathtub drops and bounces off the roof of the SeaDuck, missing Baloo and Dunder. Spigot grabs the transmitter in the cockpit.)
Spigot: This is your fearless leader -- Spigot -- speaking! I order you to cease fire! (The transmitter sparks and warps. Cut to a sky shot as one of the Thembrian planes is over the SeaDuck. One of the Thembrian pilot pulls a lever and the hatch on the floor opens. Baloo notices this.)
Baloo: Uh-oh. Nice knowing you, Dunder.
Dunder: Baloney.
Baloo: No, really. I mean that.
Dunder: I mean it, too. (Out from the hatch comes a lot of meat products as they splatter on the roof of the SeaDuck, covering Baloo and Dunder.)
Baloo: Lunch meats? But why?
Dunder: Who needs bombs? We're not at war. (There is also cheese bouncing off the plane as we pan over to the cockpit. Somehow; the windshield wiper are also working.)
Spigot: Cheese and salami! I thought I told them to cease fire! (Spigot unintentionally pushes the flight stick and the SeaDuck takes another nose dive. Dunder grabs onto Baloo's ankle.)
Dunder: WHOA! (Baloo groans and gets to the windshield.)
Baloo: Pull the stick! We're going down!
Spigot: I can't see where I'm going! Get out of my way! (The SeaDuck spins towards the icy water and then flies down. The Thembrian planes fly after it. Head back into the cockpit.) Hmmm. I can outrun them if I keep flying straight. Or I can lose them with a stunningly executed left turn! (Spigot turns left and barrel rolls to the left.) No, that's left. (The SeaDuck dives towards the mountains as one of the pilots gasps and pulls up. All three Thembrian planes crash into snowbanks.) A great maneuver by a great pilot. I think I'll call it "Hanging A Spigot"! (Baloo opens the navigator's door as Baloo and Dunder hop in. Baloo lands on the chair, Dunder lands on the floor inside the cockpit of the SeaDuck.)
Baloo: (Clears the cobwebs and grabs Spigot.) Give me that! (Spigot is tossed aside as Baloo retakes the controls. Spigot gets up not amused as he unbarricades the door and opens the door noticing that there is nothing there.)
Spigot: Yoo-hoo; my little ice floes. Did you see me "Hang A Spigot"? Oooo, what happened to the babes?
Scene II
(Head to the snowbank where Wally's plane crashed. Wally slowly gets up and he's stuck in the snowbank. He groans.)
Wally: Help! (In comes a dog with a small barrel on his neck barking. It's Nana from Peter Pan by the way. Wally grabs the barrel and he and Nana pull up to get Wally out of the snow.) I've got to stop that bomb! (Wally runs off stage right as Nana follows him barking.)
Scene III
(Head to the crossing gate of the Summer Home Of High Marshall as we see the Sumer Home Guard pacing around with his rifle. Cut to the right side gate as the SeaDuck has landed. Baloo, Dunder and Spigot walk towards the guard as Spigot has lost the plungers now.)
Spigot: But this is the High Marshall's summer home! (Pulling on Baloo's shirt.)
Baloo: Well, son of a gun! So it is!
Spigot: But, uh; we must turn back! If the High Marshall sees me, I'll be shot!
Summer Home Guard: Who goes there?! (The guard points his rifle at Baloo.)
Baloo: Baloo. I'm here to deliver a housewarming present to the High Marshall in honor of his, ummm, er, lovely new summer home.
Summer Home Guard: I'm under strict orders from the High Marshall to turn away anyone resembling magazine salesmen.
Baloo: But... (Spigot shows himself climbing Baloo's shoulders.)
Summer Home Guard: (Salutes Spigot.) Ah! Colonel Spigot! (Spigot flops on his back.)
Spigot: Shhh! Shhh! (The guard takes a grey megaphone.)
Summer Home Guard: Alert the High Marshall! Colonel Spigot is here to see him!
Spigot: I'm gone. (Baloo offers Spigot the present.)
Baloo: Maybe the High Marshall will forgive you if you give him something nice for his new home. (Spigot takes the present and walks towards the summer home.)
Spigot: Yes, something nice for his new home.
Baloo: Ha ha! What a dupe! (Baloo and Dunder walk over to the SeaDuck.) Spigot not only gets me to the High Marshall's place; but delivers the package for me! Ha ha ha! I'm famous!
Wally: Mush! Mush! WHOA! (In comes Nana mushing with Wally in tow. Wally flies off Nana and crashes into another snowbank which snow splatters on the guard. Wally pops up.) There is a bomb in the High Marshall's housewarming present!
Summer Home Guard: A bomb! Run! (The summer home guard runs away stage right throwing away his rifle. Baloo and Dunder are confused. Baloo and Dunder go over to Wally.)
Baloo: What makes you think there's a bomb? (Wally turns around puts on the dog mask from the beginning of the episode.)
Wally: Because I'm the guy who put it there.
Baloo: Looks like Spigot's not the only dupe. My face is gonna be in every post office in town, on "wanted" posters. (Wally takes the mask off.)
Wally: The bomb's set to go off at exactly three o'clock.
Baloo: What time is it?! (Dunder checks his pocket watch.)
Dunder: It's one minute to three. No, fifty nine seconds. (Head inside the summer home as the steel doors open and in comes Spigot with the present behind his back.)
Spigot: Yoo-hoo! Mr. High Marshall, sir! I have a surprise for you. (Spigot walks in the hallway and opens a side door to the summer home bathroom as the High Marshall is relaxing in his bathtub. His uniform is hanging on a coat rack on the left side and the golden bathtub has a large set of stairs.) Anybody home? (The High Marshall opens his eyes and is not happy.)
High Marshall: Spigot! I told you not to disturb me! (Spigot is chattering.) Now I have to go to the trouble of having you shot. (High Marshall notices the present behind Spigot's back.) Is that for me? What is it?
Spigot: Why, it's a... (Baloo runs in screaming.)
Baloo: Bomb! (Baloo grabs the present from Spigot. In comes Dunder and Wally as Baloo throws the present out the window. The present shatters the window and lands outside onto the snow. Nana goes over to the present as it is ticking. Nana barks. Head back inside the bathroom as the High Marshall walks down the stairs with a giant cheese towel around his stomach.)
High Marshall: Why are you trying to blow me up at my new summer home, Spigot?!
Spigot: Eh....Uh...
Baloo: He's not! Spigot commandeered my plane and flew like fury to save you from this guy's bomb!
Wally: (Walks in angry.) It's a lie! The bomb belongs to this swine from Cape Suzette! (Nana walks in with the present in it's mouth.)
High Marshall: Well, which one of you is telling the truth?
Wally: I am telling the truth! As sure as I'm standing here on this spot. (Nana comes in and drops the present at Wally's feet. Nana walks away, Wally's teeth chatter as Baloo, Dunder and High Marshall run south like the wind. Cut to outside as we get the explosion and the summer home semi breaks down. A giant hole in the wall and floor is shown as Baloo, Dunder, Spigot, Nana and High Marshall head to the hole in the floor.)
Baloo: Guess he was lying. (We see Wally on the ground in a suggestive pose with a red ribbon tied around his hair somehow and torn clothes and boots. His eyes blinked.)
Scene IV
(Head outside the summer home with Baloo, Dunder and Spigot talking to the High Marshall. Spigot seemly has gotten his plungers on his feet again.)
High Marshall: I want to thank you both for saving my life and promoting peace between our countries. (Baloo is about to shake the High Marshall's hand but Spigot butts in and shakes hands instead.)
Spigot: I did all the hard work! He was just the co-pilot.
High Marshall: Ah, lazy Cape Suzette swine, eh? Come, Spigot. Take me to my barbar's appointment. (High Marshall and Spigot walk to the High Marshall's plane.) Have you grown?
Baloo: Some gratitude! Hey, Colonel; make sure you show the High Marshall how to "Hang A Spigot", huh! Ah ha ha ha! (Cut to a Thembrian plane as the engines start and the plane takes off into the air really fast. The plane does some rough flying for a while and rumbles violently.)
High Marshall: Spigot, this is the roughest flight I've ever been on! I may still have you shot, even if you did save my life!
Spigot: Wait, sir, please! I'll do my special maneuver: "Hanging A Spigot"!
High Marshall: SPIGOTTTTTTTTTT! (The Thembrian plane tailspins towards the icy waters of Thembria.)
End Of Episode & Series At 21:21
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